Seriously, someone with internet search powers, please tell me where I can get number 3. I want to carry it in my pocket at all times and reveal it in the middle of conversations like a badge of my goblinage.
Silver actually interacts horribly with and ruins the flavour of some foods. There’s a reason why silver cups often have gold plating on the inside to not ruin the taste of wine.
It's tarnished and might taste funny. Plus it's got those weird ridges which would bother some of the neurospicy peeps until they learn not to suck it like a goddamn "lollipop" when they're eating.
I discussed your request with my client, and we decided to move forward with accepting it.
However, it's up to you, yo approve this decision. Your options are (a) use spoon number 3 for the rest of your life, or (b) use a normal spoon for the rest of your life.
Keep in mind that:
You can only use the chosen spoon, no matter what the circumstances. For example, it doesn't matter if you forgot it at home, or you are trying to eat a steak.
You may wash your spoon, when necessary.
You use other tools for other jobs. Rule 1 only applies to eating.
You may not change spoon if it breaks, or gets contaminated.
Sorry if rule 1 was not clear, but you can only use the spoon when eating. In the positive side of things, you will no longer have to carry an entire set.
Objection, it's not a spork (it also has a knife edge), but assuming this gets overruled, I affirm my threat to use the unholy, very clearly haunted, and quite possibly toxic, number 3 spoon to threaten OP for the right to use any normal spoon.
First of all, if you can only eat with one spoon, you might as well pick a cool-looking one. Imagine being at a social event and people are handing out spoons to eat soup or whatever, and you're like "no thanks, I always eat with this spoon I brought from home". That would be kinda cringe and weird if you pick a spoon with a boring basic design. But if you pick the third one with it's interesting demon handle, it's gonna make you look mysterious. People are going to wonder and ask you about the story behind the spoon. Women will giggle at you and ask if you'd share the spoon with them.
Secondly, it has the most generally useful shape. Being smaller than the others can be very useful for eating from some containers. It has corners instead of being perfectly round, which allows a bit of scraping. But because the corners are rounded, you don't have to worry about leaving scratches or carving microplastics out of plastic containers.
My fingers. My. Goddamned. Fingers. Fuck you. I'd rather go through the sensory hell of shoveling chicken noodle in my gullet than use any of these textural monstrocities.
I (and many Germans I assume) know that spoon all to well being used for sugar. As such you'd imagine it's in there forever with stuck sugar pieces making the spoon rather unappealing, too.
Probably 4. As my second choice i would also choose 2, while it looks also nice as a knife replacement i think it would easily break. that spoon has to last a lifetime so its 4
100 Comments
Postmortal_Pop@lemmy.world · 81 pts · 319d
GOBLIN SHOVEL GOBLIN SHOVEL GOBLIN SHOVEL GOBLIN SHOVEL GOBLIN SHOVEL GOBLIN SHOVEL GOBLIN SHOVEL GOBLIN SHOVEL GOBLIN SHOVEL GOBLIN SHOVEL GOBLIN SHOVEL GOBLIN SHOVEL
Postmortal_Pop@lemmy.world · 23 pts · 319d
Seriously, someone with internet search powers, please tell me where I can get number 3. I want to carry it in my pocket at all times and reveal it in the middle of conversations like a badge of my goblinage.
toynbee@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 319d
It seems likely there are at least two letters missing here.
Postmortal_Pop@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 319d
Oops lol too excited about the goblin shovel I fixed it
notoftenthat@sh.itjust.works · 2 pts · 318d
"Lincoln Imp spoon" gets some results.
I would like to acquire my own goblin shovel.
TeddE@lemmy.world · 12 pts · 319d
GOBLIN ASS-SHOVEL
GOBLIN ASS-SHOVEL
ZILtoid1991@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 318d
cobysev@lemmy.world · 64 pts · 319d
#4 looks like a shoehorn. Is that even concave enough to use as a spoon? Likely not. That's out.
#3 is definitely not a spoon. No idea what it is, but it's not gonna work well as a spoon. Not gonna deal with that one.
#2 is actually a spoon, but a small one. It'll be frustrating to use forever. I'd prefer not to use it.
#1 is actually a decent sized spoon. Oddly shaped, but it'll hold a decent amount of food or liquid. I guess I could live with that one.
ButteryMonkey@piefed.social · 19 pts · 319d
3 looks like my grandmothers sugar spoon from one of those little jar and spoon sets
Ringtail@slrpnk.net · 5 pts · 318d
Mooooomin spoooon
shalafi@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 319d
As a bonus, I'm pretty sure #1 is tarnished Sterling silver.
ramjambamalam@lemmy.ca · 4 pts · 318d
It doesn't say we get a fork or knife, so I'll choose 2 for it's pointy/stabbing ability.
tomenzgg@midwest.social · 3 pts · 319d
You're also going to keep cutting the sides of your mouth with #2 (maybe not at first but if it's the only one you can use, forever?).
SaveTheTuaHawk@lemmy.ca · 1 pts · 319d
you can kill a zombie with #2.
J92@lemmy.world · 38 pts · 319d
Four looks like the only one made of stainless steel. The rest will have a flavour.
shalafi@lemmy.world · 16 pts · 319d
#1 looks like tarnished silver. That's clean up easy.
FooBarrington@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 318d
Do we know if it's maidenless?
Crashumbc@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 318d
Why the fuck do you want to spend the rest of your life cleaning silver?
arendjr@programming.dev · 1 pts · 318d
Silver actually interacts horribly with and ruins the flavour of some foods. There’s a reason why silver cups often have gold plating on the inside to not ruin the taste of wine.
I’d stick with the steel any time.
Soktopraegaeawayok@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 318d
Dont clean off that patina! Rick would be displeased if you did.
Venus_Ziegenfalle@feddit.org · 7 pts · 319d
Childhood memory of surprisingly disgusting pudding 🔓
Sunspear@piefed.social · 37 pts · 319d
Why wouldn't anyone choose 1? It's just a bit blocky, but a spoon nonetheless.
And the question said
eat, so small spoons are available for cooking or jars when neededOpisek@piefed.blahaj.zone · 10 pts · 319d
It's the only thing that would even work inside a mouth. Don't get me wrong, I still don't want it, but 1 is the most spoon-shaped and endurable.
DragonTypeWyvern@midwest.social · 3 pts · 318d
It's tarnished and might taste funny. Plus it's got those weird ridges which would bother some of the neurospicy peeps until they learn not to suck it like a goddamn "lollipop" when they're eating.
taxet_@sopuli.xyz · 30 pts · 319d
If 4 is some weird ass moomin spoon like I think it might, definitely that one because fuck yeah moomin!
Otherwise it has to be the goblin shovel.
hoshikarakitaridia@lemmy.world · 19 pts · 319d
fossilesque@mander.xyz · 10 pts · 319d
Inaminate_Carbon_Rod@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 319d
Not OP but I reckon I could live life comfortably without one.
IrateAnteater@sh.itjust.works · 5 pts · 319d
What's stopping you from using it for soup?
fossilesque@mander.xyz · 9 pts · 319d
Ioughttamow@fedia.io · 6 pts · 319d
Tip back the bowl! SLURP SLURP!
MyTurtleSwimsUpsideDown@fedia.io · 3 pts · 319d
And the front of it.
snooggums@piefed.world · 3 pts · 319d
Also the sides.
MyTurtleSwimsUpsideDown@fedia.io · 1 pts · 319d
DoGeeseSeeGod@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 4 pts · 319d
Yes and I'm tired of apologizing for it. Go enjoy your dirty puddle of a meal you slurper
/s
DragonTypeWyvern@midwest.social · 3 pts · 318d
That is our word!
SaveTheTuaHawk@lemmy.ca · 2 pts · 318d
I drink soup from a sports bottle. Like an Olympian.
mojofrododojo@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 318d
this will still hold soup, just not as much.
Remember_the_tooth@lemmy.world · 19 pts · 319d
3 and use it to threaten OP into letting me use a normal spoon again.
jim3692@discuss.online · 9 pts · 319d
OP's lawyer here
I discussed your request with my client, and we decided to move forward with accepting it.
However, it's up to you, yo approve this decision. Your options are (a) use spoon number 3 for the rest of your life, or (b) use a normal spoon for the rest of your life.
Keep in mind that:
Remember_the_tooth@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 319d
Then we have an accord. IRL, I carry a cutlery set among the various other accoutrements in my bag, so we should be good.
jim3692@discuss.online · 4 pts · 319d
Sorry if rule 1 was not clear, but you can only use the spoon when eating. In the positive side of things, you will no longer have to carry an entire set.
Remember_the_tooth@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 319d
Violence it is then:
jim3692@discuss.online · 3 pts · 319d
Your request was about "a normal spoon". The object in the picture is a spork.
My client decided that your request should be rejected, and you have to use spoon 3.
SaveTheTuaHawk@lemmy.ca · 4 pts · 319d
Incorrect, it's a KnSpork. Our only proof of superior alien life on earth.
causepix@lemmy.ml · 1 pts · 318d
sprife
Remember_the_tooth@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 319d
Objection, it's not a spork (it also has a knife edge), but assuming this gets overruled, I affirm my threat to use the unholy, very clearly haunted, and quite possibly toxic, number 3 spoon to threaten OP for the right to use any normal spoon.
And009@lemmynsfw.com · 4 pts · 319d
Spilling blood on it will summon the edgelord
Remember_the_tooth@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 319d
The reactionary ombudsman of the techno-feudalist eldrich horrors.
tatann@lemmy.world · 14 pts · 318d
I choose no spoon
aeternum@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 5 pts · 318d
humanspiral@lemmy.ca · 14 pts · 318d
has to be #1. Can eat soup comfortably, will balance in hand well without your hand touching the soup. Still small enough to stir coffee.
TemplaerDude@sh.itjust.works · 4 pts · 318d
Sorry but in my house that’s the cat food spoon.
winkerjadams@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 2 pts · 318d
The one with all the ridges that's hardest to clean?
mrgoosmoos@lemmy.ca · 2 pts · 318d
you just got to work your tongue out more often, buddy
TemplaerDude@sh.itjust.works · 2 pts · 318d
That’s why it’s the cat food spoon, baby. Blast it with the nuclear hot water and move on.
shneancy@lemmy.world · 12 pts · 319d
2, all the other ones can go to hell holy shit i'd cry if i had to eat with them (yes, i'm neurodivergent hello)
Opisek@piefed.blahaj.zone · 15 pts · 319d
But 2 is spiky in the back and it will stab your lips when you pull in out of your mouth.
Passerby6497@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 319d
That just gives you an excuse to practice your lip game while eating
shneancy@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 319d
i can live with physical pain if it saves me from mental anguish
LuckingFurker@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 12 pts · 319d
dumbass@aussie.zone · 2 pts · 319d
And you can stab anyone that tries to steal your food.
benni@lemmy.world · 11 pts · 319d
I'd definitely pick 3.
First of all, if you can only eat with one spoon, you might as well pick a cool-looking one. Imagine being at a social event and people are handing out spoons to eat soup or whatever, and you're like "no thanks, I always eat with this spoon I brought from home". That would be kinda cringe and weird if you pick a spoon with a boring basic design. But if you pick the third one with it's interesting demon handle, it's gonna make you look mysterious. People are going to wonder and ask you about the story behind the spoon. Women will giggle at you and ask if you'd share the spoon with them.
Secondly, it has the most generally useful shape. Being smaller than the others can be very useful for eating from some containers. It has corners instead of being perfectly round, which allows a bit of scraping. But because the corners are rounded, you don't have to worry about leaving scratches or carving microplastics out of plastic containers.
GlitchyDigiBun@lemmy.world · 10 pts · 319d
My fingers. My. Goddamned. Fingers. Fuck you. I'd rather go through the sensory hell of shoveling chicken noodle in my gullet than use any of these textural monstrocities.
noretus@sopuli.xyz · 10 pts · 319d
Looking to introduce the spoon thing for non-autistics too eh?
MedicPigBabySaver@lemmy.world · 9 pts · 318d
#1.
Otherwise, you're a fucking moron.
explodicle@sh.itjust.works · 7 pts · 318d
Nooo the creases would drive me crazy
DragonTypeWyvern@midwest.social · 3 pts · 318d
Don't clamp down on the spoon like you're trying to pay rent with alternative options
mojofrododojo@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 318d
impossible to clean
mojofrododojo@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 318d
you die a few weeks later, unable to clean your utensils.
Poem_for_your_sprog@lemmy.world · 9 pts · 319d
2 is the only one that doesn't look so big it won't fit in your mouth.
mojofrododojo@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 318d
also makes a good arrowhead / eye stabber.
Simulation6@sopuli.xyz · 8 pts · 319d
None of the above, I will use my fingers instead.
Marty_TF@lemmy.zip · 8 pts · 319d
4
RagnarokOnline@programming.dev · 5 pts · 319d
This. Like, I might be crazy, but I’m kinda into #4.
Strider@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 319d
1-3 are out of the question
Tonava@sopuli.xyz · 3 pts · 319d
Strider@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 318d
It is subjective of course!
I (and many Germans I assume) know that spoon all to well being used for sugar. As such you'd imagine it's in there forever with stuck sugar pieces making the spoon rather unappealing, too.
ianfraserkrillmaster@midwest.social · 7 pts · 318d
in spite of myself i choose Saucy Goblin Spoon and am angry every time i eat cereal until i die
gmtom@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 318d
Going with Indiana Jones logic I'll pick 2
Opisek@piefed.blahaj.zone · 5 pts · 319d
No.
frittoBee@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 318d
Number 4 because its the biggest
meme_historian@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 5 pts · 319d
The Spoomin is obviously the only correct choice here!
Kolanaki@pawb.social · 5 pts · 319d
Gimme the little shovel. (3)
elvis_depresley@sh.itjust.works · 4 pts · 318d
#4 -> melt it down, make 3 normal spoons
kogasa@programming.dev · 2 pts · 317d
the availability of spoons is not the matter at hand
JoMiran@lemmy.ml · 4 pts · 319d
4
Great shape for soup, scooping out ice cream, sliding your foot into a tight shoe, eating oatmeal and eating cereal.
affenlehrer@feddit.org · 4 pts · 319d
I dislike all of them but if I had to choose I'd be spoon 1
mavu@discuss.tchncs.de · 3 pts · 317d
No more soup for me, i guess.
Bonifratz@sh.itjust.works · 2 pts · 319d
This is fucked up.
PmMeFrogMemes@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 317d
#3. It has a little guy!!!
MehBlah@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 319d
I'll use my fingers.
Frozengyro@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 319d
Love eating soup like this
klopstock@feddit.org · 2 pts · 319d
Probably 4. As my second choice i would also choose 2, while it looks also nice as a knife replacement i think it would easily break. that spoon has to last a lifetime so its 4
someguy3@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 319d
Any man that loses their spoon spends a night in the box.
phaedrus@piefed.world · 1 pts · 318d
Easy, #4 doubles as a poop scoop
wjrii@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 319d
One. It already looks like the sugar spoon my kid always picks first for her meals anyway.
skooma_king@piefed.social · 1 pts · 319d
Number four if I can flip it 180 degrees. Looks like a nice shoveling spoon with some knifing ability.
If I can’t flip it then number one.
insomniac_lemon@lemmy.cafe · 1 pts · 319d
Can't, I already got a titanium spork more than a decade ago.
roserose56@lemmy.zip · -4 pts · 319d
Low effort post, taken from tiktok. You guys bring these new ideas over here, you should become something lol
RmDebArc_5@piefed.zip · 2 pts · 319d
Ok boomer
_stranger_@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 319d
tiktok seems like the perfect place to grab shit for a shit post though
roserose56@lemmy.zip · 0 pts · 319d
Sure, if you think so.
_stranger_@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 318d
TokTok is definitely full of shit, so I don't see how it's not a good source of shit.