Okay if we're changing the movies, I'm going to say it again. Put Bombadil back in.
Then, he's all "Eldest, that's what I am... Tom remembers the first raindrop and the first acorn... he knew the dark under the stars when it was fearless – before the Dark Lord came from Outside."
Well there are 3 movies, so technically you would get 1 fuck (or fuck equivalent) per movie. Everyone wants the Fuck to be funny, but that doesn't necessarily mean it should be.
I think for Fellowship I would put it at the Balrog arriving and uttered by Gandalf, he's the only person who understands the situation and a fuck would punctuate the seriousness of the situation.
For The Two Towers I think I'd make it happy/exasperated and give it to Aragorn as the Elves of Rivendell arrive (not book accurate, but also not the question).
For Return of the King I think it kinda has to go to Sam as he is reacting to Frodo crashing out. "Fuck, Mr. Frodo we've got to go on."
It needs to be somewhere trivial, like a character stubbing their toe, or just coming to a decision, rather than somewhere momentous.
It's the only way it will become a meme 😇
Also, the phrase "devour feculence and expire"¹ can be uttered in a G-rated movie at any time, so you really don't need to drop the word Fuck to make an impact.
¹ Eat Shit and Die - shamelessly stolen and expanded on fron the series Severance. (Originally: "devour feculence")
When Frodo wakes up at night because the other Hobbits are cooking supper on an open fire, instead of keeping a low profile, "What the fuck is wrong with You, put it out" or something like that.
Gollum in the teasing coming from above: "You thieves! You thieves… You fucking little thieves! Where is it? Where is it? They stole it from us. My Precious."
"Deep in the land of Mordor, in the Fires of Mount Doom, the Dark Lord Sauron forged a master ring in secret, and into this ring he poured his cruelty, his malice and his will to dominate all life. One ring to fuck them all."
Arise, arise, riders of Rohan! Fell deeds awake, fire and slaughter! Spear shall be shaken, shield be splintered! A sword-day, a red day, ere the sun rises! Ride now, ride now, ride to Gondor! Ride for ruin, and the world’s ending!
91 Comments
hOrni@lemmy.world · 62 pts · 305d
threelonmusketeers@sh.itjust.works · 1 pts · 302d
Presumably Éowyn eventually did.
negativenull@piefed.world · 54 pts · 305d
YoiksAndAway@piefed.zip · 15 pts · 305d
I'd phrase that slightly differently. "One does not simply walk into FUCKING MORDOR!"
negativenull@piefed.world · 11 pts · 305d
That is better. I updated
pyre@lemmy.world · 10 pts · 305d
what was the original? coz my first thought was "One does not fucking walk into Mordor"
negativenull@piefed.world · 5 pts · 305d
That is exactly how I had the original
GraniteM@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 305d
"One does not simply fuck into Mordor!"
DontTreadOnBigfoot@lemmy.world · 51 pts · 305d
yakko@feddit.uk · 45 pts · 305d
Okay if we're changing the movies, I'm going to say it again. Put Bombadil back in.
Then, he's all "Eldest, that's what I am... Tom remembers the first raindrop and the first acorn... he knew the dark under the stars when it was fearless – before the Dark Lord came from Outside."
And then Pippin can whisper "what the fuck".
jballs@sh.itjust.works · 36 pts · 305d
otter@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 2 pts · 305d
Winner
daddycool@lemmy.world · 33 pts · 305d
hakunawazo@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 304d
That was probably the first take.
zeet@lemmy.world · 28 pts · 305d
A BLACK ARROW suddenly THUDS into BOROMIR'S chest.BOROMIRFuck me, not again.Gerudo@lemmy.zip · 11 pts · 305d
This but he drops character and is just Sean bean
pyre@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 305d
"not again" suggests that already
otter@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 3 pts · 305d
Wait. There's a difference?
IcedRaktajino@startrek.website · 25 pts · 305d
neidu3@sh.itjust.works · 7 pts · 305d
"Fuck off you fools!"
IcedRaktajino@startrek.website · 11 pts · 305d
I would also accept "Fly, you fucks!"
ArcaneSlime@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 4 pts · 305d
Fuck of a Took!
angrystego@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 305d
Scrolled hard enough to find this, yey!
ThePantser@sh.itjust.works · 24 pts · 305d
Aragorn: "Gentlemen, we do not stop 'til nightfall."
Pippin: "What about breakfast?"
Aragorn: "You've already had it."
Pippin: "We've had one, yes. What about second breakfast?"
Merry: "I don't think he knows about second breakfast, Pip."
Pippin: "What about elevenses? Luncheon? Afternoon tea? Dinner? Supper? He knows about them, doesn't he?"
Aragorn: "Shut the fuck up"
wewbull@feddit.uk · 24 pts · 305d
3 f-bombs. One per movie.
Klear@quokk.au · 21 pts · 305d
The last one has to go to Gollum as he falls down into the lava.
pennomi@lemmy.world · 16 pts · 305d
snooggums@piefed.world · 12 pts · 305d
Bites off his fucking finger to steal the ring! Yeah, that deserves an F bomb.
ThrowawayPermanente@sh.itjust.works · 3 pts · 305d
That would be a Fuck Yeah
hOrni@lemmy.world · 23 pts · 305d
A "What the fuck"belongs after Bilbo does the face.
samus12345@sh.itjust.works · 16 pts · 305d
otter@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 3 pts · 305d
Ew. Gollum's sloppy seconds? 🤢
javiwhite@feddit.uk · 23 pts · 305d
"Poh-tah-toes... Boil em, fuck em, put em in a stew?"
otter@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 4 pts · 305d
tay*
Ensign_Crab@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 304d
Let's call the whole thing off.
Knightfox@lemmy.world · 19 pts · 305d
Well there are 3 movies, so technically you would get 1 fuck (or fuck equivalent) per movie. Everyone wants the Fuck to be funny, but that doesn't necessarily mean it should be.
I think for Fellowship I would put it at the Balrog arriving and uttered by Gandalf, he's the only person who understands the situation and a fuck would punctuate the seriousness of the situation.
For The Two Towers I think I'd make it happy/exasperated and give it to Aragorn as the Elves of Rivendell arrive (not book accurate, but also not the question).
For Return of the King I think it kinda has to go to Sam as he is reacting to Frodo crashing out. "Fuck, Mr. Frodo we've got to go on."
Just one take, not the best or the last.
bampop@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 304d
Return of the King, it should be when Gandalf gets his staff shattered by the witch king. Like an extremely disappointed kind of "fuck"
Blubber28@lemmy.world · 18 pts · 305d
The fellowship of the ring: Gimli could quietly say "fuck..." as he hears the drums in the deep.
The two towers: Aragorn could yell it as he kicks the helmet.
The return of the king: perhaps when Sam fights the spider? Or maybe one of the sailors as the undead army runs towards them across the water.
Those would be my suggestions, though I think the movies are better off without it of course.
Ep1cFac3pa1m@lemmy.world · 10 pts · 305d
I was thinking Fellowship right when they start hearing the Balrog. Gandalf says quietly, with his head still half-bowed, “fuck.”
otter@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 2 pts · 305d
When the DMPC is anxious, the party should be puckering all angles.
dwemthy@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 305d
Definitely Aragorn right after kicking the helmet
vk6flab@lemmy.radio · 16 pts · 305d
It needs to be somewhere trivial, like a character stubbing their toe, or just coming to a decision, rather than somewhere momentous.
It's the only way it will become a meme 😇
Also, the phrase "devour feculence and expire"¹ can be uttered in a G-rated movie at any time, so you really don't need to drop the word Fuck to make an impact.
¹ Eat Shit and Die - shamelessly stolen and expanded on fron the series Severance. (Originally: "devour feculence")
lemmyng@piefed.ca · 12 pts · 305d
Boy do we have the scene for that...
ChicoSuave@lemmy.world · 8 pts · 305d
And the only line is a gutteral howl that is waiting to be turned into a "Fuuuuuck".
samus12345@sh.itjust.works · 6 pts · 305d
Maybe that's what he said in Sindarin.
Sterile_Technique@lemmy.world · 16 pts · 305d
AnUnusualRelic@lemmy.world · 8 pts · 305d
That's in the extended extended version.
Quetzalcutlass@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 305d
"We grant you the rank of Master, but not a position on this Council."
"Fucking karma!"
otter@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 3 pts · 305d
Is that before or after he joins The Rohirrim in the Riddemark to finally chase those mofuggin' snakes offa the mofuggin' plain", though?
someguy3@lemmy.world · 15 pts · 305d
Need more pedestrian uses. When they reach Bree:
"Hobbits! Four hobbits! What business brings you to Bree?"
Frodo: "We wish to stay at the inn. Our business is our fucking own."
Adderbox76@lemmy.ca · 15 pts · 305d
"Throw it in the fire, Mr. Frodo." Sam shouted.
Frodo looked back at Sam, his eyes suddenly darkening. Though no words came from the now haggard hobbit's mouth, the look told Sam everything.
His shoulders sagged.
"Aw, fuck..." He sighed.
RickyRigatoni@retrolemmy.com · 14 pts · 305d
I think gandalf should say it. He has to deal with a lot of bullshit in this story.
hOrni@lemmy.world · 17 pts · 305d
You fuck of a Took.
RickyRigatoni@retrolemmy.com · 1 pts · 305d
This is exactly the one I had in mind.
johsny@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 305d
This one made me laugh.
MagnyusG@lemmy.world · 13 pts · 305d
Fly, you fucks!
The_Picard_Maneuver@piefed.world · 11 pts · 305d
You just know it would be directed at Pippin.
skisnow@lemmy.ca · 3 pts · 305d
Fucker of a Took
normanwall@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 305d
Wilco@lemmy.zip · 14 pts · 305d
Fly you dumb fucks.
thespcicifcocean@lemmy.world · 14 pts · 305d
Fucking fool of a Took!
hOrni@lemmy.world · 13 pts · 305d
When Frodo wakes up at night because the other Hobbits are cooking supper on an open fire, instead of keeping a low profile, "What the fuck is wrong with You, put it out" or something like that.
pinball_wizard@lemmy.zip · 13 pts · 305d
Doors of Moria grind open
nuko147@lemmy.world · 13 pts · 305d
Gollum in the teasing coming from above: "You thieves! You thieves… You fucking little thieves! Where is it? Where is it? They stole it from us. My Precious."
Origen@lemmy.world · 11 pts · 305d
"One ring to rule them all, one ring to find them; one ring to bring them all and in the darkness fuck them." -Gandalf the Grey
snooggums@piefed.world · 12 pts · 305d
Sauron's cock rings of power!
Sxan@piefed.zip · 2 pts · 305d
Take my angry upvote
glorkon@lemmy.world · 10 pts · 305d
A fucking Balrog. A demon of the ancient world. This foe is beyond any of you. Run!
Gerudo@lemmy.zip · 10 pts · 305d
When they knock the skeleton down the well and it calls the horde.
otter@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 5 pts · 305d
So "You fucking tool of a Took!", then?
UpperBroccoli@feddit.org · 9 pts · 305d
Come, my friends. The ents are going to fuck shit up.
psycotica0@lemmy.ca · 8 pts · 305d
"never thought I'd die fighting side by side with an elf"
"How about side by side with a fucking friend"
mkhopper@lemmy.world · 8 pts · 305d
"They are tricksy, false, wicked, clever fucking hobbitses!"
edgemaster72@lemmy.world · 8 pts · 305d
Fuck Frodo!
edgemaster72@lemmy.world · 13 pts · 305d
That or
I am no fucking man!
Lorindol@sopuli.xyz · 8 pts · 304d
"Deep in the land of Mordor, in the Fires of Mount Doom, the Dark Lord Sauron forged a master ring in secret, and into this ring he poured his cruelty, his malice and his will to dominate all life. One ring to fuck them all."
GraniteM@lemmy.world · 8 pts · 305d
Arise, arise, riders of Rohan! Fell deeds awake, fire and slaughter! Spear shall be shaken, shield be splintered! A sword-day, a red day, ere the sun rises! Ride now, ride now, ride to Gondor! Ride for ruin, and the world’s ending!
nectar45@lemmy.zip · 8 pts · 305d
"One doesnt simply walk into mordor you fuck"
bampop@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 304d
Frodo : "I will take it. I will take the ring to Mordor..."
Frodo : "...though I do not know the way."
Gandalf : "Fuck."
saltnotsugar@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 305d
When the eagles fly off with Frodo and Sam, there should be a subtitle of “In Eagle: Fuck yeah baby! Told you we had time for that haircut.”
pinball_wizard@lemmy.zip · 3 pts · 305d
Lushed_Lungfish@lemmy.ca · 6 pts · 305d
Elrond: Cast it into the fire! DESTROY IT!
Isildor: Fuck no.
vga@sopuli.xyz · 6 pts · 305d
In the scene where Sauron's tower falls, I'd just scroll the word "fuck" from left to right.
It would be like poetry against this RoP scene (spoilers):
bampop@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 304d
I think I'd prefer an audible "F-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-CK!" as it was falling.
Or maybe afterward, pan to a lone goblin onlooker who just gives an exasperated "...fuck!"
BC_viper@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 305d
As he is getting air lifted by the eagles from mordor. "Fuuuuuuuuuucccccccckkkkkkk"
NigelFrobisher@aussie.zone · 5 pts · 305d
When the Balrog’s whip snags Gandalf’s ankle.
hakunawazo@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 304d
I'm undecided about which is better.
or
tomiant@piefed.social · 4 pts · 305d
"What about side by side with a fuck?"
"Aye, I can do that."
ArcaneSlime@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 4 pts · 305d
"Aye, I can fuck that."
samus12345@sh.itjust.works · 4 pts · 305d
"I never thought I'd be fucking side by side with an elf."
BioDriver@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 305d
You shall not fuck!
Korhaka@sopuli.xyz · 4 pts · 304d
Fellowship: They have a fucking cave troll
Two Towers: To the fucking king!
Return of the King: Grond! Grond! Grond! - You're soldiers of Gondor. No matter what comes through that gate, you will stand your ground! ... Fuck
Tabula_stercore@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 305d
Not all of those that wander, fuck
peaceful_world_view@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 304d
Fucking run you fools!
But_my_mom_says_im_cool@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 305d
elevenbones@sh.itjust.works · 1 pts · 305d