U.S. House Speaker calls Portland naked bike ride [protest] ‘most threatening thing I’ve seen yet’

He saw it on TV instead of through his porn accountability app. It was terrifying for him to not share his viewing with his son.

Dicks out for democracy.

Tits out against tyranny.

What an impressively sheltered life he's lived.

Did he not see Jan 6th 2021?

The U.S. is such a strange place, where a sizable part of the population is more terrified of tits than guns.

Isn't that the most American statement ever. Belligerent assholes walking around with automatic rifles and tacticool pseudo military gear from Ebay? What a patriotic display! A bunch of people without clothes just biking around? The most threatening thing I've seen yet!

Next time someone says lefties are too soft, remember that Mike Johnson feels deeply threatened by naked people on bikes in a city on the other side of the country from him.

Portland does this sort of thing every year. Clutch your pearls harder, you mushroom-fluffing fascist.

The only thing it threatened was your fragile sense of heterosexuality upon seeing all those chilly willies.

Uh, I'd have gone with those planes crashing into the WTC, but sure.

So, he considers unarmed, naked people "threatening"? What a weak, cowardly snowflake.

Nothing threatens Conservatives than casual nudity. Got it.

“Most recently,” Johnson went on, “the most threatening thing I’ve seen yet was the naked bicyclers in Portland who were protesting ICE down there. I mean, it’s getting really ugly.”

Though the people behind him appeared to stifle a smile, it does not seem that he was joking, because he went on to say that protesters have attacked officers and people have been arrested.

The phrase "the most threatening thing I’ve seen yet was the naked bicyclers in Portland who were protesting ICE down there," cannot logically be anything except a defense of Portland. There is no other logical interpretation. It logically means that Portland has nothing more threatening than peaceful naked bicyclers. They can't even carry a concealed weapon.

But since Johnson is apparently disconnected from reality and basic logic, he can say something that defends Portland and pretend like it is a criticism of Portland. Is it even possible that he's so delusional that he believes what he's saying? No, I think it's very unlikely.

Even though the article says "it does not seem that he was joking," I still have trouble believing it. I have to convince myself that Mike Johnson wouldn't publicly defend Portland as being safe in order to believe that he wasn't joking.

But then, what am I left with? No human being over, say, 15, with reasonable intelligence, could think about that statement that Johnson said and believe he was telling the truth.

So, the explanation is that Mike Johnson is so used to getting away with lying that he'll just say anything. And meanwhile, his audience are so used to not thinking that they don't even call him on it.

I forgot nudity is like the ultimate taboo in the USA. Janet Jackson was sent to Guantanamo for her nip-nip popping out a little, while meanwhile over the pond there are nude Germans on every beach and children are raised by Eurotrash on late night TV.

He's really thinking "All those cocks and not enough time to suck them all."

Doesn't he have a secret Grindr account? Somehow, I think he's seen worse.

Seems like he is totally cool with the stuff Donald Trump did with underage girls, but he can’t handle seeing adults naked?

Weird.

I saw a young girl with a knee on her neck the other day. Saw them arresting people at a Spanish speaking mass today. Idk I’ve seen some threatening things

What a fucking gimp lol... This is best laugh I've had in at least the month. The things these pussies are afraid of. Fucking lol

How DARE they KIDNAP CHILDREN AT GUNPOINT AND TAKE THEM TO UNDISCLOSED LOCATIONS AWAY FROM THEIR PARENTS OR LAWYERS! RIDE BIKES NAKED!

Awww... Did those naked bikers make you feew insecuwe? Awww...

Candy ass can't hack seeing nekkid bodies?? WTF does he use grndr for, the conversations? lol

That's just the penises awakening something in him again.

I’m guessing he doesn’t know that New Orleans does this as well? In his home state? Nobody tell him.

Pffft, snowflake.

Perhaps what Speaker Johnson is saying is true (who am I kidding?). The political violence from "the Left" has been such a nothingburger that the most henious thing that he had seen thus far is a cycling group with a few naked people. Write that down as public testimony for the state attorneys' cases.

To be serious for a moment, he doesn't believe that for a second.

He's just bullshiting to further the false narrative that his fascist regime is pushing as they continue deploying the military against the american public and other opponents of fascism.

threatening to his anti masturbation pact with his son?

Damn that's all they had to do? Show up? THAT's the most threatening thing they've seen? Holy shit send more nudists on bikes

Trust the sexuality repressed American to see a naked person and get scared.

They're not all like that of course but their culture is kind weird, like they don't even seem to teach proper sex education in all their schools? They teach abstinence and such even sometimes? Wild.

This Mike Johnson is the slimiest piece of glue holding a lot of this bad shit together. Fuck Mike Johnson and his glorious worship (or fear) of his dear leader. He's the wormtongue for our times.

I bet he thought so. Had to report to his son about it.

I feel like pointing out the ignorance or cowardice in this statement is just playing their game.

The main purpose of the statement is to get a scary sound bite from a high ranking government official that the media can use to "credibly" scare millions of people who don't pay close attention to the world around them, and make the American dictatorship more palatable to them.

Then there's always the secondary benefit of rubbing their open hypocrisy in their enemies' faces.

His protection of pedophiles is the most threatening thing I’ve ever seen.

“Flood the zone with shit.”

US House Speaker A Giant Fucking Pussy

Is that even an article? It doesn't even have a full quote.

He prolly recognized some of the penises and panicked.

I suppose that's probably tied for the most threatening thing against ICE he's seen, but that's because nothing particularly threatening has been done at all. So, technically the truth?

What a pussy. You live in a state with alligators and this is the most threatening thing you've ever seen? What a loser.

Must be a candy ass life, then.

https://archive.li/PqJx0

Has he seen the school board meetings about banning books?

Nothing more threatening than a limp flaccid cock amirite?

#incels

checks

Okay, this isn't nottheonion

Lmao, Christians are too funny to me. Violence and murder, a-ok; little bit of nudity, "they're very threatening!"

Just wait till No Kings II. We're going to turn out so peacefully it just might scare him into a coma.

Damn, he must never get out of his house then

we should show him a pike and shot line so he can compare the two

I wonder what his thoughts are with Adam & Eve... or Adam & Steve, as rumors suggest.

That racist loser would hold the same opinion for a FKK (Freikörperkultur, Free Body Culture) beach in Germany.

Motherfucker hasn't met me yet. Because I'm far more threatening to ICE than anything Portland has to offer.

To be honest, I thought the furies dancing was way more disturbing

Careful, men - those guys are packing!

Well we just found out who doesn't pay attention to their security briefings

Or those are all things he wants to happen....

Poor wittle snowflake

What I'm hearing is that people should get naked in a reverse psychological leverage attitude?

All those poor ICE babies saw nudity, which made them horny, which means that they're all going to hell now 😔 .

sure thing, dude who has a porn pact with his son, I'm sure you've never seen naked people before

Reminds me of the naked warrior unit from Rome: Total war

"They are the bad people, not us", got it.