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c/lemmyshitpost · by bootleg@sh.itjust.works · 127d

The original Lemmy shitpost

The post got deleted later on, and sadly the Wayback machine was unable to capture all the comments:

https://web.archive.org/web/20230629152756/https://lemmy.world/post/440073

707 points · 99 comments · view on lemmy.world

99 Comments

xerxos@feddit.org · 161 pts · 127d (22 replies)

Oh, I think this is a post of a home-shitter ( someone who only shits at home, not at someone else's home, not in public toilets and definitively not in nature ) who tries to go on a multi-day travel. Rather a than getting over his mental block, he tries to prep his body to not shit for 3 days.

Poor soul.

FinjaminPoach@lemmy.world · 67 pts · 127d (1 reply)

I used to be a home shitter, i used to even be a home pisser at school age, but then i started drinking a healthy amount of water.

I am so so glad i've gotten over the mental block.

FishFace@piefed.social · 19 pts · 127d

At the school I went to if you shat at school someone would bang on the cubicle door and laugh at you. Caused some definite problems for me

Apytele@sh.itjust.works · 54 pts · 127d (10 replies)

have had IBS my whole life. hearing people say this is like hearing people say they only breathe at home. they just. hold their breath. until they get back. Shit WILL exit my body when I'm away from home and I generally prefer it to be in a toilet.

mediOchre@sh.itjust.works · 23 pts · 127d (9 replies)

i'm at the complete opposite end of the brown spectrum. i poop on average once a week, at most twice a week, thrice if i ate something bad. i have a fecalysis scheduled for today and so far it's been 3 hours of me unsuccesfully forcing my bowels to move lol

yabbadabaddon@lemmy.zip · 19 pts · 127d (1 reply)

A very cold apple juice + a very strong espresso will turn you into a propelled vehicle in about 30minutes. Hope you read this early enough.

Angrydeuce@lemmy.world · 8 pts · 126d

I skip the juice, but coffee plus a cigarette is pretty much laxative in my experience lol

Life_inst_bad@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 127d (4 replies)

A Poop one a week is totaly fine but if you're unsuccessfully trying for a bowel movement/poop for 3 hours something's not right. A more fiber richt diet might help. Also drinking enough water helps. Mabe get something like a squatty-potty or channel your inner rat king.

mavu@discuss.tchncs.de · 12 pts · 126d (1 reply)

Ehm.. i would respectfully disagree that a poop once a week is fine.

That would be a reason to see a doctor if this persists for any length of time...

gandalf_der_12te@discuss.tchncs.de · 2 pts · 126d

I actually read up on this a while ago and apparently anything from shitting 3x a day to 3x a week is considered normal.

Vetis@sh.itjust.works · 3 pts · 126d (1 reply)

Recent study says good = around 4 to 21 times a week. https://www.sciencealert.com/your-poop-schedule-says-a-lot-about-your-overall-health-study-reveals

Twice a week is considered constipation.

Life_inst_bad@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 126d

So I did a little more reading you're and you are right. Most sources that I found say 3x/day - 3x/Week is the usual range. More important is the Bistrol stool scale, I mean if you are having a poop once every 4-5 days but the consistency is a perfect 3-4 I dont see any harm in that. (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bristol_stool_scale)

Sources I checkdd

bluegreenpurplepink@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 127d (1 reply)

Have you tried magnesium? You can get it in a lot of different foods. Just look up what foods have it. You can also take magnesium supplements. I used to be like you, and once I started taking magnesium it got me to go regularly like everybody else.

RememberTheApollo_@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 126d

Make sure it’s the “citrate” variety. That’s the one that mostly helps move things along. There are other types also available as supplements that have different effects that probably won’t benefit someone looking for digestive help.

daggermoon@piefed.world · 17 pts · 127d (3 replies)

Or someone engaging in three days of hardcore anal.

einfach_orangensaft@sh.itjust.works · 16 pts · 127d (2 replies)

uh then thats the wrong plan for sure, for that its more about eating the right things at the right times, if done right that can make like 8h of each day usable without going hungry

NannerBanner@literature.cafe · 10 pts · 127d (1 reply)

Whoah, share that wisdom with the rest of us. I'd just like more regularity in my life. (and don't tell me to eat more fiber. I eat enough fiber. Beans are cheap, and cheap is important right now.)

einfach_orangensaft@sh.itjust.works · 3 pts · 127d

I feel thats very subjective to every person due to different digestion speeds, but its all about knowing how your body will react do different food, drinks (mostly coffee) and physical activity. Eating portions that will basically go out in one go, while the next one is far enough up and sold enough to give you time. Normal pasta with cheese gets me good results. Like if you had your last meal around 18:00 last day, get a full night of sleep, have some coffee, do a little sport, get it all out at lets say at 10:00, then have the next meal of pasta...you got yourself a 8h time slot for fun.

MintyFresh@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 126d

I used to be a home shitter. Then I took a job doing over the road trucking. Now I don't care. As long as it looks like I won't catch anything putting cheeks to seat I'll go for it.

Hell, sometimes I'll stop and pinch one off on my way home just so I won't stink out my own bathroom. Giant gaps in the stall where people can look? Fine, enjoy the show. I would and have made eye contact.

Free your poops!

phx@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 126d (1 reply)

3 days seems fairly doable. I know after my stomach has been upset and I've taken Immodium or an equivalent it can be several days before the seal breaks again

slappyfuck@lemmy.ca · 1 pts · 126d

Oh yes. You can take a safe amount of Imodium and not wind up going for 3 days. I’m very sensitive to it, so without an upset stomach, 4mg might clog me for 3-4.

dandelion@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 2 pts · 126d (1 reply)

when I was a child and was sent to summer camp, I refused to use the showers because they were communal

I probably would have tried to not use toilets too for similar reasons, but I had already had to learn to use public toilets because of public school

JoeBigelow@lemmy.ca · 3 pts · 126d

Public toilets and communal showers are kind of different tho

Ilovethebomb@sh.itjust.works · 118 pts · 127d (7 replies)

Are fursuits a pain in the ass to get out of or something?

Sanctus@anarchist.nexus · 58 pts · 127d (5 replies)

Some of them have ass flaps.

gigastasio@sh.itjust.works · 80 pts · 127d (2 replies)

Which are exclusively for the convenience of using a restroom when necessary and absolutely no other reason. None.

NannerBanner@literature.cafe · 14 pts · 127d

(most) Fursuits are way too expensive to muck up with biological matters. I think the fursuiters I know would smile, close their eyes, and gently pat you for your joke, only to grow aghast as they realize the reality of the suggestion of something that could fuck with their gigantic investment.

user224@lemmy.sdf.org · 6 pts · 127d

Unless you consider murrsuits a subset of fursuits. Those will have... strategically placed holes.

HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world · 11 pts · 127d

yeah but then there won't be appropriate structural support for a dragon with a fat ass to have a tail you can swing around like a feather boa for 27 years they been doing it now. [edit: swear to your god 27 years that fursuit survived]

i had to climb out through the neck because i was a dipshit and made it that way

i'm starting to realize why the other high school kids assumed things i just like making art okay

hanrahan@slrpnk.net · 4 pts · 127d

is that for easier outsies or insies ?

HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 127d

yes

DudeImMacGyver@kbin.earth · 108 pts · 127d (24 replies)

I was there man.

rando@sh.itjust.works · 44 pts · 127d

Feels like it was only yesterday

Mim@lemmy.zip · 24 pts · 127d (8 replies)

So was I.
Although my account back then was on a now dead instance. 😔

DudeImMacGyver@kbin.earth · 11 pts · 127d (7 replies)

I think I was on kbin.social

Mim@lemmy.zip · 3 pts · 127d (6 replies)

I was on feddit.de (RIF).

Are the bins even with us anymore? Don't think i have seen them in a while.

Ava@piefed.blahaj.zone · 12 pts · 127d (2 replies)

The poster you're replying to is on a bin, lol

DudeImMacGyver@kbin.earth · 3 pts · 127d

Yeah, Fedia.io and kbin.earth are probably the two biggest.

Mim@lemmy.zip · 1 pts · 127d

lmao

I was only shown the name, no instance. But good to know those are still around.

DmMacniel@feddit.org · 4 pts · 127d (2 replies)

the end of feddit.de is surely a cautionary tale by now.

Tja@programming.dev · 1 pts · 127d (1 reply)

Do tell. Bitte.

DmMacniel@feddit.org · 5 pts · 126d

There was once a lone server admin who ran the show and but everything was good.

Then people came, we don't tell from where, and the users and amount of posts increases, the lone server admin no longer could handle all of that themself and asked some mods to co-admin the instance. Everything was good again

Then the server admin took a well deserved vacation, to an unknown location. But the co admins could handle the administrative stuff. Everything seemed good.

Then bugs were detected. Updates were needed. Harddisks ran full. The dreaded /pictrs issue arose and caused PTSD. Required keys and permissions were not granted to the co admins. But hope remain that the server admin returns from their vacation...

they never returned...

the migration to a new instance was costly,
the fate of that server admin? shrouded in mysteries.

disclaimer I suck at story telling in a non native language.

JetpackJackson@feddit.org · 11 pts · 127d (11 replies)

I remember it but I don't remember the ending

idegenszavak@sh.itjust.works · 32 pts · 127d (4 replies)

IIRC OP disappeared, without an update. The most sane guess I read was that they were going to the Hajj, the Muslim pilgrimage to Mecca, they live in tents during that

jballs@sh.itjust.works · 6 pts · 127d

I think it was a joke about him going on that Titanic sub that imploded.

JetpackJackson@feddit.org · 2 pts · 127d (2 replies)

But why couldn't he poop during that?

idegenszavak@sh.itjust.works · 1 pts · 127d (1 reply)

Some psychological reasons? There are people who can only poop at home.

JetpackJackson@feddit.org · 1 pts · 127d

Ah true I didn't think of that

EpeeGnome@feddit.online · 18 pts · 127d (3 replies)

OP commented cheerfully on all the memes about him, but still refused to elaborate. Then he disappeared for the week, as expected. I can't remember for sure, but I thought I recalled him returning briefly asking for advice on dealing with severe constipation, getting annoyed that everyone still only wanted to talk about how his week went and what the hell this was all about, and then he disappeared for good. I assume he's likely still around under a new identity and he just sighs and clicks away every time this is brought up again.

JetpackJackson@feddit.org · 4 pts · 127d (2 replies)

Oh. I could've sworn there was an ending, maybe I'm remembering the constipation part

EpeeGnome@feddit.online · 1 pts · 127d (1 reply)

Maybe? Can't go back and look because the account was deleted. I could have easily missed or even forgotten any additional details. Heck, I recently had to be reminded it was 3 days and not a whole week, so don't put to much trust in my memory.

JetpackJackson@feddit.org · 2 pts · 126d

Its all good man, no worries. I'm probably misremembering

DudeImMacGyver@kbin.earth · 3 pts · 127d (1 reply)

I don't think there was one.

JetpackJackson@feddit.org · 2 pts · 127d

Bummer

EpeeGnome@feddit.online · 10 pts · 127d

I was there, Bootleg. I was there 3 thousand years ago. I was there the day the patience of Lemmy failed. I mean, come on mizu6079, just tell us why you need to avoid pooping for that long!

But yeah, that happened right after I started using Lemmy. I'd been commenting for less than a week, and my first post was a "Chewy, we're home" meme about how all the memes on the topic made me feel as a new user. That account's long dead now, but apparently lemmy.world still has my post https://lemmy.world/post/560966. Federation is neat.

HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 127d

i remember. I think that was one of my first days. I had helpfully unhelpful advice, like DONT DO IT MAN or EAT CORN if i know me

Kolanaki@pawb.social · 66 pts · 127d

"You're full of shit, buddy."

"Yes, but that's not relevant to the discussion."

tixnou@feddit.cl · 49 pts · 127d (1 reply)

Is it really a shitpost if it's about not shitting? Wouldn't it just be a post?

Sunflier@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 127d

Its a shitty shit-post. No. That wouldn't work, because its not a post on the quality of the shit post. A shit-shit post? A shit^2^ post?

JackbyDev@programming.dev · 32 pts · 126d (1 reply)

I was there, Gandalf, 3 years ago. When the bowels of man failed.

Alberat@lemmy.world · 9 pts · 126d

Lembas bread, one bite is enough to fill the stomach of a grown man while allowing him to go through multiple security checkpoints without pooping.

SlurpingPus@lemmy.world · 30 pts · 127d (5 replies)

How is the instance of that community located on web.archive.org?

Anyway, the answer the OOP was looking for is sugar.

kif@lemmy.nz · 10 pts · 127d (2 replies)

Not certain, but I'm guessing it's something to do with how archive.org archives. I'd say it probably captured some JavaScript which uses window.location.host, which would resolve to the original (say lemmy.nz) on the original page but web.archive.org on the snapshot.

SlurpingPus@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 126d

Update: you seem to be at least partially correct about JS being involved: the webpage source as downloaded from archive.org has a shitton of data in JS structures, while the actual final HTML of that element is nowhere to be found. Meaning the DOM is assembled from the JS data on the fly. Now, the page url, as I predicted, doesn't seem to figure in this, because the data itself contains numerous instances of 'web.archive.org' in it. I'm guessing that Archive's algorithm replaced the site domain to be prefixed with Archive's domain and went a bit overboard about it, which seems then to have confused Lemmy's JS into using the web.archive.org domain as the instance domain when rendering the page.

For better or worse, I don't use stimulants harder than tea, and amn't so young anymore as to reverse-engineer this thing further.

SlurpingPus@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 127d

That's very doubtful, seeing as since the post might belong to any of the multitude of instances, the api must send the instance name in the response to the client. The client's host doesn't figure in that. Additionally, the screenshot looks like the default UI, whatever it's called (at least default for lemmy.world), and it doesn't show the instance domain for communities on the same instance (at least doesn't show currently).

But I'll look into the JS hypothesis later. Weird shit is afoot there.

UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 126d (1 reply)

Going to be hell on your teeth.

SlurpingPus@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 126d

In three days? Pffft.

TropicalDingdong@lemmy.world · 24 pts · 127d

Some say they're still not pooping to this very day...

Korne127@lemmy.world · 23 pts · 127d (10 replies)

I remember it

I still wanna know the reason…

porn_was_never_the_real_issue@fedinsfw.app · 28 pts · 127d (4 replies)

Pooping on toilet that wasn’t my own was a huuuuuuuuuuge problem until I ended up in the military… the first two weeks sucked but then you kinda just surrender and let the poooop flow. Nowadays it’s more of a convenience to poop on my own porcelain throne.

Bluescluestoothpaste@sh.itjust.works · 5 pts · 127d (3 replies)

I guess most people have that experience in kindergarten lol you never pooped in school ever??

NannerBanner@literature.cafe · 13 pts · 127d (1 reply)

I'm pretty sure I made it from elementary to nearly the end of high school without having to go at school. There's just way too much opportunity for people to fuck with you when you're in a stall.

JackbyDev@programming.dev · 2 pts · 126d

High School bathrooms are wild. At least mine was. Kids would just be screaming and doing the most wild shit. I avoided it at all costs.

porn_was_never_the_real_issue@fedinsfw.app · 3 pts · 127d

If I wasn’t prairie dogging a shit in school then no, but sure, to avoid poopageddon I might have had to do things to survive… 😆

Broadfern@lemmy.world · 12 pts · 127d (3 replies)

I think someone speculated that it aligned with a religious pilgrimage trip that had a lot of similarities.

morrowind@lemmy.ml · 14 pts · 127d (1 reply)

Hajj? That was my guess too. The timing lines up

Echolynx@lemmy.zip · 11 pts · 127d

Immediately my first guess once I read "air conditioned tents".

emeralddawn45@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 3 pts · 127d

But why do they only need to hold it for 3 days, not the whole 5?

DmMacniel@feddit.org · 1 pts · 127d

this was around the time when one of Pootins general marched from the front against him.

svcg@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 14 pts · 126d

Is this Lemmy's "the cylinder must remain unharmed"?

Pacattack57@lemmy.world · 9 pts · 126d (1 reply)

I’ve done this before. I was on a beach in Mexico back in the day for 3 days. Slept on the beach in a hammock. The nearest bathroom was about 30 minutes because it was a secluded beach. There was an outhouse you could shit in and I kid you not it looked like the poop scene from slumdog millionaire. I decided I would not shit till I left.

Honestly I ate normal food and it was fine so I think crippling anxiety is enough to make this possible.

GianBarGian@feddit.it · 6 pts · 126d

You realize you could have shit in the sea, right?

RamRabbit@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 126d

Please stop asking because I am not telling anyone the reason.

Is it spiders? I bet it's toilet spiders.

Bluescluestoothpaste@sh.itjust.works · 6 pts · 127d

Yeah idk i feel like not eating and drinking a juice once every few hours is the obvious answer but idk shit about nutrition tbh

monsterpiece42@reddthat.com · 6 pts · 126d (3 replies)

He's a soldier going to the field for training. I'd bet my next check on it.

Soupbreaker@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 126d (2 replies)

With air conditioned tents? Not really a field situation.

monsterpiece42@reddthat.com · 3 pts · 125d (1 reply)

Drash tents are conditioned. If he's in a TOC or similar they need AC for the computers.

Soupbreaker@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 125d

Fair enough, I was forgetting my time in S3. But the addendum that clean toilets would be available seems to go against this theory as well.

Fmstrat@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 127d

Are there any instances out there that archive deletes? If it was deleted after I shut mine down, I might have the comments.

Entertainmeonly@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 4 pts · 127d

Someone ordered a Cleveland Steamer.

Tollana1234567@lemmy.today · 4 pts · 126d

simple, take imodium.

UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 126d (1 reply)

I am not going on a hiking trip or mailing myself anywhere

Ah, damn. That was my bet.

Knock_Knock_Lemmy_In@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 126d

I was thinking of a music festival.

JakoJakoJako13@piefed.social · 3 pts · 126d (1 reply)

I feel like this person needs a portable bidet more than food advice.

RamSwamson@lemmy.sdf.org · 1 pts · 126d

Sounds like a possibility to me. Maybe they have hemorrhoids and using TP for three days will tear that brown starfish to shreds. Not that I would know anything aboot that.

HugeNerd@lemmy.ca · 2 pts · 126d

astronaut food designed for low residue

Resonosity@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 2 pts · 126d

I remember this post bro!! Good times

Tolc@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 126d

literal SHITpost

Zkuld@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 127d

just don't eat for one day before and during?