[deleted]

Hi guys, I have the perfect solution [...]  
 ^  ^^   ^  ^ [... stopped counting after 5 violations] 

This.

I have a 14 year old device with a very obscure problem, does anyone have a solution for this?

Divorce him

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Sexy sexitors of sexxit, how do you sexily sex sex?

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I came here to say this but boy, that escalated quickly so to the top with you! Lost it at 'This is why we can't have nice things' and then my faith in humanity was restored, my mind blown, and manly tears were shed. Well said. As a 'murican, I can confirm this gem has just won the internet and is doing it right. Just sayin', I know that feel, bro, and while that was a risky click, this post was a 9/10, would read again. I see what you did there and it feels good man. You're doing God's work, son. I laughed way harder than I should have at your list that seems legit and totally nailed it. You - I like you. You magnificent bastard; you, sir, are so brave, a gentleman and a scholar, and seeing how you are a redditor for 4 years, this checks out, so I'll allow it. I regret that I only have one upvote to give for this cool story, bro.

CTRL+F "about tree fiddy" was not disappointed.

Wait, why do I have you tagged as "NOPE NOPE NOPE"? Nice try, you monster. What did I just read? Dafuq? I read that as "YOU HAD ONE JOB". I can't fap to this. No true scotsman could see that this relevant XKCD was bad, and you should feel bad. You must be new to reddit, so I'll see your cakeday and raise you a karma train. One does not simply rustle my jimmies, not even once. This stahp gave me cancer for science, so that's enough internet for me today. 2/10, would not bang. What is this I don't even know how is this wtf? Circlejerk must be leaking. This will get buried but brace yourselves, some men want to watch the world burn right in the feels. When you see it, they'll KILL IT WITH FIRE! But this has nothing to do with atheism. Lawyer up, delete facebook, hit the gym, and SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY, said no one ever, so you wouldn't download a strawman. Damn onions, you scary like a BOSS. whoosh.

Since rule #1 is 'be attractive', I'll just leave this here: This is my [f]irst post, be gentle. I have the weirdest boner right now, so I'll be in my bunk with dat ass. Oh, you! ...now KISS!!! I know you should never stick your dick in crazy, but DM;HS.

...this kills the redditor.

OP will surely deliver. In the meantime, I'll show myself out.

Directed by M. Night Shamallama

edit: accidentally a word

Please don't ask me how I managed to take this picture...

I also choose this man's dead wife.

RemindMe! 10 years

I'm a leftist but I think insert fascist opinion here

Would have upvoted but it was at 69

Here's a story told entirely from my point of view, edited to make me look good. Am I the asshole?

This

This is a repost from half a year ago OP is a karma farming bot

And my axe!!

Ahh, the ole reddit switcharoo

I too choose this guy's dead wife.

Thank you, kind stranger!

... And my axe!

Edit: I said the funny line, updoots to the just please

You've been banned from r/Pyongyang

[removed]

RemindMe! 3y “reply to this thread”.

[deleted]

How the turn tables!

Look, I think it’s important to state here that while you can often offer prompts to strangers with no ill effect, 7% of strangers are DEATHLY ALLERGIC to prompts. I know it’s fun to give your strangers prompts sometimes, but I urge you all NOT to give prompts to strangers or you run the very real risk of harming them seriously.

Signed, A strangerologist

YOUR POST HAS BEEN REMOVED

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Please be advised that this is a strict enforcement of our community guidelines. As a consequence of your transgression, your post has been removed, and you have been permanently banned from participating in our discussions.

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Not all heroes wear capes.

Poop knife

I'm not racist but...

This site is amazing. It needs a hug from reddit. https://www.smallsitethatwillcrashfromtheunexpectedattention.com/

Here, take the poor man's gold 🏅

Somebody gild this!

Haha pun thread moo yourself

We appreciate the candid feedback, and the passion the community has put forth around the current topics here on Reddit, our forums and across numerous social media outlets. Our team will continue to make changes and monitor community feedback and update everyone as soon as and as often as we can.

Ah the old reddit switcharoo!

repost

3/10.

7/10 with rice.

YATA - I can't fucking believe you'd do that.

:flag-liberia: :flag-liberia: Trump 2024 :flag-liberia: :flag-liberia:

When does the narwhal bacon?

[removed]

open up this is the CIA

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.

Hey it's me your brother!

🎖️🏅🥇🥈🥉

NEXT

Locked, Y'all can't behave.

Everyone should have responded in Spanish.

[This user has been banned by an activist mod and their inbox blown up by racists and piss drinkers]

Bring back /r/place

I once tried to make a post look like a reddit thread, just like back in nineteen ninety eight when the undertaker threw mankind off hell in a cell and plummeted sixteen feet through an announcers table.

I also ______

Red flags!

Fuck spez

@RepostBot

Google en passant

Brush my teeth.

Floss.

Masturbate.

7/10

10/10 with rice.

Play stupid games…

This just in, water is wet.

something something broken arms

Koalas are fucking horrible animals. They have one of the smallest brain to body ratios of any mammal, additionally - their brains are smooth. A brain is folded to increase the surface area for neurons. If you present a koala with leaves plucked from a branch, laid on a flat surface, the koala will not recognise it as food. They are too thick to adapt their feeding behaviour to cope with change. In a room full of potential food, they can literally starve to death. This is not the token of an animal that is winning at life. Speaking of stupidity and food, one of the likely reasons for their primitive brains is the fact that additionally to being poisonous, eucalyptus leaves (the only thing they eat) have almost no nutritional value. They can't afford the extra energy to think, they sleep more than 80% of their fucking lives. When they are awake all they do is eat, shit and occasionally scream like fucking satan. Because eucalyptus leaves hold such little nutritional value, koalas have to ferment the leaves in their guts for days on end. Unlike their brains, they have the largest hind gut to body ratio of any mammal. Many herbivorous mammals have adaptations to cope with harsh plant life taking its toll on their teeth, rodents for instance have teeth that never stop growing, some animals only have teeth on their lower jaw, grinding plant matter on bony plates in the tops of their mouths, others have enlarged molars that distribute the wear and break down plant matter more efficiently... Koalas are no exception, when their teeth erode down to nothing, they resolve the situation by starving to death, because they're fucking terrible animals. Being mammals, koalas raise their joeys on milk (admittedly, one of the lowest milk yields to body ratio... There's a trend here). When the young joey needs to transition from rich, nourishing substances like milk, to eucalyptus (a plant that seems to be making it abundantly clear that it doesn't want to be eaten), it finds it does not have the necessary gut flora to digest the leaves. To remedy this, the young joey begins nuzzling its mother's anus until she leaks a little diarrhoea (actually fecal pap, slightly less digested), which he then proceeds to slurp on. This partially digested plant matter gives him just what he needs to start developing his digestive system. Of course, he may not even have needed to bother nuzzling his mother. She may have been suffering from incontinence. Why? Because koalas are riddled with chlamydia. In some areas the infection rate is 80% or higher. This statistic isn't helped by the fact that one of the few other activities koalas will spend their precious energy on is rape. Despite being seasonal breeders, males seem to either not know or care, and will simply overpower a female regardless of whether she is ovulating. If she fights back, he may drag them both out of the tree, which brings us full circle back to the brain: Koalas have a higher than average quantity of cerebrospinal fluid in their brains. This is to protect their brains from injury... should they fall from a tree. An animal so thick it has its own little built in special ed helmet. I fucking hate them.

Tldr; Koalas are stupid, leaky, STI riddled sex offenders. But, hey. They look cute. If you ignore the terrifying snake eyes and terrifying feet.

Not me but...

Mom's spaghetti

Now just edit your post to "Sorry this post has been removed by the creator"

5/7 with rice.

i can't use reddit.

1. make an account. use a gmail address. verify with phone number.

2. suspended/shadowbanned immediately, before making any post or comment. appealing does nothing.

repeat as many times as i want.

F

Big if true

Thanks for the gold!

https://lemmy.ml/post/20294040 done

Climate change is a hoax!

Test post please ignore

lol

/u/repostSlothBoat

So true, put this on a tea cup!

Cat.

Putin is just miss understood by weak west

The swamps of Dagobah.

Chuck Testa!!!

Giffing a Dickbutt https://imgur.com/a/wNs7ZCp

Time to /r/insert plenty of /r/references to /r/unrelated /r/subreddits just in case

You are a bold one.

Holds up spork.

How a reddit post look like ?

I went to post a comment on this Reddit thread but then my old man saw what I was doing and beat me with jumper cables.

Now is when I post a comment the mods don't like, get harassed by the mods, and reply to them just asking they stop messaging me and get a permanent ban from reddit for harassment.

D

Cylinder

[deleted]