It might be regional, but I'm not making this up. It's definitely a thing on the Canadian Prairies, and South Africa, at least for the rooineks. Pretty sure I've heard about it from England and the US Midwest as well.
Waiter:
Would you all like to see the menu? Or would you care to meet the main dish of the day?
Arthur:
Meet?
Trillian:
What is it?
Waiter:
It's an Ameglian Major Cow. I'll bring him over.
Zaphod:
Ok, we'll meet the meat. that's cool. [a large Pig-like creature is wheeled in on a trolley]
Dish of the Day:
Bweeeh... [clears throat] Good evening, Madam and Gentlemen. I am the main Dish of the Day. May I interest you in parts of my body? [Arthur and Trillian go "Huh?"]
Ford:
Oh, well.
Dish of the Day:
Something off my shoulder, perhaps, brazed in a little White Wine sauce?
Arthur:
Your shoulder?
Dish of the Day:
Well, naturally mine, sir. Nobody else's is mine to offer. [clears throat] The, uh, rump is very good, sir. I have been exercising and eating plenty of grain so there's a lot of good meat there. [moos] Or a casserole of me, perhaps?
Trillian:
You mean this animal actually wants us to eat it?
Mooshroom is the only one I can think of right know, I think their meat would taste like standard cow meat but embedded with mushroom flavor or something like that.
Oh! Also could SCP-999 taste good? It's like a blob of orange jello from what I recall. I wouldn't want to eat it but it would probably taste good.
Have you eaten reptiles? Especially big ones? Gator is pretty much kinda fishy greasy chicken. I don't think dragon would be all that tasty. Like tough chicken. Though maybe it's more like emu and kinda beefy...
But you would only live a half-life, a cursed life. So in some amount of time, half of your particles would have decayed, and then half again after the same period, until you entirely decay.
honestly no... i don't imagine slugs taste good. I don't even imagine snakes taste good, I've never eaten a reptile before. Jabba is a snake slug bloated full of space weed and covered in his own ejaculate. I don't know how I'd clean that up to make an appetising meal and I don't expect it to taste good anyway.
Blob monsters, like the gelatinous cube sort not the pulsating mutation of animal flesh sort, seem tasty, like caustic jello. Just use some acid neutralizer and mmm mmm zingy delicious.
the SET creature in egyptian mythology, nobody know what it is supposed to be. demon meat, since inuyasha has made it popular of eating demons on demon crimes.
Animals are individuals. Individuals must always be treated as ends, never as means. The question, though intended to be lighthearted, reflects a vast and unexamined cruelty and the moral acceptance of unspeakable violence.
104 Comments
Semi_Hemi_Demigod@lemmy.world · 43 pts · 222d
The animal at the Restaurant at the End of the Universe that wants to be eaten.
Entertainmeonly@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 2 pts · 221d
Thats a cow. Or at least that's what they called the genetically modified creatures.
early_riser@lemmy.world · 27 pts · 222d
bstix@feddit.dk · 27 pts · 222d
Pulled Winnie the Pooh.
It's honey marinated and fat.
justdaveisfine@piefed.social · 8 pts · 222d
I believe one of the lines from the song is 'stuffed with fluff' so I don't know, could be a little fuzzy.
palordrolap@fedia.io · 11 pts · 222d
This. Winnie the Pooh is canonically a teddy bear, presumably only alive by some sort of magic. Likewise, Kanga, Roo, Eeyore, Tigger and Piglet.
Rabbit and Owl, however, were real, living creatures - the true inhabitants of the wood - with related magic allowing them to interact.
So basically, yes, Pooh isn't edible.
classic@fedia.io · 5 pts · 222d
This is the winner
Semi_Hemi_Demigod@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 222d
Eating bear is how you get brain worms tho
SpicyTaint@lemmy.world · 25 pts · 222d
Skullgrid@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 222d
you know you can just eat ostriches right? It was a meme in the 90s to open ostrich farms, they might have all closed by now though.
CanadaPlus@lemmy.sdf.org · 4 pts · 222d
I mean, there's at least one less since last year.
boonhet@sopuli.xyz · 2 pts · 221d
You can also fuck an ostrich if you have 2-3 guys and it's a sick ostrich. Allegedly.
Skullgrid@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 221d
no one is talking about that, and that link will stay its original colour, thanks.
boonhet@sopuli.xyz · 1 pts · 220d
Your loss, it's a pretty decent running gag from Letterkenny
There are no ostriches shown at all
SpicyTaint@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 222d
Vandals_handle@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 221d
Birbs aren't real
neidu3@sh.itjust.works · 19 pts · 222d
Særimnir
LifeInMultipleChoice@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 222d
Had never heard of that before, thanks for mentioning it.
guy@piefed.social · 4 pts · 222d
Särimner seems like an easy choice tbh
CanadaPlus@lemmy.sdf.org · -1 pts · 222d
Granted. The gods of Valhalla all have old white man taste buds, and it's main "flavour" is dry and tough.
neidu3@sh.itjust.works · 7 pts · 222d
Whichever old white guy you've met can't cook pork properly
CanadaPlus@lemmy.sdf.org · 1 pts · 221d
It might be regional, but I'm not making this up. It's definitely a thing on the Canadian Prairies, and South Africa, at least for the rooineks. Pretty sure I've heard about it from England and the US Midwest as well.
It's not just pork, either.
Canopyflyer@lemmy.world · 16 pts · 222d
Tauntaun, but it has to be served lukewarm.
qjkxbmwvz@startrek.website · 4 pts · 222d
But I thought they smelled bad on the outside?
draco_aeneus@mander.xyz · 5 pts · 221d
So do goats, but they're plenty tasty.
weaselsrippedmyflesh@lemmy.pt · 2 pts · 221d
Underrated comment right here.
persona_non_gravitas@piefed.social · 12 pts · 222d
Ameglian Major Cow
Thedogdrinkscoffee@lemmy.ca · 13 pts · 222d
Waiter: Would you all like to see the menu? Or would you care to meet the main dish of the day?
Arthur: Meet?
Trillian: What is it?
Waiter: It's an Ameglian Major Cow. I'll bring him over.
Zaphod: Ok, we'll meet the meat. that's cool. [a large Pig-like creature is wheeled in on a trolley]
Dish of the Day: Bweeeh... [clears throat] Good evening, Madam and Gentlemen. I am the main Dish of the Day. May I interest you in parts of my body? [Arthur and Trillian go "Huh?"]
Ford: Oh, well.
Dish of the Day: Something off my shoulder, perhaps, brazed in a little White Wine sauce?
Arthur: Your shoulder?
Dish of the Day: Well, naturally mine, sir. Nobody else's is mine to offer. [clears throat] The, uh, rump is very good, sir. I have been exercising and eating plenty of grain so there's a lot of good meat there. [moos] Or a casserole of me, perhaps?
Trillian: You mean this animal actually wants us to eat it?
Ford: Me, I don't mean anything.
magnetosphere@fedia.io · 12 pts · 222d
Smurfs
callyral@pawb.social · 12 pts · 222d
Mooshroom is the only one I can think of right know, I think their meat would taste like standard cow meat but embedded with mushroom flavor or something like that.
Oh! Also could SCP-999 taste good? It's like a blob of orange jello from what I recall. I wouldn't want to eat it but it would probably taste good.
wattanao@fedia.io · 2 pts · 222d
iirc 999 smells like peanut butter, so it might taste like it too. Eating it might be hard though, I think it's one of those hard to kill types.
justdaveisfine@piefed.social · 11 pts · 222d
So you know in the Monster Hunter games where you eat a big ol' feast before a hunt?
I don't know which monster they cook up, but whichever it is, is probably incredibly delicious.
Quetzalcutlass@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 221d
It's cooked by cats though, so you'll be picking fur out of your mouth every other bite.
paranoid@lemmy.world · 10 pts · 222d
Dragon, obviously
TheAlbatross@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 17 pts · 222d
Have you eaten reptiles? Especially big ones? Gator is pretty much kinda fishy greasy chicken. I don't think dragon would be all that tasty. Like tough chicken. Though maybe it's more like emu and kinda beefy...
I've talked myself around to trying it.
NABDad@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 222d
I'm thinking it would be like a naturally smoked turkey.
UnspecificGravity@piefed.social · 3 pts · 222d
It would probably taste like if you made a refinery out of charred chicken meat.
Toes@ani.social · 10 pts · 222d
Unicorn, that way I can live forever :o
TheLeadenSea@sh.itjust.works · 6 pts · 222d
But you would only live a half-life, a cursed life. So in some amount of time, half of your particles would have decayed, and then half again after the same period, until you entirely decay.
Thedogdrinkscoffee@lemmy.ca · 8 pts · 222d
He would live almost forever. Zeno's Decayed Unicorn Eater.
Tollana1234567@lemmy.today · 3 pts · 221d
YOU HAVE TO drink thier blood i believe.
frustrated_phagocytosis@fedia.io · 9 pts · 222d
Brisket of that fiery red bull thing in Last Unicorn. With BBQ sauce.
TheAlbatross@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 9 pts · 222d
I bet that Golden Goose tastes fucking awesome.
I mean. Goose is delicious, so I bet the mythical goose is mythically delicious.
Are there any fairy tale ducks? I'd chow down on some fantastic duck too.
Zorsith@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 6 pts · 222d
Beholder maybe? Its a floating meatball with eyes and a mouth, that doesn't touch the ground, bet its pretty tender
CanadaPlus@lemmy.sdf.org · 3 pts · 222d
I've heard seal eyeballs are pretty good. Maybe it'd be like that but family-sized.
Zorsith@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 3 pts · 222d
Im a bit hesitant to eat the eyes off the stalks (mmm, tastes like disintegration), but the big one is fair game
gigastasio@sh.itjust.works · 2 pts · 222d
presoak@lazysoci.al · 6 pts · 221d
Oompaloompas.
Willy Wonka had to literally rescue them and protect them to keep them from being eaten because they're so delicious.
Corkyskog@sh.itjust.works · 4 pts · 220d
Yeah sure, let's trust some candy oligarch that won't spent a bent penny on any safety measures for his factory.
I am sure some slaver has used the savage cannibalism story to justify their ends too...
Tollana1234567@lemmy.today · 1 pts · 220d
probably between a dwarf, smurf hybrid?
leftascenter@jlai.lu · 6 pts · 222d
Chimera.
Kolanaki@pawb.social · 6 pts · 222d
Unicorns.
Don_alForno@feddit.org · 5 pts · 220d
Dönertier
udon@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 220d
It's been a while
missingno@fedia.io · 5 pts · 222d
Farfetch'd
RBWells@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 220d
Oh yes, with the leek!
Rhynoplaz@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 222d
Flying Pig
magnetosphere@fedia.io · 5 pts · 222d
“It’s just a little airborne! It’s still good! It’s still good!”
UltraGiGaGigantic@lemmy.ml · 4 pts · 221d
God
remon@ani.social · 2 pts · 221d
UnspecificGravity@piefed.social · 4 pts · 222d
I bet roasted dwarf is delicious.
Ceruleum@lemmy.wtf · 1 pts · 221d
Peter Dinklage.
frog_brawler@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 220d
JoeTheSane@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 222d
The ghosts in Pac-Man
CanadaPlus@lemmy.sdf.org · 6 pts · 222d
I bet they're fruit flavoured.
JoeTheSane@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 222d
Yeah! I always imagine them as grape bubblegum flavored!
Salamanderwizard@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 222d
Ew
JoeTheSane@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 222d
Don’t like it, eat a different goddamned ghost.
Salamanderwizard@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 222d
Nah I want that Mrs. Pacman pussy. That Pacussy.
JoeTheSane@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 222d
Ha! That got me!
HenriVolney@sh.itjust.works · 4 pts · 222d
Jabba the Hutt
MajorMajormajormajor@lemmy.ca · 6 pts · 222d
Pizza the hutt!
early_riser@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 222d
FoolsQuartz@lemmynsfw.com · 1 pts · 222d
honestly no... i don't imagine slugs taste good. I don't even imagine snakes taste good, I've never eaten a reptile before. Jabba is a snake slug bloated full of space weed and covered in his own ejaculate. I don't know how I'd clean that up to make an appetising meal and I don't expect it to taste good anyway.
HenriVolney@sh.itjust.works · 1 pts · 222d
Have you tried oysters?
Witchfire@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 222d
Tropius or any of the food based pokemon
dylanmorgan@slrpnk.net · 3 pts · 222d
Okja from the movie Okja. Super pigs would presumably produce super pork.
CookieOfFortune@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 221d
It’s a capitalist hellscape, so probably barely edible but so cheap it doesn’t matter (I’m sure the company will say it’s delicious).
ButteryMonkey@piefed.social · 3 pts · 222d
Blob monsters, like the gelatinous cube sort not the pulsating mutation of animal flesh sort, seem tasty, like caustic jello. Just use some acid neutralizer and mmm mmm zingy delicious.
CanadaPlus@lemmy.sdf.org · 2 pts · 222d
Pulsating mutation also sounds decent. No need to remove bones! And probably vegetarian in a lab-grown kind of way!
Mothra@mander.xyz · 2 pts · 221d
Jackalope. Winged jackalope
Tollana1234567@lemmy.today · 2 pts · 220d
the SET creature in egyptian mythology, nobody know what it is supposed to be. demon meat, since inuyasha has made it popular of eating demons on demon crimes.
dragon meat?
fiendishplan@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 221d
obviously The Kraken
DarrinBrunner@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 221d
Is it better baked, or deep-fried? I'm going with breaded and deep-fried, because almost everything is better that way. Except grapes.
fiendishplan@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 221d
Breaded and deep-fried like calamari but you get one big piece.
Quazatron@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 221d
Skeever tail.
ReiRose@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 221d
The Geico Gecko
CanadaPlus@lemmy.sdf.org · 2 pts · 220d
Save you the effort: he tastes like chicken. Maybe really lean, dry chicken.
udon@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 220d
Popplers
kaedon@slrpnk.net · 2 pts · 221d
Noodleflys from Rain World. They obviously taste like noodles.
chaosCruiser@futurology.today · 2 pts · 222d
Remember these abominations from The Last Jedi?
If the green milk is drinkable, the meat is edible.
Lembot_0006@programming.dev · 2 pts · 222d
Elves!
DonAntonioMagino@europe.pub · 3 pts · 222d
Downvoted by an elf.
Lembot_0006@programming.dev · 7 pts · 222d
A delicious elf, most probably.
notsosure@sh.itjust.works · 2 pts · 222d
I’m vegan.
wattanao@fedia.io · 6 pts · 222d
So, a dryad...?
GreenKnight23@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 222d
vegans aren't fictional, they're just irrational.
lalo@discuss.tchncs.de · 8 pts · 222d
Yes, these vegans are as irrational as people who refuse to eat human meat. "Ethical implications", or whatever irrational thing they say.
I just need one reason to do something: it feels good, that's how you know you're being rational.
ArgumentativeMonotheist@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 222d
Hehehe. 👍
notsosure@sh.itjust.works · 3 pts · 222d
I knew that would get your hair up jehehe
Noel_Skum@sh.itjust.works · 1 pts · 221d
Have you read [“The Day of The Triffids”] ?(https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Day_of_the_Triffids)
notsosure@sh.itjust.works · 2 pts · 221d
Sh1t that just be 45 yrs ago :-(
FoolsQuartz@lemmynsfw.com · 2 pts · 222d
I hear good things about unicorns.... but i would never eat an endangered species.
Trigger2_2000@sh.itjust.works · 1 pts · 220d
Agent 99 . . . wait, make that agent 69.
Denjin@feddit.uk · 1 pts · 222d
Ameglaian Major Cow
mossberg590@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 221d
Slig from Dune.
TheV2@programming.dev · 0 pts · 222d
Batista
jerkface@lemmy.ca · -4 pts · 220d
Animals are individuals. Individuals must always be treated as ends, never as means. The question, though intended to be lighthearted, reflects a vast and unexamined cruelty and the moral acceptance of unspeakable violence.
CanadaPlus@lemmy.sdf.org · 2 pts · 220d
I'm pretty sure everyone is being tongue-in-cheek talking about eating Winnie the Pooh, and is aware it's not morally acceptable to actually do so.
An actual bear would be more controversial, but that's not this thread.
jerkface@lemmy.ca · -1 pts · 220d
Doesn't really relate to anything I said.