Eating

933 points · 159 comments · view on lemmy.world

159 Comments

Manjushri@piefed.social · 290 pts · 237d (2 replies)

She hasn't heard from him since? She'd better unclench and make sure he's okay...

Trainguyrom@reddthat.com · 43 pts · 236d (1 reply)

Well did she ever give his nose back?

diabetic_porcupine@lemmy.world · 26 pts · 236d

Give him his nose back! Give him his nose back!

YiddishMcSquidish@lemmy.today · 168 pts · 237d (79 replies)

If you can't laugh during sex, then what dafuq are we even doing here‽

ngdev@lemmy.zip · 32 pts · 237d (27 replies)

bc if you laugh it reminds me that my tiny peen is a joke and the erection goes away

YiddishMcSquidish@lemmy.today · -7 pts · 237d (26 replies)

Unless you're like 1.5 in 10,000(.015%),I can assure you your average or slightly above.

Edit: can't help myself, there's an abnormal amount of angry small dick fuckers here(of which, you are not one!).

SacralPlexus@lemmy.world · 57 pts · 237d (25 replies)

I’m no expert but I don’t think that’s how bell curves work.

YiddishMcSquidish@lemmy.today · 1 pts · 237d

Edit to also add; my bad for making someone else feel better about themselves. I'll try not to make that mistake again.

YiddishMcSquidish@lemmy.today · -6 pts · 237d (23 replies)

I would ask you to look it up.

Edit to add; micropenis affects about .015%. I find it weird others are disagreeing.

wischi@programming.dev · 22 pts · 237d (15 replies)

I think they disagree because not having a micropenis (in the medical sense) doesn't imply that you are above average.

Assuming penis length is distributed normally exactly 50% of people are below average. If you remove 0.15‰ from that you are practically still left with about 50% that don't have a micropenis and are below average.

SlurpingPus@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 237d (1 reply)

What if 90% of people have the exact average length, and the rest are the bell curve?

wischi@programming.dev · 1 pts · 236d

Nice though experiment, but doesn't hold up to scrutiny on many levels (not meant in a condescending way, just to spinn that thought experiment further)

First, we can't even agree on how/what to exactly measure with penis length. Even if we fixed that, the actual distribution itself doesn't have buckets (like size ranges) but would contain all data points individually. If we measure with unreasonably high precision and assume that penis length is a real (in a mathematical sense) number than there is a 0% chance that two people have the same penis length and there would be no person that has an exactly average penis length.

Stepping back from this thought experiment, there is data for penis length and the standard deviation is wider than most people would expect, it's far from 90% being average unless your average bucket is something like 5-20cm

YiddishMcSquidish@lemmy.today · -1 pts · 236d

I didn't talk my penis. But I'm certain yours is small.

Edit: whoa whoa whoa, I'm not sure what I said in context. But I did NOT mean to insult you like it sounds!

YiddishMcSquidish@lemmy.today · -3 pts · 237d (11 replies)

Homie, there is no swaying me.

Someone felt bad about themselves and I presented them with a counter.

Fuck it, maybe I have a micro peen? And I was just trying to help out a fellow homie.

Edit to add: doesn't matter if they do or not!

What's important is it not being fucking important!

Edit edit: I think that last line is one of coolest things I ever typed.

datavoid@sh.itjust.works · 12 pts · 237d

Being swayed by facts is not a bad thing

wischi@programming.dev · 10 pts · 237d

I really appreciate people helping other people especially because the internet is often such a harsh and toxic place, but I don't think presenting a counter that's factually wrong really helps.

And you are right, it's not important. I mean it's not even a requirement to have a penis at all for intimacy. So unless you don't have a tongue, no hands (not even 10 fingers required) you should be ok. You could also try toys.

Penis length is often an ego thing and that's hard to fix in a lemmy comment.

FishFace@piefed.social · -1 pts · 237d (6 replies)

You are the first person to mention micropenis

YiddishMcSquidish@lemmy.today · 4 pts · 237d (5 replies)

Lol, thanks for trying to use that as a cudgel. I'm comfortable with the size of my bits.

But thanks for focusing on that.

Edit to add: this entire interaction started with me telling someone they didn't have one!

This is really not a good look for you homie, trying to dog pile on at the last minute...

FishFace@piefed.social · 0 pts · 236d

But you're still the first to mention it. Why are you telling someone they don't have a micropenis when they didn't say anything to suggest they had one? It makes no sense. That's why your thread was so off the rails, because you started a massive non sequitur.

5714@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 25 pts · 237d (9 replies)

I guess wearing a rigid mask?

YiddishMcSquidish@lemmy.today · -6 pts · 237d (8 replies)

Yeah.

Perfectly one that shows you as a terrible person.

Go ahead and dawn a donald trump mask. You deserve it!

5714@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 9 pts · 237d (5 replies)

Um, what?

YiddishMcSquidish@lemmy.today · 7 pts · 237d (4 replies)

Honestly, don't know what I was going on about.

My bad.

But the sentiment remains!

I'm angry at you, and don't know what for.

Forgive me.

antonymous_bosch69@feddit.org · 2 pts · 236d (3 replies)

I mean no offense, just figured I’ll post the relevant Wiki article

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Masking_(behavior)

YiddishMcSquidish@lemmy.today · 2 pts · 236d

Real talk, do you think I'm being abusive?

I will trust your judgement, and reflect.

YiddishMcSquidish@lemmy.today · 1 pts · 236d
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YiddishMcSquidish@lemmy.today · 1 pts · 236d
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maccentric@sh.itjust.works · 4 pts · 236d (1 reply)

*don

YiddishMcSquidish@lemmy.today · 2 pts · 236d

You get the upvote just cause I'm so confused.

Instigate@aussie.zone · 19 pts · 237d (1 reply)

It’s been a long while since I’ve seen an interrobang in the wild - you are a gentleperson and a scholar my good chum!

YiddishMcSquidish@lemmy.today · 1 pts · 236d

Insert a cyberpunk reference here.

blockheadjt@sh.itjust.works · 11 pts · 237d (1 reply)

... fuckin'?

YiddishMcSquidish@lemmy.today · 5 pts · 237d

"what the fuq"- meant

Mediocre_Bard@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 236d (7 replies)
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dream_weasel@sh.itjust.works · 5 pts · 236d (1 reply)

You ever hear the sound a man makes when he eats a handful of bees?

Mediocre_Bard@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 236d
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YiddishMcSquidish@lemmy.today · 3 pts · 236d (4 replies)

¿Quein no?

Mediocre_Bard@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 236d (3 replies)
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0x0@lemmy.zip · 3 pts · 236d (1 reply)

Ninja na cama.

Mediocre_Bard@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 236d
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YiddishMcSquidish@lemmy.today · 2 pts · 236d

Justa

dream_weasel@sh.itjust.works · 4 pts · 236d (23 replies)

We laugh at hexbear accounts. Lol cowbee and so on.

YiddishMcSquidish@lemmy.today · 2 pts · 236d (22 replies)

I'll admit I goatded some of those idiots(and got banned from a bunch of communities), but they are extremely smart people.

Edit to clarify.

ArcaneSlime@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 4 pts · 236d (2 replies)

(Goaded* sorry not trying to be a dick just trying to be helpful)

MonkeMischief@lemmy.today · 3 pts · 236d

Ah that explains it. I was thinking new slang just dropped.

"THEY GOT GreatestOfAllTimed!!!" (Air horns, John Cena, etc)

YiddishMcSquidish@lemmy.today · 3 pts · 236d

No! You're not a dick! Thank you for correcting me!

dream_weasel@sh.itjust.works · 4 pts · 236d (16 replies)

I'm sure that they are. So are we. The difference is we can be smart, hold an opinion, and not be insufferable.

YiddishMcSquidish@lemmy.today · 1 pts · 236d (15 replies)

"we"‽

You might be smart. But I'm dumb as fuck.

dream_weasel@sh.itjust.works · 3 pts · 236d (14 replies)

Idk I like your username so it sounded smart. My PhD is not related to social things.

YiddishMcSquidish@lemmy.today · 1 pts · 236d (11 replies)

Thanks for looking, but I'm pretty pro Palestine.

Don't know if that changes your opinion. But I chose this name many moons ago.

dream_weasel@sh.itjust.works · 2 pts · 236d

I don't think there's anything not smart about being pro Palestine. I think that's a safely considered opinion.

YiddishMcSquidish@lemmy.today · 1 pts · 236d (1 reply)

Fuck me! I just read that you have a PhD!

You are definitely smarter than me

dream_weasel@sh.itjust.works · 2 pts · 236d

It's only rocket science, has nothing to do with shitposting on Lemmy. I wouldnt worry about it.

IndieGoblin@lemmy.4d2.org · 1 pts · 236d (1 reply)

They are either intentionally lying (which is what I think they are doing) or completely ignorant to the historical context they reference. Either way smart is not how I'd describe them.

YiddishMcSquidish@lemmy.today · 1 pts · 236d

Not talking about their politics!

I vehemently disagree with them there!

But tech wise, they are not to be underestimated.

Hupf@feddit.org · 3 pts · 236d (3 replies)
YiddishMcSquidish@lemmy.today · 1 pts · 236d (2 replies)

That "waka waka" fucking killed me!

Hupf@feddit.org · 2 pts · 236d (1 reply)

Sadly that's the only version of that scene I found.

YiddishMcSquidish@lemmy.today · 1 pts · 236d

I think you misunderstand my sentiment. I was laughing so hard, it was difficult to breathe.

ameancow@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 235d
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Flickerby@lemmy.zip · 137 pts · 237d (8 replies)

Sex is supposed to be a fun bonding experience. I see no problem. If you can't have dumb fun with your naked bestie who can you have fun with

dingleberrylover@lemmy.world · 23 pts · 236d

This guy fucks

ameancow@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 235d (5 replies)
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minkymunkey_7_7@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 235d (1 reply)

Nature eventually balances itself in an environment, in a ecosystem.

Just a few years ago the billionaires were running the story in all media that the world is too overpopulated and can't handle more than 9 billion and there won't be enough resources. Suddenly after covid they realize that they need the wage slave feudal system for their power and now boo hoo nobody is making children anymore.

DylanMc6@lemmy.ml · 1 pts · 235d

Time to organize, and study socialist/communist theory. Seriously!

DylanMc6@lemmy.ml · 1 pts · 235d (2 replies)

Are there any solutions to this, and if the US were a socialist society, what would people do?

ameancow@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 235d (1 reply)
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DylanMc6@lemmy.ml · 1 pts · 235d

Are you saying that unless we tear down all the monopolies (whether by way of reform or revolution (or both)) and encourage collective action, the film Idiocracy might come true, but hundreds of years earlier?

ivanafterall@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 236d

The naked grandmother and former meth addict I met on Facebook dating?

You think I'm making a tasteless joke, but now who's the one being judgmental?

dwemthy@lemmy.world · 105 pts · 237d (1 reply)

Green flag

Tollana1234567@lemmy.today · 71 pts · 237d

brown flag.

dontsayaword@piefed.social · 102 pts · 237d (7 replies)

Some of us pay good money for that

nymnympseudonym@piefed.social · 38 pts · 237d (5 replies)

One of the best things about monogamy is how freely bodily fluids of all kinds can be shared carefree

(Unless it's feces; that's not out-of-the-box sanitary)

Mr_Fish@lemmy.world · 61 pts · 237d (4 replies)

Well feces ideally isn't a fluid

ivanafterall@lemmy.world · 50 pts · 237d (2 replies)

I'm SORRY if we can't all meet Cosmo's latest unrealistic beauty standard of the week. If you can't handle my feces at its most-fluid, you don't deserve it at its most-viscous.

Whats_your_reasoning@lemmy.world · 11 pts · 236d (1 reply)

It took me a moment to realize you were referring to Cosmo the magazine. I saw that OP’s username is Mr Fish and immediately thought of Cosmo and Wanda.

Trainguyrom@reddthat.com · 4 pts · 236d

Mr Fish + Cosmo makes my brain completely skip the fun show made by a horrible person and go to A Fish Called Wanda for whatever reason

0x0@lemmy.zip · 2 pts · 236d

2 girls disagree.

SmackemWittadic@lemmy.world · 13 pts · 237d

Most managers pay good money for people who brown-nose them

SlartyBartFast@sh.itjust.works · 57 pts · 236d (1 reply)

That's honestly hilarious. I'd be laughing

ameancow@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 235d
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wesker@lemmy.sdf.org · 52 pts · 237d (1 reply)

Lord, I'd cum and then propose.

MouldyCat@feddit.uk · 12 pts · 236d

And if I was her, I'd wait til you were fingering my asshole then say, "Told you I'd put a ring on it"

FiniteBanjo@feddit.online · 47 pts · 237d (25 replies)

What the f*** is a Pusay?

ThatWeirdGuy1001@lemmy.world · 87 pts · 237d (5 replies)

Censoring yourself while asking about a censored word is the epitome of irony.

FiniteBanjo@feddit.online · 48 pts · 237d (3 replies)

We're attempting to achieve the comedy.

EldenLord@lemmy.world · 23 pts · 237d (1 reply)

C*medy please, there may be mods present. They are triggered by people having fun.

thethunderwolf@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 6 pts · 236d

Use "ple*se", this is the internet, some people may find kindness triggering

M137@lemmy.world · 0 pts · 236d

It would have worked if you only used one *, removed one letter and added an extra one like in the image. They way you did it just reads like you actually thought you had to or wanted to cencor the word.

Akasazh@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 236d

Someone call Alanis!

SethTaylor@lemmy.world · 31 pts · 236d (1 reply)

It's only a Pusay if it comes from the French region of Pusay. If it doesn't, it's just sparkling vagina

0x0@lemmy.zip · 4 pts · 236d

Vajazzled?

RaoulDuke25@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 17 pts · 237d (11 replies)

A punanny

clay_pidgin@sh.itjust.works · 19 pts · 237d (8 replies)

Steven Segal ft. Lady Saw: Me want the Punani

Yes, Steven Segal the bad action actor.

massive_bereavement@fedia.io · 21 pts · 237d (2 replies)

I went through therapy to block that memory. I curse you and Robert Evans for making me aware of this song.

clay_pidgin@sh.itjust.works · 7 pts · 237d

You're welcome!

Fuckfuckmyfuckingass@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 236d

Robert Evans was the real bastard all along.

surewhynotlem@lemmy.world · 9 pts · 237d (4 replies)

This is peak Segal. He should be known for this and not anything else.

SethTaylor@lemmy.world · 8 pts · 236d (1 reply)

He's an actor? I know him from Putin's parades, which he attends frequently

surewhynotlem@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 236d

He was great in Executive Decision.

BreakerSwitch@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 236d (1 reply)

I can't know him for the sex slaves? Or his time as a cop using a tank to kill a dog? Theres so much more to unpack of the man. What about the time he tried to rape Ray Charles' granddaughter?

ArcaneSlime@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 2 pts · 236d

5993

FiniteBanjo@feddit.online · 6 pts · 237d (1 reply)

You mean a Volvo?

0x0@lemmy.zip · 3 pts · 236d
psx_crab@lemmy.zip · 10 pts · 237d

No it's a pisay

Johanno@feddit.org · 7 pts · 237d (1 reply)

What the fans is a Pessay?

FiniteBanjo@feddit.online · 3 pts · 236d

You should get that fixed.

wischi@programming.dev · 6 pts · 237d

Isn't that how Macklemore pronounces it in "and we danced"?

jaybone@lemmy.zip · 2 pts · 237d

p-say

LemmyKnowsBest@lemmy.world · 45 pts · 236d (7 replies)

Some girl took that selfie and never imagined someone would caption it like this.

NigelFrobisher@aussie.zone · 11 pts · 236d (4 replies)

Wait, how is she holding the phone with both her arms down?

rebelsimile@sh.itjust.works · 20 pts · 236d

did you not hear about her prodigious buttcheeks? Follow the thread.

P1k1e@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 236d

With her buttcheeks

LemmyKnowsBest@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 236d (1 reply)

Tripod & voice activation or whatever

NigelFrobisher@aussie.zone · 6 pts · 236d

What if she has a friend though? (Unlikely I know)

hateisreality@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 236d (1 reply)

She's a inadvertent goddamn rockstar

toy_boat_toy_boat@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 235d

or AI.. happy 0b11111101010!!!

wabafee@lemmy.world · 34 pts · 237d (1 reply)

Dude got suffocated by an anus.

naticus@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 236d

Mine hasn't ever suffocated someone, but it has cleared rooms before.

bitjunkie@lemmy.world · 21 pts · 236d

He's been busy shopping for a ring

Gust@piefed.social · 21 pts · 236d (5 replies)

The best sex I've ever had was with a woman who regularly (temporarily) cockblocked herself by making me laugh so hard I couldn't stay hard

ameancow@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 235d (1 reply)
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Gust@piefed.social · 2 pts · 235d

I think the problem is less horny 14yos and more the fact that they listen to scum like Andrew Tate or the Paul brothers growing up. I see so many teenagers who live a life where the only voice in their life that speaks positively of/to them is the chud on social media trying to groom them into an angry incel. Let's be better than blaming children for the fact that we as a society have given up the act of raising kids in favor of generating more shareholder value. It's not the kids' fault that both of their parents probably work 50+ hour weeks to survive and youtube is the only parent in the house most of the time

Almacca@aussie.zone · 6 pts · 235d (2 replies)

A partner and I once got into an uncontrollable giggling fit when I referred to sex as 'thrusty cuddles'.

I had a similar response at a Maria Bamford show I went to earlier in the year when she said "I like it when he puts his dingle in my wet plop."

And now I'm giggling again.

Gust@piefed.social · 6 pts · 235d (1 reply)

The one I remember most clearly is like... sorry in advance for tmi. Do not continue reading if you dont want to read a sex story

So we tended to do a decent amount of foreplay, and this night it was really hot and heavy. She was really seductively trying to get me to say I needed to be inside her, and we were on that line of fooling around for a while in a way we were both really into. At one point I'm on my back and she's teasing me while straddling me, and I finally give in and tell her I need her. What does she do? Gives me the most Samuel Jackson ass expression she can muster and a "shit negro, that's all you had to say!" I almost died laughing

Almacca@aussie.zone · 3 pts · 235d

Good story.

If you're not capable of having a good laugh in a sex session, you're doing it wrong. If the situation in the OP happened to me, I'd have cracked up, and probably fallen a little bit more in love.

Tollana1234567@lemmy.today · 12 pts · 237d (15 replies)

what if she farts, or accidentally poops.

blockheadjt@sh.itjust.works · 12 pts · 237d (1 reply)

Surprise pinkeye

Tollana1234567@lemmy.today · 1 pts · 236d

probably get more than just pinkeye.

NachBarcelona@piefed.social · 9 pts · 236d (9 replies)

How the fuck do you accidentally poop 

Digit@lemmy.wtf · 7 pts · 236d (2 replies)

Love is like farts.

If you force either, it can turn to shit.

NachBarcelona@piefed.social · 2 pts · 236d (1 reply)

you were born in the 1980s according to this joke

Digit@lemmy.wtf · 1 pts · 235d

I don't know how that's derived...

If there is a correlation, couldn't I have heard it from someone who was?

Also... it's no joke. ;)

Darkenfolk@sh.itjust.works · 4 pts · 236d (1 reply)

When you let one rip and you go: "oh shit!"

0x0@lemmy.zip · 1 pts · 236d

Oh, shit.
Sorry for being anal, punctuation matters.

lost_faith@lemmy.ca · 3 pts · 236d (1 reply)

Ever heard of a shart? lol

NachBarcelona@piefed.social · 2 pts · 236d

I do remote work. I'm the shart lieutenant.

0x0@lemmy.zip · 2 pts · 236d (1 reply)

The art of sharting.

NachBarcelona@piefed.social · 2 pts · 236d

the sound of sounding

Akasazh@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 236d (1 reply)

Discover if you've got a scatological fetish

ExtremeUnicorn@feddit.org · 1 pts · 236d

Is that what the scatman is?

dingleberrylover@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 236d

I wouldn't worry

Digit@lemmy.wtf · 10 pts · 236d

My kind of gal.

gwl@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 6 pts · 236d

pussay Ftfy

thatradomguy@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 236d

Let's get this tending y'all. 2026 resolution freebie right there. lmao

tgirlschierke@lemmy.blahaj.zone · -1 pts · 236d (2 replies)

anyone else try to figure out the mechanics of the position as they're reading a post like this

cdf12345@lemmy.zip · 5 pts · 235d

ameancow@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 235d
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