Well..... It kinda depends. If I were to be ordering stock to recreate the branch or even if I were making a covering for the branch. I'd have to order at least 6 inches of material to cut down.
So I think it matters most how you are intending to use it.
That’s not how it works with soft bodies though, method B represents potential useable length when pointing down. It’s only distorted because it’s pointing up. For rigid bodies, I’d agree.
The generally accepted method used by scientists is to firmly push your ruler against the base of tree at the top of the branch. This is called BPEL, or bark-pressed erect length.
Ok chop down the tree and cut a line perpindicular to the bottom of the branch into the tree. Then measure the branch with watever remains of the tree attached.
I thought it was optimal street pathways at first, then trees, then got surprised by the amount of genitalia referencing comments then I "realised" thanks to this comment TT
You have to push the branch down with one hand, such that it is perpendicular to the trunk. With the other hand place a ruler to measure trunk to tip via method A. This gives the honest expectation of ''usable" length.
The correct answer is "between 114 and 152 millimeters" because both measures are relevant and necessary from an engineering standpoint:
For the purposes of sizing something such that it can utilize the branch for support, it must be made clear that the branch is solid and whole up to 114 millimeters from the trunk. For the purpose of accidental collision clearance, it is necessary to know the furthest extent of the branch's reach no matter how damaged or disrupted it is. Furthermore if the branch may break and fall off, giving it at least 152mm of clearance means that it is unlikely to accidentally catch upon something in its descent even if it "hinges" away from the trunk at the base.
The larger length, even if it's at a near vertical acute angle, is likely to tumble if it breaks--which means the whole reason we're interested in its measurement is a situation where the angle is no longer fixed
The radius of a circle is a fixed distance from its origin at every angle.It's still the same number of milimeters distal of the trunk from the pivot point.
The concern regarding clearance would be horizontal, parallel to the surface of the Earth, roughly perpendicular to the trunk, so perpendicular distance from the trunk would be what matters. If the branch were fifty miles long but only went straight up, there would be zero horizontal clearance.
The correct way is to see how deep into a Pringle can it can go. For an accurate measure, you'll need to prevent angled entry. You can help it slide in straight by using a couple guiding sponges on either side of a latex glove attached to the rim pushed up inside it. Put a bit of Vaseline in the glove to prevent tearing the glove with the rough bark. For maximum safety, put the jar of Vaseline in a warm water bath for a few minutes beforehand to make the viscosity better for smooth entry and exit.
I measured like this when my first girlfriend asked what my size was. I told her it was 10". Suffice to say, she was definitely not impressed when the pants came off for the first time. 😅
Woah wait... Can we solve the measuring crisis but just measuring from the trunk at the top and all the way across then wrapping around the exposed end and back down the length on the bottom to the next obstruction?
Wouldnt that then include the width in your overall measurement and everyone would be generally impressed at any dimension?
130 Comments
Red_October@piefed.world · 192 pts · 113d
The only way to get an accurate measurement is to cut the branch off first.
Fortatech@gregtech.eu · 133 pts · 113d
The cylindet MUST stay intact!
spacehulk@lemmy.zip · 5 pts · 112d
I came here to say this. Take your stupid upvote.
Elgenzay@lemmy.ml · 122 pts · 112d
It is imperative that the cylinder and the larger object remain unharmed.
SleeplessCityLights@programming.dev · 9 pts · 112d
"It's a meat cylinder"
Klear@piefed.world · 46 pts · 113d
But you're supposed to measure it twice before that!
Sunshine@reddthat.com · 10 pts · 112d
I just had some serious flashbacks to all the fucking Handy Manny I’ve watched. Thanks for that. 👍🏻
Valmond@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 3 pts · 112d
One each side I guess?
Zwiebel@feddit.org · 23 pts · 113d
The branch cannot be cut.
SirIglooi@sh.itjust.works · 15 pts · 112d
The branch is ~4.5" in girth and attempting to cut it off could cause discomfort
JasonDJ@lemmy.zip · 20 pts · 113d
🎵Detachable tree branch🎵
OldSageRick@lemmy.zip · 140 pts · 113d
Method A on account that that would be the maximum usable length
AFLYINTOASTER@lemmy.world · 95 pts · 113d
As a skilled carpenter who's used to measuring wood, this is the only answer.
TranscendentalEmpire@lemmy.today · 23 pts · 113d
Well..... It kinda depends. If I were to be ordering stock to recreate the branch or even if I were making a covering for the branch. I'd have to order at least 6 inches of material to cut down.
So I think it matters most how you are intending to use it.
FinjaminPoach@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 112d
Oh you're a skilled carpenter? How much wood have you cut in your time
Tess@piefed.blahaj.zone · 50 pts · 112d
Half as much as they have measured, is my guess.
FinjaminPoach@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 112d
THIS ia getting philosophical.... i mean, first of all, things don't need to be cut perfectly in half every time they're cut.
But then your answer is probably an estimate/approximation.
HOWEVER... when you cut one piece of wood into two, is not 100% of the wood cut into?
So either this carpenter measures 50% of his wood aimlessly, or you, sir, are a LIAR
tryitout@infosec.pub · 9 pts · 112d
I believe they were alluding to "measure twice, cut once"
FinjaminPoach@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 112d
🫠 I concede
basxto@discuss.tchncs.de · 1 pts · 112d
This isn’t about measuring it so wrong that the number gets larger than it sheuld be?
numerator3962@fedinsfw.app · 7 pts · 112d
Measure twice, cut once
Akasazh@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 112d
I'm interested in your wood measuring services.
... For a friend
ivanafterall@lemmy.world · 30 pts · 112d
undefinedValue@programming.dev · 10 pts · 112d
That’s not how it works with soft bodies though, method B represents potential useable length when pointing down. It’s only distorted because it’s pointing up. For rigid bodies, I’d agree.
Valmond@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 4 pts · 112d
So... Non rigid?
lightnsfw@reddthat.com · 3 pts · 111d
Nobody cares how long the limp branches are.
undefinedValue@programming.dev · 1 pts · 111d
Nobodies talking about the limp branches, soft and rigid bodies are a physics term and they don’t mean what you think they do.
lightnsfw@reddthat.com · 1 pts · 110d
It was a boner joke, I could not care less about what these words actually mean.
anzo@programming.dev · 6 pts · 112d
Usable length is relative...
*reverse cowgirl enters the room, galloping backwards and surprising everyone*
flamingo_pinyata@sopuli.xyz · 79 pts · 113d
Branches and other small cylinders can be sized using M&M tubes
thesohoriots@lemmy.world · 16 pts · 113d
Banana for scale
HeHoXa@lemmy.zip · 4 pts · 111d
The cylinder must remain unharmed
KapmK@piefed.social · 57 pts · 113d
The generally accepted method used by scientists is to firmly push your ruler against the base of tree at the top of the branch. This is called BPEL, or bark-pressed erect length.
Triumph@fedia.io · 15 pts · 113d
Hehe hehe erect
SGG@lemmy.world · 44 pts · 112d
Method C. Sounding rod depth required to hit the prostate.
I know it sounds odd to do this on a tree, but trust me, it works.
BlindPenguin@lemmy.world · 10 pts · 111d
MrChewy@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 112d
Thrust*
Fedizen@lemmy.world · 41 pts · 112d
Tear off the branch and measure the total length.
Mesophar@pawb.social · 66 pts · 112d
It is imperative that the branch not be damaged
RagingRobot@lemmy.world · 8 pts · 112d
It's just a branch who cares? Mangle that fucker lol
Fedizen@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 112d
Ok chop down the tree and cut a line perpindicular to the bottom of the branch into the tree. Then measure the branch with watever remains of the tree attached.
LovableSidekick@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 112d
Would using a chainsaw count as "chop"?
tigeruppercut@lemmy.zip · 1 pts · 112d
I mean, chainsaws were invented to cut up the pubic area, so you wouldn't be far off.
chiliedogg@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 112d
Because it's oak-wilt season, right?
watson387@sopuli.xyz · 1 pts · 112d
Unless you're into that
Soulphite@reddthat.com · 36 pts · 113d
If you trim the bushes the branch looks bigger. Pro tip.
Snapz@lemmy.world · 34 pts · 112d
THE CYLINDER MUST NOT BE HARMED!!!
JennaR8r@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 3 pts · 111d
I'm not sure how amused I am that I understand this reference.
Olgratin_Magmatoe@slrpnk.net · 31 pts · 113d
What if there is a knot at the base of the branch?
OwOarchist@pawb.social · 15 pts · 112d
Then you might be measuring a werewolf. Seek professional help.
(I am a professional and can help you measure the knot.)
Olgratin_Magmatoe@slrpnk.net · 7 pts · 112d
;)
troybot@piefed.social · 6 pts · 112d
Burl wood can be quite valuable so you should try to keep that part in one piece
Proprietary_Blend@lemmy.world · 27 pts · 112d
Half the length plus seven
Randelung@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 112d
Woop woop, 7.5cm! A personal best.
pandora@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 25 pts · 112d
it took me way to long to realize y'all talking about penises ...
Akasazh@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 112d
That's so innocent. Almost like a certain mythical character before opening her eponymous box...
MrChewy@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 112d
I thought it was optimal street pathways at first, then trees, then got surprised by the amount of genitalia referencing comments then I "realised" thanks to this comment TT
SLVRDRGN@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 111d
This was my process exactly!
MeowerMisfit817@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 112d
Well, it's two of us.
Kenny2999@lemmy.world · 23 pts · 112d
I would use 0,5x(A+B) because chicks dig a big branch.
5714@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 23 pts · 112d
I'll ask the branch manager.
smuuthbrane@sh.itjust.works · 21 pts · 113d
I can't use method B, the tree fruit are in the way.
Decoy2point0@lemmy.world · 17 pts · 112d
You have to push the branch down with one hand, such that it is perpendicular to the trunk. With the other hand place a ruler to measure trunk to tip via method A. This gives the honest expectation of ''usable" length.
chrizzly@feddit.org · 16 pts · 112d
The question is, are we talking about a very normal cylinder? (possibly stuck to something?)
megopie@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 4 pts · 112d
It must remain unharmed
YaDownWitCPP@lemmy.world · 16 pts · 112d
This can be easily calculated by the formula [(length x diameter) + (Weight / Girth)] / Angle of Tip^2
yermaw@sh.itjust.works · 11 pts · 112d
This is the way. You have to account for the yaw of the shaft
tootoughtoremember@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 112d
Draegur@lemmy.zip · 16 pts · 113d
The correct answer is "between 114 and 152 millimeters" because both measures are relevant and necessary from an engineering standpoint: For the purposes of sizing something such that it can utilize the branch for support, it must be made clear that the branch is solid and whole up to 114 millimeters from the trunk. For the purpose of accidental collision clearance, it is necessary to know the furthest extent of the branch's reach no matter how damaged or disrupted it is. Furthermore if the branch may break and fall off, giving it at least 152mm of clearance means that it is unlikely to accidentally catch upon something in its descent even if it "hinges" away from the trunk at the base.
Zwiebel@feddit.org · 6 pts · 113d
My friend says "ouch wtf!!!!"
SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 112d
But then you'd need to know the angle, too.
Draegur@lemmy.zip · 0 pts · 110d
The larger length, even if it's at a near vertical acute angle, is likely to tumble if it breaks--which means the whole reason we're interested in its measurement is a situation where the angle is no longer fixed
SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 110d
Then you'd still be interested in the length at 45 degrees, the farthest possible distance.
Draegur@lemmy.zip · 0 pts · 107d
The radius of a circle is a fixed distance from its origin at every angle.It's still the same number of milimeters distal of the trunk from the pivot point.
SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 107d
The concern regarding clearance would be horizontal, parallel to the surface of the Earth, roughly perpendicular to the trunk, so perpendicular distance from the trunk would be what matters. If the branch were fifty miles long but only went straight up, there would be zero horizontal clearance.
Draegur@lemmy.zip · 0 pts · 107d
you will find that if the branch snaps from the trunk, its perpendicular distance will be exactly the same number of milimeters.
Akasazh@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 112d
This guy engineers
PeriodicallyPedantic@lemmy.ca · 15 pts · 112d
Personally I start measuring from the middle of my taint 😌
bold_omi@lemmy.today · 7 pts · 112d
That's a shoddy way of doing it. There are measurement standards.
PeriodicallyPedantic@lemmy.ca · 1 pts · 112d
Taint to tip is the superior standard
bold_omi@lemmy.today · 1 pts · 108d
No. BP.
skeezix@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 112d
Since the internet began it’s been known that you always measure asshole to tip.
Rajtinka@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 112d
Literally how every guy on Grindr measures...
PeriodicallyPedantic@lemmy.ca · 1 pts · 112d
Ah, my misunderstanding
T00l_shed@lemmy.world · 14 pts · 113d
Measure from the roots
Chaunticleer@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 14 pts · 113d
This changes everything
kryptonianCodeMonkey@lemmy.world · 14 pts · 113d
The correct way is to see how deep into a Pringle can it can go. For an accurate measure, you'll need to prevent angled entry. You can help it slide in straight by using a couple guiding sponges on either side of a latex glove attached to the rim pushed up inside it. Put a bit of Vaseline in the glove to prevent tearing the glove with the rough bark. For maximum safety, put the jar of Vaseline in a warm water bath for a few minutes beforehand to make the viscosity better for smooth entry and exit.
jballs@sh.itjust.works · 11 pts · 112d
That sounds like an awful lot of effort just to jack off a tree branch
kryptonianCodeMonkey@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 112d
gasp! clutches pearls
How dare you imply such vulgarity about my branch measuring device.
clay_pidgin@sh.itjust.works · 1 pts · 111d
I don't think you need to prevent angled entry; take the deepest measurement achieved at any angle.
kryptonianCodeMonkey@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 111d
You working with a micro twig? Sometimes trimming back the foliage can help make it seem longer.
textik@sh.itjust.works · 13 pts · 112d
You always measure butt to tip
cobysev@lemmy.world · 8 pts · 112d
I measured like this when my first girlfriend asked what my size was. I told her it was 10". Suffice to say, she was definitely not impressed when the pants came off for the first time. 😅
Madison420@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 112d
I mean you joke but the actual rule of thumb is measuring from the crotch of the branch.
Lectral@lemmy.ca · 13 pts · 112d
What if there's a ... um ... protuberance on the bottom where the branch meets the trunk? What's the correct measuring procedure in that case?
Wakmrow@lemmy.world · 16 pts · 112d
It's critical the cylinder not be harmed
SleeplessCityLights@programming.dev · 5 pts · 112d
It's a perfectly normal cylinder size.
Colonel_Panic_@eviltoast.org · 2 pts · 112d
Wrap all the way around that and down to the tree roots and back around and up to the top branches. To be sure.
turdas@suppo.fi · 2 pts · 112d
You mean like a big burl?
Folstar@lemmus.org · 3 pts · 112d
Often times two.
Lectral@lemmy.ca · 1 pts · 112d
Yeah. What am I supposed to do with these burls?
krisevol@lemmus.org · 12 pts · 112d
None of them are. You need a graduated cylinder.
482 cm3 here.
anon_8675309@lemmy.world · 11 pts · 112d
Shine a light directly down on it from above. Measure the shadow
some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org · 11 pts · 112d
South Park: Randy teaches math
socsa@piefed.social · 11 pts · 112d
I just ask OP's mom.
hperrin@lemmy.ca · 10 pts · 112d
You measure from the back of the balls.
fonix232@fedia.io · 8 pts · 112d
From the edge of the anus of course... the further edge.
hperrin@lemmy.ca · 5 pts · 112d
Or… from the base of the skull. The only accurate measurement.
WraithGear@lemmy.world · 10 pts · 112d
here is an authority on the matter
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=81bt0ZJLMas&pp=0gcJCUACo7VqN5tD&ra=m
barzaria@lemmy.world · 9 pts · 112d
Loggers should be called arbortionists.
icelimit@lemmy.ml · 9 pts · 112d
Wrap the measuring tape until the entire branch is wrapped. For more accurate measurements, use thinner tape.
white_nrdy@programming.dev · 8 pts · 112d
https://youtu.be/QlafXouh_rg
SCmSTR@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 3 pts · 112d
4.1 inches is 10.4cm
5.1 inches is 13cm
7 inches is 17.8cm
Wilco@lemmy.zip · 7 pts · 112d
Measure from the taint and add an extra inch to the measurement for standard wood shrinkage.
sangeteria@lemmy.ml · 7 pts · 112d
Probably from the side tbh as opposed to either of these two
kersploosh@sh.itjust.works · 6 pts · 113d
Nevermind the measurement. How are you going to use the branch?
Krauerking@lemy.lol · 6 pts · 112d
Woah wait... Can we solve the measuring crisis but just measuring from the trunk at the top and all the way across then wrapping around the exposed end and back down the length on the bottom to the next obstruction?
Wouldnt that then include the width in your overall measurement and everyone would be generally impressed at any dimension?
FinjaminPoach@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 112d
It's method b both for tree branches and for appendages of different creatures
LovableSidekick@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 112d
Average them?
affenlehrer@feddit.org · 5 pts · 112d
Bend it straight, then measure
VaalaVasaVarde@sopuli.xyz · 5 pts · 112d
They are using the wrong measuring unit, instead they should measure the force needed to pull it level.
ivanafterall@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 112d
You're saying rigidity/turgidity trump sheer length and girth?
VaalaVasaVarde@sopuli.xyz · 3 pts · 112d
Most arborists prefer branches that can handle the load, and avoid sagging branches or ones that snap off.
SkunkWorkz@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 111d
Down to the root
JennaR8r@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 1 pts · 111d
Measure from your feet, all the way up your legs, to the tip of your erect shaft, you say?
titanicx@lemmy.zip · 3 pts · 112d
What is your tree normally goes straight out with a cut l downward curve? The measurements are the same either way...
placebo@lemmy.zip · 3 pts · 111d
Twinklebreeze@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 112d
Diameter obviously. But also, the bottom line is going into trunk wood so obviously wrong.
MyVeryRealName@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 111d
Take the average 🤷♂️
ikidd@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 2 pts · 113d
I had just gotten out of the pool!
xspurnx@leminal.space · 1 pts · 112d
There was shrinkage!
myrrh@ttrpg.network · 2 pts · 112d