What does "behaving romantically" mean, though? Can they go see a movie together? People become emotionally intimate with their friends, and it seems pretty fucked up to claim that's cheating.
It probably depends on the person/couple. But if he were being emotionally intimate with the work colleague in a way he wasn't with his actual spouse that could be problematic.
If your wife/husband would love someone else, but didn't act on it, would you be fine with that? If not, then you understand emotionally cheating because that is why you don't like it.
Hard to tell. Sometimes the term gets used as subderfuge so the person can act on feelings they believe may be inappropriate to the relationship from lack of reciprocity, reprisal if it's against policy at work, or if it violates the terms of another romantic relationship. I don't know if it's fair to automatically call the use of the phrase dishonest, but it definitely provides harborage for those who would use it that way. If someone at work referred to me as their work spouse, I'd quickly help them find a better term as nicely as possible but without compromise on that point. I just can't see a valid, ethical reason not to let other people know where they stand with me. I mean that in the best possible way, and I don't think "work spouse" accomplishes that in a way that both defines and honors the relationship most effectively.
She was a colleague, and now she's a friend. It's fine to have colleague's and friends but when you start referring to them as some kind of pseudo romantic but professional counterpart it's just weird.
Work wife refers to more than just a colleague. Friend or bestie would fit, however. Work wife describes a particular type of friendship that is quite common for people working closely together who don't get romantic.
Asked him and a few other work colleagues, but they agree work husband is accurate. Although we technically use a non-english word, work husband is the best english translation.
Maybe it's an english speaking hangup. I say this as a person who english is thier first language.
I'm in the latter category. "Wife" of any kind involves close emotional connection and probably sexy times.
You can say that a work wife doesn't include sexy times, and maybe that's true for almost everyone using the term. But close emotional connection?
Friends are fine. Close friends even.
But if you're relying on anyone besides your wife/spouse for close emotional connection/support, you're begging for trouble.
How did your wife become your wife in the first place? Likely your emotional connection started first, then the sexual. The same thing can happen with your "work wife". It's a risk I'm not willing to take.
Maybe none of this is true for people using the term, maybe they just mean a good friend at work who they click with and can therefore get a lot of work done efficiently together. Ok good, great even, but I recommend using a different word to describe it, because "work wife" implies something else to most people.
You’re right. I’ve seen people who use this term eventually have an affair more than not. I think people taking offense have a work spouse and know they have these feelings.
Spouse implies sex. We aren’t being a way to assume these things.
I’ve never gotten it as an effective insult, tbh. It boils down to:
I wish I knew half of you better, and I’m a crab about some of you
No? If he doesn’t like them as well as they deserve, then the “problem” is with him, not them. It’s definitely not welcoming, but it’s not exactly insulting if I’m reading it right.
"You have a female friend? Okay, you can hang out with her. And you can have fun. But you better not be opening up and sharing any vulnerabilities with each other! And don't you dare share any warm, heartfelt moments! I'll know!"
You heard it here first folks 👆. People ask whose idea it was and if I’m perfectly honest it was my idea. People say it all the time I have the best ideas of the history of thoughts. It can only good think if the thinking is I’m doing it 👐
Oh it is not just tech. Sailing and ships have ship wives which usually just means taking advantage of a newer person that is scared of saying no to a higher rank.
Everyone likes to think they are new and original and good morally while being awful.
I mean you can just call her a "very good friend"? Or "one of my best friends". I am sure this will have a positive impact on your real wive's psychology too if you are married.
The expression “Bestie” is pretty weird in Germany, as it is pronounced besty-uh and literally translates to “wild animal” or “monster”. “Larissa was a real “Bestie” in bed last night; I’m completely bruised and scratched all over. Glad I have my work wife!”
Nah, that's your pet theory on top of a real phenomenon. Yes, there are papers that suggest that people are more initially attracted to people who share facial characteristics with them. No, there is no study that links that phenomenon to a genetic predisposition to select others with our traits.
I would speculate that someone who looks like they belong in your family is probably more likely to trigger feelings of familiarity, and familiarity with a stranger does tend to allow you to let your guard down faster, creating a lower barrier for those with similar traits to then begin dating. No need for a genetics explanation at all!
I mean... if you're saying there are studies that say people are initially attracted to people who look like themselves, and there as well are studies that show that people who look the same but are otherwise unrelated ARE more genetically similar than people who don't (the doppelganger study) then there seems to be a transitive association there, no?
If you really want to press on thier argument, I feel like the idea that the longevity of relationships between couples is based on how much they look alike when they met is very suspect.
I add "when they met", because there is also a phenomenon where people look more like thier partners the longer they've been together, and it's in large part that expression mirroring over decades actually subtly synchronizes thier facial musculatures and wrinkle patterns. So, you gotta be careful with the correlation specifically with long term partners. In the LONG TERM they might look alike because they've been together for a long time, rather than what buddy was suggesting which was they were together a long time because they look alike.
Wife implies sex. The whole thing is usually “we would be fucking if we weren’t married to other people”. They can deny it all they want, but it’s mostly true.
most of my colleagues are women, I get along with them great. We occasionally socialize a couple of times a year outside work. I would be mortified for anyone to think they were anything more than purely colleagues.
like I wouldn't really be happy to think of them as friends - not that they're not lovely people, just that I have my friends who are friends, and these are nice people I work with.
I've had a "work wife" or two at every job I've had. Most of them were married, and I never hooked up with them. One of them told me she loved me, and divorced her husband because she wanted someone like me, even though we never so much as kissed. Two of them (single) became girlfriends, so not really "work wives." I had two bosses' wives hit on me, which I avoided. I haven't kept in touch with any of them.
There are a lot of women in the art and design field.
100 Comments
panda_abyss@lemmy.ca · 230 pts · 59d
Assuming he’s not cheating with her (emotionally or physically), this is called having a friend.
BCsven@lemmy.ca · 58 pts · 59d
Guys don't have women friends bruh /s
zarkanian@sh.itjust.works · 6 pts · 58d
"Cheating emotionally"? What is that?
swagmoney@lemmy.ca · 9 pts · 58d
like if buddy here was behaving romantically towards his 'work wife' without the consent of his actual wife.
zarkanian@sh.itjust.works · 5 pts · 58d
What does "behaving romantically" mean, though? Can they go see a movie together? People become emotionally intimate with their friends, and it seems pretty fucked up to claim that's cheating.
dditty@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 14 pts · 58d
It probably depends on the person/couple. But if he were being emotionally intimate with the work colleague in a way he wasn't with his actual spouse that could be problematic.
Tartas1995@discuss.tchncs.de · 1 pts · 44d
If your wife/husband would love someone else, but didn't act on it, would you be fine with that? If not, then you understand emotionally cheating because that is why you don't like it.
jerkface@lemmy.ca · -8 pts · 58d
That's reductive and throws away most of the meaning. A cell mate is not just someone you live with.
Reverendender@sh.itjust.works · 158 pts · 59d
They don't work together anymore. So….he has a friend?
kibblebits@quokk.au · 61 pts · 59d
Friend wife.
Reverendender@sh.itjust.works · 9 pts · 58d
Sister wife?
sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 5 pts · 58d
... family business.
Remember_the_tooth@lemmy.world · 24 pts · 59d
Hard to tell. Sometimes the term gets used as subderfuge so the person can act on feelings they believe may be inappropriate to the relationship from lack of reciprocity, reprisal if it's against policy at work, or if it violates the terms of another romantic relationship. I don't know if it's fair to automatically call the use of the phrase dishonest, but it definitely provides harborage for those who would use it that way. If someone at work referred to me as their work spouse, I'd quickly help them find a better term as nicely as possible but without compromise on that point. I just can't see a valid, ethical reason not to let other people know where they stand with me. I mean that in the best possible way, and I don't think "work spouse" accomplishes that in a way that both defines and honors the relationship most effectively.
fizzle@quokk.au · 131 pts · 59d
The term "work wife" is so gross.
She was a colleague, and now she's a friend. It's fine to have colleague's and friends but when you start referring to them as some kind of pseudo romantic but professional counterpart it's just weird.
davidgro@lemmy.world · 65 pts · 59d
I just assume they are cheating on any actual spouse either one has.
smegger@aussie.zone · 25 pts · 59d
Yeah any time I've heard the term work wife/husband, it was implied they were hooking up.
ramble81@lemmy.zip · 5 pts · 58d
I’ve had a “work wife” who was a guy and later one who was a girl. I guarantee in both cases I was not hooking up with either one.
architect@thelemmy.club · 8 pts · 58d
Yea every so often one of you shows up to provide cover for the cheaters.
ramble81@lemmy.zip · 7 pts · 58d
Damn, who hurt you to provide that level of cynicism?
CarnivorousCouch@lemmy.world · 0 pts · 58d
Lol, the term work wife/husband makes me cringe but this is a really fair response.
hitmyspot@aussie.zone · 6 pts · 59d
Work wife refers to more than just a colleague. Friend or bestie would fit, however. Work wife describes a particular type of friendship that is quite common for people working closely together who don't get romantic.
fizzle@quokk.au · 28 pts · 59d
This is an argument in semantics.
Perhaps you define this relationship as platonic, but a non-zero portion of the public think it implies something else.
GiveOver@feddit.uk · 15 pts · 59d
You can tell by the fact that straight men never have a "work husband"
fizzle@quokk.au · 3 pts · 58d
Ex fucking zactly.
natecox@programming.dev · 2 pts · 58d
What? I've totally had work husbands.
GiveOver@feddit.uk · 9 pts · 58d
I said straight men
Windex007@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 58d
I'm a straight guy with a work husband?
davidgro@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 58d
You mean bromance?
Windex007@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 58d
Asked him and a few other work colleagues, but they agree work husband is accurate. Although we technically use a non-english word, work husband is the best english translation.
Maybe it's an english speaking hangup. I say this as a person who english is thier first language.
hereiamagain@sh.itjust.works · 14 pts · 59d
I'm in the latter category. "Wife" of any kind involves close emotional connection and probably sexy times.
You can say that a work wife doesn't include sexy times, and maybe that's true for almost everyone using the term. But close emotional connection?
Friends are fine. Close friends even. But if you're relying on anyone besides your wife/spouse for close emotional connection/support, you're begging for trouble.
How did your wife become your wife in the first place? Likely your emotional connection started first, then the sexual. The same thing can happen with your "work wife". It's a risk I'm not willing to take.
Maybe none of this is true for people using the term, maybe they just mean a good friend at work who they click with and can therefore get a lot of work done efficiently together. Ok good, great even, but I recommend using a different word to describe it, because "work wife" implies something else to most people.
Or at least that's how I feel about all that 🤷♂️
architect@thelemmy.club · 6 pts · 58d
You’re right. I’ve seen people who use this term eventually have an affair more than not. I think people taking offense have a work spouse and know they have these feelings.
Spouse implies sex. We aren’t being a way to assume these things.
architect@thelemmy.club · 2 pts · 58d
Don’t get romantic (usually, but would if they could) fixed it for you ;).
FenrirIII@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 56d
How about work mommy? I've had bosses who basically treated me like one of their kids.
LiveLM@lemmy.zip · 121 pts · 59d
Work wife.
Flagstaff@programming.dev · 1 pts · 58d
Man, I'm so glad they got caught.
Kolanaki@pawb.social · 87 pts · 59d
Book the dinner. Spill the tea. Crack the plates.
That's what Bilbo Baggins hates!
Ioughttamow@fedia.io · 35 pts · 59d
I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.
Remember_the_tooth@lemmy.world · 19 pts · 59d
This insult has the highest ratio of courtesy and eloquence to psychosocial damage in the history of insults.
idiomaddict@lemmy.world · 11 pts · 59d
I’ve never gotten it as an effective insult, tbh. It boils down to:
No? If he doesn’t like them as well as they deserve, then the “problem” is with him, not them. It’s definitely not welcoming, but it’s not exactly insulting if I’m reading it right.
Janx@piefed.social · 2 pts · 58d
Dig the stone, mine the ore, craft the metal!
AbsolutelyNotAVelociraptor@piefed.social · 79 pts · 59d
Wait until you discover the "regular wife" that keeps being your wife even outside work.
InternetCitizen2@lemmy.world · 29 pts · 59d
Not in the employees code of conduct. Report that to HR
Swedneck@discuss.tchncs.de · 1 pts · 56d
especially the "outside work" bit, have they been STEALING work hours from their employer??
Starik@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 59d
The guy probably has a regular husband, which is why he felt comfortable posting this.
prole@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 15 pts · 59d
This is LinkedIn we're talking about here. These people comfortably post the dumbest, most insane shit all of the time.
wolfpack86@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 58d
This was where my thought went
Triumph@fedia.io · 72 pts · 59d
Otherwise known as "friends without benefits".
finallymadeanaccount@lemmy.world · 41 pts · 59d
And ... does he have a home wife? A weekend wife? A holiday wife? A doctor's waiting room wife? A golf course wife?
ViaGetty@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 13 pts · 58d
... Oh honey, don't you? My waiting room wife has some availability; I'll put you two in touch.
sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 4 pts · 58d
Damnit.
I got the secretary wife of the waiting room wife, apparently, there's some kind of hold up.
tomiant@piefed.social · 5 pts · 58d
He has a pornhub account and a gallon of baby oil.
mx_smith@lemmy.world · 36 pts · 59d
When you get older your coworkers are work son and work daughter. I’m their work uncle.
gaiussabinus@lemmy.world · 12 pts · 58d
Did you take an arrow to the niece?
Aneb@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 58d
Hi you're actually my situationship that said I couldn't crash at their house till I found an apartment
caboose2006@lemmy.world · 35 pts · 59d
Isn't this just describing a "friend". Idk I have none
tomiant@piefed.social · 2 pts · 58d
This is describing having a girlfriend except the girlfriend is married to someone else.
houndeyes@toast.ooo · 35 pts · 59d
MrSelfDestruct@lemmy.zip · 33 pts · 59d
I'm sure his SO doesn't see her as an emotional affair threat.
zarkanian@sh.itjust.works · 5 pts · 58d
"You have a female friend? Okay, you can hang out with her. And you can have fun. But you better not be opening up and sharing any vulnerabilities with each other! And don't you dare share any warm, heartfelt moments! I'll know!"
FreddiesLantern@leminal.space · 31 pts · 58d
You know what, seal Hormuz up again.
HarkMahlberg@kbin.earth · 12 pts · 58d
I know just the crew for the job.
MonkeMischief@lemmy.today · 6 pts · 58d
Dunno why I was totally expecting the Madagascar penguins for some reason.
Swedneck@discuss.tchncs.de · 4 pts · 56d
i have great news
FreddiesLantern@leminal.space · 1 pts · 56d
You heard it here first folks 👆. People ask whose idea it was and if I’m perfectly honest it was my idea. People say it all the time I have the best ideas of the history of thoughts. It can only good think if the thinking is I’m doing it 👐
Janx@piefed.social · 28 pts · 59d
Take a work wife (which is already a psychotic term), remove the "work" part, and act like you invented this new type of relationship...
What are you even talking about!?
very_well_lost@lemmy.world · 21 pts · 58d
Tech morons are always acting like they've just discovered fundamental features of the human experience for the very first time.
Krauerking@lemy.lol · 9 pts · 58d
Oh it is not just tech. Sailing and ships have ship wives which usually just means taking advantage of a newer person that is scared of saying no to a higher rank.
Everyone likes to think they are new and original and good morally while being awful.
chris@l.roofo.cc · 2 pts · 58d
They probably did
Swedneck@discuss.tchncs.de · 1 pts · 56d
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_pDTiFkXgEE
djdarren@piefed.social · 28 pts · 59d
My work wife was a tiny Sicilian guy named Bruno. He doesn't work for us any more, but I still miss our walks into town to get lunch.
tomiant@piefed.social · 25 pts · 58d
This guy is desperate to:
fuck her
pretend he doesn't
Rooster326@programming.dev · 6 pts · 58d
If she is meeting him out of work, going to dinner, "cackling" whatever that means.
There's something in it for her too. Ain't nobody that naive
TheRiskiestBiscuit@reddthat.com · 20 pts · 58d
You could not pay me enough money to admit something like this publicly, yet bro just did it for free. Lmao.
Avicenna@programming.dev · 20 pts · 59d
I mean you can just call her a "very good friend"? Or "one of my best friends". I am sure this will have a positive impact on your real wive's psychology too if you are married.
notsosure@sh.itjust.works · 19 pts · 58d
The expression “Bestie” is pretty weird in Germany, as it is pronounced besty-uh and literally translates to “wild animal” or “monster”. “Larissa was a real “Bestie” in bed last night; I’m completely bruised and scratched all over. Glad I have my work wife!”
arschflugkoerper@feddit.org · 6 pts · 58d
beast
f4f4f4f4f4f4f4f4@sopuli.xyz · 3 pts · 58d
You dislike Bestieality, and that's OK.
MonkeMischief@lemmy.today · 2 pts · 58d
LOL. Beast mode is best mode?
elekitty@sh.itjust.works · 16 pts · 59d
Absolutely detested the only place I've worked at that I ever heard this term being used
Tacky4092@feddit.org · 16 pts · 59d
They look weirdly alike. I don't like it.
MonkderVierte@lemmy.zip · -7 pts · 59d
Most pairs look alike. Genetic chemistry. They also are the ones that usually last. Same with pets btw.
spacegoat@lemmy.world · 12 pts · 59d
What?
chuckleslord@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 59d
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Nah, that's your pet theory on top of a real phenomenon. Yes, there are papers that suggest that people are more initially attracted to people who share facial characteristics with them. No, there is no study that links that phenomenon to a genetic predisposition to select others with our traits.
I would speculate that someone who looks like they belong in your family is probably more likely to trigger feelings of familiarity, and familiarity with a stranger does tend to allow you to let your guard down faster, creating a lower barrier for those with similar traits to then begin dating. No need for a genetics explanation at all!
Windex007@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 58d
I mean... if you're saying there are studies that say people are initially attracted to people who look like themselves, and there as well are studies that show that people who look the same but are otherwise unrelated ARE more genetically similar than people who don't (the doppelganger study) then there seems to be a transitive association there, no?
If you really want to press on thier argument, I feel like the idea that the longevity of relationships between couples is based on how much they look alike when they met is very suspect.
I add "when they met", because there is also a phenomenon where people look more like thier partners the longer they've been together, and it's in large part that expression mirroring over decades actually subtly synchronizes thier facial musculatures and wrinkle patterns. So, you gotta be careful with the correlation specifically with long term partners. In the LONG TERM they might look alike because they've been together for a long time, rather than what buddy was suggesting which was they were together a long time because they look alike.
ikidd@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 16 pts · 59d
Yah, they're fucking.
Okokimup@lemmy.world · 16 pts · 58d
Intersting the way people assume "wife" means sex, and not the more likely analogy that she does all the shitty work to aid his career.
architect@thelemmy.club · 13 pts · 58d
Wife implies sex. The whole thing is usually “we would be fucking if we weren’t married to other people”. They can deny it all they want, but it’s mostly true.
i_dont_want_to@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 10 pts · 58d
Hey, now. Manipulating someone to do work for you and then taking credit for the whole thing is also fucking!
funkless_eck@sh.itjust.works · 11 pts · 58d
most of my colleagues are women, I get along with them great. We occasionally socialize a couple of times a year outside work. I would be mortified for anyone to think they were anything more than purely colleagues.
like I wouldn't really be happy to think of them as friends - not that they're not lovely people, just that I have my friends who are friends, and these are nice people I work with.
RattlerSix@lemmy.world · 11 pts · 58d
I'm bald so I don't remember ... is that what hair is supposed to look like?
zalgotext@sh.itjust.works · 8 pts · 58d
No, that's what denial looks like
Tollana1234567@lemmy.today · 11 pts · 59d
his "work wife" is likely his sidepiece.
Evotech@lemmy.world · 8 pts · 58d
Friends are good for you
bstix@feddit.dk · 7 pts · 58d
Semantics aside, I wonder how she would describe the same relationship and what prompted him to post this in the first place.
Rooster326@programming.dev · 4 pts · 58d
Externally?
Internally?
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Especially after this awkward message...
avittamHammer@lemmy.zip · 5 pts · 58d
Corporate shit that just needs to die
LovableSidekick@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 58d
I'm just, uh... I mean... wut?
DarrinBrunner@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 57d
I've had a "work wife" or two at every job I've had. Most of them were married, and I never hooked up with them. One of them told me she loved me, and divorced her husband because she wanted someone like me, even though we never so much as kissed. Two of them (single) became girlfriends, so not really "work wives." I had two bosses' wives hit on me, which I avoided. I haven't kept in touch with any of them.
There are a lot of women in the art and design field.
Tollana1234567@lemmy.today · 2 pts · 58d
work wife=side piece, assuming he has a real wife.
japemasterBrad@programming.dev · 1 pts · 15d
Slippery slope