Mark Zuckerberg Orders His Employees to Start Having Fun Again After Brutal Layoffs Culled Their Colleagues
https://futurism.com/artificial-intelligence/mark-zuckerberg-employees-fun-hackathon-layoffs
https://futurism.com/artificial-intelligence/mark-zuckerberg-employees-fun-hackathon-layoffs
129 Comments
teft@piefed.social · 312 pts · 48d
unitedwithme@lemmy.today · 99 pts · 48d
RIP Andre
SethTaylor@lemmy.world · 14 pts · 48d
I've just started rewatching Brooklyn 99 and this is how I find out he died :(
unitedwithme@lemmy.today · 14 pts · 48d
Dude, yeah, he was so good in that role!! Loved that whole show
WhatsHerBucket@lemmy.world · 214 pts · 48d
The beatings will continue until morale improves.
redhorsejacket@lemmy.world · 72 pts · 48d
You know what the chain of command is? It's the chain I beat you with until you follow my ruttin' commands!
PHLAK@lemmy.world · 18 pts · 48d
Okay Jayne...
redhorsejacket@lemmy.world · 22 pts · 48d
Thebeardedsinglemalt@lemmy.world · 10 pts · 48d
A man walks down the street in that hat, people know he's not afraid of anything
billwashere@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 48d
This was my first thought and I knew if I scrolled I'd find it.
NekoKoneko@lemmy.world · 148 pts · 48d
"I will certainly make more mistakes that you will have to pay for, but I can promise you you will probably not be laid off for at least six months."
DeuxChevaux@lemmy.world · 75 pts · 48d
He's just announcing the next wave of layoffs for the Christmas holidays.
Rooster326@programming.dev · 12 pts · 48d
Do you honestly believe he is going to stick to the moratorium?
Id sooner believe he tasks AI-zuckerberg to lay them off.
Pechente@feddit.org · 42 pts · 48d
„Many of you will be laid off but that’s a sacrifice I‘m willing to make“
rottenmummy@lemmy.ml · 8 pts · 48d
I knew that someone will comment that 😂😂😂
pdxfed@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 48d
It's because when you write assholes well, assholes can't help but deliver.
anomnom@sh.itjust.works · 6 pts · 48d
Zuck Brannigan
Soup@lemmy.world · 31 pts · 48d
“I’m going to make a bunch of mistakes that will cost the company a lot of money and will cost many of you your jobs. But fret not, because I will experience zero consequences for this and will continue to deserve millions for being so smart and taking on all the risk.”
MangoCats@feddit.it · 22 pts · 48d
The beatings will continue until morale improves.
sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 15 pts · 48d
I can also promise you that at the end of this, I will have a yacht and bunker, and you will probably have impostor syndrome.
Fair deal eh?
MonkderVierte@lemmy.zip · 11 pts · 48d
Now that's a evil boss thing to say.
Tollana1234567@lemmy.today · 3 pts · 48d
he means he will likely force layoffs on the already "skeleton crewed" staff in the future anyways.
ChickenLadyLovesLife@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 48d
He didn't say anything about holding off past layoffs. Get ready for some retroactive shitcanning.
dihutenosa@piefed.social · 90 pts · 48d
portnull@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 87 pts · 48d
Zuckerberg offered employees access to permanent desks, a symbolic gesture that unintentionally illustrated how expendable many of them had become.
IQ and wealth seem to be inversely proportional to each other.
qqq@lemmy.world · 16 pts · 48d
Jesus, I thought this comment was a joke before reading the article
captainlezbian@lemmy.world · 9 pts · 48d
Insulation from consequences of your decisions and distance from ordinary people creates a special kind of stupidity. Nobody with a clue is going to speak up to him, and even if they do few would hold firm when he pushes back. Everything negative he hears will be said in anger or with a sugar coating and there will be plenty of people lining up to assure him it isn't true. He's been insulated and if the whistleblowers are correct, he actively fostered his insulation. If he cared he'd read the book about his failures as a leader. But he doesn't have to care, nobody is going to make him until suddenly he very much does have to care and it's too late.
nuclear_wizard@startrek.website · 69 pts · 48d
Fuck 'em. This far into Meta's descent into a capitalist surveillance platform, they should know what kind of company they work for. They only find it to be a problem if they aren't "finding meaning" in the "interesting technical challenges" of turning people into data points.
rob_t_firefly@lemmy.world · 18 pts · 48d
"Descent into" the main thing it's been for 20 years.
Melvin_Ferd@lemmy.world · 12 pts · 48d
Yea you all don't really hate on these people enough. Il never understand that
OsrsNeedsF2P@lemmy.ml · 2 pts · 48d
Meta employee here. People here are so entitled. I knew what I signed up for, but it seems many of my colleagues were/are oblivious
Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world · 35 pts · 48d
You knew what you signed up for, but still signed up for it?
"Hmmmmm, this Adolph Hitler guy seems antisementic, and wants me to help him build an army. Welp. A job is a job....guess I'm a nazi soldier now...."
Same energy.
OsrsNeedsF2P@lemmy.ml · -3 pts · 48d
I mean I think comparing Zuck to Hitler is a stretch, but also consider that Hitler would be a lot more limited if his soldiers knew what was going on and were morally concious
But yea I do it for the money. I make over 5x the salary compared to my previous job
undefined@lemmy.hogru.ch · 2 pts · 46d
Just like I block all your employer’s domains I block you. I’ve had the chance to sell out too but it’s kind of gross that you know that what you’re doing is wrong but you rationalize it with “because money.”
boonhet@sopuli.xyz · -6 pts · 48d
Maybe he just didn't want to work till death. The big tech companies used to pay enough that you could retire early fairly easily. Few other opportunities for that unless you're born into wealth and connections.
Idk if they still pay the same after all the layoffs, I haven't kept up because under Trump, the US is no longer an attractive place to work.
ivanafterall@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 48d
ICE is also offering a $50k sign-on bonus, fyi.
boonhet@sopuli.xyz · 1 pts · 48d
That's peanuts though?
Thebeardedsinglemalt@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 48d
$50k, and be the inside snitch. Too bad my knees are shit
DupaCycki@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 48d
Rare nazi self snitch?
echodot@feddit.uk · 6 pts · 48d
.ml user, so probably proud of it.
const_void@lemmy.ml · 67 pts · 48d
Desperate to recreate that startup atmosphere and stop everyone thinking about how they work for an evil data collection machine.
ilovepiracy@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 7 pts · 48d
Real, these devs are the software equivalent of Lockheed Martin engineers.
gedaliyah@lemmy.world · 49 pts · 48d
Sanctus@anarchist.nexus · 48 pts · 48d
People dont start having fun just because you specifically request it, Mark.
BorgDrone@feddit.nl · 76 pts · 48d
frustrated_phagocytosis@fedia.io · 33 pts · 48d
If anything, a directive from the boss to have fun in the absence of extra money and time off will inspire the opposite of fun. Like being told to deal with burnout by forcing more meetings, surveys, seminars and training about burnout.
Darleys_Brew@lemmy.ml · 12 pts · 48d
Do you think he knows the meaning of the word?
Sanctus@anarchist.nexus · 18 pts · 48d
He thinks he does. Its just, we dont find it fun to purchase entire presidencies, build private schools only for our chosen children in our backyards, and stare at Mrs Bezo's plastic tits like they're being reborn in flame before our very eyes.
WhoIzDisIz@lemmy.today · 8 pts · 48d
That last bit is something I think for once I'm glad not to know about.
TachyonTele@piefed.social · 6 pts · 48d
She's incased in plastic anyways. Itd be like looking at a melted action figure.
crandlecan@mander.xyz · 8 pts · 48d
But it's an ORDER!! 😡😤
Eternal192@anarchist.nexus · 44 pts · 48d
I bet they would have a massive party if he hanged himself.
crandlecan@mander.xyz · 23 pts · 48d
Such a morale boost, felt through the world 🥰
Lucidlethargy@sh.itjust.works · 5 pts · 48d
I'd honestly reconsider Facebook some day if he did.
But like... After many, many years. Systemic Evil doesn't die overnight.
crandlecan@mander.xyz · 1 pts · 47d
It never dies. Look at the USA and what kind of European people founded it.
Aceticon@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 36 pts · 48d
By this point in time, after Alderaan and a couple more planets have been blown up, you should probably have figured out that being an Engineer for the Empire's Death Star makes you one of the baddies even if you're not the one pressing the red button.
Thebeardedsinglemalt@lemmy.world · 14 pts · 48d
I'm just here because I needed a job.
DupaCycki@lemmy.world · 9 pts · 48d
Gotta make a livong somehow. Where else can I get a job with a PhD in Weapons of Mass Destruction Engineering?
cdf12345@lemmy.zip · 4 pts · 48d
https://youtu.be/iQdDRrcAOjA?is=LkWFoPTDTK8wUkC6
chairlegoftruth@lemmy.ml · 35 pts · 48d
It's almost like the place is run by psychopaths and narcissists.
Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 48d
........almost?
Corkyskog@sh.itjust.works · 32 pts · 48d
Totally thought this was an Onion headline
pinball_wizard@lemmy.zip · 4 pts · 48d
Yes. It (reality) just isn't playing fair anymore.
Rubanski@discuss.tchncs.de · 31 pts · 48d
THE FUN MAY NOW RESUME
Hupf@feddit.org · 15 pts · 48d
DragonAce@lemmy.world · 29 pts · 48d
"The beatings will continue until morale improves"
Tylerdurdon@lemmy.world · 28 pts · 48d
Not the onion? Huh...
Tylerdurdon@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 48d
Oh hey, it's my cake day? I had no idea.
WhoIzDisIz@lemmy.today · 8 pts · 48d
Careful with that candle, willya?!? Don't wanna burn the place down now, eh?
crandlecan@mander.xyz · 6 pts · 48d
Well actually...
bagsy@lemmy.world · 25 pts · 48d
If all the employees got together and picked a special day, perhaps something symbolic like the the 4th of july, and picked their favorite command to run perhaps
rm -rf /. That sort of team building is great for moral and it also benefits society.criss_cross@lemmy.world · 20 pts · 48d
From what I’ve seen on Blind (yeah yeah I know…) it’s an absolute shitshow over there now.
Couldn’t happen to a better company.
HaiZhung@feddit.org · 14 pts · 48d
What did you see on blind?
OsrsNeedsF2P@lemmy.ml · 5 pts · 48d
(Blind is an anonymous shitposting board where people can only see the company you work for, not your name)
postmateDumbass@lemmy.world · 20 pts · 48d
No better fun than fascist mandated fun!
Now, fun faster pleebs!
manuremy@sopuli.xyz · 8 pts · 48d
Two minute hate would be pretty fun and relaxing group excercise!
postmateDumbass@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 48d
MehBlah@lemmy.world · 19 pts · 48d
The beatings will continue until moral improves.
Slashme@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 48d
There's a big difference between moral and morale.
MehBlah@lemmy.world · -4 pts · 48d
Oh my call the grammar nazis I mispselled a word.
palordrolap@fedia.io · 19 pts · 48d
T-shirt idea: Caption reads "Are we having fun yet?" with a picture of Zuck at his most creepy and least emotive.
billwashere@lemmy.world · 17 pts · 48d
Done…. well creepiest but not least emotive
palordrolap@fedia.io · 8 pts · 48d
Nah. I was thinking more like one of the actual non-shopped photos of him where he nonetheless looks like he's not having fun.
There's a few from the Senate testimony hearing where he looks especially spaced out, for example.
Alternatively, the one where he's peering in a window for some reason. Assuming that's not AI generated.
billwashere@lemmy.world · 20 pts · 48d
How's this?
strop@lemmy.ml · 1 pts · 47d
Thought for a sec it was a manipulated image
ShaggySnacks@lemmy.myserv.one · 1 pts · 48d
Major Mandela Catalogue vibes.
edgemaster72@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 48d
I was thinking Nage from Blue_Channel: Thalasin
WhoIzDisIz@lemmy.today · 10 pts · 48d
Sorry, but I think he's creepy even at his most emotive.
BottleBoardBakon@lemmy.ml · 18 pts · 48d
Why aren't you having fun!? I specifically requested it!
Tollana1234567@lemmy.today · 2 pts · 48d
fun now will commence from your zuckerbot.
theuniqueone@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 18 pts · 48d
I mean the obvious solution is a pizza party no?
ShaggySnacks@lemmy.myserv.one · 4 pts · 48d
Sorry, no room in the budget for pizza parties.
dan69@lemmy.world · 17 pts · 48d
Slashme@lemmy.world · 15 pts · 48d
They should offer them a Music Dance Experience with Defiant Jazz.
plutopos@lemmy.zip · 3 pts · 48d
great reference
PabloSexcrowbar@piefed.social · 14 pts · 48d
They were doing this as far back as 2020, as I recall. It was my least favorite part of going into the office because you had to reserve a desk, and you were never guaranteed the same desk on any given day.
RagingRobot@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 47d
They only needed to do it because they made everyone working from home start coming into the office for no reason other than to assert their dominance.
PabloSexcrowbar@piefed.social · 1 pts · 46d
They were doing it before then.
madeindex@lemmy.world · 0 pts · 47d
pretty hardcore! desk = money! Got any more stories to tell? Would love to have them at !DeMeta@lemmy.world
PabloSexcrowbar@piefed.social · 2 pts · 47d
I do, but a lot of them are actually pretty fond memories. I hate to say it, but it was a really good job. I was also on the AR/VR team, so my experience was a bit different from that of the rest of the company.
madeindex@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 42d
Was it like a startup in the the mega corp kinda vibe? Also I wonder if you have a guess as to where all that money ($80B+?) went Meta lost there ;)
PabloSexcrowbar@piefed.social · 2 pts · 42d
It was, yeah. A lot of the infrastructure was still standing from when it was Oculus so it felt super detached from everything else.
As for the 80B, I can confidently say that a solid chunk of that went to software licenses, believe it or not. They were spending millions a year on their on-prem GitHub Enterprise server alone, which was technically redundant because the rest of Meta had an in-house Mercurial megarepo that, surprisingly, worked really well. They may have moved off of that by now, though, since I was last employed there in 2024.
Sir_Kevin@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 14 pts · 48d
Meta employees don't even have their own desks?? WTF kind of clown company does that?
doc_rootbeer@fedia.io · 15 pts · 48d
It's become pretty commonplace in office environments in the last few years. My company did it, and we develop medical communications literature. They just decided that, as more people were working remotely after the pandemic, it was just more efficient not to renew the lease on most of the office space, and not to bother having assigned desks if people were coming in just a few days a week at most.
Of course, my company never made it mandatory to come into the office (esp. because most people worked all over the country, nowhere near an office); I don't know Meta's situation, if they forced people to come into the office but didn't provide a permanent workspace--which is entirely what I'd expect from them--then they deserve to lose all their employees.
Doomsider@lemmy.world · 13 pts · 48d
Celebrate your increased workloads peasants.
OhStopYellingAtMe@lemmy.world · 13 pts · 48d
“The floggings will continue until morale improves.”
libre_warrior@lemmy.ml · 12 pts · 48d
the onion timeline
myster0n@feddit.nl · 12 pts · 48d
HAVE FUN EVERYONE! ... You know what? Let's have a game of MUSICAL CHAIRS!
WhoIzDisIz@lemmy.today · 8 pts · 48d
Another forced reassignment? Fuckin' A, man!
ShaggySnacks@lemmy.myserv.one · 4 pts · 48d
And I said, I don't care if they lay me off either, because I told, I told Bill that if they move my desk one more time, then, then I'm, I'm quitting, I'm going to quit. And, and I told Don too, because they've moved my desk four times already this year, and I used to be over by the window, and I could see the squirrels, and they were merry, but then, they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn't bind up as much, and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler and it's not okay because if they take my stapler then I'll set the building on fire...
farmgineer@nord.pub · 11 pts · 48d
My company has been reducing force multiple times and did one round in a particularly shitty way. Our bonuses were the lowest ever this round despite us all having had to carry more weight. They wonder why our morale is shit.
Aneorthisio@lemmy.ml · 11 pts · 48d
"You better have fun and love your work so much that you do unpaid overtime, or else!"
Tollana1234567@lemmy.today · 11 pts · 48d
like 7 of 9 in voyager, where she alotted 1hr of FUN each day. cyborgs/androids knows best. "Hello Fellow humans, fun will now commence until it reach satisfactory parameters"- zuckerborg.
BarneyPiccolo@lemmy.today · 10 pts · 48d
"ARE WE HAVING FUN YET? ARE WE?"
"Yessir, so much fun [whimpers].
theworld@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 48d
Completely nickelbacked
RememberTheApollo_@lemmy.world · 9 pts · 48d
Goddamn CEO petty kings and dictators. Everyone is just a production unit to them.
metermatic26@lemmy.world · 8 pts · 48d
postmateDumbass@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 48d
Someone is playing with the Facelift setting at character select.
FoxtrotDeltaTango@sh.itjust.works · 7 pts · 48d
Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 48d
Unclear why you're being downvoted.
Prior_Industry@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 48d
TikTok’s at the salad bar are back in vogue!
Mulligrubs@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 48d
Solution is simple, learn to code. (sad trombone)
SocialMediaRefugee@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 48d
Feast on their entrails!
strop@lemmy.ml · 5 pts · 47d
INITIATE TANGENTIALLY UNPREDICTABLE ACTIONS
kreskin@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 48d
To raise morale they will have a thing in the lobby at Meta HQ where you can pick up a Rohinga or Palestinian child and throw them at a giant velcro target on the wall. If you can stick your child to the right spot on the target, you get removed from the layoff list!
"Zuck" is able to stick those kids on the target every time -- even wearing his VR glasses, so anyone else who cant do it too is unworthy to be employed there.
NM_Gringo@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 48d
Are you not entertained? Suffering is just another game to them.
necrobius@lemmy.zip · 3 pts · 48d
It's time for the 5 minute musical dance experience. Call in the marching band!
Mearcfara@lemmy.ml · 3 pts · 48d
does that fuckin weenie still train bjj or was that just for show
BarneyPiccolo@lemmy.today · 2 pts · 46d
"HAVE FUN, GODDAMIT! THATS A FUCKING ORDER!"
spitfire@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 48d
libre_warrior@lemmy.ml · 1 pts · 48d