Running on the assumption this is authentic and heterosexual, Anon's parents massively dropped the ball creating an adult with no will to fly the coop. But then to cut them off cold turkey is totally fucked up. Anon is now permanently 15 years behind their peers. Not to mention zero retirement savings. That compounded interest takes 30-35 years to really start to matter. But Anon gets to miss out on 15 years of that, too.
My wife's cousin is in a similar situation. She never left home or got a job or a driver's license because she was always too scared, and her mom always let that slide, since she didn't want to make her daughter scared or uncomfortable.
She thought her job was to protect her daughter from all the stresses of the world until she was ready, but failed to understand that she won't be ready until she's experienced some of those stresses in a controlled environment like most kids do when they're in their teens and their parents push them to get a job and a license.
It came from a place of kindness, but ended up being a major mistake that now both the kid and the parent are paying for.
I knew a girl who had been "homeschooled" by her super Christian mom. Thankfully, the indoctrination didn't take, she was intelligent, but wasn't given the education she deserved. Moreover, she developed anxiety and would take ages to leave the house for planned events. Turns out that by babying her and never pushing her boundaries, she never learned that critical inner-push that all of us who've ever woken up and been like, "Ughhh, I don't want to go to school/work today" have spent years overcoming. That sense of, "Well, I've gotta do it, so let's just get up and get it done" didn't develop, as she was allowed to just stay in or sleep or whatever instead of learning to tolerate the discomfort.
It always bugged me when parents treat their offspring as if they'll forever be children, instead of treating them as future adults. These stories are the inevitably outcome of that.
A big reason why the western idea of every single person should always leave home and start a new household is fucking retarded. Its not the right fit for everyone. Hell its objectively fucking stupid in the VAST majority of cases. Many do it any ways for various reasons. But the whole normality of it being "the only correct way to live" needs to fucking die.
Sure, but being independent is still an important general life skill. You can rely on other people under normal circumstances, and that's certainly not a bad thing, but there will always be scenarios in life where you need to figure things out for yourself. If you're paralyzed with anxiety when that happens, that means there's a skill you unfortunately were unable to learn that is now causing an issue.
And in these multi-generational homes what you see is the kids accepting the conditions based on them becoming the providers. I feel the comment is this is not happening.
I'll take your thought process a step further here. I blame parents who raise children that dont leave for having children in the first place. Stop having children. Spay and neuter yourself. BOGO vasectomies for the people! Lol. Sorry, this one got a little away from me.
Again, assuming this has any basis in reality, I think it's likely that the parents have made many attempts to get the guy to change before and this is the last resort. They probably didn't wait 38 years and then one day just decided "this is it".
This situation may sound ridiculous, but I've got a cousin over 40 in essentially the same position. Never worked a day in her and still lives with her parents. No one really knows what's going to happen when they pass, but no one appears willing to let her live with them. Myself included. Not that i'vd be her first choice anyway. I live half way across the country.
Having to "beg dad for money when I want a pizza" doesn't sound like someone being coddled, it sounds like someone who's been told a thousand times to get a damn job and move out. Plus they're not even kicking OOP out immediately, they're giving them until their birthday.
Even worse they raised a kid with no will to fly the coop AND they rejected a intergrated multigenerational house hold.
Most cultures on earth and for most of history you lived with your family your entire life, or moved to another house hold. To start a new household was abnormal.
So you either need to raise your kid to the new standard to want to stand on their own and start their own household. Or you embrace the old and stay together and create a multigenerational household.
Yeah time to kick him out was when he was 20ish +/- 1 year.
Since you get a very good idea by that point if that adult is able to take care of himself. I have 3 people in my life (2 cousins, 1 family friend). Who are in that exact situation. I knew even when they were 20 that they're not given the right skillet to ever be independent. And have no motivation to be independent on their own. Now they're all in their 30s. I always their parents talking to my parents about how to make them independent and refuse to still cut them cold turkey.
I mean parents fucked up for sure, but it's not too uncommon unfortunately. All I ever remind those parents is, I will not help someone who isn't trying to help themselves. I'm not even close to them. But 2 out of 3 have tried asking me for money.
Yeah, even when I was on good terms with my father I knew that as soon as I finished schooling there was a timer on how long I was allowed to stay with him, and it certainly wasn't years. Like a week or two after graduating college I moved in with my now ex
Something tells me they have been trying to get him out for the last decade (or two), and he decided to sit on his ass till the consequences finally hit. Worse, he appears to still be sitting on his ass even though the consequences are in motion.
Its not "cold turkey", because hes had 15 years to work on it. If he hasn't, then it's kind of left over Turkey from last weeks thanks giving which has already been re-heated several times.
The best time to kick him out was 15 years ago. The second best time is now.
How's the state pension over there? Here in the UK its pretty good, if you have paid off your house anyway. I would be richer than I am now from working if I had a pension but no mortgage.
If you also had to pay housing then it could be kinda rough, but I have lived alright on less.
State pension, in the US? A laughable concept. Best anon could hope for is Supplemental Security Income (SSI), a program for people who are disabled, are unable to work, and have never worked. There's a lengthy application process involving clinical records of the disabling condition, not everyone who applies is approved, and the maximum benefit is about $950/month, relegating you to extreme poverty forever
It's also worth mentioning that you have to reapply for disability benefits regularly, justifying yourself with several page paper forms every time. Even people with permanent disabilities have to reapply, as if the nerve damage from an accident or the congenital condition they were born with might suddenly go away. My girlfriend can't write more than a few lines before the pain from her disability makes it too difficult, and they expect her to fill out what is practically a small pamphlet by hand every couple years. If it were at least a digital form, she could use speech-to-text to help her get through it, but as it stands she needs somebody else (last time it was me) to hand-write her answers.
The hoops the government puts out for disabled people to redeem benefits are straight-up cruel. They really want people to just give up, not apply at all, and... I dunno, just die, I guess?
I'm sorry your girlfriend is having to go through that. I gotta be honest, I've never heard of someone having to reapply for benefits unless their benefits were turned off, either due to incarceration or failure to utilize their money so it piled up in an account until they had too many assets and were disqualified from the program. Also, all the correspondence for this benefit is typed and printed, I've never heard of anyone having to hand write anything. This is in reference to SSI (Supplemental Security Income).
The government totally puts up all kinds of blocks to obtaining SSI though, most people genuinely cannot do it themselves due to the complexity of the process
The forms state you must reapply every year and do so promptly or risk not getting benefits. No matter who you are or what your disability is (except maybe the terminally ill?). At every turn they remind you not being prompt enough may result in a delay or outright rejection of your application.
All of the handwriting together probably amounts to a 1-1.5 page paper/essay equivalent with freeform questions about the disability, background, what you can/can't do, a detailed description of what you do day-to-day, doctor contact information, etc, and they'll just call you for it again later when you already detailed everything in the application itself. And yeah, this is all mailed to you after the online application process that can take a couple hours.
It's pretty awful, even considering how bad bureaucratic process can be.
£700/month without a mortgage to pay would be great. Its comparable to what I was earning from an apprenticeship when I first moved out once adjusted for inflation...
Sorry, you're going to have to pay for housing too lol.
Oh, and if you work just a little, your benefit is decreased by the amount you earn, and if you earn more than $2500 in a year, the benefit is totally taken away.
You get a pension in retirement (called Social Security), but you need to be of retirement age and have had a job in the past. You get full benefits if you were employed for at least 10 years.
You can also get disability payments if there is something preventing you from working.
Sounds like some seriously bad parenting. How do you not force your kid to get a job and pay for all their shit until 38. He doesn’t stand a chance being kicked out. Need to teach how to support yourself
While the time from child to mid twenties is definitely the parent's fault, after that point you can try every trick in the book it won't achieve a thing. Once someone masters weaponized incompetence they basically need a life or death wake-up call to do anything about it, and even then they might still not learn anything.
No one's literally impossible to reform, but many people cross a point that requires a practically impossible amount of investment to reform.
It's bad parenting alright. But I don't believe that they've never made an effort before. More likely the guy has resisted any attempt to get him to be independent.
Depends on where they live. They could probably get a bike and do a few jobs on apps (task rabbit, fiver, etc) to save for an e-bike and expand their area.
I know you can deliver food with e-bikes and if they live in a certain area it might be worth it.
There are a lot of factors though. Even if they look for remote work or online anything, there are so many traps and fake job postings that people get demotivated.
I feel gig work locks you into a cycle of poverty and dependence. It's not transferable experience and it usually locks you into car ownership. Not sustainable for getting into the workforce.
My son moved out for a couple of years, then had to move back in. I told him as long as I have roof over my head, he will too. I'd never kick my son out. I don't understand how parents do that.
I mean 20 adult years and never having a job indicates some real problems. What they are is anyones guess but you'd think they could have managed to get something in those years that could at least buy pizza and games if not a bit of rent and a beater.
The parents probably feel like they're out of options in terms of how to make him move in a positive direction and they are also running out of time as they are or reach retirement age, how can they afford themselves and him on a fixed income?
If he was 18, doing some sort of education/training, or just lost financial footing for a bit that's one thing but whatever is going on there is something else.
I know I struggled after leaving school for a few years, but even then I still managed to get the occasional part time or irregular hours of work between periods of unemployment. That was living in a small town too. Then I got an apprenticeship and been fully employed ever since.
I'm 30 and have been back home since the start of last year, after having lived elsewhere for a decade.
Then traveled in autumn and got laid off at the start of the year in a sector (software) that's experiencing talent excess. It's basically impossible to get an interview, their reaction when I told them I'm moving back to the capital to get a bachelor of education is kind of wild. they're both like, wouldn't you like to stay a little longer?
I'm just like, guys I've been unemployed for half a year. Without any entrepreneurial ideas. I'm not about to start a company. I need to do something...
Me at 22. Was homeless as well. I make decent money now almost twenty years later and I still look at prices and think back when I used to dumpster dive.
The works of the roots of the vines, of the trees, must be destroyed to keep up the price, and this is the saddest, bitterest thing of all. Carloads of oranges dumped on the ground. The people came for miles to take the fruit, but this could not be. How would they buy oranges at twenty cents a dozen if they could drive out and pick them up? And men with hoses squirt kerosene on the oranges, and they are angry at the crime, angry at the people who have come to take the fruit. A million people hungry, needing the fruit- and kerosene sprayed over the golden mountains. And the smell of rot fills the country. Burn coffee for fuel in the ships. Burn corn to keep warm, it makes a hot fire. Dump potatoes in the rivers and place guards along the banks to keep the hungry people from fishing them out. Slaughter the pigs and bury them, and let the putrescence drip down into the earth.
There is a crime here that goes beyond denunciation. There is a sorrow here that weeping cannot symbolize. There is a failure here that topples all our success. The fertile earth, the straight tree rows, the sturdy trunks, and the ripe fruit. And children dying of pellagra must die because a profit cannot be taken from an orange. And coroners must fill in the certificate- died of malnutrition- because the food must rot, must be forced to rot. The people come with nets to fish for potatoes in the river, and the guards hold them back; they come in rattling cars to get the dumped oranges, but the kerosene is sprayed. And they stand still and watch the potatoes float by, listen to the screaming pigs being killed in a ditch and covered with quick-lime, watch the mountains of oranges slop down to a putrefying ooze; and in the eyes of the people there is the failure; and in the eyes of the hungry there is a growing wrath. In the souls of the people the grapes of wrath are filling and growing heavy, growing heavy for the vintage.
glad you're doing good now. just as a little secret, I still dumpster dive to this day honestly... it's how I got every piece of furniture in my house except my bed. gotta save where ya can lol.
I regularly tell my parents that the reason I am not like so many Americans, is that I have a supportive family.
I live with my parents, but I would likely be homeless if they weren't here for me.
But like ... You do work or go to school or at least try to do something besides just mooch, right? This guy never even tried, apparently for two decades after high school
The government has wasted at least 176 Billion dollars in Iran over the past three months, the leader of our society has siphoned at least 2 Billion in the past two years, data centers with near zero product are draining the water and electricity from communities all over the country while playing hot potato with hundred of billions more, and you're calling your peer a mooch for feeling unable to participate.
It sucks at 19 and isn't really fair because getting started is so much harder these days. Now imagine you were twice as old and had never tried to do anything with your life.
I'm in the same boat. Plus I was "unschooled" with neglectful mentally ill parents so my education REALLY suffered. Funnily enough I'll be turning 38 soon... but I've been working hard for decades and have a career and family of my own now thankfully
I feel like if they could successfully bullshit like that, they wouldn't be in that situation in the first place. Or they have some kind of health issue that makes it literally impossible to work any kind of job, even if they make it through the application process.
Have you shopped your resume around with friends or family? Or stripped identifying info and posted it here? Blind spots happen with resumes and a little outside perspective can help with targeting it to the job you want.
Source: spent about 1.5 yrs talking about why I was good for the job I was leaving, not the job I wanted
Is no one here going to tell me why this is fake and gay? WTF do I come to the greentext community for? Just serious comments about people's own experiences? Fucking shameful
I think I fall in the middle of this. I think this kid (and I think he is still a kid) had 38 years to transition to independence. But the same could be said about the parents. Why are they kicking him out now instead of after schooling? Now they are doing this almost cold turkey. Why not tell him he has until his birthday to stay paying rent. Then later impose more restrictions until ultimately sending him on his way.
I'm old so I feel it's ridiculous for a 38 year old to still be living at home without substantially contributing. At the same time they let him do it and it's kind of unfair allow it to get this far. He probably had a reasonable expectation of living with them until he or they died.
I know people like this. Knew a quite a few people from college who were only their parents payroll until 35. I am in my 40s and I still meet single women who are living with/off mom and dad at my age... but people generally dont' judge women for that.
Basically it was just the arbitrary age at which they felt 'adulthood' should start. For me that was basically 18, for others it was mid 30s, for some people, it's never.
And in my experience it's largely a function of how much wealth people have, like wealthier folks give their kids way more runway because they can afford to support them for longer period of time with minimal impact to themselves.
In my demo it's not living at home, it's people who spend their 20s working low-age jobs but living high-wage lifestyle due to parents paying their rent and other major expenses. And usually when they do get cut off... they transition to a high paid job via another degree, or they get married.
Also there is the issue emotional co-dependence, some parts are just totally co-dependent on their kids emotionally and don't want them to ever leave, etc.
My nephew is in exactly this position. My sister and her husband make plenty of money, they felt emotionally attached, he's diagnosed as ADHD, so he gets a pass on some things. He's 32.
I know millennials hate that older people criticize them and I get it, but every millennial I know is in exactly this position and I don't understand how anyone can hold his head high knowing he essentially can't take care of himself.
On the other hand, I grew up in a different time. I graduated with $9k of debt, not $100k. I devoted decades of my life working to make someone else rich. So who's smarter, me or my nephew?
I mean, if they're ok with him living there, who am I to judge? My only real complaint is that he feels entitled to things he hasn't earned. My sister plays disc golf with me. He played with us briefly. He won't let her use "his" discs. The discs she paid for. He demands to sit in the front seat of the car sometimes, not request it. I'm sorry, but if Mom says she wants the front seat, Mom gets the fucking front seat. Not sure if this is generational or just him. But as a genX, I try to be understanding, because I see how the country has gone, but it can be tough sometimes, because from my perspective, he's getting a 100% free ride and should be friggin grateful.
32 here, my parents divorced which kicked me out as they sold the house in my early 20s. From friends I see some still live at home, but those that do all pay rent or help out in some way.
I think we can infer, based on the fact that a grown ass man is still living with his parents and clearly not helping financially since he has no clue how to get a job.
There should be a government program to handle situations like this if there aren't. Take an assessment of their current skills and interests and get them into employment and/or training for something that fits. You basically need to intervene when the parents won't and do it in a way that's as least stressful for the person as possible. It would pay off in the end because otherwise this person may end up on government assistance later when they most need it. Politicians who can pull this off may get to claim to have reduced unemployment in their reelection campaign. And it's just a good thing to do. Some people won't take the initiative. You have to do it for them and hold their hand.
Edit: As far as I can tell, the closest thing to this in the US is the one-stop centers. Each state has their own.
I don't think the federal government has a program like this, but I went through unemployment after getting laid off last year in Massachusetts and they had resources to help you find careers and training/qualifications and whatnot. Some of the dumbest, lowest empathy people you encounter bitch about Communist Taxachusetts non stop but we have it pretty good here compared to some other places in the Union.
There are plenty of programs to help you get a job. Though, if you are 38, living with your parents, and never got off your ass to support yourself, the problem is you. A program that helps you get a job can't do shit for you if you are this unmotivated.
Japan is probably the closest by actually having the hikikomori problem in public discourse. Most of the rest of the world they probably end up homeless.
Japan is just ahead of the curve when it comes to problems related to arrested development. They're not better at planning, they just experienced their tipping point earlier
Lots of people end up on welfare and in social housing under similar situations. We stigmatize those people so much that it never enters public discourse in the same way.
People who are unhoused tend to have even more severe difficulties resulting in that situation.
There's also temp agencies. They're shit and the jobs they give you will be shit but they're pretty good at finding something for basically anyone who isn't completely unemployable. Someone whose only issues are a lack of transportation, housing, and work history would still be considered a good get by most temp agencies.
this already exists, it's called temp agency employment. no, the government doesn't run it.
baffles me how little real world experience a lot of you people have. at least every other day on here I see someone spectulate abotu this 'great thing that should exist' and it already does.
also a ton of bigger public libraries offer these types of services/classes for free. including basic computer job skills and such...
but you'd have to actually... look it up and leave your house to do any of this.
because it works perfectly fine if you're not a helpless moron, that's why.
lots of people start their careers through temp job training programs and become permanent hires.
i'm not dumb and niave enough to be lemmy brained to think government programs are inherently flawness and wonderful and private/semi public programs are evil and terrible.
i have what they call 'real life experience' in these matters. instead of being a keyboard warrior who types in all caps and insults people as if this is in anyway helpful of knowledgeable about the world and how it works.
but hey man, it's easy to dwell in ignorance and rage at the world than... make use of resources that are readily available to you to improve your life. including the countless free ones on the internet that are both public and private...
clearly the 'answer' to problems like this is to daydream about a socialist/communist utopia and be angry it doesn't exist and also wish violence upon those who point out to you that it's never going to exist.
but you’d have to actually… look it up and leave your house to do any of this.
That's the problem. The sort of person we're talking about isn't going to do this. What's needed is an army of people incessantly knocking on doors offering to help.
Every time I see when of these stories I feel a little better that the one thing didn't fuck up in life was helping my younger brother transition from dependent child to independent adult. It's so easy to do it without breaking them but we lionize being cruel to young boys. As if cruelty is what grows them.
Good for yinz! My older sister helped me transition a few times in my life. Homelessness and divorce. She kicked me out 1 year after my divorce. Scrambled to find a place but I did.
I moved out at 17, got married at 20, bought a house at 22. I also have been working since I was 12. After forty years of working, I still have nothing saved except some home equity.
Depending on where they live in the us and assuming it's real, all he'll need to do is get to a shelter. Make it clear that he needs help, then do the things asked.
This all assumes he is mentally stable and physically well.
there are programs but they do not hold your hand.
They are not great, they are not the best as compared to other countries, but it is something.
If he clean on drug tests and criminal there are many places that will take him. It won't be pleasant.
If he has any documented physical health issues, then he needs to get a disability lawyer going.
As many pointed out, this world is grossly difficult and Unfair, but as long as one is kind, truthful, and continues to try, people will at least attempt to help, or at least tell you honestly they can't.
Famously very luxurious, accommodating, and safe places to live long term. There's never a space shortage. You get three squares a day of very tasty and nutrious faire, no questions asked. There's never any kind of Kafka-esque bureaucracy to gaining entrance, much less obligations on the people in the shelter to maintain residence. It's definitely not boring. Nobody is ever exploited. Mental health of all the residents is top notch and you never experience and physical violence or emotional abuse while there.
It won’t be pleasant.
Understatement.
If he has any documented physical health issues, then he needs to get a disability lawyer going.
"I'm broke, I have no transportation, and I'm about to be homeless"
I feel like you are being a cunt on purpose, most of those points where addressed in the comment. Ok the lawyer one needed clarification. Disability lawyers are a little easier (not easy, easier) to obtain while in a homeless and jobless state. Starting off pro bono and eventually getting paid from the state in one way or another, or thro charities/non profits is not uncommon for them.
Yes it was a understatment about shelter life. But you got so dum and smarmy about it. Its still better that the fucking street. (at least in an american east coast city). Yea your still gonna get robbed, but their is a much lower chance of getting stomped, lit on fire, or just fucking raped.
I'm from a culture where it is completely normal to live with your parents for essentially their entire lives. The issue is that as an immigrant family to a culture where it isn't, makes me seem weird by comparison. I also have some of the worst luck there could be. My parents idea of success is to get a very good education, get a high paying job, support the family. There's only one small problem. I fucking despise academia or academic institutions with all my soul. It took me 8 years to finish a 4 year degree and 4 years for a 2½ year masters. Additionally when I finished college, COVID hit hard and finiding a job was impossible since most companies stopped hiring. Now that I finish my masters we have the AI bubble and companies stopped hiring again. I never worked a real job my entire life, only research assistant, or student jobs. I have zero savings since those jobs barely pay above minimum wage. It fucking sucks. In any group I'm constantly the most educated looser there is. It makes you look repulsive to the point where I really hate talking about myself in person. I'd rather would have done an apprenticeship some 10 years ago and would have had a steady, less paying job, than this worthless engineering degree and zero real job experience. The issue is that now the cost of living is way to high to afford living on an apprenticeship salary for a few years, which is way below minimum wage. I spend essentially more than 20 years in non-stop education and it ground me down mentally to the point where I don't even have motivation to keep on living. Literally, Fuck My Life. If anyone wants it, take it. Seriously, anybody, just put me down like a wounded animal.
Consider construction. They have unions, apprentices don't get paid great but certainly better than minimum wage, and with some hands on experience you can go for a cert to do CAD and make real money
They're always building something, and there's a pipeline of moving from a trade into a CAD role - they tend to promote from inside due to unions, so it can be a kind of backdoor to avoid the mess of the application process right now
An engineer is an engineer, IDK what flavor you studied but I'm sure it'd give you a big leg up in getting into a CAD role
The issue is getting in. In smaller towns sometimes it’s easier, but for example in my city for electricians, there’s 3000 applicants a year, and the Union only takes 25-50 into the program.
I especially love how they bragged about building a training center capable of teaching several hundred students… and still only take 25-50 in.
I’d rather would have done an apprenticeship some 10 years ago and would have had a steady, less paying job, than this worthless engineering degree and zero real job experience. The issue is that now the cost of living is way to high to afford living on an apprenticeship salary for a few years, which is way below minimum wage
Are you working using your engineering degree? You make it sound like you're unemployed, so how is an apprenticeship salary worse than no salary? I don't know where you're located, but here in the US, there are many trade programs at community colleges that are very affordable and that could be accessed in the evenings even if you had a different full time job. Your engineering background being applied to a trade also puts you in a position to differentiate yourself in a few years once you're independent. You should let go of what your parents want right now and start planning for your own future. What are you, about 36? It's def not too late.
The cost of living for someone with a job can be higher than an unemployed person as they need to live where they can commute from, which can make things like living with parents or not having a car infeasible. If the job doesn't pay well enough to cover this, then having no income leaves you better off.
In the short-term, maybe? But if you have the skills to be employed, you will be much better off over time starting to work somewhere. Having a job sets you up to obtain a better or higher paying role in the future
The long-term prospects are better, but if someone doesn't have some kind of buffer like savings or the bank of mum and dad to cover the period where their earnings aren't enough to break even, then the short-term problems make the long-term benefits impossible to actually reach.
We're talking about someone who lives with their parents, but there's no indication they've got any buffer. If there aren't apprenticeships within walking distance of their parents' home and they pay poorly enough to not cover housing or commuting costs, then the option of living with parents doesn't do any good because they can't use that option while also doing work.
I'm finishing my masters right now. With fairly bad grades that is, because I really don't care about putting in any effort anymore. Which probably means that just like with my equally shit bachelors degree I won't be able to get a proper engineering position. The thing is that if you apply even to entry level positions, companies usually have more than enough candidates that don't took 10 years to finish college with barely passing grades. And even on the off chance that a company is desperate enough to hire you, it's usually a really bad one. I'm currently working as a student. Which pays very good by the hour, but is limited in the amount of hours you can work. So yeah while I get a decent hourly wage, it's a lot less money monthly than even the worst paying trade jobs. And I'm prohibited by law to take on more hours or a second job while enrolled college (or more precisely the employer is not allowed to give me more hours). I also earn a little money on the side but all together is just barely enough to cover the bills. So yeah, don't be like me and push yourself into a dead end where you're too overqualified for unskilled labor, too inexperienced for skilled labor and too financially unstable to start over.
Oh, man. I'm sorry to hear youre having such a bad time with it. I'm a mechanical engineer, and love it. I only have a bachelor's, though. So maybe I got out of school while it was still fun. It took me a couple years after graduating to get something in my field, I came out of school during a recession. I worked 3rd shift on an assembly line those years. Good luck, and I hope you enjoy Mech Eng at some point.
And even on the off chance that a company is desperate enough to hire you, it’s usually a really bad one.
You're viewing this as an all-or-nothing situation, when it's not. The shit jobs are the jobs new grads take. You work your way up from there. Stop comparing yourself to someone who landed a job you think is better, and just work toward what you want.
Similar situation happened with my girlfriend. Her parents did nothing for her, while mine did everything for me. She's younger than me but I still rely on her to take care of certain adult tasks, like scheduling appointments and making phone calls. I have too much anxiety to do it on my own. One time I got a job at a call center to get over my fear of phone calls, and the only thing that did was make it worse. People are so much more rude when they can't see your face!
People are so much more rude when they can’t see your face!
Unsolicited sales calls - especially at modern day volumes - are about as well-received as someone knocking on your toilet stall to try and convert you to Jesus.
Getting a call center job to overcome your fear of phones sounds like getting waterboarded to overcome your fear of drowning.
Getting a call center job to overcome your fear of phones sounds like getting waterboarded to overcome your fear of drowning.
Obviously it's not a universal experience but it worked for me. I was on a help desk where I was actually able to fix shit for people though, not doing sales cold calls or something annoying like that.
Ah, fair. That can be a very different experience, especially if you're working with a consistent group of people who recognize you as someone flying in to their rescue.
Yeah, prior to that as a teenager I worked at an auto shop which kind of let me dip my toes into dealing with the public. I could work the counter or if I got overwhelmed just stay in the back. That helped too but I hated the sales aspects of it.
I think people who do work that involves contact with the general public have to be petty emotionally resilient. I am no good at it. A lot of the public are utter wankers and throw you into fight or flight mode.
Throughout my life, I've befriended several people like that. They all have mental or physical disabilities, but you would never know until they told you.
I only know one person like this and he actually tries but parents are rich and he gets fired from everything he does so he ends up back into old habits
It’s not just rude, it makes you look dumb as well. People can have different experiences and views to yours without it being a symptom of mental illness.
I don't think you are considering how people are interdependent. Let's assume someone abandons their child, let's also forget anon in the post here for the sake of simplicity, it signals to the child that they are on their own and that they can make it on their own. This is a falsification of how things work in real life. If you now have a bunch of people who think that they are the masters of their story, you get essentially what's been happening since the capitalist revolutions, the subjectivity of, for example, Americans. And that becomes toxic at some point because it's all about intentionally blinding yourself in regards to the context that things happen in, people start being unable to put themselves in the shoes of others, they can't deal with topics that in the most literal sense concern the environment. Where it gets proper mentally ill is when people internalise as having been in their interest, or as the guy who I'm replying to would put it "I’m glad my parents didn’t give a shit about me."
A few people here mentioning this has happened to someone they know. Does anyone have any successful transition to independence stories for older adults? There's someone in my family that I love, but that pretty much fits this description. Does anyone have advice on what helps?
I'd start with making them understand that independence is good for everyone involved. Then small steps towards independence, starting with a simple part-time job. The important part here is that they see more people than just their direct family, to show them the different ways people can function in society.
If this works out, help them identify some personal goals. The hard part of being a shut-in is that you have no agency over your life, so you give up on all your goals. Once you have a little agency, you can start finding goals again. Simple ones at first: saving up some emergency funds, getting a driver's license, making a weekend trip to get out of the house for a couple nights.
Also assuming they are classic shut-ins and not caretaker-type shut-ins: learning how to take care of the household, cooking, developing skills around the house. It's low barrier to entry, they are already in the house after all.
Depends on how you define it. I knew a couple of guys who just grew up and did a boot camp and got programmer jobs, or took a job with their parent or friend of parents company. Also a few women, and one guy, who just married a wealthy spouse so they could continue to be moochers forever. One or two had their parents move out and give them the house while they did low-wage work.
I have never known anyone of the 'basement dweller' variety though, these are all wealthy folks from wealthy families who had tons of social connections. I met them in college/graduate school.
Also knew a couple of people who just never had a job and lived on poverty-income but from their inherited stock returns. They were into speed running games..
38, never had a job, about to get one or starve. Sink or swim, parasite. You don't need a plan, you just start hitting up all the grocery stores, fast food joints and temp agencies before your supply of ramen runs out. Temp agencies will send anyone with a pulse to stack product on pallets at whatever factories are local.
If his parents were going to do this they should have done it 20 years ago, or preferably got him some help for whatever is wrong with him that's made him live like this. He's fucked if he doesn't have someone to room with. Entry level jobs aren't going to cover housing let alone food and other essentials.
This comment is so outdated I had to blow the dust off of it before I read it, like an ancient clay tablet
I hope anon doesn't break his back carrying all those stones he carved his CV into. Good news is he can deliver his CV really quickly. Just chuck it at the window.
I'll be honest bud, I'm 40 and have continuously held a job since I was 14. But given the choice between destitution and your plan, I'd choose destitution. The parasite in this society isn't the fragile souls not capable of sustaining this abuse.
Some people have disabilities, they might not be visible. Truth is even they have needs and to say "sink or swim" reeks of cynicism and plain hatred for humans and closing one's eyes to the human condition. You say that he should just go to work. As if people exist in a vacuum and can apply for jobs and get them. It's clear that he has issues, guy has not been able to work. You can't seriously believe that the system will want to employ him.
you push someone with mental disabilities (untreated adhd/ocd/anxiety/whatever) into low-wage labor and they just end up as contestants on /publicfreakout/ or tiktok, when they invariably get into a fight with the manager or customer or whatever.
then all the privileged yuppies on the internet can critique their behavior and the situation to determine who's right and wrong.
that's our culture. we're already in some dystopian hellhole but most of it is so subtle and outside the lines of 'normal thinking' that people don't notice it.
A lot of it is because people take reality for granted and to arrive at the whys is difficult because there exists a whole industry that legitimises the present state of things. Think of Fox news, or the Washington Post, or the Guardian – who would rather want more competent people in charge of an inherently antirationalist system than to fully overcome it.
As more and more people are immiserated they will gain the knowledge of the absurd contradictions that have been considered normal and desire to supersede their masters. So in this culture there is a fragment of overcoming the metastability of infinite growth and so on.
Some industries will hire anyone with a pulse and they are often hungry for people (not right now, anon will be fucked, since the economy is fucked). Certainly there's some disabilities that'd lock you out of those options, but not too many.
not right now, anon will be fucked, since the economy is fucked
Yeah, but that is the reality. You can have your hypothetical grabby industries all you want, if they don't exist and don't provide what you claim they provide, which is a life, than you are talking about a fantasy. Plus the point about disabilities is not one where variety matters, how many disabilities there are, what matters is that people have those disabilities and the fact that very often people do have those disabilities.
I see nothing in the greentext image mentioning a disability. To me it reads as a lazy moocher that thought they could live as a parasite off their parents goodwill for their entire life and is getting a long overdue wakeup call.
I'm afraid you don't understand what it means to be disabled. Disability is when people stop being able to function in daily life. As far as anon is concerned, this probably happened right when he got his HS diploma. Anon is exhibiting severe social dysfunction which is likely aggravated by C-PTSD, Autism, or a schizoform disorder.
Imagine telling a disabled person they don't know what it means to be disabled. Now, to be fair, there's no reason that you could have known that about me. However, that's kind of the point: you're making all sorts of unwarranted assumptions and then treating them as facts.
I mean you don't. If anon were to go to the psychologist, the psychologist would tell him that he has significant mental issues. A disability if you will. That is a fact.
Why you preach this pulling yourself up the bootstraps mentality is beyond me. Completely antithetical to what the vast majority of disabled people need to hear.
He can also embrace his inner parasite and start shitting on his parents until they're too afraid to talk to him about this stuff. Survival of the fittest I guess
People blaming the parents are idiots. The parents were likely under 38 when they had him. How can one 38 year old be responsible for themselves AND another person, but the other 38 year old isn't given even enough agency to be responsible for themselves. Maybe it's all the grandparents fault because the parents were pressured to have children? How far do we have to go before anyone is responsible for their own actions at 38?
A 38 year old man is middle aged. Most high school kids are already more influenced by their peers than their parents. Once you're an adult actual parental influence is almost nil if the child wants it to be. How do you get to 38 and not have any idea of how life works? How do you get to 38 and not realise this day is coming, how can you take zero steps to get your life together? Literally every human they've interacted with has provided an example of how to get your shit together!
How can you blame parents for the behaviour of a middle aged man? Do you realise how hostile it is to a person to completely remove their agency like this? As if they can't control anything about their lives?!?
Most high school kids are already more influenced by their peers than their parents. Once you're an adult actual parental influence is almost nil if the child wants it to be.
You're talking about kids who wouldn't become shut-ins anyway. If you're bullied in high school and drop out at 16, the only "peer" influence is the trauma. Not that I experienced anything like that ;_;
The thoughts and trauma also don't just go away, they fade like old scars but sometimes your finger runs over it and you remember how you got it. It leaves you harmed in such a way you now don't fit in exactly well, if you even did to begin with. Some find solace in pure solitude, others through substances. Neither of those situations is healthy. It's hard to take the bowl they purposely broke that is you, and glue it back together to continue holding water. It leans, constantly, and no amount of patching fixes it fully or forever.
Why is this relevant? Anon may be such an individual that the idea of even doing something to improve their quality of life seems insurmountable due to depression and trauma. Can't say for certain, but it was not a single instance.
That's fair, but I think you're using a narrow definition of peers. I'm sure you found online support and communities where you could be yourself a bit more than in high school. Certainly at 16 your own journey through society, online and in person, will have a greater influence on you than your parents worldview. These are all peer influences, since there is no hierarchical relationship between you.
Your parents worldview is a starting point, and by 16 most teenagers have already started forming many opinions which oppose their parents' worldview. That gap expands as you get older.
How much can your parents be to blame for you thinking it's okay to be a 38 year old dependent when you have access to all the information in the world from in person and online peers, to all the media ever produced that tells you society expects more from a 38 year old. Even in this fake meme it's clear that the parents have been telling this middle aged adult for decades that this isn't okay. You don't kick someone out you've been caring for for 38 years "all of a sudden", it's the last option on a very long list.
I don't think the shut-in believes it's normal or okay to be a shut-in. It's a feeling of complete failure to fit in and isolating as a result. The longer the shut-in is ostracized (or keeping themself ostracized), the stronger the feeling becomes that they do not fit in, they will never fit in, if there was ever an opportunity to fit in they surely missed it now. Being a 38 year old shut-in is actually very believable to me,it isn't exactly a situation that challenges your beliefs or motivates you to change.
Sure, it's harsh to put this all on enabling parents, but you also don't get to 38 without enabling. You don't leave the "last resort" on the table for 10-15 years. The very long list should be exhausted within 2 years and one of the options should be a therapist specialized in shut-ins. Beyond that, you'll just have to hope and pray that one day something clicks in that brain and they start taking charge of their own life.
I agree they should have kicked him out earlier, but I think the people blaming the parents would blame even harder the younger the child is.
No one is saying "he's too old to be kicked out of the house", they're saying "you can't kick a child out of the house EVER unless they're fully prepared for life".
What I'm saying is that after some point an adult is responsible for themselves, and that point is far below 38.
I'm also saying that it's nice to imagine parents can prepare an adult, but parents have a very limited ability to guide or influence an adult child. If he doesn't want to improve his situation you can't force him to get a job, get a house, make friends, go outside, stop frequenting toxic online spaces. He's an adult, he will just say no and not do it. You can't even force him to get help or get therapy, or take any depressants or do literally anything to improve his life if he doesn't want to. All you can do is give them more resources, or give them fewer resources. I think they tried both and now they're trying "give them much less" by kicking them out.
You can blame the parents because they enabled this behavior and are actively supporting it. Its very common with drug or alcohol addiction. Just because someone is an adult does not mean they are doing everything by themselves.
I'm not saying they ARE doing something by themselves. I'm saying we can't just take away their agency because of external factors.
At 38 you're responsible for your life whether or not you had people supporting your basic needs until then. I don't know why this is such a controversial take here.
The idea that it's normal for your life to be WORSE when you have people providing you shelter and food and resources is insane. That's not normal at all. This middle aged man has access to the internet and all the information in the world, they have had all the opportunity anyone had ever been given to realise they're doing something wrong and to do something about it.
Unless you have an extreme case where a person was caged their whole lives and never had access to the external world you can't just blame their parents anymore than you can blame capitalism or society.
Health issues and disabilities are an obstacle. They can even be an impediment to important aspects of life. But as an adult you're expected to do what you can with what you have.
If you're legs are paralysed and you're in a wheelchair you're not expected to do the same thing an able bodied person can. That's why every modern country supports sick and disabled people, and makes accommodations for disabled people a legal requirement while prohibiting discrimination against sick and disabled people. But if you decide to stay in bed for the rest of your life that's not because of your disability, that's on you.
Half the people here think his parents haven't done enough when if anything they've done too much.
Another bunch of people think it's reasonable to expect the parents to train and ready him for society at 38. As if they have magical mind control that can force him to work on his life.
That's not how it works. Parents don't control me, or you, or any other adults in a modern country who don't want to be controlled. Some people just suck. Hitler sucks. Trump sucks. Anon sucks. Nothing anyone's parents can do about it. Look at Hegseth's mom. You think she wouldn't force him to fix his life if she could and stop being a useless piece of shit who only harms everything he touches? She can't.
There is only so much your parents can do to make your life good, and there is only so much they can do to make it bad. Sure it can be a lot ... But by 38 you have more agency over where you are in life than they do.
Are you seriously saying that every person with chronic health issues / disabilities would be able to work a job if they just really tried? There's a huge variety of illnesses that is diametrically opposed to any kind of work life, e.g.:
ME/CFS
nonverbal autism
frequent panic attacks, e.g. due to extreme social anxiety, PTSD etc.
some kind of heavy chronic pain, like a fucked up back
heavy insomnia
fucked up arms
Even if it's theoretically possible to make it work, it's quite possible that even living with their parents, OOP doesn't have access to the necessary healthcare, and depending on the exact region the laws might be not at all accomodating for employees with disabilities.
When the fuck did I say that? I just said you have to try. That you have to do what you can with what you have. Anon isn't doing shit.
If you're unable to work most decent countries have disability programs. If you're not in a decent country, I'm sorry. Minorities and disabled people always get the worst of systemic inequality. Hopefully the world starts beheading the rich again and making things better for everyone.
Even if it wasn't the US, very few countries are going to put you on disability because of stuff like insomnia or social anxiety. If your country still has halfway-decent social security, you're most likely going to end up on some kind of general-purpose unemployment benefits, but that's often a very precarious position.
I think this is a really good start here. Lemmy is mostly populated by early- to late-middle-aged men in STEM fields, so it makes sense why many of the comments are focused on asserting how much better they are at parenting than actually talking about what the main topic is, which is how do we process this kind of situation. It's true that the reality of our society means that people who are legally adults are expected and, really, forced to be responsible for themselves whether or not they are prepared even if just by merit that nobody is guaranteed the material security to take care of all their kids after that point. Many of us find a way and find more lessond of use to ourselves for having done so, so it isn't very reasonable to only focus on these parents, though they do indeed seem like bad parents.
What you and most other people here have missed is the ableism element in this. This is very possibly an autistic person, and our society is extremely hostile even to well-equipped autistic people who have a reliable support network. Everyone here seems agreed that this ought not happen, but many if not most of you have chosen to go the route of finding individualized moral liability rather than identifying how this fits into a system where anyone is in this situation against their will.
Even if the guy was merely parented poorly, or is just a lazy bum, or disabled to the point of needing this kind of care, we should always be thinking about the fact that nobody should be fearing for their life because they don't know how to get a job or take care of themselves.
Yeah. I completely agree in that you can blame the parents as much as you blame society or capitalism for the situation.
On a societal level he shouldn't have to fear for his life in this situation. On an individual level, this is the context we live in. If you stop enabling them you by default subject them to the un-enabled experience of the world. You can't force an adult to improve their lives or even get therapy or help. The expectation can't be "if your middle aged child refuses to get help you're stuck caring for them forever" that's an adverse incentive. At some point you have to stop enabling them and let them start taking care of their own life. In a better society we would have progressives and leftists in charge who could create a good social safety net that would help us all through these situations.
We don't even know if OOP refused to work, or couldn't work. There are lots of conditions that make it literally impossible to work a job, no matter how much you "apply yourself" or how much effort you put in.
Either he CAN do something and he doesn't want to. Or he can't do ANYTHING and should apply for disability benefits. Every decent country has a program for severely disabled citizens.
I doubt this fictional tale is likely as written in a story without disability benefits.
Every decent country has a program for severely disabled citizens.
We're still talking about the US, right? Lots of people fall through the cracks because their issues don't get recognized as a "real" disability, this is true even for countries with more comprehensive social security systems.
225 Comments
spicytuna62@lemmy.world · 176 pts · 1d
Running on the assumption this is authentic and heterosexual, Anon's parents massively dropped the ball creating an adult with no will to fly the coop. But then to cut them off cold turkey is totally fucked up. Anon is now permanently 15 years behind their peers. Not to mention zero retirement savings. That compounded interest takes 30-35 years to really start to matter. But Anon gets to miss out on 15 years of that, too.
I really hope things work out in the end.
Signtist@bookwyr.me · 82 pts · 1d
My wife's cousin is in a similar situation. She never left home or got a job or a driver's license because she was always too scared, and her mom always let that slide, since she didn't want to make her daughter scared or uncomfortable.
She thought her job was to protect her daughter from all the stresses of the world until she was ready, but failed to understand that she won't be ready until she's experienced some of those stresses in a controlled environment like most kids do when they're in their teens and their parents push them to get a job and a license.
It came from a place of kindness, but ended up being a major mistake that now both the kid and the parent are paying for.
Whats_your_reasoning@lemmy.world · 39 pts · 1d
I knew a girl who had been "homeschooled" by her super Christian mom. Thankfully, the indoctrination didn't take, she was intelligent, but wasn't given the education she deserved. Moreover, she developed anxiety and would take ages to leave the house for planned events. Turns out that by babying her and never pushing her boundaries, she never learned that critical inner-push that all of us who've ever woken up and been like, "Ughhh, I don't want to go to school/work today" have spent years overcoming. That sense of, "Well, I've gotta do it, so let's just get up and get it done" didn't develop, as she was allowed to just stay in or sleep or whatever instead of learning to tolerate the discomfort.
It always bugged me when parents treat their offspring as if they'll forever be children, instead of treating them as future adults. These stories are the inevitably outcome of that.
Holytimes@sh.itjust.works · 10 pts · 1d
A big reason why the western idea of every single person should always leave home and start a new household is fucking retarded. Its not the right fit for everyone. Hell its objectively fucking stupid in the VAST majority of cases. Many do it any ways for various reasons. But the whole normality of it being "the only correct way to live" needs to fucking die.
Signtist@bookwyr.me · 36 pts · 1d
Sure, but being independent is still an important general life skill. You can rely on other people under normal circumstances, and that's certainly not a bad thing, but there will always be scenarios in life where you need to figure things out for yourself. If you're paralyzed with anxiety when that happens, that means there's a skill you unfortunately were unable to learn that is now causing an issue.
whoisearth@lemmy.ca · 13 pts · 1d
And in these multi-generational homes what you see is the kids accepting the conditions based on them becoming the providers. I feel the comment is this is not happening.
ElChinchilla@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 12h
I'll take your thought process a step further here. I blame parents who raise children that dont leave for having children in the first place. Stop having children. Spay and neuter yourself. BOGO vasectomies for the people! Lol. Sorry, this one got a little away from me.
Diplomjodler3@lemmy.world · 32 pts · 1d
Again, assuming this has any basis in reality, I think it's likely that the parents have made many attempts to get the guy to change before and this is the last resort. They probably didn't wait 38 years and then one day just decided "this is it".
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world · 10 pts · 1d
yeah, this is likely more a case of fighting/ignoring mom and dad and them finally bringing down the banhammer.
or maybe mom and dad want to fucking retire... god forbid! since if he is 38 they are most likely 65+
texture@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 22h
in that case you arrange for a bachelor apartment for the guy. hes a human being after all.
Diplomjodler3@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 21h
Calm down, pal! I'm sure mum will bring the tendies soon.
RamRabbit@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 1h
The dude is 38 and never got off his ass. How long are you going to enable this? They already did for two decades.
His parents are almost certainly 65+ and cannot afford to support themselves and a leech.
Alexstarfire@lemmy.world · 32 pts · 1d
This situation may sound ridiculous, but I've got a cousin over 40 in essentially the same position. Never worked a day in her and still lives with her parents. No one really knows what's going to happen when they pass, but no one appears willing to let her live with them. Myself included. Not that i'vd be her first choice anyway. I live half way across the country.
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 22h
probably end up homeless
skisnow@lemmy.ca · 25 pts · 1d
How are you reading it that way?
Having to "beg dad for money when I want a pizza" doesn't sound like someone being coddled, it sounds like someone who's been told a thousand times to get a damn job and move out. Plus they're not even kicking OOP out immediately, they're giving them until their birthday.
I mean it is obviously fake, but still
Holytimes@sh.itjust.works · 17 pts · 1d
Even worse they raised a kid with no will to fly the coop AND they rejected a intergrated multigenerational house hold.
Most cultures on earth and for most of history you lived with your family your entire life, or moved to another house hold. To start a new household was abnormal.
So you either need to raise your kid to the new standard to want to stand on their own and start their own household. Or you embrace the old and stay together and create a multigenerational household.
To do neither is objectively abuse.
RamRabbit@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 1h
If he was living at home, paying a portion of all the bills, and overall carrying his weight, then sure. But, that is not the case, not at all.
SaharaMaleikuhm@feddit.org · 10 pts · 1d
No point in saving. The climate is fucked and we will unironically die in the water wars.
SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml · 10 pts · 1d
I think this year's summer really drove that home
faintwhenfree@lemmus.org · 8 pts · 1d
Yeah time to kick him out was when he was 20ish +/- 1 year. Since you get a very good idea by that point if that adult is able to take care of himself. I have 3 people in my life (2 cousins, 1 family friend). Who are in that exact situation. I knew even when they were 20 that they're not given the right skillet to ever be independent. And have no motivation to be independent on their own. Now they're all in their 30s. I always their parents talking to my parents about how to make them independent and refuse to still cut them cold turkey.
I mean parents fucked up for sure, but it's not too uncommon unfortunately. All I ever remind those parents is, I will not help someone who isn't trying to help themselves. I'm not even close to them. But 2 out of 3 have tried asking me for money.
jdr@lemmy.ml · 10 pts · 1d
You'll never make it without a good skillet
faintwhenfree@lemmus.org · 3 pts · 18h
Skillet is the secret of a good life
captainlezbian@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 21h
Yeah, even when I was on good terms with my father I knew that as soon as I finished schooling there was a timer on how long I was allowed to stay with him, and it certainly wasn't years. Like a week or two after graduating college I moved in with my now ex
WoodYouLookAtThat@lemmy.today · 7 pts · 22h
My parents made sure to give me a will to fly the coop by making sure I couldn't fucking stand to be around them
I almost think OP's situation with 20 years of enablement is worse because it offers a persistent safety net, then rips it away
RamRabbit@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 1h
Something tells me they have been trying to get him out for the last decade (or two), and he decided to sit on his ass till the consequences finally hit. Worse, he appears to still be sitting on his ass even though the consequences are in motion.
im_fine_sandy@nord.pub · 4 pts · 1d
Its not "cold turkey", because hes had 15 years to work on it. If he hasn't, then it's kind of left over Turkey from last weeks thanks giving which has already been re-heated several times.
The best time to kick him out was 15 years ago. The second best time is now.
mrbutterscotch@feddit.org · 2 pts · 21h
Is this a phrase I'm unaware of? Or what does his sexuality have to do with it?
TootTootComingThru@lemmy.world · 17 pts · 21h
It's an older 4chan/internet meme where everyone calls an original post and the poster "fake and gay".
mrbutterscotch@feddit.org · 4 pts · 21h
Ahh got it, thanks for clearing it up!
HerbGrower@slrpnk.net · 2 pts · 1d
How's the state pension over there? Here in the UK its pretty good, if you have paid off your house anyway. I would be richer than I am now from working if I had a pension but no mortgage.
If you also had to pay housing then it could be kinda rough, but I have lived alright on less.
protist@retrofed.com · 8 pts · 1d
State pension, in the US? A laughable concept. Best anon could hope for is Supplemental Security Income (SSI), a program for people who are disabled, are unable to work, and have never worked. There's a lengthy application process involving clinical records of the disabling condition, not everyone who applies is approved, and the maximum benefit is about $950/month, relegating you to extreme poverty forever
Whats_your_reasoning@lemmy.world · 10 pts · 1d
It's also worth mentioning that you have to reapply for disability benefits regularly, justifying yourself with several page paper forms every time. Even people with permanent disabilities have to reapply, as if the nerve damage from an accident or the congenital condition they were born with might suddenly go away. My girlfriend can't write more than a few lines before the pain from her disability makes it too difficult, and they expect her to fill out what is practically a small pamphlet by hand every couple years. If it were at least a digital form, she could use speech-to-text to help her get through it, but as it stands she needs somebody else (last time it was me) to hand-write her answers.
The hoops the government puts out for disabled people to redeem benefits are straight-up cruel. They really want people to just give up, not apply at all, and... I dunno, just die, I guess?
protist@retrofed.com · 3 pts · 1d
I'm sorry your girlfriend is having to go through that. I gotta be honest, I've never heard of someone having to reapply for benefits unless their benefits were turned off, either due to incarceration or failure to utilize their money so it piled up in an account until they had too many assets and were disqualified from the program. Also, all the correspondence for this benefit is typed and printed, I've never heard of anyone having to hand write anything. This is in reference to SSI (Supplemental Security Income).
The government totally puts up all kinds of blocks to obtaining SSI though, most people genuinely cannot do it themselves due to the complexity of the process
degen@midwest.social · 6 pts · 19h
The forms state you must reapply every year and do so promptly or risk not getting benefits. No matter who you are or what your disability is (except maybe the terminally ill?). At every turn they remind you not being prompt enough may result in a delay or outright rejection of your application.
All of the handwriting together probably amounts to a 1-1.5 page paper/essay equivalent with freeform questions about the disability, background, what you can/can't do, a detailed description of what you do day-to-day, doctor contact information, etc, and they'll just call you for it again later when you already detailed everything in the application itself. And yeah, this is all mailed to you after the online application process that can take a couple hours.
It's pretty awful, even considering how bad bureaucratic process can be.
protist@retrofed.com · 1 pts · 15h
Are you able to figure out exactly what benefit this is for? I'd be interested to hear. It's def not SSI
HerbGrower@slrpnk.net · 1 pts · 1d
£700/month without a mortgage to pay would be great. Its comparable to what I was earning from an apprenticeship when I first moved out once adjusted for inflation...
protist@retrofed.com · 6 pts · 1d
Sorry, you're going to have to pay for housing too lol.
Oh, and if you work just a little, your benefit is decreased by the amount you earn, and if you earn more than $2500 in a year, the benefit is totally taken away.
HerbGrower@slrpnk.net · 6 pts · 1d
So there is no incentive to get a part time job? Lol, what a dumb system.
protist@retrofed.com · 10 pts · 1d
It's not dumb, it's intentionally designed to hurt people
captainlezbian@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 21h
It also goes away if you marry someone
RamRabbit@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 1h
You get a pension in retirement (called Social Security), but you need to be of retirement age and have had a job in the past. You get full benefits if you were employed for at least 10 years.
You can also get disability payments if there is something preventing you from working.
Jackusflackus@lemmy.world · 68 pts · 1d
Sounds like some seriously bad parenting. How do you not force your kid to get a job and pay for all their shit until 38. He doesn’t stand a chance being kicked out. Need to teach how to support yourself
rumschlumpel@feddit.org · 29 pts · 1d
I'd assume that he has some kind of chronic illness (or several). If he didn't at the start, he definitely developed one living like that.
Wirlocke@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 15 pts · 1d
While the time from child to mid twenties is definitely the parent's fault, after that point you can try every trick in the book it won't achieve a thing. Once someone masters weaponized incompetence they basically need a life or death wake-up call to do anything about it, and even then they might still not learn anything.
No one's literally impossible to reform, but many people cross a point that requires a practically impossible amount of investment to reform.
Diplomjodler3@lemmy.world · 8 pts · 1d
It's bad parenting alright. But I don't believe that they've never made an effort before. More likely the guy has resisted any attempt to get him to be independent.
SCmSTR@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 1 pts · 21h
I wonder why the son resisted. Could it have anything to do with shitty parenting? Nahhhh
AdolfSchmitler@lemmy.world · 61 pts · 1d
Horrible parenting tbh. And their son reminds them everyday how they failed as parents so they're just kicking him out.
BlackLaZoR@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 2h
Yep. People aren't getting broken like that randomly. They're raised to be this way.
kestrel7_7@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 2h
Yep, I think kicking your kids out when they turn 18 is fucked. But, it's better to do it at 18 than 38.
I don't know what the solution is, but it's not this.
BlackLaZoR@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 1h
Teaching your kid independence from the start, primarily independence from you.
RickyRigatoni@piefed.zip · 56 pts · 1d
Getting a job without a car is very difficult.
radix@lemmy.world · 77 pts · 1d
Getting a car without a job is very difficult.
Hello_there@fedia.io · 50 pts · 1d
Getting a difficult without a car is very job
otacon239@lemmy.world · 28 pts · 1d
Difficult car a getting very is job without a
TwilightKiddy@scribe.disroot.org · 18 pts · 1d
Getting a very is job without a difficult car.
ToastedRavioli@midwest.social · 19 pts · 1d
Without getting very difficult, a car is a job
Vinylraupe@lemmy.zip · 8 pts · 1d
A car is very difficult without getting a job.
RVGamer06@sh.itjust.works · 6 pts · 1d
Car very difficult is getting a without job
Bluedragon012@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 19h
This thread of this discussion is the humor break I needed while scrolling. Thankyou to everyone.
slaacaa@lemmy.world · 13 pts · 1d
*in the US
RickyRigatoni@piefed.zip · 4 pts · 22h
Anon is in the US.
oha@lemmy.pobierz.net · 7 pts · 1d
Is it? Most people I know dont drive to their job
Notyou@sopuli.xyz · 3 pts · 18h
Depends on where they live. They could probably get a bike and do a few jobs on apps (task rabbit, fiver, etc) to save for an e-bike and expand their area.
I know you can deliver food with e-bikes and if they live in a certain area it might be worth it.
There are a lot of factors though. Even if they look for remote work or online anything, there are so many traps and fake job postings that people get demotivated.
TeaWithDani@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 17h
I feel gig work locks you into a cycle of poverty and dependence. It's not transferable experience and it usually locks you into car ownership. Not sustainable for getting into the workforce.
Notyou@sopuli.xyz · 2 pts · 2h
I feel this is true too. Idk how I would get out of it in this day and age.
chunes@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 22h
Damage@feddit.it · 1 pts · 10h
Yeah how are you supposed to carry it home otherwise?
DarrinBrunner@lemmy.world · 46 pts · 1d
My son moved out for a couple of years, then had to move back in. I told him as long as I have roof over my head, he will too. I'd never kick my son out. I don't understand how parents do that.
phdepressed@sh.itjust.works · 57 pts · 1d
I mean 20 adult years and never having a job indicates some real problems. What they are is anyones guess but you'd think they could have managed to get something in those years that could at least buy pizza and games if not a bit of rent and a beater.
The parents probably feel like they're out of options in terms of how to make him move in a positive direction and they are also running out of time as they are or reach retirement age, how can they afford themselves and him on a fixed income?
If he was 18, doing some sort of education/training, or just lost financial footing for a bit that's one thing but whatever is going on there is something else.
HerbGrower@slrpnk.net · 6 pts · 1d
I know I struggled after leaving school for a few years, but even then I still managed to get the occasional part time or irregular hours of work between periods of unemployment. That was living in a small town too. Then I got an apprenticeship and been fully employed ever since.
HerbalGamer@sh.itjust.works · 18 pts · 1d
I'm in my 30s, back at my parents' for the umpteenth time and I hate it but goddamn am I grateful.
BlaestEgnen@feddit.dk · 6 pts · 1d
I'm 30 and have been back home since the start of last year, after having lived elsewhere for a decade.
Then traveled in autumn and got laid off at the start of the year in a sector (software) that's experiencing talent excess. It's basically impossible to get an interview, their reaction when I told them I'm moving back to the capital to get a bachelor of education is kind of wild. they're both like, wouldn't you like to stay a little longer?
I'm just like, guys I've been unemployed for half a year. Without any entrepreneurial ideas. I'm not about to start a company. I need to do something...
captainlezbian@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 20h
I see it. If you feel you've tried everything in your power sometimes a person needs the feeling of falling out of the nest to learn to fly
FeelThePower@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 42 pts · 19h
this happened to me at only 19. I was homeless for 4 months after.
VitoRobles@lemmy.today · 20 pts · 19h
Me at 22. Was homeless as well. I make decent money now almost twenty years later and I still look at prices and think back when I used to dumpster dive.
Regrettable_incident@lemmy.world · 22 pts · 18h
Back in the day, I used to eat pretty well out of dumpsters. Wasn't really homeless, was living in an old caravan, but was proper broke.
These days, at least round here, they lock up the dumpsters, have security guards, or deliberately contaminate the food. Wankers.
Washedupcynic@lemmy.ca · 18 pts · 15h
The works of the roots of the vines, of the trees, must be destroyed to keep up the price, and this is the saddest, bitterest thing of all. Carloads of oranges dumped on the ground. The people came for miles to take the fruit, but this could not be. How would they buy oranges at twenty cents a dozen if they could drive out and pick them up? And men with hoses squirt kerosene on the oranges, and they are angry at the crime, angry at the people who have come to take the fruit. A million people hungry, needing the fruit- and kerosene sprayed over the golden mountains. And the smell of rot fills the country. Burn coffee for fuel in the ships. Burn corn to keep warm, it makes a hot fire. Dump potatoes in the rivers and place guards along the banks to keep the hungry people from fishing them out. Slaughter the pigs and bury them, and let the putrescence drip down into the earth.
There is a crime here that goes beyond denunciation. There is a sorrow here that weeping cannot symbolize. There is a failure here that topples all our success. The fertile earth, the straight tree rows, the sturdy trunks, and the ripe fruit. And children dying of pellagra must die because a profit cannot be taken from an orange. And coroners must fill in the certificate- died of malnutrition- because the food must rot, must be forced to rot. The people come with nets to fish for potatoes in the river, and the guards hold them back; they come in rattling cars to get the dumped oranges, but the kerosene is sprayed. And they stand still and watch the potatoes float by, listen to the screaming pigs being killed in a ditch and covered with quick-lime, watch the mountains of oranges slop down to a putrefying ooze; and in the eyes of the people there is the failure; and in the eyes of the hungry there is a growing wrath. In the souls of the people the grapes of wrath are filling and growing heavy, growing heavy for the vintage.
Jax@sh.itjust.works · 3 pts · 44m
I get that we're in the age of AI and fuck the artist but cite your sources man
infinitesunrise@slrpnk.net · 2 pts · 27m
Living out of a car or living on friend's couches is considered homelessness. It's why some people say unhoused instead.
FeelThePower@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 8 pts · 19h
glad you're doing good now. just as a little secret, I still dumpster dive to this day honestly... it's how I got every piece of furniture in my house except my bed. gotta save where ya can lol.
Anti_Iridium@lemmy.world · 18 pts · 18h
I regularly tell my parents that the reason I am not like so many Americans, is that I have a supportive family. I live with my parents, but I would likely be homeless if they weren't here for me.
treesquid@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 12h
But like ... You do work or go to school or at least try to do something besides just mooch, right? This guy never even tried, apparently for two decades after high school
Anti_Iridium@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 4h
I would like to think so? Even so, I do pay my parents 500 a month as rent.
Yeah, he would probably be homeless if he didn't have an overly supportive family I think.
infinitesunrise@slrpnk.net · 1 pts · 30m
The government has wasted at least 176 Billion dollars in Iran over the past three months, the leader of our society has siphoned at least 2 Billion in the past two years, data centers with near zero product are draining the water and electricity from communities all over the country while playing hot potato with hundred of billions more, and you're calling your peer a mooch for feeling unable to participate.
treesquid@lemmy.world · 13 pts · 12h
It sucks at 19 and isn't really fair because getting started is so much harder these days. Now imagine you were twice as old and had never tried to do anything with your life.
TheRealLinga@sh.itjust.works · 3 pts · 3h
I'm in the same boat. Plus I was "unschooled" with neglectful mentally ill parents so my education REALLY suffered. Funnily enough I'll be turning 38 soon... but I've been working hard for decades and have a career and family of my own now thankfully
Malyca@lemmy.zip · 39 pts · 21h
Poor guy, they failed him
Sanctus@anarchist.nexus · 37 pts · 1d
Job markets never really recovered, this story will happen again. RIP Anon, we're either stuck with what we got or we can't get shit.
tkohldesac@lemmy.world · 44 pts · 1d
my last unemployment check just hit my account. Not even a single call back in 6 months. I’m scurred.
Old_Jimmy_Twodicks@sh.itjust.works · 47 pts · 1d
Have you tried strapping yourself up by your pullboots?
TropicalDingdong@lemmy.world · 32 pts · 1d
Or booting yourself up by your pullstraps?
Dialectical_Specialist@quokk.au · 6 pts · 1d
These both sound unsafe
Sanctus@anarchist.nexus · 17 pts · 1d
Fuck 'em. Add AI to the front of everything on your resume and apply at a startup.
rumschlumpel@feddit.org · 7 pts · 1d
I feel like if they could successfully bullshit like that, they wouldn't be in that situation in the first place. Or they have some kind of health issue that makes it literally impossible to work any kind of job, even if they make it through the application process.
Hello_there@fedia.io · 5 pts · 1d
Have you shopped your resume around with friends or family? Or stripped identifying info and posted it here? Blind spots happen with resumes and a little outside perspective can help with targeting it to the job you want. Source: spent about 1.5 yrs talking about why I was good for the job I was leaving, not the job I wanted
cRazi_man@europe.pub · 34 pts · 20h
Is no one here going to tell me why this is fake and gay? WTF do I come to the greentext community for? Just serious comments about people's own experiences? Fucking shameful
UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world · 25 pts · 18h
Given the type of person who frequents 4chan, it is likely the most heteronormative and real-ass thing ever posted in green.
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world · 14 pts · 20h
my own experience is fake and gay.
Aneb@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 16h
Very very gay
Earthwormjim91@lemmy.world · 13 pts · 14h
Well it’s gay because OP has touched dick more than he’ll ever touch a woman.
Idk about fake though. It tracks pretty much with what I’ve known the average 4channer to be like.
BlackLaZoR@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 2h
Because it describes perfect average 4chan dweller. It can't get any more real than that.
Professorozone@lemmy.world · 32 pts · 1d
I think I fall in the middle of this. I think this kid (and I think he is still a kid) had 38 years to transition to independence. But the same could be said about the parents. Why are they kicking him out now instead of after schooling? Now they are doing this almost cold turkey. Why not tell him he has until his birthday to stay paying rent. Then later impose more restrictions until ultimately sending him on his way.
I'm old so I feel it's ridiculous for a 38 year old to still be living at home without substantially contributing. At the same time they let him do it and it's kind of unfair allow it to get this far. He probably had a reasonable expectation of living with them until he or they died.
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world · 12 pts · 1d
I know people like this. Knew a quite a few people from college who were only their parents payroll until 35. I am in my 40s and I still meet single women who are living with/off mom and dad at my age... but people generally dont' judge women for that.
Basically it was just the arbitrary age at which they felt 'adulthood' should start. For me that was basically 18, for others it was mid 30s, for some people, it's never.
And in my experience it's largely a function of how much wealth people have, like wealthier folks give their kids way more runway because they can afford to support them for longer period of time with minimal impact to themselves.
In my demo it's not living at home, it's people who spend their 20s working low-age jobs but living high-wage lifestyle due to parents paying their rent and other major expenses. And usually when they do get cut off... they transition to a high paid job via another degree, or they get married.
Also there is the issue emotional co-dependence, some parts are just totally co-dependent on their kids emotionally and don't want them to ever leave, etc.
village604@adultswim.fan · 5 pts · 23h
My MIL is one of the codependent ones. My SO is basically her parent at this point.
Luckily my mom thinks MIL is a shitty parent, and actually acts like a parent for my SO.
Professorozone@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 11h
My nephew is in exactly this position. My sister and her husband make plenty of money, they felt emotionally attached, he's diagnosed as ADHD, so he gets a pass on some things. He's 32.
I know millennials hate that older people criticize them and I get it, but every millennial I know is in exactly this position and I don't understand how anyone can hold his head high knowing he essentially can't take care of himself.
On the other hand, I grew up in a different time. I graduated with $9k of debt, not $100k. I devoted decades of my life working to make someone else rich. So who's smarter, me or my nephew?
I mean, if they're ok with him living there, who am I to judge? My only real complaint is that he feels entitled to things he hasn't earned. My sister plays disc golf with me. He played with us briefly. He won't let her use "his" discs. The discs she paid for. He demands to sit in the front seat of the car sometimes, not request it. I'm sorry, but if Mom says she wants the front seat, Mom gets the fucking front seat. Not sure if this is generational or just him. But as a genX, I try to be understanding, because I see how the country has gone, but it can be tough sometimes, because from my perspective, he's getting a 100% free ride and should be friggin grateful.
HerbGrower@slrpnk.net · 7 pts · 20h
32 here, my parents divorced which kicked me out as they sold the house in my early 20s. From friends I see some still live at home, but those that do all pay rent or help out in some way.
braxy29@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 17h
we don't know what his parents did or didn't do leading up to op's brief synopsis.
Professorozone@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 12h
I think we can infer, based on the fact that a grown ass man is still living with his parents and clearly not helping financially since he has no clue how to get a job.
eah@programming.dev · 22 pts · 1d
There should be a government program to handle situations like this if there aren't. Take an assessment of their current skills and interests and get them into employment and/or training for something that fits. You basically need to intervene when the parents won't and do it in a way that's as least stressful for the person as possible. It would pay off in the end because otherwise this person may end up on government assistance later when they most need it. Politicians who can pull this off may get to claim to have reduced unemployment in their reelection campaign. And it's just a good thing to do. Some people won't take the initiative. You have to do it for them and hold their hand.
Edit: As far as I can tell, the closest thing to this in the US is the one-stop centers. Each state has their own.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Public_employment_service
Nalivai@lemmy.world · 16 pts · 22h
Wait, you guys don't have that? US I assume? Damn, does your government do anything?
Malyca@lemmy.zip · 30 pts · 21h
It kills brown people
Lushed_Lungfish@lemmy.ca · 15 pts · 20h
Oh, come on. It kills far more than just brown people.
Napster153@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 13h
They kill poor white people too on occasion so it balances out.
ShinkanTrain@lemmy.ml · 1 pts · 2h
The conversion ratio is terrible. They need to start killing more white people for the good of the economy.
TootTootComingThru@lemmy.world · 8 pts · 21h
I don't think the federal government has a program like this, but I went through unemployment after getting laid off last year in Massachusetts and they had resources to help you find careers and training/qualifications and whatnot. Some of the dumbest, lowest empathy people you encounter bitch about Communist Taxachusetts non stop but we have it pretty good here compared to some other places in the Union.
5318008@lemmy.ml · 1 pts · 21h
The tax revenue per capita in Massachusetts is about $9000. (source)
I measure it this way because it gets around the comparison problem of some places having no income tax, but high sales tax toake up for it.
Anyway, we should happily pay $4000 per year difference to not live in Oklahoma.
captainlezbian@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 21h
The only thing our government actually does that's uncontroversial is running a bunch of parks, and even those are understaffed
RamenJunkie@midwest.social · 4 pts · 21h
Governments are for Communists.
/s
RamRabbit@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 1h
There are plenty of programs to help you get a job. Though, if you are 38, living with your parents, and never got off your ass to support yourself, the problem is you. A program that helps you get a job can't do shit for you if you are this unmotivated.
OctopusNemeses@lemmy.world · 8 pts · 22h
Japan is probably the closest by actually having the hikikomori problem in public discourse. Most of the rest of the world they probably end up homeless.
tetris11@feddit.uk · 8 pts · 19h
Japan is just ahead of the curve when it comes to problems related to arrested development. They're not better at planning, they just experienced their tipping point earlier
TeaWithDani@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 17h
Lots of people end up on welfare and in social housing under similar situations. We stigmatize those people so much that it never enters public discourse in the same way.
People who are unhoused tend to have even more severe difficulties resulting in that situation.
chiliedogg@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 19h
The US used to have the Job Corps program...
Canonical_Warlock@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 3 pts · 16h
There's also temp agencies. They're shit and the jobs they give you will be shit but they're pretty good at finding something for basically anyone who isn't completely unemployable. Someone whose only issues are a lack of transportation, housing, and work history would still be considered a good get by most temp agencies.
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world · -12 pts · 22h
this already exists, it's called temp agency employment. no, the government doesn't run it.
baffles me how little real world experience a lot of you people have. at least every other day on here I see someone spectulate abotu this 'great thing that should exist' and it already does.
also a ton of bigger public libraries offer these types of services/classes for free. including basic computer job skills and such...
but you'd have to actually... look it up and leave your house to do any of this.
TootTootComingThru@lemmy.world · 8 pts · 21h
Are you OK and if not would you like a hug?
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world · -1 pts · 19h
because it works perfectly fine if you're not a helpless moron, that's why.
lots of people start their careers through temp job training programs and become permanent hires.
i'm not dumb and niave enough to be lemmy brained to think government programs are inherently flawness and wonderful and private/semi public programs are evil and terrible.
i have what they call 'real life experience' in these matters. instead of being a keyboard warrior who types in all caps and insults people as if this is in anyway helpful of knowledgeable about the world and how it works.
but hey man, it's easy to dwell in ignorance and rage at the world than... make use of resources that are readily available to you to improve your life. including the countless free ones on the internet that are both public and private...
clearly the 'answer' to problems like this is to daydream about a socialist/communist utopia and be angry it doesn't exist and also wish violence upon those who point out to you that it's never going to exist.
TootTootComingThru@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 11h
Yeah you need a hug.
RamenJunkie@midwest.social · 4 pts · 21h
Private services are not the same.
echodot@feddit.uk · 3 pts · 22h
Which government are you talking about there's more than one you know.
eah@programming.dev · 1 pts · 18h
That's the problem. The sort of person we're talking about isn't going to do this. What's needed is an army of people incessantly knocking on doors offering to help.
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 18h
they aren't going to open the door either man.
you can't help people who don't want to help themselves. homeless, drug addicts, dependapotamus situations etc.
though on lemmy people think a political revolution is going to like... magically fix people like this.... but the only person who will is themselves.
RockBottom@feddit.org · 21 pts · 1d
They raised him like that!
Mac@mander.xyz · 20 pts · 1d
This is child abuse.
sad_detective_man@sopuli.xyz · 25 pts · 1d
Every time I see when of these stories I feel a little better that the one thing didn't fuck up in life was helping my younger brother transition from dependent child to independent adult. It's so easy to do it without breaking them but we lionize being cruel to young boys. As if cruelty is what grows them.
Aneb@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 16h
Good for yinz! My older sister helped me transition a few times in my life. Homelessness and divorce. She kicked me out 1 year after my divorce. Scrambled to find a place but I did.
im_fine_sandy@nord.pub · 12 pts · 1d
Letting the guy sit around doing nothing for the last 15 years was the abuse.
protist@retrofed.com · 10 pts · 1d
I'm going to assume the issue started prior to age 23
Mac@mander.xyz · 6 pts · 1d
Yes
cosmos8188@leminal.space · 8 pts · 1d
People which use the "age of maturity" as a excuse to be abusive to people and especially to their children are not the people you want to live with.
doingthestuff@lemy.lol · 20 pts · 12h
I moved out at 17, got married at 20, bought a house at 22. I also have been working since I was 12. After forty years of working, I still have nothing saved except some home equity.
WanderWisley@lemmy.world · 19 pts · 10h
There is a lot of valuable materials inside flock cameras that can be sold for profit.
BlackLaZoR@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 2h
And if you get caught and end up with prison sentence, you get free food and shelter. Win-win
FavouriteShapes@sh.itjust.works · 2 pts · 8h
Ooh deadass? I don't think they have them in my city let alone country yet, but when they come, I'll be ready
Bluedragon012@lemmy.world · 16 pts · 19h
Depending on where they live in the us and assuming it's real, all he'll need to do is get to a shelter. Make it clear that he needs help, then do the things asked. This all assumes he is mentally stable and physically well. there are programs but they do not hold your hand. They are not great, they are not the best as compared to other countries, but it is something. If he clean on drug tests and criminal there are many places that will take him. It won't be pleasant.
If he has any documented physical health issues, then he needs to get a disability lawyer going.
As many pointed out, this world is grossly difficult and Unfair, but as long as one is kind, truthful, and continues to try, people will at least attempt to help, or at least tell you honestly they can't.
UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 18h
Famously very luxurious, accommodating, and safe places to live long term. There's never a space shortage. You get three squares a day of very tasty and nutrious faire, no questions asked. There's never any kind of Kafka-esque bureaucracy to gaining entrance, much less obligations on the people in the shelter to maintain residence. It's definitely not boring. Nobody is ever exploited. Mental health of all the residents is top notch and you never experience and physical violence or emotional abuse while there.
Understatement.
"I'm broke, I have no transportation, and I'm about to be homeless"
"Have you talked to your lawyer about it?"
peteypete420@sh.itjust.works · 9 pts · 17h
I feel like you are being a cunt on purpose, most of those points where addressed in the comment. Ok the lawyer one needed clarification. Disability lawyers are a little easier (not easy, easier) to obtain while in a homeless and jobless state. Starting off pro bono and eventually getting paid from the state in one way or another, or thro charities/non profits is not uncommon for them.
Yes it was a understatment about shelter life. But you got so dum and smarmy about it. Its still better that the fucking street. (at least in an american east coast city). Yea your still gonna get robbed, but their is a much lower chance of getting stomped, lit on fire, or just fucking raped.
ShinkanTrain@lemmy.ml · 3 pts · 2h
I don't want my tax money being used to shelter 4chan users 😤
BlackLaZoR@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 2h
Too bad. That 4chan dweller has same voting power as you.
ShinkanTrain@lemmy.ml · 1 pts · 1h
Don't assume that, you don't know how much election fraud I do
LouNeko@lemmy.world · 15 pts · 1d
I'm from a culture where it is completely normal to live with your parents for essentially their entire lives. The issue is that as an immigrant family to a culture where it isn't, makes me seem weird by comparison. I also have some of the worst luck there could be. My parents idea of success is to get a very good education, get a high paying job, support the family. There's only one small problem. I fucking despise academia or academic institutions with all my soul. It took me 8 years to finish a 4 year degree and 4 years for a 2½ year masters. Additionally when I finished college, COVID hit hard and finiding a job was impossible since most companies stopped hiring. Now that I finish my masters we have the AI bubble and companies stopped hiring again. I never worked a real job my entire life, only research assistant, or student jobs. I have zero savings since those jobs barely pay above minimum wage. It fucking sucks. In any group I'm constantly the most educated looser there is. It makes you look repulsive to the point where I really hate talking about myself in person. I'd rather would have done an apprenticeship some 10 years ago and would have had a steady, less paying job, than this worthless engineering degree and zero real job experience. The issue is that now the cost of living is way to high to afford living on an apprenticeship salary for a few years, which is way below minimum wage. I spend essentially more than 20 years in non-stop education and it ground me down mentally to the point where I don't even have motivation to keep on living. Literally, Fuck My Life. If anyone wants it, take it. Seriously, anybody, just put me down like a wounded animal.
theneverfox@pawb.social · 6 pts · 1d
Consider construction. They have unions, apprentices don't get paid great but certainly better than minimum wage, and with some hands on experience you can go for a cert to do CAD and make real money
They're always building something, and there's a pipeline of moving from a trade into a CAD role - they tend to promote from inside due to unions, so it can be a kind of backdoor to avoid the mess of the application process right now
An engineer is an engineer, IDK what flavor you studied but I'm sure it'd give you a big leg up in getting into a CAD role
Seleni@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 14h
The issue is getting in. In smaller towns sometimes it’s easier, but for example in my city for electricians, there’s 3000 applicants a year, and the Union only takes 25-50 into the program.
I especially love how they bragged about building a training center capable of teaching several hundred students… and still only take 25-50 in.
protist@retrofed.com · 4 pts · 1d
Are you working using your engineering degree? You make it sound like you're unemployed, so how is an apprenticeship salary worse than no salary? I don't know where you're located, but here in the US, there are many trade programs at community colleges that are very affordable and that could be accessed in the evenings even if you had a different full time job. Your engineering background being applied to a trade also puts you in a position to differentiate yourself in a few years once you're independent. You should let go of what your parents want right now and start planning for your own future. What are you, about 36? It's def not too late.
AnyOldName3@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 1d
The cost of living for someone with a job can be higher than an unemployed person as they need to live where they can commute from, which can make things like living with parents or not having a car infeasible. If the job doesn't pay well enough to cover this, then having no income leaves you better off.
protist@retrofed.com · 5 pts · 1d
In the short-term, maybe? But if you have the skills to be employed, you will be much better off over time starting to work somewhere. Having a job sets you up to obtain a better or higher paying role in the future
AnyOldName3@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 1d
The long-term prospects are better, but if someone doesn't have some kind of buffer like savings or the bank of mum and dad to cover the period where their earnings aren't enough to break even, then the short-term problems make the long-term benefits impossible to actually reach.
protist@retrofed.com · 1 pts · 11h
Sure, but we're talking about someone who lives with their parents and has that buffer
AnyOldName3@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 4h
We're talking about someone who lives with their parents, but there's no indication they've got any buffer. If there aren't apprenticeships within walking distance of their parents' home and they pay poorly enough to not cover housing or commuting costs, then the option of living with parents doesn't do any good because they can't use that option while also doing work.
LouNeko@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 22h
I'm finishing my masters right now. With fairly bad grades that is, because I really don't care about putting in any effort anymore. Which probably means that just like with my equally shit bachelors degree I won't be able to get a proper engineering position. The thing is that if you apply even to entry level positions, companies usually have more than enough candidates that don't took 10 years to finish college with barely passing grades. And even on the off chance that a company is desperate enough to hire you, it's usually a really bad one. I'm currently working as a student. Which pays very good by the hour, but is limited in the amount of hours you can work. So yeah while I get a decent hourly wage, it's a lot less money monthly than even the worst paying trade jobs. And I'm prohibited by law to take on more hours or a second job while enrolled college (or more precisely the employer is not allowed to give me more hours). I also earn a little money on the side but all together is just barely enough to cover the bills. So yeah, don't be like me and push yourself into a dead end where you're too overqualified for unskilled labor, too inexperienced for skilled labor and too financially unstable to start over.
Bane_Killgrind@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 2 pts · 20h
What kind of engineering?
Low voltage is not a registered trade in some places, so data com/access control installation is easy to get into.
LouNeko@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 19h
Mechanical
BoxOfFeet@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 18h
Oh, man. I'm sorry to hear youre having such a bad time with it. I'm a mechanical engineer, and love it. I only have a bachelor's, though. So maybe I got out of school while it was still fun. It took me a couple years after graduating to get something in my field, I came out of school during a recession. I worked 3rd shift on an assembly line those years. Good luck, and I hope you enjoy Mech Eng at some point.
protist@retrofed.com · 1 pts · 11h
You're viewing this as an all-or-nothing situation, when it's not. The shit jobs are the jobs new grads take. You work your way up from there. Stop comparing yourself to someone who landed a job you think is better, and just work toward what you want.
MonkderVierte@lemmy.zip · 13 pts · 1d
With that CV?
BeerStainedBunny@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 13 pts · 22h
I'm glad my parents didn't give a shit about me. It forced me to learn on my own even if it happened slowly
Psythik@lemmy.world · 16 pts · 21h
Similar situation happened with my girlfriend. Her parents did nothing for her, while mine did everything for me. She's younger than me but I still rely on her to take care of certain adult tasks, like scheduling appointments and making phone calls. I have too much anxiety to do it on my own. One time I got a job at a call center to get over my fear of phone calls, and the only thing that did was make it worse. People are so much more rude when they can't see your face!
UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world · 9 pts · 18h
Unsolicited sales calls - especially at modern day volumes - are about as well-received as someone knocking on your toilet stall to try and convert you to Jesus.
Getting a call center job to overcome your fear of phones sounds like getting waterboarded to overcome your fear of drowning.
lightnsfw@reddthat.com · 2 pts · 59m
Obviously it's not a universal experience but it worked for me. I was on a help desk where I was actually able to fix shit for people though, not doing sales cold calls or something annoying like that.
UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 26m
Ah, fair. That can be a very different experience, especially if you're working with a consistent group of people who recognize you as someone flying in to their rescue.
lightnsfw@reddthat.com · 1 pts · 21m
Yeah, prior to that as a teenager I worked at an auto shop which kind of let me dip my toes into dealing with the public. I could work the counter or if I got overwhelmed just stay in the back. That helped too but I hated the sales aspects of it.
Regrettable_incident@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 18h
I think people who do work that involves contact with the general public have to be petty emotionally resilient. I am no good at it. A lot of the public are utter wankers and throw you into fight or flight mode.
echodot@feddit.uk · 12 pts · 22h
How on earth do you get to 38 and not have a job?
PrimeMinisterKeyes@leminal.space · 15 pts · 20h
Throughout my life, I've befriended several people like that. They all have mental or physical disabilities, but you would never know until they told you.
Polisheocket@lemmy.zip · 10 pts · 19h
I only know one person like this and he actually tries but parents are rich and he gets fired from everything he does so he ends up back into old habits
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 20h
other people pay your bills for you. and give you spending money
distal@lemmy.ml · 1 pts · 1h
I am going to be rude and say that this mindset is completely mentally ill.
skisnow@lemmy.ca · 0 pts · 35m
It’s not just rude, it makes you look dumb as well. People can have different experiences and views to yours without it being a symptom of mental illness.
distal@lemmy.ml · 1 pts · 27m
I don't think you are considering how people are interdependent. Let's assume someone abandons their child, let's also forget anon in the post here for the sake of simplicity, it signals to the child that they are on their own and that they can make it on their own. This is a falsification of how things work in real life. If you now have a bunch of people who think that they are the masters of their story, you get essentially what's been happening since the capitalist revolutions, the subjectivity of, for example, Americans. And that becomes toxic at some point because it's all about intentionally blinding yourself in regards to the context that things happen in, people start being unable to put themselves in the shoes of others, they can't deal with topics that in the most literal sense concern the environment. Where it gets proper mentally ill is when people internalise as having been in their interest, or as the guy who I'm replying to would put it "I’m glad my parents didn’t give a shit about me."
mr_sunburn@lemmy.ml · 12 pts · 1d
A few people here mentioning this has happened to someone they know. Does anyone have any successful transition to independence stories for older adults? There's someone in my family that I love, but that pretty much fits this description. Does anyone have advice on what helps?
Hoimo@ani.social · 15 pts · 1d
I'd start with making them understand that independence is good for everyone involved. Then small steps towards independence, starting with a simple part-time job. The important part here is that they see more people than just their direct family, to show them the different ways people can function in society.
If this works out, help them identify some personal goals. The hard part of being a shut-in is that you have no agency over your life, so you give up on all your goals. Once you have a little agency, you can start finding goals again. Simple ones at first: saving up some emergency funds, getting a driver's license, making a weekend trip to get out of the house for a couple nights.
Also assuming they are classic shut-ins and not caretaker-type shut-ins: learning how to take care of the household, cooking, developing skills around the house. It's low barrier to entry, they are already in the house after all.
Source: was a NEET for 5 years
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 1d
Depends on how you define it. I knew a couple of guys who just grew up and did a boot camp and got programmer jobs, or took a job with their parent or friend of parents company. Also a few women, and one guy, who just married a wealthy spouse so they could continue to be moochers forever. One or two had their parents move out and give them the house while they did low-wage work.
I have never known anyone of the 'basement dweller' variety though, these are all wealthy folks from wealthy families who had tons of social connections. I met them in college/graduate school.
Also knew a couple of people who just never had a job and lived on poverty-income but from their inherited stock returns. They were into speed running games..
hanrahan@slrpnk.net · 12 pts · 13h
Tamaki Saitō's book Hikikomori is worth a read on this
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hikikomori
treesquid@lemmy.world · 8 pts · 12h
38, never had a job, about to get one or starve. Sink or swim, parasite. You don't need a plan, you just start hitting up all the grocery stores, fast food joints and temp agencies before your supply of ramen runs out. Temp agencies will send anyone with a pulse to stack product on pallets at whatever factories are local.
marxismtomorrow@lemmy.today · 9 pts · 2h
The 1960s called, they want their incredibly outdated job hunting advice back.
bitjunkie@lemmy.world · 8 pts · 1h
Yes but have you tried introducing yourself to the manager with a firm handshake?
Darkenfolk@sh.itjust.works · 2 pts · 21m
Y'all are doing it wrong, got to grab a bit lower to leave an impression.
TotalSonic@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 1h
That advice worked into the 1990's, and even some in the 00's (at least in my GenXer direct experience). But it ain't working now, that's for sure.
lightnsfw@reddthat.com · 9 pts · 1h
If his parents were going to do this they should have done it 20 years ago, or preferably got him some help for whatever is wrong with him that's made him live like this. He's fucked if he doesn't have someone to room with. Entry level jobs aren't going to cover housing let alone food and other essentials.
SethTaylor@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 1h
This comment is so outdated I had to blow the dust off of it before I read it, like an ancient clay tablet
I hope anon doesn't break his back carrying all those stones he carved his CV into. Good news is he can deliver his CV really quickly. Just chuck it at the window.
infinitesunrise@slrpnk.net · 2 pts · 41m
I'll be honest bud, I'm 40 and have continuously held a job since I was 14. But given the choice between destitution and your plan, I'd choose destitution. The parasite in this society isn't the fragile souls not capable of sustaining this abuse.
distal@lemmy.ml · 1 pts · 2h
Some people have disabilities, they might not be visible. Truth is even they have needs and to say "sink or swim" reeks of cynicism and plain hatred for humans and closing one's eyes to the human condition. You say that he should just go to work. As if people exist in a vacuum and can apply for jobs and get them. It's clear that he has issues, guy has not been able to work. You can't seriously believe that the system will want to employ him.
whereitsat@lemmy.zip · 4 pts · 1h
you push someone with mental disabilities (untreated adhd/ocd/anxiety/whatever) into low-wage labor and they just end up as contestants on /publicfreakout/ or tiktok, when they invariably get into a fight with the manager or customer or whatever.
then all the privileged yuppies on the internet can critique their behavior and the situation to determine who's right and wrong.
that's our culture. we're already in some dystopian hellhole but most of it is so subtle and outside the lines of 'normal thinking' that people don't notice it.
distal@lemmy.ml · 2 pts · 1h
A lot of it is because people take reality for granted and to arrive at the whys is difficult because there exists a whole industry that legitimises the present state of things. Think of Fox news, or the Washington Post, or the Guardian – who would rather want more competent people in charge of an inherently antirationalist system than to fully overcome it. As more and more people are immiserated they will gain the knowledge of the absurd contradictions that have been considered normal and desire to supersede their masters. So in this culture there is a fragment of overcoming the metastability of infinite growth and so on.
Fredthefishlord@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 3 pts · 1h
Some industries will hire anyone with a pulse and they are often hungry for people (not right now, anon will be fucked, since the economy is fucked). Certainly there's some disabilities that'd lock you out of those options, but not too many.
distal@lemmy.ml · 3 pts · 1h
Yeah, but that is the reality. You can have your hypothetical grabby industries all you want, if they don't exist and don't provide what you claim they provide, which is a life, than you are talking about a fantasy. Plus the point about disabilities is not one where variety matters, how many disabilities there are, what matters is that people have those disabilities and the fact that very often people do have those disabilities.
forbiddencherry@lemmy.today · 1 pts · 21m
I see nothing in the greentext image mentioning a disability. To me it reads as a lazy moocher that thought they could live as a parasite off their parents goodwill for their entire life and is getting a long overdue wakeup call.
distal@lemmy.ml · 0 pts · 16m
I'm afraid you don't understand what it means to be disabled. Disability is when people stop being able to function in daily life. As far as anon is concerned, this probably happened right when he got his HS diploma. Anon is exhibiting severe social dysfunction which is likely aggravated by C-PTSD, Autism, or a schizoform disorder.
forbiddencherry@lemmy.today · 0 pts · 7m
Imagine telling a disabled person they don't know what it means to be disabled. Now, to be fair, there's no reason that you could have known that about me. However, that's kind of the point: you're making all sorts of unwarranted assumptions and then treating them as facts.
distal@lemmy.ml · 0 pts · 4m
I mean you don't. If anon were to go to the psychologist, the psychologist would tell him that he has significant mental issues. A disability if you will. That is a fact.
Why you preach this pulling yourself up the bootstraps mentality is beyond me. Completely antithetical to what the vast majority of disabled people need to hear.
BlackLaZoR@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 2h
He can also embrace his inner parasite and start shitting on his parents until they're too afraid to talk to him about this stuff. Survival of the fittest I guess
BlackLaZoR@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 2h
OP was raised like an animal in cage and punished for any sign of having initiative. Now he lives in the prison inside his own mind
Naive@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 34m
What is this template?
Hacksaw@lemmy.ca · -1 pts · 1d
People blaming the parents are idiots. The parents were likely under 38 when they had him. How can one 38 year old be responsible for themselves AND another person, but the other 38 year old isn't given even enough agency to be responsible for themselves. Maybe it's all the grandparents fault because the parents were pressured to have children? How far do we have to go before anyone is responsible for their own actions at 38?
A 38 year old man is middle aged. Most high school kids are already more influenced by their peers than their parents. Once you're an adult actual parental influence is almost nil if the child wants it to be. How do you get to 38 and not have any idea of how life works? How do you get to 38 and not realise this day is coming, how can you take zero steps to get your life together? Literally every human they've interacted with has provided an example of how to get your shit together!
How can you blame parents for the behaviour of a middle aged man? Do you realise how hostile it is to a person to completely remove their agency like this? As if they can't control anything about their lives?!?
Hoimo@ani.social · 9 pts · 1d
You're talking about kids who wouldn't become shut-ins anyway. If you're bullied in high school and drop out at 16, the only "peer" influence is the trauma. Not that I experienced anything like that ;_;
BeardededSquidward@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 5 pts · 23h
The thoughts and trauma also don't just go away, they fade like old scars but sometimes your finger runs over it and you remember how you got it. It leaves you harmed in such a way you now don't fit in exactly well, if you even did to begin with. Some find solace in pure solitude, others through substances. Neither of those situations is healthy. It's hard to take the bowl they purposely broke that is you, and glue it back together to continue holding water. It leans, constantly, and no amount of patching fixes it fully or forever.
Why is this relevant? Anon may be such an individual that the idea of even doing something to improve their quality of life seems insurmountable due to depression and trauma. Can't say for certain, but it was not a single instance.
Hacksaw@lemmy.ca · 2 pts · 22h
That's fair, but I think you're using a narrow definition of peers. I'm sure you found online support and communities where you could be yourself a bit more than in high school. Certainly at 16 your own journey through society, online and in person, will have a greater influence on you than your parents worldview. These are all peer influences, since there is no hierarchical relationship between you.
Your parents worldview is a starting point, and by 16 most teenagers have already started forming many opinions which oppose their parents' worldview. That gap expands as you get older.
How much can your parents be to blame for you thinking it's okay to be a 38 year old dependent when you have access to all the information in the world from in person and online peers, to all the media ever produced that tells you society expects more from a 38 year old. Even in this fake meme it's clear that the parents have been telling this middle aged adult for decades that this isn't okay. You don't kick someone out you've been caring for for 38 years "all of a sudden", it's the last option on a very long list.
Hoimo@ani.social · 7 pts · 22h
I don't think the shut-in believes it's normal or okay to be a shut-in. It's a feeling of complete failure to fit in and isolating as a result. The longer the shut-in is ostracized (or keeping themself ostracized), the stronger the feeling becomes that they do not fit in, they will never fit in, if there was ever an opportunity to fit in they surely missed it now. Being a 38 year old shut-in is actually very believable to me,it isn't exactly a situation that challenges your beliefs or motivates you to change.
Sure, it's harsh to put this all on enabling parents, but you also don't get to 38 without enabling. You don't leave the "last resort" on the table for 10-15 years. The very long list should be exhausted within 2 years and one of the options should be a therapist specialized in shut-ins. Beyond that, you'll just have to hope and pray that one day something clicks in that brain and they start taking charge of their own life.
Hacksaw@lemmy.ca · 1 pts · 19h
I agree they should have kicked him out earlier, but I think the people blaming the parents would blame even harder the younger the child is.
No one is saying "he's too old to be kicked out of the house", they're saying "you can't kick a child out of the house EVER unless they're fully prepared for life".
What I'm saying is that after some point an adult is responsible for themselves, and that point is far below 38.
I'm also saying that it's nice to imagine parents can prepare an adult, but parents have a very limited ability to guide or influence an adult child. If he doesn't want to improve his situation you can't force him to get a job, get a house, make friends, go outside, stop frequenting toxic online spaces. He's an adult, he will just say no and not do it. You can't even force him to get help or get therapy, or take any depressants or do literally anything to improve his life if he doesn't want to. All you can do is give them more resources, or give them fewer resources. I think they tried both and now they're trying "give them much less" by kicking them out.
Rekorse@sh.itjust.works · 8 pts · 1d
You can blame the parents because they enabled this behavior and are actively supporting it. Its very common with drug or alcohol addiction. Just because someone is an adult does not mean they are doing everything by themselves.
Hacksaw@lemmy.ca · 3 pts · 22h
I'm not saying they ARE doing something by themselves. I'm saying we can't just take away their agency because of external factors.
At 38 you're responsible for your life whether or not you had people supporting your basic needs until then. I don't know why this is such a controversial take here.
The idea that it's normal for your life to be WORSE when you have people providing you shelter and food and resources is insane. That's not normal at all. This middle aged man has access to the internet and all the information in the world, they have had all the opportunity anyone had ever been given to realise they're doing something wrong and to do something about it.
Unless you have an extreme case where a person was caged their whole lives and never had access to the external world you can't just blame their parents anymore than you can blame capitalism or society.
rumschlumpel@feddit.org · 1 pts · 12h
It's interesting how you completely refuse to entertain the idea that OOP has an actual health issue instead of just being some kind of lazy bum.
Hacksaw@lemmy.ca · 2 pts · 11h
Health issues and disabilities are an obstacle. They can even be an impediment to important aspects of life. But as an adult you're expected to do what you can with what you have.
If you're legs are paralysed and you're in a wheelchair you're not expected to do the same thing an able bodied person can. That's why every modern country supports sick and disabled people, and makes accommodations for disabled people a legal requirement while prohibiting discrimination against sick and disabled people. But if you decide to stay in bed for the rest of your life that's not because of your disability, that's on you.
Half the people here think his parents haven't done enough when if anything they've done too much.
Another bunch of people think it's reasonable to expect the parents to train and ready him for society at 38. As if they have magical mind control that can force him to work on his life.
That's not how it works. Parents don't control me, or you, or any other adults in a modern country who don't want to be controlled. Some people just suck. Hitler sucks. Trump sucks. Anon sucks. Nothing anyone's parents can do about it. Look at Hegseth's mom. You think she wouldn't force him to fix his life if she could and stop being a useless piece of shit who only harms everything he touches? She can't.
There is only so much your parents can do to make your life good, and there is only so much they can do to make it bad. Sure it can be a lot ... But by 38 you have more agency over where you are in life than they do.
rumschlumpel@feddit.org · 1 pts · 10h
Are you seriously saying that every person with chronic health issues / disabilities would be able to work a job if they just really tried? There's a huge variety of illnesses that is diametrically opposed to any kind of work life, e.g.:
ME/CFS
nonverbal autism
frequent panic attacks, e.g. due to extreme social anxiety, PTSD etc.
some kind of heavy chronic pain, like a fucked up back
heavy insomnia
fucked up arms
Even if it's theoretically possible to make it work, it's quite possible that even living with their parents, OOP doesn't have access to the necessary healthcare, and depending on the exact region the laws might be not at all accomodating for employees with disabilities.
Hacksaw@lemmy.ca · 2 pts · 10h
When the fuck did I say that? I just said you have to try. That you have to do what you can with what you have. Anon isn't doing shit.
If you're unable to work most decent countries have disability programs. If you're not in a decent country, I'm sorry. Minorities and disabled people always get the worst of systemic inequality. Hopefully the world starts beheading the rich again and making things better for everyone.
rumschlumpel@feddit.org · 1 pts · 10h
Even if it wasn't the US, very few countries are going to put you on disability because of stuff like insomnia or social anxiety. If your country still has halfway-decent social security, you're most likely going to end up on some kind of general-purpose unemployment benefits, but that's often a very precarious position.
orioler25@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 21h
I think this is a really good start here. Lemmy is mostly populated by early- to late-middle-aged men in STEM fields, so it makes sense why many of the comments are focused on asserting how much better they are at parenting than actually talking about what the main topic is, which is how do we process this kind of situation. It's true that the reality of our society means that people who are legally adults are expected and, really, forced to be responsible for themselves whether or not they are prepared even if just by merit that nobody is guaranteed the material security to take care of all their kids after that point. Many of us find a way and find more lessond of use to ourselves for having done so, so it isn't very reasonable to only focus on these parents, though they do indeed seem like bad parents.
What you and most other people here have missed is the ableism element in this. This is very possibly an autistic person, and our society is extremely hostile even to well-equipped autistic people who have a reliable support network. Everyone here seems agreed that this ought not happen, but many if not most of you have chosen to go the route of finding individualized moral liability rather than identifying how this fits into a system where anyone is in this situation against their will.
Even if the guy was merely parented poorly, or is just a lazy bum, or disabled to the point of needing this kind of care, we should always be thinking about the fact that nobody should be fearing for their life because they don't know how to get a job or take care of themselves.
Hacksaw@lemmy.ca · 1 pts · 18h
Yeah. I completely agree in that you can blame the parents as much as you blame society or capitalism for the situation.
On a societal level he shouldn't have to fear for his life in this situation. On an individual level, this is the context we live in. If you stop enabling them you by default subject them to the un-enabled experience of the world. You can't force an adult to improve their lives or even get therapy or help. The expectation can't be "if your middle aged child refuses to get help you're stuck caring for them forever" that's an adverse incentive. At some point you have to stop enabling them and let them start taking care of their own life. In a better society we would have progressives and leftists in charge who could create a good social safety net that would help us all through these situations.
rumschlumpel@feddit.org · 1 pts · 12h
We don't even know if OOP refused to work, or couldn't work. There are lots of conditions that make it literally impossible to work a job, no matter how much you "apply yourself" or how much effort you put in.
Hacksaw@lemmy.ca · 1 pts · 11h
Either he CAN do something and he doesn't want to. Or he can't do ANYTHING and should apply for disability benefits. Every decent country has a program for severely disabled citizens.
I doubt this fictional tale is likely as written in a story without disability benefits.
rumschlumpel@feddit.org · 1 pts · 10h
We're still talking about the US, right? Lots of people fall through the cracks because their issues don't get recognized as a "real" disability, this is true even for countries with more comprehensive social security systems.
boobookittyfrick@lemmy.zip · -6 pts · 9h
ddplf@szmer.info · 10 pts · 6h
Fuck off, slopper
taygaloocat@leminal.space · -2 pts · 6h
ohh come on let him slop
boobookittyfrick@lemmy.zip · -5 pts · 2h