It's just a question

1.0k points · 137 comments · view on lemmy.world

137 Comments

TheTechnician27@lemmy.world · 165 pts · 38d (16 replies)

Humans are apes.

This is a very simple concept, folks.

ceenote@lemmy.world · 84 pts · 38d (6 replies)

As an ape, I don't know if I'm cool with Matt Walsh sucking my dick to save a human life.

MrVilliam@sh.itjust.works · 19 pts · 38d (1 reply)

I'm cool with it. For clout. I'm not even into dudes, but I'd like to contribute to his misery.

joelfromaus@aussie.zone · 5 pts · 37d

I hadn’t thought of it like that. Count me in for the story to tell, I guess.

30p87@feddit.org · 3 pts · 38d (1 reply)

Death cause: Choked on dick

troglodytis@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 38d

Now that's a complement!

prole@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 1 pts · 37d

I dunno, it would mean that he's gotten close enough to me to stomp on his fucking face so might be worth it.

HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 36d

Yeah I bet he doesn't use conditioner in his beard and uses teeth and smells like old hot dog water because he bathes in old hot dog water

Diddlydee@feddit.uk · 5 pts · 38d (6 replies)

I can only assume the single downvote is an error.

TheTechnician27@lemmy.world · 14 pts · 38d (2 replies)

On Voyager, I have gestures for swipe to downvote and swipe farther to save. So, rarely, I downvote accidentally because my stupid ape thumbs don't work. I've downvoted my own comments in solidarity.

Cethin@lemmy.zip · 3 pts · 38d

I'm on Summit and I have the same set up. Based on the fact most of these comments have a downvote at least, I suspect it isn't accidental and just a weirdo who hasn't come to terms with basic science that even most of the fundamentalists agree with.

Earthwormjim91@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 38d
[ removed ]
Warehouse@piefed.ca · 5 pts · 38d

You could just go to Lemvotes and figure out the specific users who did as well.

Yeah, your upvotes and downvotes are public.

FistingEnthusiast@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 38d

There are some religious weirdos here, so it could be them taking offence to a basic scientific reality

FishFace@piefed.social · 1 pts · 37d

Or someone who thinks this kind of deliberate misunderstanding is unhelpful

untorquer@quokk.au · 5 pts · 37d (1 reply)

And he'll kill em all to save one.

HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 36d

Is... Is that ape Matt Walsh? 👉👈

Grandwolf319@sh.itjust.works · 153 pts · 38d (18 replies)

That’s factually false.

He can save a lot of humans every day by doing something humanitarian and does not.

The only logical inference is that his motivation is not saving humans but killing apes.

OwOarchist@pawb.social · 70 pts · 38d (5 replies)

Yep, lol.

Would you kill all apes to save one human? "Sure!"

Would you donate $500 to save one human? "Fuck no!"

tomi000@lemmy.world · 16 pts · 37d (4 replies)

Logical conclusion: "rather kill all apes than donate 500$". Anyone with this mindset is a trash human being.

Fedizen@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 37d (3 replies)

Maybe he just loves killing?

tomi000@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 37d (2 replies)

My assessment stands

HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 37d (1 reply)

tomi000@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 37d

Killing all humans probably does more good overall than saving one.

Viking_Hippie@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 23 pts · 38d (9 replies)

Besides, if he DID kill all apes, the damage to complex ecosystems across the world that rely on interdependent species including apes would DEFINITELY lead to the deaths of more than one human.

Probably at least two.

TheRealKuni@piefed.social · 4 pts · 37d (6 replies)

Technically if he killed all apes killing all humans would be part of that process.

Viking_Hippie@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 4 pts · 37d (5 replies)

That's technically still within the "at least two" range 😉

TheRealKuni@piefed.social · 4 pts · 37d (4 replies)

The best kind of correct.

HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 37d

Fedizen@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 37d (2 replies)

The best kind of correct is where somebody sees the error of their ways and becomes a better person and its because you were goddamn right.

'Technically correct' is , at best, the 3rd best kind of correct.

HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 37d (1 reply)

no, the best kind of correct is when you find four stamps.

Fedizen@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 37d

Hermes Correct, lol

Axolotl_cpp@feddit.it · 3 pts · 37d (1 reply)

Even 3!

Viking_Hippie@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 2 pts · 37d

Likely! Possibly 5!

monotremata@lemmy.ca · 18 pts · 38d

"I hate every ape I see, from Chimpan-A to chimpanzee..." 🎶

peteypete420@sh.itjust.works · 2 pts · 37d

Which fact? The post is just two dickheads mouthing off at each other...

alexc@lemmy.world · 98 pts · 38d (5 replies)

I'll wager he's also done sweet fuck all to save any human

cheers_queers@lemmy.zip · 60 pts · 38d

quite the opposite. he is implicit in violence, calling for death to lgbt and POC people.

cavitationfetishist2@quokk.au · 7 pts · 38d (1 reply)

Well yeah. When was the last time you saw someone who could be saved by genociding entities that haven't cracked fire and sharpened sticks?

OwOarchist@pawb.social · 5 pts · 38d

When was the last time you saw someone who could be saved by genociding entities that haven’t cracked fire and sharpened sticks?

Every malaria victim.

FatVegan@leminal.space · 3 pts · 37d

Quick Matt, you have to kill these apes to save this blavk person.

Uh...

HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 36d

Yeah but how is his gorilladick game

orca@orcas.enjoying.yachts · 45 pts · 37d (3 replies)

I’d punch one Matt Walsh in the face to save all humans from having to read this fucking drivel.

D_C@sh.itjust.works · 21 pts · 37d (2 replies)

I don't believe you. Get cracking.

And remember, power comes from the hips. Not the fist. Wind up, let loose, and punch through the object.
Don't punch the face, try to punch the back of the skull, and beyond, but through the face.
Chop chop, daylight's a wasting.

Rekorse@sh.itjust.works · 4 pts · 37d

Great lesson on follow-through.

HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 37d


you want a straight line from your foot through your hip through your fist through the back of their face. you're punching with your back foot too.

Widdershins@lemmy.world · 44 pts · 38d (5 replies)

nancy reagan sucked a ton of dicks and we still got the crack epidemic

Atelopus-zeteki@fedia.io · 25 pts · 38d (2 replies)

Well, you can't say she didn't try.

jballs@sh.itjust.works · 8 pts · 38d (1 reply)

Good old Nance the Throat GOAT

Atelopus-zeteki@fedia.io · 4 pts · 37d

I mean, we don't have a control case, so without her it could have been much worse.

HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 36d

Maybe we should have elected the rimjob queen instead

prole@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 2 pts · 37d

To be fair, Nancy is widely regarded as the throat goat

phoenixz@lemmy.ca · 40 pts · 38d (7 replies)

Its always "I'm willing to kill for my pet peeve", its never "I'm willing to die without hurting anyone else for my pet peeve"

bequirtle@lemmy.world · 34 pts · 38d (4 replies)

always "i would kill for X" or "i would die for X" and never "i would commit to a modest but long-term effort for the betterment of X"

tomselleck@sopuli.xyz · 9 pts · 38d (1 reply)

Seriously. Forego the killing and death and just volunteer in your local community, but I guess that doesn’t sound as edgy in a tweet.

phoenixz@lemmy.ca · 1 pts · 28d

Volunteering isn't as cool as Elmo Musk

fubbernuckin@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 5 pts · 38d

It's because committing to a modest but long-term effort is harder than killing obviously.

wrinkledoo@sh.itjust.works · 5 pts · 38d

"I would kill without x too, but if it does x then that's cool too, I guess"

HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 36d

Booooooo. You haven't seen how much I'm willing to kill die

peteypete420@sh.itjust.works · 1 pts · 37d

Fuck this weird "masculinity" concept. Also fuck that beatle, Lennon or whomever, shitty ass imagine song. Same shit. Imagine a slight inconvenience, that will help your neighbors.

58008@lemmy.world · 40 pts · 38d (5 replies)

I think the environmental knock-on effect of wiping out all gorillas might cause more than one human to die in the future, directly or indirectly.

Also, gorilla dicks are small and they cum pretty much instantly, so you could easily get through all gorillas on Earth in an afternoon. Matt Walsh might get it done in 20 minutes, what with his extensive experience of sucking huge amounts of dick on Twitter.

WorldsDumbestMan@lemmy.today · 7 pts · 37d (3 replies)

How do you know the last part?

SaharaMaleikuhm@feddit.org · 12 pts · 37d (1 reply)

Game recognize game

WorldsDumbestMan@lemmy.today · 3 pts · 37d

Lmao

58008@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 35d

In this case, "sucking dick" is a euphemism for "having your ass handed to you constantly and easily". Kinda like how "I fucked the dog" means "I messed that up badly" and not "I literally fucked a dog".

CosmicTurtle0@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 6 pts · 38d

But for Republicans and conservatives in general it's about projecting power. Sucking off gorilla dicks do nothing to project power whereas killing a bunch of gorillas do.

De_Narm@lemmy.world · 32 pts · 38d

They are always eager for violence, but paying for universal healthcare? Food and housing? Suddenly, they spew some bullshit about personal responsibility or somerhing.

bitwolf@sh.itjust.works · 31 pts · 37d (16 replies)

How exactly are we more.important?

Earth probably hates us and thinks we're parasites.

Waraugh@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 15 pts · 37d (5 replies)

Earth needed us to create plastic, once we’ve created that in sufficient numbers it will restart with the additional resource availability

Alberat@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 37d (3 replies)

what obscure reference is this?

TwistedTurtle@sh.itjust.works · 3 pts · 37d

It's a George Carlin bit.

Bassman1805@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 37d (1 reply)

The entire survival/crafting/basebuilding genre.

Pacific Garbage Patch would go hard for a post apocalyptic scavenger.

echodot@feddit.uk · 1 pts · 36d

Isn't that just Raft?

echodot@feddit.uk · 1 pts · 36d

Yeah it's called Continuous Creation

gwl@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 6 pts · 36d

Earth doesn't think.

It has existed long before us, it will exist long after us, if it could think it's thoughts on us are little more than "that bug bite itches"

We don't matter to the Earth, never have, never will.

But the Earth should matter to us, not through some idea of protecting it, it will survive basically anything we throw at it, but from the idea of protecting ourselves - we're in a Goldilocks zone and that can reach a point of being too hot or too cold, that we won't survive it.

HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 37d (7 replies)

we can steal copper out of flock cameras. can you train a monkey to do that?

v4ld1z@lemmy.zip · 5 pts · 37d (1 reply)

Possibly?

gwl@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 3 pts · 36d (3 replies)

Literally yes? They steal shit for fun in places where humans and monkeys exist close to each other

HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 36d (2 replies)
gwl@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 2 pts · 35d (1 reply)

I assumed you meant "train a monkey to steal copper from flock cameras" 😂

Wirlocke@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 1 pts · 36d

Wait wait wait let me write that down.

"Monkey squad trained to steal copper from Flock cameras."

If we could train rats to cut the wires and crows to transport we could get a whole industry going.

BlackLaZoR@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 37d

How exactly are we more.important?

We're more important to us. Which is natural.

absentbird@lemmy.world · 27 pts · 37d (7 replies)

Humans are apes numb nuts

VitoRobles@lemmy.today · 12 pts · 37d (2 replies)

Shhh we almost got Matt to suck a bunch of dick

HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 37d (1 reply)

you would be surprised how often i've needed this

VitoRobles@lemmy.today · 2 pts · 37d

I... Love it. Thank you

HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 37d

haha jokes on you all my nuts are truck nuts.

wait that makes all my trucks trans

TankovayaDiviziya@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 36d (2 replies)

Matt Walsh is religious if I'm not mistaken. And religious folks really don't think we're apes and get offended for saying so because it goes against the Abrahamic teaching that god made us. I remember saying to a religious fanatic that we are apes and she called me an ape but i was like: "Yeah, we are. That's what I'm telling you." Admitting that we are apes and thus animals would mean discarding the idea that humans have dominion on nature and animals as stated in the bible. And there is nothing worse for the religious (humans in general) than losing dominance.

echodot@feddit.uk · 2 pts · 36d (1 reply)

If I remember correctly from a taxonomy point of view humans aren't technically apes since we broke off from the ape branch. Homo sapiens and all the other earlier humans are descended from a common ancestor that broke off from the ape common line. Think how foxes broke off from wolves which then went on to become dogs.

TankovayaDiviziya@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 36d

We are still considered apes but in the hominid Branch, which include chimpanzees, gorillas and us.

i_stole_ur_taco@lemmy.ca · 27 pts · 38d (2 replies)

Who would kill every Matt Walsh to save one ape, tho?

Abyssian@lemmy.world · 10 pts · 38d (1 reply)

Do I need to wait until he's threatening an ape, or can we just kill him now?

Corkyskog@sh.itjust.works · 5 pts · 38d

Has he not already threatened them? Or does he have to name one specifically that he intends to kill before you can take action?

TheReturnOfPEB@reddthat.com · 24 pts · 38d

taken further this is: "i'm the most important human of the humans to me ... thus i will kill all of you to save me" absolute psycho type shit

OtakuAllTheWay@sh.itjust.works · 22 pts · 37d

As if Matt Walsh would save LGBTQ, non-Christians and people of color

Kolanaki@pawb.social · 21 pts · 38d (1 reply)

Humans are apes so I assume this means he'll kill every last one of us to save himself.

HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 36d

No, we're Homies

laranis@lemmy.zip · 16 pts · 37d

I think the proper rephrasing should be, "Would you suck one ape dick to save every human?"

It is physically possible (unlike "every" ape dick) and shapes up as a lose-lose: OP's either a hypocrite or an ape-dick sucker.

TheGiantKorean@lemmy.today · 11 pts · 38d

He gets to save a human and suck every ape's dick!

whereitsat@lemmy.zip · 11 pts · 37d (3 replies)

i had an exclusive tour of a preserve in the congo because my sister was dating this guy who worked there (she loves BBC for some reason), and i met a few gorillas up close and personal. you're never gonna believe this one, but one of them (her name was gretchen) shared a peach with me because she was full, and while i was eating it--are you ready?--she wrapped one arm around me in a warm embrace; that soft exterior gave way to a burst of sugary nectar that tasted as sweet as anything out of a factory with 50g of sugar, including coca cola and little debbie.

but it was the love that made it so sweet.

i've never even felt that kind of unconditional love out of my children; that kind of love that's sprouted from seeds planted by a hand with a deep understanding of the human condition, with all of its pains and glories; you don't need the cosmos when you're so in touch with the ragged soil of earth.

my son and daughter told me they hate me because i wouldn't buy them a ps5 and this was after i built a totally modern gaming rig and sprung for the best graphics card and a 4tb SSD that they refuse to fill up all the way because piracy is immoral. but they wanted to play the new persona, and i love them, so i bought them the ps5 and they haven't changed their attitude. now they want veja sneakers even though the new balance t500 has a sleeker silhouette, a timeless vintage style and costs $100 less.

i still think of getchen from time to time and how she had a better figure than my wife.

laranis@lemmy.zip · 8 pts · 37d (1 reply)

I hate that I couldn't get past BBC without getting stuck on whether the broadcaster was somehow involved or whether OP ponders their sister's appreciation for spade tatoos.

MML@sh.itjust.works · 2 pts · 37d

¿Por qué no los dos?

Wizard_Pope@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 36d

Hey babe!! New copypasta just dropped

IAMgROOT@lemmy.wtf · 9 pts · 38d

if you killed every ape, you would disrupt the ecosystem and kill every human

Ozymati@lemmy.nz · 9 pts · 36d (1 reply)

So this guy would make apes extinct to save Hitler? Fucking nazi simps.

EatMyPixelDust@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 1 pts · 36d

Very likely.

PragmaticOne@lemmy.world · 9 pts · 38d (4 replies)

Who the fuck is this bell end Matt Walsh?

IchNichtenLichten@lemmy.wtf · 17 pts · 38d (2 replies)

To the far right, an intellectual. To everybody else a moron.

PragmaticOne@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 38d (1 reply)

Thankyou for that. So in short the man is a cock. :/

IchNichtenLichten@lemmy.wtf · 12 pts · 38d

Cocks serve a useful purpose and are a source of pleasure so no.

prole@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 0 pts · 37d

A really funny guy who was one of the founding members of Upright Citizens Brigade. He went on to later co-star in the hilarious show Veep.

Oh... you mean the other one.

Who fucking cares

Melusine@tarte.nuage-libre.fr · 9 pts · 38d

But we are apes... come on!

jontree255@lemmy.world · 8 pts · 38d

Matt Walsh is a dumbass. It’s a simple concept.

peteypete420@sh.itjust.works · 8 pts · 37d

No, sucking monkey peen is just fun

orionsbelt@midwest.social · 7 pts · 38d

he’s still alive? ffs

null@piefed.nullspace.lol · 6 pts · 38d

I say we let him try. Hand-to-hand combat. Every ape vs. Matt Walsh.

FavouriteShapes@sh.itjust.works · 5 pts · 37d (2 replies)

"no it would take to long" is what I would answer if I was him

Korhaka@sopuli.xyz · 5 pts · 37d (1 reply)

Skill issue

altphoto@lemmy.today · 4 pts · 37d

Actually, I've been contacted by every ape on this subject. They are mostly tops and would like to, you know. Anyway they are ok with condoms because these days it's a no brainer.

dregan@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 37d

I can't say I'm thrilled about being murdered but the fellatio beforehand is some consolation I suppose. I wonder who the lucky one to be spared will be.

Imgonnatrythis@sh.itjust.works · 2 pts · 38d

I'd suck em all to suck yours Thor!

SwissArmyKazoo@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 37d

He'd probably embed thermal paste up every fish's butt just to save one human.

Jake Lang will likely respond with an non elaborated "yeah."

antitomi@sopuli.xyz · 2 pts · 37d
[ removed ]
FreddiesLantern@leminal.space · 2 pts · 37d (1 reply)

Somehow I feel like this is gonna get followed up by something like "Did you know roman Soldiers used to suck gorilla dick?".

antitomi@sopuli.xyz · 3 pts · 37d
[ removed ]
Bluedragon012@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 38d

And killing Matt Walsh would at least save a few people. But I'd do it for a Klondike bar.

theuniqueone@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 2 pts · 38d

What makes humans more important in these people's eyes i can never understand? Those animals also have hopes and dreams and internal lives that they deserve to pursue.

robocall@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 37d (4 replies)

Is sucking lots of dick supposed to be an insult?

fantasyocean@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 8 pts · 37d (2 replies)

If they're wild animal dicks, yes

guy@piefed.social · 3 pts · 37d (1 reply)

wild was not a required addition 😭

fantasyocean@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 2 pts · 37d

Idk I do think a domesticated animal won't make it any better

D_C@sh.itjust.works · 2 pts · 37d

It is to these types of, lol, 'alpha males' that say these stupid things.

That idiot wouldn't do shit to save humanity, let alone a single human. Though these types sure will tell everyone just how laughingly tough and manly they are.

However, yeah, it would've been better to say something like, "Would you wear a little girls pink summer dress whilst doing a rain dance in front of every ape to save a human", but there you go.

AnimalsDream@slrpnk.net · 1 pts · 38d

Actions that lead to more animal harm and more animal death typically involve more harm, or even death in extreme cases, to humans as well.

But as others pointed out, this person pretty clearly cares about nothing but himself anyway. So that tracks.

fibojoly@sh.itjust.works · 1 pts · 35d

And that's how you know Peacemaker is the real deal. Of course he'd suck those dicks. Who's first, come on!

echo@lemmy.today · 0 pts · 38d (2 replies)

because humans are more important

How? Why? We are by far the most destructive animal on the planet. We would exterminate any other species that ever got close to doing as much damage.

mrgoosmoos@lemmy.ca · 4 pts · 38d (1 reply)

because might makes right

that's literally their argument. we're special because we want to be because we can make it so by force

Blibly@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 38d

That's also the only way to defeat them, unfortunately. Bullies can't be argued with or debated or reasoned with. They must be beaten. With malice.