Oh I did this one once! I interviewed for a job as a construction worker, and my first question was "what's the pay" and second "how the fuck do you expect anyone to say yes to that".
They also had an apprentice working on a roof right next to us with absolutely no safety gear in sight.
That one depends on the job. Some managers will love to exploit your inclination to hyper focus on solving problems and following the rules. They won't ask you to work unpaid after hours but if you want to they won't protest... Doing a third of the work for a team of six people? That's great, but your next performance review will include the criticism that you're not as social as your coworkers because you're too busy doing the job.
Except that it's gambling. The jobs trigger my hyper focus, sure I'll do in a week a project meant for a month. But inversely, I can be incapable of even thinking about a task and make no progress for weeks.
I think you need to clarify, because it sounds like you're saying that the only reason that people have a problem with Nazis is PC culture.
and that you're saying people making a big deal about Nazis is a bad thing, people should either not care about Nazis or return to not doing anything about Nazis even if they cared?
Keep in mind this is in the context of doing a full Nazi salute, which is pretty unambiguous.
This is a bot my guy. There are a few on Lemmy. They artificially drum up interaction with emotionally charged responses that don't say much. You could copy paste their comment to anything.
Yes, but even in a deep blue city, I've personally seen trump signs... lunatics exist.
Claiming all far-right account as "bots" underestimate how dangerous these extremists are.
Of course, that user might be a bot. But not all of them are bots. And that's what's scary, the fact that these opinions are actually held by real people.
"I have uncontrollable diarrhea, I smell like I have uncontrollable diarrhea, and my cooking tastes like uncontrollable diarrhea. When can I start, chef?"
“We also mandate workers to recommend extra warranty to customers that ask for advice , how do you feel about this”
“I always try to help people who come to me for advice the very best i can, i would need to see the details of this extended warranty but if i believe it would really serve the customer then of course i will recommend it”
I don't really see the issue with that one. Most of my staff have commitments outside of work that require them to take certain days off or start/finish late during parts of the year. As long as they advise these things in advance, you can just schedule around it.
Also, if you have enough work on that you need more staff, even a part-timer still reduces the total workload on everyone else.
Do you have gluten free food in the cafeteria? I can't have more than 4 people around me at any given time. Where's the toilet for non gendered people?
As soon as it begins, I'll put on that one rubber horse mask that's been a meme on and off for the last 20 or more years.
That in itself might be enough.
If not I may be forced to make horse noises. There's actually a sound that's called "blowing" I think is perfect for the situation, so I could technically "blow" the interview and still get the job if they're sufficiently unhinged.
Were it not for the potential for criminal damage, I would also stand abruptly before making the noise and then, with suitable timing, violently kick the chair backwards.
I think that could all fit nicely within 30 seconds.
Or, you know, I could just tell them the truth that my mental state is incredibly fragile and the tiniest amount of work stress or office politics is going to be detrimental to both myself and the company in very short order and that I should not have been sent there in the first place... but where's the fun in that?
Don't break eye contact during the entire interview and refuse to speak. Write all your answers on paper and slide them to the interviewer upside down.
I'll pick up a chair and throw it out of the window, start screaming "fuck you!" at everyone in earshot, and then whip out my dick and start pissing all over the place.
If they still hire me after that, I will work there until I retire.
The brief was to fail the interview, not also get yourself a criminal record, but I suppose you could float this as a hypothetical in the interview itself and not actually carry it out for more interesting (and less destructive) results.
If I'm genuinely speed running this and don't have consequences is probably drop slurs followed by multiple, conflicting extreme political opinions involving violence and the like. The goal is that even if you find a racist who is excited about your slurs you can hit 'em with extreme progressive takes like "kill all men" or something.
Worst case, after saying a bunch of bad things and conflicting opinions they'll probably still just think you're odd.
A better but boring answer, just say "nevermind, I don't want this job" first thing. lol.
I'm zeroing in on a better method. I think "I no longer want this job and have accepted another. I am ineligible to work in this country. I am a felon." seems like a pretty good.
It was something that radical feminists used to say a few years back.
Edit: To be clear, I'm not saying I agree with this sentiment nor am I saying it's something I think is reflective of progressives, but it's a controversial thing to say that will make a lot of people angry. It was just an example of something that makes a lot of people angry.
"Before I answer any questions, tell me about the real pay package, bonus structure, vacation and sick days and promotions schedule. I also have to warn you in advance that I have flight booked to Barbados next month so we can count that as a signing bonus."
As a European, this sounds like a rude and slightly exaggerated way of asking a normal question. A bad way to start, but probably not something that will get you kicked out of an interview in 30 seconds.
I actually did this. Maybe not within thirty seconds or so, but I was applying for a higher level position (above my current classification) at a collections agency. Was kind of sick of the grind but others thought I should be promoted, but interview was required first.
I basically told them over and over that if they paid me the right salary I'd do the job. They were not impressed, and my then manager had a few words for me the next day.
Oh to be young and not having a care in the world. I also knew I had a different career path in mind, so I wasn't interested in staying either.
I’d pull a Hal Incandeza and just sit there. When they ask my why I’m not speaking, I’ll just start screeching, making weird faces, and writhing around.
Fart into my cupped hand while making (and not breaking eye contact) and proceed to "throw" it in the interviewers general direction. (Extra points if you can do this with a straight face)
I went to an interview for a company in the west coast and I was in central time. the recruiter told me that they had core hours and I'd have some flexibility. one of the first questions was whether I was willing to work Pacific time, which I wasn't, especially since it wasn't the best paying job in the world. That interview lasted about 30 seconds.
“Why do you want this job/to work here?”
“I’m just looking for something interesting to do for a while, get out of the house a bit. This sounds interesting enough.”
They hear: I don’t need a job, I may not need money, I may already have a job, I’m not picky about where I work so I’m probably not planning to stay, I’m likely to be weird or high maintenance, I’m very likely to move on quickly if I’m no longer entertained, and most importantly, I don’t need this specific job so I won’t take abuse of any sort.
This does work to land food service jobs, though, because they don’t really care. They gain and lose staff so frequently that if you just aren’t a complete shitshow you’ll get the job.
First few ideas: Talk about how I'm not really big on the whole "working hard" thing, immediately bring up and start ranting about weird political ideas, "I'm worth X, take it or leave it"
Long, wet, loud, bubbly, trailing, and delivered with a knowing smile and a belly gurgle that says I may have shit my pants. We're gonna find out when I take a seat.
For some reason (probably that story about the student whose packer fell out in front of a teacher who said "I hate it when it does that") I have a different image in my head.
216 Comments
Ek-Hou-Van-Braai@piefed.social · 148 pts · 277d
How strict is your sexual harassment policy?
agamemnonymous@sh.itjust.works · 31 pts · 277d
Blow job interview, you say?
socsa@piefed.social · 2 pts · 276d
How strict is your shitting on Debra's desk policy?
caseyweederman@lemmy.ca · 1 pts · 275d
Or flying into the sun?
CrazyLikeGollum@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 273d
Sounds like management material to me.
MBech@feddit.dk · 92 pts · 277d
Oh I did this one once! I interviewed for a job as a construction worker, and my first question was "what's the pay" and second "how the fuck do you expect anyone to say yes to that".
They also had an apprentice working on a roof right next to us with absolutely no safety gear in sight.
StopSpazzing@lemmy.world · 35 pts · 277d
Hire me or OSHA geta notified if you wanted the job
hikaru755@lemmy.world · 19 pts · 277d
That sounds like they blew the interview, not you
BrianTheeBiscuiteer@lemmy.world · 86 pts · 277d
As you can clearly see I'm white and male. When do I start?
DeathByBigSad@sh.itjust.works · 38 pts · 277d
"Congrats, Mr. President! You've won the election!"
Bytemeister@lemmy.world · 8 pts · 277d
Honestly, this works more often than not.
hperrin@lemmy.ca · 54 pts · 277d
“I’ve always been on the lookout for great places to start a workers union.”
MourningDove@lemmy.zip · 52 pts · 277d
mechanismatic@lemmy.world · 32 pts · 277d
That one depends on the job. Some managers will love to exploit your inclination to hyper focus on solving problems and following the rules. They won't ask you to work unpaid after hours but if you want to they won't protest... Doing a third of the work for a team of six people? That's great, but your next performance review will include the criticism that you're not as social as your coworkers because you're too busy doing the job.
decipher_jeanne@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 2 pts · 276d
Except that it's gambling. The jobs trigger my hyper focus, sure I'll do in a week a project meant for a month. But inversely, I can be incapable of even thinking about a task and make no progress for weeks.
I mean, meds have made it better.
CameronDev@programming.dev · 3 pts · 277d
Wouldnt bother me at all, I probably work with a few undiagnosed colleagues.
The only challenge is making sure we have the right role for you.
RBWells@lemmy.world · 47 pts · 277d
This reminded me of:
kdcd@sh.itjust.works · 44 pts · 277d
I had one guy I interviewed tell me, unprompted, that all the women in the company would definitely feel comfortable around him.
Ok???
It was a fast no thank you. So I guess I’d do that.
Agent641@lemmy.world · 29 pts · 277d
"I am always respectful and appropriate towards female employees, especially the hot ones."
Rhynoplaz@lemmy.world · 12 pts · 277d
Sounds like something Michael Scott would say.
Yuki@kutsuya.dev · 43 pts · 277d
Tell them they can't afford me
ExtremeDullard@piefed.social · 41 pts · 277d
You'd be surprised the number of head hunters you'll pique the interest of with that line.
Kolanaki@pawb.social · 43 pts · 277d
They get me on board with the high salary, but the damage I do by not knowing how to do the job is ultimately what they cannot afford.
SendMePhotos@lemmy.world · 9 pts · 277d
Hey, I could do that for more!
PeriodicallyPedantic@lemmy.ca · 41 pts · 277d
A few years ago I'd have said a Nazi salute.
But now I have to ask clarifying questions, like the location of the interview
Randomgal@lemmy.ca · 7 pts · 276d
If you're in the US, you might get extra points for the salute.
PeriodicallyPedantic@lemmy.ca · 2 pts · 276d
At the very least it wouldn't get you kicked out of an interview at Tesla
Soktopraegaeawayok@lemmy.world · -36 pts · 276d
PeriodicallyPedantic@lemmy.ca · 6 pts · 276d
What the fuck?
I think you need to clarify, because it sounds like you're saying that the only reason that people have a problem with Nazis is PC culture.
and that you're saying people making a big deal about Nazis is a bad thing, people should either not care about Nazis or return to not doing anything about Nazis even if they cared?
Keep in mind this is in the context of doing a full Nazi salute, which is pretty unambiguous.
Is that really the hill you want to die on?
Randomgal@lemmy.ca · 4 pts · 276d
This is a bot my guy. There are a few on Lemmy. They artificially drum up interaction with emotionally charged responses that don't say much. You could copy paste their comment to anything.
PeriodicallyPedantic@lemmy.ca · 1 pts · 276d
Good to know. Idk why someone would do that on Lemmy, but I guess I'll have to keep an eye out
DeathByBigSad@sh.itjust.works · 1 pts · 276d
How do you know its a bot tho? Right-wing extremist do exist irl, you know that right?
Randomgal@lemmy.ca · 1 pts · 276d
You know most people are just regular people who just want to live their lives in peace, right?
DeathByBigSad@sh.itjust.works · 2 pts · 276d
Yes, but even in a deep blue city, I've personally seen trump signs... lunatics exist.
Claiming all far-right account as "bots" underestimate how dangerous these extremists are.
Of course, that user might be a bot. But not all of them are bots. And that's what's scary, the fact that these opinions are actually held by real people.
Randomgal@lemmy.ca · 1 pts · 276d
No. They are bots. Or paid/forced humans.
Soktopraegaeawayok@lemmy.world · -5 pts · 276d
Can you imagine how humorous this is?
Soktopraegaeawayok@lemmy.world · -2 pts · 276d
Beep berp. Do you have a long 30 guage metal shaft 2" in diameter that is lubricated with WD-30, at the least?
If not not I am self lubricating. When frictions reach 120 degrees I will shut off heating elements.
Soktopraegaeawayok@lemmy.world · -7 pts · 276d
"This is a bot my guy"..
Uhgg!! Im sorry.. but I can see you saying that in my minds eye. And you are a pitiful loser... arentcha?
nymnympseudonym@piefed.social · 37 pts · 277d
"I like you guys. You're cool. All my other bosses were asshats."
pinball_wizard@lemmy.zip · 7 pts · 277d
I've actually heard this one in an interview.
artifex@piefed.social · 31 pts · 277d
mastercrazycraw@crazypeople.online · 19 pts · 277d
something about your confidence... you're hired!
kubofhromoslav@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 277d
Confidence coming from ignorance is human's biggest trap.
Lumidaub@feddit.org · 31 pts · 277d
"Hi, I don't want this job, I'm just here because the job centre told me to apply if I want to continue receiving unemployment benefits."
HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 277d
"I have uncontrollable diarrhea, I smell like I have uncontrollable diarrhea, and my cooking tastes like uncontrollable diarrhea. When can I start, chef?"
Kolanaki@pawb.social · 29 pts · 277d
Would giving a blow job blow the job interview? 🤔
danciestlobster@lemmy.zip · 20 pts · 277d
You're hired
lagoon8622@sh.itjust.works · 2 pts · 277d
But like, you need to do the blow job first
kibiz0r@midwest.social · 11 pts · 277d
Ever put a task in your todo list or calendar, but forget what it means later?
Todo:
Smoogs@lemmy.world · 29 pts · 277d
I had to read that title a few times. As it potentially could be its own answer: offer a blowjob
…I know, I’ll see myself out now..
user224@lemmy.sdf.org · 26 pts · 277d
I don't know exactly, I'll just be myself.
webghost0101@sopuli.xyz · 21 pts · 277d
Remind me when i applied for a tech store chain.
“We also mandate workers to recommend extra warranty to customers that ask for advice , how do you feel about this”
“I always try to help people who come to me for advice the very best i can, i would need to see the details of this extended warranty but if i believe it would really serve the customer then of course i will recommend it”
They laughed; i did not get the job.
LibertyLizard@slrpnk.net · 8 pts · 277d
Always seems to work so far!
Beebabe@lemmy.world · 25 pts · 277d
“I’m a single parent, so it’s hard to work overtime without notice.”
Longpork3@lemmy.nz · 1 pts · 276d
I don't really see the issue with that one. Most of my staff have commitments outside of work that require them to take certain days off or start/finish late during parts of the year. As long as they advise these things in advance, you can just schedule around it.
Also, if you have enough work on that you need more staff, even a part-timer still reduces the total workload on everyone else.
kubok@fedia.io · 24 pts · 277d
"I do not believe the AI hype"
Pandoras_Can_Opener@mander.xyz · 23 pts · 276d
I'm autistic, trans and chronically ill.
Do you have gluten free food in the cafeteria? I can't have more than 4 people around me at any given time. Where's the toilet for non gendered people?
Should just about do it I suppose.
Funky_Beak@lemmy.sdf.org · 5 pts · 276d
Hahaha right! Wanna blow it just tell them they will have to accomidate your basic needs.
droning_in_my_ears@lemmy.world · 23 pts · 277d
aeronmelon@lemmy.world · 23 pts · 277d
leans in close to the interviewer
“That’s where that smell was coming from.”
ivanafterall@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 276d
Might find that negging works on that person.
BanMe@lemmy.world · 22 pts · 277d
Pants go down to ankles
Underwear go down to ankles
And then the helicopter starts up
sin_free_for_00_days@sopuli.xyz · 10 pts · 277d
I think you're just supposed to not get hired, not get arrested!
PeriodicallyPedantic@lemmy.ca · 6 pts · 277d
Well they didn't say you couldnt get arrested.
rockandsock@lemmynsfw.com · 3 pts · 277d
That's how you join an exclusive club, people who aren't allowed to live near a school.
josephc@lemmy.ml · 1 pts · 276d
[RC drone noise fills the office]
mad_lentil@lemmy.ca · 22 pts · 276d
"Thanks for your time, but this job isn't for me. I wish you good luck finding your candidate, though."
Brkdncr@lemmy.world · 22 pts · 277d
Dodge the handshake and go right in for the French kiss.
user224@lemmy.sdf.org · 12 pts · 277d
You are hereby accepted to SexyTimesPorn Co.
Objection@lemmy.ml · 21 pts · 276d
"Here's my card. If you wouldn't mind signing it and giving it back to me, we just need 30% to get a vote on forming a union."
GalacticGrapefruit@lemmy.world · 19 pts · 276d
Instructions unclear, dyslexia made me blow the job interviewer.
captain_aggravated@sh.itjust.works · 4 pts · 276d
task failed successfully
mad_lentil@lemmy.ca · 4 pts · 276d
i mean it depends what the job is for
CmdrShepard49@sh.itjust.works · 18 pts · 277d
Ask to clarify if it's really a blow job interview like I thought I read.
Steve@startrek.website · 18 pts · 277d
First, can you sign this form for my unemployment job search? Thanks bye.
reksas@sopuli.xyz · 17 pts · 277d
not show up
Appoxo@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 6 pts · 277d
They could wait for more than 30sec.
Might not work.
ieGod@lemmy.zip · 1 pts · 275d
The simplest solution, and would save me 30 seconds. I'd save even more if it was in person.
DeathByBigSad@sh.itjust.works · 17 pts · 277d
"Workers of the world, Unite!"
brandishes a hammer and sickle
(Legal Disclaimer: I'm not a communist, I just think this scene would look so funny)
fubarx@lemmy.world · 17 pts · 277d
"Yup, that's me on the OSHA poster."
Natanael@infosec.pub · 9 pts · 277d
"I'm the reason they changed the safety rules 3 times in a month"
chunes@lemmy.world · 17 pts · 277d
Tell the truth. Corporate drones hate that more than anything.
palordrolap@fedia.io · 17 pts · 277d
As soon as it begins, I'll put on that one rubber horse mask that's been a meme on and off for the last 20 or more years.
That in itself might be enough.
If not I may be forced to make horse noises. There's actually a sound that's called "blowing" I think is perfect for the situation, so I could technically "blow" the interview and still get the job if they're sufficiently unhinged.
Were it not for the potential for criminal damage, I would also stand abruptly before making the noise and then, with suitable timing, violently kick the chair backwards.
I think that could all fit nicely within 30 seconds.
Or, you know, I could just tell them the truth that my mental state is incredibly fragile and the tiniest amount of work stress or office politics is going to be detrimental to both myself and the company in very short order and that I should not have been sent there in the first place... but where's the fun in that?
Deestan@lemmy.world · 17 pts · 277d
I guess as the applicant, turn around and leave?
As the interviewer, also leave
sem@piefed.blahaj.zone · 5 pts · 277d
Also getting naked would do it. Either party.
ivanafterall@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 276d
Interviewer is Green Party, they're into that.
watson387@sopuli.xyz · 14 pts · 277d
Don't break eye contact during the entire interview and refuse to speak. Write all your answers on paper and slide them to the interviewer upside down.
HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 277d
So, be Deaf and have no interpreter?
bizarroland@lemmy.world · 14 pts · 277d
I'll pick up a chair and throw it out of the window, start screaming "fuck you!" at everyone in earshot, and then whip out my dick and start pissing all over the place.
If they still hire me after that, I will work there until I retire.
pinball_wizard@lemmy.zip · 7 pts · 277d
That would explain a few things about a colleague or two that I have worked with...
palordrolap@fedia.io · 6 pts · 277d
The brief was to fail the interview, not also get yourself a criminal record, but I suppose you could float this as a hypothetical in the interview itself and not actually carry it out for more interesting (and less destructive) results.
UpperBroccoli@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 13 pts · 277d
Shit on the table, then yell at them to clean it up.
snoons@lemmy.ca · 25 pts · 277d
"You're exactly what we look for in our middle management positions."
HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 277d
I can shit on somebody/thing without exposing myself. C suite or better
klemptor@startrek.website · 13 pts · 277d
Pick my nose and wipe it on the interviewer's desk, and acknowledge nothing.
DudeImMacGyver@kbin.earth · 12 pts · 277d
Fart into an airzooka and shoot the fart at the interviewers.
HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 277d
Like a normal fart or a fart that brought some friends
DudeImMacGyver@kbin.earth · 4 pts · 277d
Gotta play the hand we're dealt.
Quexotic@infosec.pub · 4 pts · 277d
Number 2
Marshezezz@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 12 pts · 277d
HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 277d
"dude no smoking outside designated hotboxes"
hperrin@lemmy.ca · 2 pts · 277d
You’re hired.
HubertManne@piefed.social · 11 pts · 277d
Based on my job obtaining ability in the last year apparently be me.
thatradomguy@lemmy.world · 11 pts · 277d
Go for the hand shake and then pull a Hitler salute.
SkyezOpen@lemmy.world · 9 pts · 277d
Mypillow would hire you on the spot
mech@feddit.org · 8 pts · 277d
Welcome at X
tasankovasara@sopuli.xyz · 11 pts · 276d
'My Myers-Briggs is NSFW'.
Etterra@discuss.online · 11 pts · 276d
Just tell the interviewer how great their feet look.
JackbyDev@programming.dev · 11 pts · 277d
If I'm genuinely speed running this and don't have consequences is probably drop slurs followed by multiple, conflicting extreme political opinions involving violence and the like. The goal is that even if you find a racist who is excited about your slurs you can hit 'em with extreme progressive takes like "kill all men" or something.
Worst case, after saying a bunch of bad things and conflicting opinions they'll probably still just think you're odd.
A better but boring answer, just say "nevermind, I don't want this job" first thing. lol.
pinball_wizard@lemmy.zip · 8 pts · 277d
Story time: That happened to me. I was the interviewer.
The canidate showed up and answered my first question with "I accepted another offer this morning."
It was a short interview.
I think my notes just said "poor communication skills", which seemed nicer than "didn't occur to them to text rather than show up".
JackbyDev@programming.dev · 2 pts · 277d
I'm zeroing in on a better method. I think "I no longer want this job and have accepted another. I am ineligible to work in this country. I am a felon." seems like a pretty good.
PeriodicallyPedantic@lemmy.ca · 2 pts · 277d
Naw.
Poop on their desk
toynbee@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 276d
Is "kill all men" progressive?
ivanafterall@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 276d
In Europe, that's just a mainline centrist view blah blah blah Overton Window.
JackbyDev@programming.dev · 1 pts · 276d
It was something that radical feminists used to say a few years back.
Edit: To be clear, I'm not saying I agree with this sentiment nor am I saying it's something I think is reflective of progressives, but it's a controversial thing to say that will make a lot of people angry. It was just an example of something that makes a lot of people angry.
Thedogdrinkscoffee@lemmy.ca · 11 pts · 277d
"Before I answer any questions, tell me about the real pay package, bonus structure, vacation and sick days and promotions schedule. I also have to warn you in advance that I have flight booked to Barbados next month so we can count that as a signing bonus."
Rednax@lemmy.world · 14 pts · 277d
As a European, this sounds like a rude and slightly exaggerated way of asking a normal question. A bad way to start, but probably not something that will get you kicked out of an interview in 30 seconds.
Thedogdrinkscoffee@lemmy.ca · 5 pts · 277d
In north america it is an instant write off.
StopSpazzing@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 277d
Lucky
captainlezbian@lemmy.world · 11 pts · 276d
"All professional decisions I make come down to a simple question: what would Marx do"
sheogorath@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 276d
Turns out you're interviewing to join a collective.
oyo@lemmy.zip · 10 pts · 277d
Whatever I've been doing for the past year, apparently.
snoons@lemmy.ca · 4 pts · 277d
;-;
Same... same.
Jollyllama@lemmy.world · 10 pts · 276d
Show up naked
BigDanishGuy@sh.itjust.works · 8 pts · 276d
Jokes on you, they're hiring for "World's sexiest Lemmy user"
Alexstarfire@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 276d
I don't think a walrus is going to win.
ivanafterall@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 276d
I think you should tell me more about this walrus. So you're saying there's a lot of junk in the trunk?
Juvyn00b@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 10 pts · 277d
I actually did this. Maybe not within thirty seconds or so, but I was applying for a higher level position (above my current classification) at a collections agency. Was kind of sick of the grind but others thought I should be promoted, but interview was required first. I basically told them over and over that if they paid me the right salary I'd do the job. They were not impressed, and my then manager had a few words for me the next day. Oh to be young and not having a care in the world. I also knew I had a different career path in mind, so I wasn't interested in staying either.
rockandsock@lemmynsfw.com · 9 pts · 277d
In the movie Trainspotting, Spud took a bunch of speed right before his job interview to mess up any chances he had of getting hired.
So... that.
sanguinepar@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 276d
Can't remember if it's in the movie too, but in the book, the speed starts to make him paranoid that he's doing too well and might get the job 😁
dumbass@piefed.social · 9 pts · 277d
"Hey, were you at that BDSM orgy the other night?"
ivanafterall@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 276d
And if they say yes?
dumbass@piefed.social · 1 pts · 276d
I thought your voice sounded familiar.
yuknowhokat@lemmy.world · 9 pts · 277d
Start by asking how many paid days off and what is the drinking policy on the job
ryathal@sh.itjust.works · 9 pts · 277d
I'd like to disclose my disability from my time in federal prison.
BonesOfTheMoon@lemmy.world · 9 pts · 275d
Sit down, look at the picture of the (child aged) daughter of the person interviewing you, and ask if she's single.
ouRKaoS@lemmy.today · 8 pts · 275d
...and now all of a sudden you're appointed to lead a government agency.
yermaw@sh.itjust.works · 8 pts · 276d
Just keep trying as hard as I can
Vupware@lemmy.zip · 8 pts · 276d
I’d pull a Hal Incandeza and just sit there. When they ask my why I’m not speaking, I’ll just start screeching, making weird faces, and writhing around.
LORDSMEGMA@sh.itjust.works · 8 pts · 277d
Show up naked and shit on the receptionist
Doofytoe@sh.itjust.works · 8 pts · 276d
Fart into my cupped hand while making (and not breaking eye contact) and proceed to "throw" it in the interviewers general direction. (Extra points if you can do this with a straight face)
aeternum@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 8 pts · 277d
lucg@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 276d
And here I was thinking the most reliable and comfortable way to fail is to not show up!
ragingHungryPanda@piefed.keyboardvagabond.com · 8 pts · 277d
I went to an interview for a company in the west coast and I was in central time. the recruiter told me that they had core hours and I'd have some flexibility. one of the first questions was whether I was willing to work Pacific time, which I wasn't, especially since it wasn't the best paying job in the world. That interview lasted about 30 seconds.
OrteilGenou@lemmy.world · 8 pts · 276d
Repeat everything the interviewer says back to them in Yosemite Sam's voice, but punctuate every sentence with "bitch!"
pixeltree@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 8 pts · 276d
Blow the interviewer
Mesa@programming.dev · 6 pts · 275d
I start next Monday, what now?
Mesa@programming.dev · 1 pts · 275d
pixeltree@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 2 pts · 275d
Task failed successfully?
BuboScandiacus@mander.xyz · 1 pts · 276d
You get the job
ApathyTree@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 8 pts · 276d
“Why do you want this job/to work here?” “I’m just looking for something interesting to do for a while, get out of the house a bit. This sounds interesting enough.”
They hear: I don’t need a job, I may not need money, I may already have a job, I’m not picky about where I work so I’m probably not planning to stay, I’m likely to be weird or high maintenance, I’m very likely to move on quickly if I’m no longer entertained, and most importantly, I don’t need this specific job so I won’t take abuse of any sort.
This does work to land food service jobs, though, because they don’t really care. They gain and lose staff so frequently that if you just aren’t a complete shitshow you’ll get the job.
Jumi@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 277d
Easy, just don't come at all
tomi000@lemmy.world · 8 pts · 277d
But keep stroking it?
snoons@lemmy.ca · 4 pts · 277d
Gotta edge them for as long as you can. That way you can get a raise.
postmateDumbass@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 277d
Establish inward dominance as well as outward dominance.
lemmie689@lemmy.sdf.org · 7 pts · 277d
Marshezezz@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 2 pts · 277d
CanadaPlus@lemmy.sdf.org · 2 pts · 277d
Lol, what is that from?
lemmie689@lemmy.sdf.org · 3 pts · 277d
The movie Alice's Restaurant
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alice%27s_Restaurant_(film)
CanadaPlus@lemmy.sdf.org · 3 pts · 276d
If it's the part I'm guessing it is, it was an accidentally successful interview, too, haha.
yuknowhokat@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 277d
I'm probably wrong but it looks like it could be a scene from a video for Don McLean's Alice's Restaurant
CanadaPlus@lemmy.sdf.org · 7 pts · 277d
First few ideas: Talk about how I'm not really big on the whole "working hard" thing, immediately bring up and start ranting about weird political ideas, "I'm worth X, take it or leave it"
CatDogL0ver@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 275d
As the title suggests, blow a job interviewer in the first 30 seconds will blow a job interview in 30 seconds
Adulated_Aspersion@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 275d
Depends on the skill of the top.
lazylion_ca@lemmy.ca · 6 pts · 277d
Boring perhaps, but just get up and leave.
DasFaultier@sh.itjust.works · 7 pts · 277d
"This is exactly the kind of confidence we're looking for in a candidate. You're hired!"
yermaw@sh.itjust.works · 2 pts · 276d
Always leave em wanting more. Standard.
Hello_there@fedia.io · 6 pts · 277d
Blowjob?
HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 277d
Blowie with lots of teeth
Witchfire@lemmy.world · 8 pts · 277d
Calm down now Trump
devolution@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 276d
Blow a job. Remove the a. Instant fail and a felony.
burrito@sh.itjust.works · 1 pts · 276d
Congratulations! You got the job!
GreenKnight23@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 276d
can't rape the willing!
devolution@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 276d
I'm guaranteed failure if I go clam diving though.
GreenKnight23@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 276d
take a massive liquid shit in the trashcan and maintain eye contact the whole time while humming or singing "I've been working on the railroad".
Soktopraegaeawayok@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 276d
What? Thats easy?
"Hi what's your name?"
"Suck yo grandpas wrinkley wang on a Wednesday!" And walk out. Done.
Alexstarfire@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 276d
That's a weird name.
GaryGhost@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 277d
Ask for a blow job
HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 277d
How else I gonna get my beard dry
GaryGhost@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 269d
Do you have a mustache?
steeznson@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 275d
Actually as someone who does sometimes do interviews: acting like an asshole with a big ego will wreck your chances big time.
Lemminary@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 277d
I cough into my hand as I reach out to greet them and fart loudly as I make eye contact while shaking their hand.
ivanafterall@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 276d
I think a decent number of interviewers will overlook one fart. Maybe two. Depending on the volume, duration, viscosity, etc.
Lemminary@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 276d
Long, wet, loud, bubbly, trailing, and delivered with a knowing smile and a belly gurgle that says I may have shit my pants. We're gonna find out when I take a seat.
hanrahan@piefed.social · 5 pts · 277d
"Pull my finger"!
Adderbox76@lemmy.ca · 5 pts · 276d
Three words...
Cock finger puppet.
dream_weasel@sh.itjust.works · 1 pts · 276d
I agree. Cocks should not have fingers.
Adderbox76@lemmy.ca · 1 pts · 276d
Well I wish someone had told me that before I went through with the surgery.
handsoffmydata@lemmy.zip · 5 pts · 277d
Show up 20 minutes late.
StopSpazzing@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 277d
Failed the task. Said first 30 seconds.
Natanael@infosec.pub · 5 pts · 276d
Try to set up the interviewer with my friend "who isn't as bad as they say"
JetpackJackson@feddit.org · 4 pts · 277d
Options:
Vomit all over the interviewer's desk.
Act crazy and shout random stuff in German, made worse by the fact that my German is dogshit
Pretend that I'm in a theater play (ie Romeo and juliet) and start dramatically acting a role, etc.
rikudou@lemmings.world · 4 pts · 277d
Get my dick out. If it doesn't ruin the interview I'll run away anyway - who would want to work in a company where such a behaviour is okay?
HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 277d
For some reason (probably that story about the student whose packer fell out in front of a teacher who said "I hate it when it does that") I have a different image in my head.
DrDickHandler@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 277d
What a useless post.
daggermoon@lemmy.world · 8 pts · 277d
Do you handle multiple dicks or just your own?
otp@sh.itjust.works · 4 pts · 277d
Call them to say I found a better job.
No, I don't show up. Just call at the exact time the interview starts.
steeznson@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 276d
Tell them I could do the interview better than them
Tikiporch@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 277d
ieatpwns@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 275d
Spit on my palm and go in for the handshake
NABDad@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 277d
Whip it out and piss on the desk.
LoonyTrix@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 276d
So, how many holidays are there and how much are you offering, if I decide I'm interested?
Valmond@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 277d
Can we first just check out the salary?
early_riser@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 275d
"The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races" --Homer Simpson (OK the quote was about getting out of jury duty but I think it fits here)
frog_brawler@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 276d
YiddishMcSquidish@lemmy.today · 3 pts · 277d
Immediately strip and start furiously masturbating.
hawgietonight@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 277d
Did the interview room have a big black couch?
YiddishMcSquidish@lemmy.today · 2 pts · 277d
I wish there was proper furniture! Fucker accused me of shoplifting!
daggermoon@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 277d
That'll do it
vane@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 275d
How much for getting hired ?
postmateDumbass@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 277d
Drugs.
Treczoks@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 276d
"Didn't I see you in (name of local odd hangout, like a gay bar or something)?"
ivanafterall@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 276d
It's definitely possible. That's one of my favorite spots! Small world!
Kissaki@feddit.org · 2 pts · 277d
Inucune@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 275d
Ask to borrow a pen. Throw it at the interviewer's head. Ask to borrow a pen...
dukatos@lemmy.zip · 2 pts · 277d
Something like this
higgsboson@piefed.social · 2 pts · 277d
Apparently just be my own natural self.
CobaltMetropolis@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 276d
Act as if the place is yours as if you were the boss
FourThirteen@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 277d
Pee
Kissaki@feddit.org · 1 pts · 277d
You're hired as our new water fountain in the entrance hall!
Theprogressivist@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 277d
Delusion6903@discuss.online · 1 pts · 273d
4 bowls of chili before the interview. And deviled eggs. No words necessary.
ExtremeDullard@piefed.social · -3 pts · 277d
That's easy: just say "Allahu akbar" when you get in.
ulterno@programming.dev · 5 pts · 277d
You are applying in Pakistan and get a return "Allahu akbar" in a routinely manner with a straight face.
Continue the interview.