The feeling of sweaty aka slippery butt cheeks in summer while walking to class and worst of all climbing stairs was too much. And let's not forget that farts have a to physically separate your cheeks to escape. Too much weird feeling.
Never again
Now I let my butthole grow some hair but keep it trimmed low because I'm not a heathen
Shaved mine in prep for my first colonoscopy. I know, they see some nasty shit, don't know why I cared. Took TWO bottles of the lemon flavored ass blaster juice.
Ended up holding my ass cheeks apart and screaming at my ex-wife, "Get the neighbor! GET THE NEIGHBOR!" Said neighbor was a nurse but I was in such agony I couldn't think of her name.
Halfway down my ass cheeks, and all the way down from there, my flesh looked sandpapered, sunburned. Pain doesn't make me cry, but my eyes were plenty blurry that night.
And I still had to shit more lemon juice. Try not to think on this story.
In solution with water it tastes somewhere between the worlds worst flattest sprite and a sweet lemon.
Edit: I'd marked Sodium Citrate, which is a similar compound but is used for different reasons. Sodium Citrate is an anti-coagulant. If you've ever donated blood plasma, its that weird sterile taste you get in the back of your neck when they feed the blood solids back in with saline. It is also used in nacho cheese.
Can't tell if you're joking, but you have to. The doctor prescribes it, and it cleans everything out of your system. By the end, you're just crapping out the lemon drink itself and you're squeaky clean for the camera
It's not about the driver experience, it's about the road inspection. If the patient has a pre-cancerous polyp the inspector sees, they will cut it out, problem averted. If the patient has a pre-cancerous polyp obscured by stool, it gets missed and then in a few years turns to cancer. And survival rates for colon cancer are depressingly low.
Before a colonoscopy, you typically have to drink something called "prep" to clean out your system. For the better part of a day before the procedure, you drink nothing but this liquid that is meant to clean out your intestines, and it makes you shit your guts out until it's nothing but the clear liquid. It's usually lemon or pineapple flavored, and it tastes awful.
As someone with a lot of experience shaving body hair, if you do it regularly it's fine. If you do it every once in a while, that's where it gets itchy. Tbh armpits get the itchiest regrowth, for me anyway.
Ugh, that's so much work, though. I found that the OG Ball-ber (trimmer for your balls) had guide combs that were perfect for my body hair and trimming my whole body only took 10 minutes.
When I broke it I upgraded to the Pro, and unfortunately the guide comb sucks (it's a shitty dial one that's facing the wrong way).
OP didn't mention the AGONIZING itch you get from the skin rubbing. Make sure to use some powder or some shit. Also it grows back in a week and takes so much time.
Trick is to NOT trim it down to perfect clean shaven. Leave some small tiny little hairs. It won't itch. Been doing that exact thing myself but I'm not willing to prove it.
Water people. Just fucking wash your ass, it's hygienic and it feels nice too. Use a bidet, or just sit on the fucking bathroom sink (provided it's installed on the floor, and not the wall). It's amazing how poor ass hygine is for a nation that keeps going on about "eating ass".
I will get a bidet the day they invent one that sprays soapy water. Washing your ass without soap is like washing your hands without soap.
Washing your ass in the sink is unsanitary. I don't need shit particles in my sink bowl. I much rather just hop in the shower after a shit and wash my ass with body wash after I'm done wiping. If you have a detachable showerhead, it's easy to do so without getting your whole body wet.
My bidet is like a pressure washer seriously, it has quite a bit of pressure, enough to make it pretty unpleasant if I crank it up on high.
Yeah, it's not soap but I'm not using my ass to eat, I'm just trying to get all the shit off of it so I don't get weird ass-rot and hemorrhoids.
Mine was about $30 on sale and it increased my quality of life in ways that are hard to describe. Shitting at work is a lot worse now, I feel like a barbarian sitting around with a dirty ass all day.
Ours was only about $27, hooked up on about 20 minutes with just a wrench, and has worked flawlessly for the last 2 years.
Easily the best $27 I've ever spent, and the entire family agrees. People who immediately shut down the conversation because it's icky, need to grow up.
I've been doing this with "Veet gel cream hair remover - sensitive hair removal cream" for the past 6 months and it really is a game changer. No burning (and I've left it on longer than 10 minutes), wiping is almost always a one-and-done, BO is gone, it's amazing, honestly.
I guess youâve got really delicate skin :P Iâve definitely left the cream on longer than they suggest and I never got any irritation or chemical burns.
The worst is a couple ingrown hairs that are irritated for the first few days.
Ouch that sounds bad. I did have one time using a slightly different product and it burnt bad and I had to jump in the shower immediately to get it off haha.
I'm glad you mentioned this is for Americans because here in Canada calling the winter water "cold" is like saying the sun is "hot". I can handle the cold water on my skin but shooting it directly at my butthole is not happening.
The heated seats are really useful during the winter, though. And warm/hot water can often be better at "rinsing" solid material than cold water. I've noticed that it takes longer to feel fully clean with a non-electric bidet than an electric one. It's like trying to rinse dishes with cold water vs rinsing with scalding hot water. One will get the job done much faster.
Eh I got a $250 chinese seat model with a heated reservoir, heated seat, basically enema mode, child lock, self-clean, lights the bowl, 3 years now and it's great. Cleaning really not that big of a deal, especially compared to someone accidentally spraying the handheld all over, kids playing with it, etc
Great suggestion! I also am sold to bidets. I went to look at the link you posted, and they have a hilarious image of a 100k$ bathroom with their 80$ bidet there, just sticking out like a sore thumb XD.
It's a good idea if you have the right sort of skin tone. IPL works best on people with light skin and dark hair, but it might work on other combinations as well. Unfortunately, it doesn't work very well on dark skinned people
What is this person's diet like? I mean feces is supposed to be a somewhat solid log, not a splattery mess. I guess Cheetos and Mountain Dew three times a day does that?
I guess I wanted to say fresh poop should have the consistency and texture of new Playdoh straight from the can. If you grab it and bend it slightly, small cracks should appear.
Stool? Good luck making furniture from what I do... this afternoon I thought I gave birth to a jellyfish but when I looked it turned out it was just a bucket of blood.
I mean the worst is usually the one that is mostly solid but something fucked it just a bit and now its like 15% towards veing runny. Just solid enoigh to come out relatively in one piece but also soft enough to spread all over your ass.
Had one like rhat yesterday. Did not have plans to shower that day but alas I went straight from the shitter into the shower.
A bottle of water. Wash yourself back there. Yes, like properly with your hand, like what you do in the shower. A lot more hygienic.
No, it's not "disgusting" doing that. You go back there with toilet paper anyway. You think shit moisture doesn't get on your hand when using toilet paper?
Okay, here's what you do. Just keep a small container of skin cream with you. when you are done your bisuness, apply a small amount to the toilet paper, and wipe until clean. it helps remove and moisturize at the same time. you would never need to but those non flushable wipes again.
I don't think you understand. If I were to concoct a shitass story about being a shitass, and put that on the shitass interwebs, what would a shitass AI response look like? Respond as a shitass. Thanks.
Careful with the bidet conversation. I saw someone on plebbit explain how they don't have to wash their hands after they take a shit because they have a bidet that washes and dries their asshole.
Most teachers are women that do not need to worry about wiping a hairy ass. If school was taunt by men or nurses that wipe adult asses it would get mentioned.
What a bizzare thing to say. Plenty of women have hairy asses. And no, men wouldn't teach this is they were the majority of teachers for the same reason women don't - it's not socially acceptable. The parents of the children would riot. Sex education is only taught because of how important it is, and it still makes a lot of parents uncomfortable.
This has "washing your ass is gay" vibes. Let me ask a question in language you will understand: how is spraying your ass with water more gay than rubbing and occasionally (accidentally) fingering your asshole every time you shit?
You accidentally finger you asshole? Now I see why you need that to be the case. Anyways I shower that's why I don't need wet wipes or a bidet. Just sound like you like being back there.
Better then sticking fingers in my ass and calling it "cleaning". Trust me all your friends are talking about your "habits". Also forgot to change accounts.
Idk, all I do know is you need that to be the truth. Enjoy your ass play and stop having multiple accounts, that's actually beta male energy. Enjoy playing with your asshole.
What in the actual fuck are you talking about? Shit squirting in your ass?!? Seriously, no idea if you have no idea how they actually work, or if you've used a model/method that I can't even comprehend.
Who's being disingenuous? I never said bidets don't shoot water in your ass, I quoted you directly, who said:
But rather have trash in a trash can then shit squirting in my ass like a fetishist.
YOU claimed they somehow shoot shit in your ass, so that's what I addressed, now you're saying I'M being disingenuous by quoting you directly?? OY, yeah, please just disengage.
This was my solution for the longest time until I finally bought a bidet. Wet wipes are definitely a thousand times better than just dry tissue and if they're working for you go for it, I just got tired if having to go buy more and decided a one time purchase and install of a bidet would be easier. Everyone in this thread is going to recommend a bidet, as do I now that I've started using one, but wet wipes were my go to and no bathroom should be without them
People in the internet have strong opinions. I'm definitely in the bidet good camp, but I also don't really like telling other people what to do so if wet wipes are doing it for ya, keep it up!
162 Comments
UnrefinedChihuahua@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 121 pts · 314d
Just get a damn bidet. Life changing.
Manjushri@piefed.social · 28 pts · 314d
Yep. Take just it from Matt Damon and Alan Tudyk
commie@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 44 pts · 314d
I don't know where they keep theirs. I'll probably need to just get my own.
winkerjadams@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 11 pts · 314d
Check their toilets
BananaIsABerry@lemmy.zip · 21 pts · 314d
Not all poops occur at home.
UnrefinedChihuahua@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 14 pts · 313d
Travel bidet. I know of two co-workers who bring one to work daily. Think squeeze bottle with a long straw.
Edit: personally I'm not a fan, to be clear, but it's possible.
AtariDump@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 312d
https://a.co/d/9a3tYZq
Shortstack@reddthat.com · 95 pts · 314d
I did this once
The feeling of sweaty aka slippery butt cheeks in summer while walking to class and worst of all climbing stairs was too much. And let's not forget that farts have a to physically separate your cheeks to escape. Too much weird feeling.
Never again
Now I let my butthole grow some hair but keep it trimmed low because I'm not a heathen
DeletesItLater@lemmy.world · 17 pts · 314d
I'm pretty sure this is where the term "butt trumpet" came from.
village604@adultswim.fan · 10 pts · 313d
Just use some gold bond or other body powder. Problem solved. Thongs also solve the problem and are really quite comfortable once you're used to them.
Kolanaki@pawb.social · 71 pts · 314d
This is why three seashells are superior to TP.
EbenezerScrew@lemmy.world · 19 pts · 314d
Stop trying to push your BS Dr. Cocteau.
PattyMcB@lemmy.world · 18 pts · 314d
HAH! He doesn't know what the seashells are for!
ThePyroPython@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 313d
That moment when OP doesn't know about the seashells (sremoveds in Rob Schneider)
Venus_Ziegenfalle@feddit.org · 68 pts · 314d
All fun and games until you try and let a sneaky one rip in public
hOrni@lemmy.world · 55 pts · 314d
Wait 2 days, till it starts growing back.
Bring_Back_Buggy_Whips@sh.itjust.works · 50 pts · 314d
I tried shaving my asshole but he ran away and never came back.
shalafi@lemmy.world · 41 pts · 313d
Horror story:
Shaved mine in prep for my first colonoscopy. I know, they see some nasty shit, don't know why I cared. Took TWO bottles of the lemon flavored ass blaster juice.
Ended up holding my ass cheeks apart and screaming at my ex-wife, "Get the neighbor! GET THE NEIGHBOR!" Said neighbor was a nurse but I was in such agony I couldn't think of her name.
Halfway down my ass cheeks, and all the way down from there, my flesh looked sandpapered, sunburned. Pain doesn't make me cry, but my eyes were plenty blurry that night.
And I still had to shit more lemon juice. Try not to think on this story.
FooBarrington@lemmy.world · 12 pts · 313d
What the fuck is "lemon flavored ass blaster juice"??
ArsonButCute@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 8 pts · 313d
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Magnesium_citrate
In solution with water it tastes somewhere between the worlds worst flattest sprite and a sweet lemon.
Edit: I'd marked Sodium Citrate, which is a similar compound but is used for different reasons. Sodium Citrate is an anti-coagulant. If you've ever donated blood plasma, its that weird sterile taste you get in the back of your neck when they feed the blood solids back in with saline. It is also used in nacho cheese.
FooBarrington@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 313d
Why would you drink two bottles of that before a colonoscopy?!
ChexMax@lemmy.world · 13 pts · 313d
Can't tell if you're joking, but you have to. The doctor prescribes it, and it cleans everything out of your system. By the end, you're just crapping out the lemon drink itself and you're squeaky clean for the camera
FooBarrington@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 313d
Oh shit, didn't know that. Luckily I've never had a colonoscopy! Thanks for explaining!
ArsonButCute@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 2 pts · 313d
Your colon is like a road:
Would you rather drive down a smooth, well maintained, Clean road or a muddy mess that's never seen a cleanup crew?
You don't technically have to, but I think whoever is driving the colonoscope might refuse to work in those conditions.
Lyrl@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 5 pts · 312d
It's not about the driver experience, it's about the road inspection. If the patient has a pre-cancerous polyp the inspector sees, they will cut it out, problem averted. If the patient has a pre-cancerous polyp obscured by stool, it gets missed and then in a few years turns to cancer. And survival rates for colon cancer are depressingly low.
Aljernon@lemmy.today · 2 pts · 312d
I think he's mistaking it for magnesium citrate. It pulls water into your intestines via osmosis and makes you squirt constantly.
ArsonButCute@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 3 pts · 312d
She, and yes you're correct.
FooBarrington@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 312d
đ„”
Aljernon@lemmy.today · 1 pts · 313d
magnesium citrate is probably what he took
GhostMutt@lemmy.zip · 6 pts · 313d
Before a colonoscopy, you typically have to drink something called "prep" to clean out your system. For the better part of a day before the procedure, you drink nothing but this liquid that is meant to clean out your intestines, and it makes you shit your guts out until it's nothing but the clear liquid. It's usually lemon or pineapple flavored, and it tastes awful.
flambonkscious@sh.itjust.works · 9 pts · 313d
Thanks - you've made the rest of us look better, just by sharing your story
ikidd@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 313d
My life is better knowing i will.never do this to myself.
daggermoon@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 313d
What was the neighbor's reaction?
Zozano@aussie.zone · 4 pts · 313d
I thought you wanted your neighbour to watch for a moment there
Honytawk@feddit.nl · 3 pts · 313d
"Oh? That wasn't what you called me for?"
puts away wine bottle
beejboytyson@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 313d
Buddy anything other then soap around you squishy bits is asking for trouble.
Marty_TF@lemmy.zip · 39 pts · 314d
fr tho, from personal experience shaving ur arsehole is a fucking blessing
oneser@lemmy.zip · 49 pts · 314d
I could not imagine the regrowth itch from that being part of the blessed experience?
Azzu@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 33 pts · 314d
There simply is none if you do it regularly, at least for me.
AstralPath@lemmy.ca · 18 pts · 314d
A truly brutal experience I'll never revisit.
pixeltree@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 13 pts · 314d
As someone with a lot of experience shaving body hair, if you do it regularly it's fine. If you do it every once in a while, that's where it gets itchy. Tbh armpits get the itchiest regrowth, for me anyway.
Marty_TF@lemmy.zip · 8 pts · 314d
that is 100% true.
but since i found that i actually enjoy all my body hair being off, i just shave everything 1-2 times a week.
except my beard. gotta have something to remain dwarven.
village604@adultswim.fan · 4 pts · 313d
Ugh, that's so much work, though. I found that the OG Ball-ber (trimmer for your balls) had guide combs that were perfect for my body hair and trimming my whole body only took 10 minutes.
When I broke it I upgraded to the Pro, and unfortunately the guide comb sucks (it's a shitty dial one that's facing the wrong way).
burntbacon@discuss.tchncs.de · 29 pts · 314d
Shaving can be... bad: https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/lax/35274458.html
Maestro@fedia.io · 5 pts · 314d
Came looking for exactly that epic story đ
LoafedBurrito@lemmy.world · 27 pts · 312d
OP didn't mention the AGONIZING itch you get from the skin rubbing. Make sure to use some powder or some shit. Also it grows back in a week and takes so much time.
Just get a bidet.
87Six@lemmy.zip · 5 pts · 312d
Trick is to NOT trim it down to perfect clean shaven. Leave some small tiny little hairs. It won't itch. Been doing that exact thing myself but I'm not willing to prove it.
YMMV if your crack hair is harder than mine.
rumba@lemmy.zip · 5 pts · 312d
And if you work out, the sweat just makes it all slidey back there ++ungood.
notarobot@lemmy.zip · 2 pts · 312d
For the love of god, if your skin is irritated, do not use shit to try and fix it.
/s
moseschrute@lemmy.world · 22 pts · 314d
Bidet is the way
BakedCookie@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 22 pts · 312d
Water people. Just fucking wash your ass, it's hygienic and it feels nice too. Use a bidet, or just sit on the fucking bathroom sink (provided it's installed on the floor, and not the wall). It's amazing how poor ass hygine is for a nation that keeps going on about "eating ass".
lightnsfw@reddthat.com · 27 pts · 312d
Well now everyone at work is looking at me funny.
Dragonstaff@leminal.space · 6 pts · 312d
They said "bathroom" not "break room".
plyth@feddit.org · 1 pts · 312d
Just flush and use the water from the toilet. After all it is a WC.
Scribbd@feddit.nl · 9 pts · 312d
The nation fears that it might feel nice.
Psythik@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 312d
I will get a bidet the day they invent one that sprays soapy water. Washing your ass without soap is like washing your hands without soap.
Washing your ass in the sink is unsanitary. I don't need shit particles in my sink bowl. I much rather just hop in the shower after a shit and wash my ass with body wash after I'm done wiping. If you have a detachable showerhead, it's easy to do so without getting your whole body wet.
nomy@lemmy.zip · 4 pts · 312d
My bidet is like a pressure washer seriously, it has quite a bit of pressure, enough to make it pretty unpleasant if I crank it up on high.
Yeah, it's not soap but I'm not using my ass to eat, I'm just trying to get all the shit off of it so I don't get weird ass-rot and hemorrhoids.
Mine was about $30 on sale and it increased my quality of life in ways that are hard to describe. Shitting at work is a lot worse now, I feel like a barbarian sitting around with a dirty ass all day.
StarvingMartist@sh.itjust.works · 21 pts · 313d
Wait till he finds out what it feels like growing back in
desmosthenes@lemmy.world · 17 pts · 313d
bidets or water solve this too
Cevilia@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 9 pts · 313d
BarneyPiccolo@lemmy.today · 4 pts · 312d
Ours was only about $27, hooked up on about 20 minutes with just a wrench, and has worked flawlessly for the last 2 years.
Easily the best $27 I've ever spent, and the entire family agrees. People who immediately shut down the conversation because it's icky, need to grow up.
Jankatarch@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 313d
As often is the case, it's best to do a little of both.
PerogiBoi@lemmy.ca · 15 pts · 314d
Nair bikini on ur butthole. It will change ur life.
Yall ever fucked with an aerodynamic anus before????
dditty@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 4 pts · 313d
I've been doing this with "Veet gel cream hair remover - sensitive hair removal cream" for the past 6 months and it really is a game changer. No burning (and I've left it on longer than 10 minutes), wiping is almost always a one-and-done, BO is gone, it's amazing, honestly.
TwoBeeSan@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 313d
Nair feels like getting the shit chemically burned off. I'll shave with cream and a blindfold before ever doing that again.
I don't care how silky the hole is. I would rather do gymist poses in the mirror.
PerogiBoi@lemmy.ca · 3 pts · 313d
I guess youâve got really delicate skin :P Iâve definitely left the cream on longer than they suggest and I never got any irritation or chemical burns.
The worst is a couple ingrown hairs that are irritated for the first few days.
TwoBeeSan@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 313d
Must.
Ex used extra strength. Tried it then. My little pale ass felt like I got dunked in an acid vat.
Errbody different. Glad it works for you and your silky holes lol
PerogiBoi@lemmy.ca · 1 pts · 313d
Ouch that sounds bad. I did have one time using a slightly different product and it burnt bad and I had to jump in the shower immediately to get it off haha.
May your butt find freedom for its follicles.
muusemuuse@sh.itjust.works · 14 pts · 312d
On the other hand, your ass has no secrets now. Every fart is an announcement. You took the muffler away.
thax@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 12 pts · 313d
CancerMancer@sh.itjust.works · 12 pts · 313d
I'm glad you mentioned this is for Americans because here in Canada calling the winter water "cold" is like saying the sun is "hot". I can handle the cold water on my skin but shooting it directly at my butthole is not happening.
tlmcleod@lemmy.ml · 7 pts · 313d
You haven't lived until you shoot ice water at your brown eye
CancerMancer@sh.itjust.works · 2 pts · 312d
lmao you better not be poking someone's ass when you do that, might lose a finger
For the record bidets are pretty great though, but I went ahead and got a heated one because I am not a masochist.
Echolynx@lemmy.zip · 5 pts · 312d
The heated seats are really useful during the winter, though. And warm/hot water can often be better at "rinsing" solid material than cold water. I've noticed that it takes longer to feel fully clean with a non-electric bidet than an electric one. It's like trying to rinse dishes with cold water vs rinsing with scalding hot water. One will get the job done much faster.
usrtrv@sh.itjust.works · 4 pts · 313d
It might be overkill, but I'll keep my overpriced bidet with heated water/seat. Cleaning is not that bad, I just do it the same time I clean the bowl.
Echolynx@lemmy.zip · 3 pts · 312d
Right, it's not significantly different from just wiping down the seat and/or bidet nozzles even in a non-electric one.
JackbyDev@programming.dev · 4 pts · 312d
muusemuuse@sh.itjust.works · 3 pts · 312d
Youâre holding it wrong.
BanMe@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 313d
Eh I got a $250 chinese seat model with a heated reservoir, heated seat, basically enema mode, child lock, self-clean, lights the bowl, 3 years now and it's great. Cleaning really not that big of a deal, especially compared to someone accidentally spraying the handheld all over, kids playing with it, etc
DigitalNeighbor@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 312d
Great suggestion! I also am sold to bidets. I went to look at the link you posted, and they have a hilarious image of a 100k$ bathroom with their 80$ bidet there, just sticking out like a sore thumb XD.
thax@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 3 pts · 312d
bathing_in_bismuth@sh.itjust.works · 0 pts · 312d
If you need a bidet to get your ass clean, what the fuck do you do when traveling?
One could also change diet
AyuTsukasa@lemmy.zip · 1 pts · 312d
Travel bidet! Some can attach to water bottles and some have their own little reservoir.
Nikls94@lemmy.world · 11 pts · 312d
Dude my superpower is that diarrhea comes out as filtered drinking water.
SkaveRat@discuss.tchncs.de · 15 pts · 312d
How can I delete someone else's post?
87Six@lemmy.zip · 5 pts · 312d
First person I ever followed here
87Six@lemmy.zip · 6 pts · 312d
Nevermind I don't know how to follow peolle
muusemuuse@sh.itjust.works · 3 pts · 312d
Nikls: âStop, you fiend!â Spez: âyouâll never stop me!â Nikls: -unzips, bends overâŠ. Spez: O_O
Coopr8@kbin.earth · 8 pts · 313d
I have been tempted to try IPL hair removal myself
Estiar@sh.itjust.works · 5 pts · 313d
It's a good idea if you have the right sort of skin tone. IPL works best on people with light skin and dark hair, but it might work on other combinations as well. Unfortunately, it doesn't work very well on dark skinned people
SoftestSapphic@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 313d
I love my at home hair removal thingy, these work!
CompactFlax@discuss.tchncs.de · 8 pts · 314d
I eat a lot of fibre; makes the cleaning part a lot easier.
But these hairs that we have a fetish for removing are functional for our health and comfort, to varying degrees.
shalafi@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 313d
I take a monster shot of psyllium husk everyday. Hardly anything to wipe and my shit no longer stinks.
HugeNerd@lemmy.ca · 7 pts · 312d
What is this person's diet like? I mean feces is supposed to be a somewhat solid log, not a splattery mess. I guess Cheetos and Mountain Dew three times a day does that?
Knock_Knock_Lemmy_In@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 312d
You need to drink more water.
HugeNerd@lemmy.ca · 4 pts · 312d
I guess I wanted to say fresh poop should have the consistency and texture of new Playdoh straight from the can. If you grab it and bend it slightly, small cracks should appear.
Knock_Knock_Lemmy_In@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 312d
If there's little moisture then it means your body is trying to get liquid from the stool.
HugeNerd@lemmy.ca · 4 pts · 312d
Stool? Good luck making furniture from what I do... this afternoon I thought I gave birth to a jellyfish but when I looked it turned out it was just a bucket of blood.
Wizard_Pope@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 312d
I mean the worst is usually the one that is mostly solid but something fucked it just a bit and now its like 15% towards veing runny. Just solid enoigh to come out relatively in one piece but also soft enough to spread all over your ass.
Had one like rhat yesterday. Did not have plans to shower that day but alas I went straight from the shitter into the shower.
chocrates@piefed.world · 7 pts · 314d
If you shave your ass you chafe like fucking crazy.
Tattorack@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 313d
A bottle of water. Wash yourself back there. Yes, like properly with your hand, like what you do in the shower. A lot more hygienic.
No, it's not "disgusting" doing that. You go back there with toilet paper anyway. You think shit moisture doesn't get on your hand when using toilet paper?
ExtremeUnicorn@feddit.org · 11 pts · 313d
"Shit moisture", you ppl. are going insane..
FooBarrington@lemmy.world · 11 pts · 313d
tetris11@feddit.uk · 3 pts · 313d
is that Pangaea?
FooBarrington@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 313d
I think the planet is actually called "Dirt" or something like that
Buddahriffic@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 312d
Close. It's called Ground.
SpraynardKruger@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 312d
It's Ohio.
The meme that the template came from: https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/002/021/062/b16
The Ohio flag (shown on the space suit of the astronaut with the gun): https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/4/4c/Flag_of_Ohio.svg/1280px-Flag_of_Ohio.svg.png
LwL@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 313d
I tend to just hop in the shower for a sec.
But all of that is only really an option at home, anywhere else it's eternal wiping.
SirHery@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 313d
Or get a Bidet. Like a build in one.
BonesOfTheMoon@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 312d
The comedian Daniel Sloss does a bit on this.
muusemuuse@sh.itjust.works · 1 pts · 312d
Was he the one who did the whole âlike trying to get peanut butter out of carpetâ bit?
BonesOfTheMoon@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 312d
Yes!
lemmycdatass@lemmynsfw.com · 2 pts · 312d
Alternatively, don't be a shit poster. Did I take a wrong turn at Albuquerque?
markpaskal@lemmy.ca · 2 pts · 312d
Depilatory creams are your friend in that area.
Matriks404@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 313d
There should be life tutorial for autists, with Buller points and shit. It would be much easier that way.
Alpha71@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 312d
Okay, here's what you do. Just keep a small container of skin cream with you. when you are done your bisuness, apply a small amount to the toilet paper, and wipe until clean. it helps remove and moisturize at the same time. you would never need to but those non flushable wipes again.
lemmycdatass@lemmynsfw.com · 0 pts · 312d
I don't think you understand. If I were to concoct a shitass story about being a shitass, and put that on the shitass interwebs, what would a shitass AI response look like? Respond as a shitass. Thanks.
FridaySteve@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 313d
Careful with the bidet conversation. I saw someone on plebbit explain how they don't have to wash their hands after they take a shit because they have a bidet that washes and dries their asshole.
Triasha@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 312d
Most teachers are women that do not need to worry about wiping a hairy ass. If school was taunt by men or nurses that wipe adult asses it would get mentioned.
Probably
Ogy@lemmy.world · 16 pts · 312d
What a bizzare thing to say. Plenty of women have hairy asses. And no, men wouldn't teach this is they were the majority of teachers for the same reason women don't - it's not socially acceptable. The parents of the children would riot. Sex education is only taught because of how important it is, and it still makes a lot of parents uncomfortable.
Triasha@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 312d
Fair.
beejboytyson@lemmy.world · -10 pts · 313d
Wet wipes. Does everything a bidet does w/o getting a squirt in your asshole.
FridaySteve@lemmy.world · 24 pts · 313d
And then you have that nasty little foot pedal trashcan next to your toilet because you don't flush the wipes, right?
...you don't flush the wipes...do you?
beejboytyson@lemmy.world · -12 pts · 313d
Ofc not. But rather have trash in a trash can then shit squirting in my ass like a fetishist. But you do you boo.
CancerMancer@sh.itjust.works · 10 pts · 313d
This has "washing your ass is gay" vibes. Let me ask a question in language you will understand: how is spraying your ass with water more gay than rubbing and occasionally (accidentally) fingering your asshole every time you shit?
beejboytyson@lemmy.world · -1 pts · 313d
You accidentally finger you asshole? Now I see why you need that to be the case. Anyways I shower that's why I don't need wet wipes or a bidet. Just sound like you like being back there.
dreadbeef@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 3 pts · 312d
hey lemmy get a load of this this guy, he's proud to have shit all over his ass and people definitely talk about his poop smell when he isn't around
beejboytyson@lemmy.world · 0 pts · 312d
Better then sticking fingers in my ass and calling it "cleaning". Trust me all your friends are talking about your "habits". Also forgot to change accounts.
dreadbeef@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 3 pts · 312d
its called washing your hands after shitting lol. good ol fashioned hygiene, like not letting shit linger in your ass crack
CancerMancer@sh.itjust.works · 1 pts · 312d
Way to admit you either don't have a job (workplaces use garbage tp) or you don't clean your ass, which is disgusting but on brand.
beejboytyson@lemmy.world · 0 pts · 312d
Idk, all I do know is you need that to be the truth. Enjoy your ass play and stop having multiple accounts, that's actually beta male energy. Enjoy playing with your asshole.
PapaStevesy@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 313d
Shit comes out of your ass, bidet washes it off. If your bidet is squirting out shit, you hooked it up wrong. Really wrong...boo.
beejboytyson@lemmy.world · -2 pts · 313d
Idk I've used 2 and both times they were spitting water in my asshole.
null@piefed.nullspace.lol · 2 pts · 313d
Skill issue
beejboytyson@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 313d
Fuck. "Git gud nub"
BarneyPiccolo@lemmy.today · 3 pts · 312d
WTF? Fetishist? That's getting weird...
beejboytyson@lemmy.world · -1 pts · 312d
Ofc it is, that's why I don't like squirting stuff up my asshole.
BarneyPiccolo@lemmy.today · 2 pts · 312d
Bidets don't shoot water up your ass, you dolt. Its not an enema, it just just sprays off the exterior.
beejboytyson@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 312d
Idk why you need to convince yourself that spraying and shooting are different but ok...
Yall so sensitive about getting water squirted up you assholes.
Idk own it at least.
BarneyPiccolo@lemmy.today · 0 pts · 312d
Because that's not how you use a bidet.
It's like complaining that beds are uncomfortable when you sleep UNDER them.
jabeez@lemmy.today · 2 pts · 313d
What in the actual fuck are you talking about? Shit squirting in your ass?!? Seriously, no idea if you have no idea how they actually work, or if you've used a model/method that I can't even comprehend.
FridaySteve@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 313d
I believe they are referring to the mythical Brazilian mini-enema.
jabeez@lemmy.today · 2 pts · 313d
Heh, that doesn't clarify for me, and definitely not looking that up đ
beejboytyson@lemmy.world · 0 pts · 313d
Ya, your being disingenuous and I'm disengaging. Do a basic Google search before you say that bidets don't shoot water in your ass.
jabeez@lemmy.today · 2 pts · 313d
Who's being disingenuous? I never said bidets don't shoot water in your ass, I quoted you directly, who said:
YOU claimed they somehow shoot shit in your ass, so that's what I addressed, now you're saying I'M being disingenuous by quoting you directly?? OY, yeah, please just disengage.
beejboytyson@lemmy.world · 0 pts · 312d
Same, do a basic Google search and post it then. ill wait
jabeez@lemmy.today · 2 pts · 312d
What? Do a basic Google search for......what, exactly? And post.....what?? What the fuck are you talking about, once again??
bunnyBoy@pawb.social · 8 pts · 313d
This was my solution for the longest time until I finally bought a bidet. Wet wipes are definitely a thousand times better than just dry tissue and if they're working for you go for it, I just got tired if having to go buy more and decided a one time purchase and install of a bidet would be easier. Everyone in this thread is going to recommend a bidet, as do I now that I've started using one, but wet wipes were my go to and no bathroom should be without them
beejboytyson@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 312d
Ikr? People are treating my feeling towards thier bidet enjoyment as a personal affront.
bunnyBoy@pawb.social · 2 pts · 311d
People in the internet have strong opinions. I'm definitely in the bidet good camp, but I also don't really like telling other people what to do so if wet wipes are doing it for ya, keep it up!
zalgotext@sh.itjust.works · 8 pts · 313d
So it takes all the fun away from using a bidet
beejboytyson@lemmy.world · 0 pts · 313d
Shit you got me there. Didn't know it was a feature not a bug.