How do you respond to "hey, how are you" when you feel like garbage?

The horrors persist, but so do i.

Sometimes I ignore the question and just move on in conversation. Most people don't even notice because they're asking out of habit, not to actually ask you how you're doing.

In German, we say "shitty would be bragging".

I'm here is an answer. If you deflect you also get your point across.

Really though, it depends entirely on the person. With my partner I will try to give the most complete answer I can, with friends and coworkers it depends on how close our relationship is. With strangers it may be a completely perfunctory answer to a completely perfunctory question, especially if I'm not up for defending a non-perfunctory answer, but I like to keep my answers real when I have the spoons for it.

I find this question quite fascinating: Culturally, there are countries where this gets asked indeed as a form of greeting, not a genuine question.

In Slavic countries, I feel like if you get asked this question, it's generally considered to be of genuine interest, and you'll get a genuine reply. Nothing offensive or informal about saying "Things are bad." or "I feel bad.", or any variant of such.

This might be my perception however, and feel free to correct me. I myself think that if someone asks how I'm doing, I have no need or responsibility to "remain positive/pleasant".

Not dead yet

In Finnish we have a phrase "ei kurjuutta kummempaa" which is said in a happy, jolly way and its usually accepted as "not great but I don't want to expand on it." It translates to "nothing worse than misery."

“Eh, been better.”

I feel like that response is real without oversharing, and invites someone to respond however they want. If they care, they can ask what’s up, or they can just say, “aw bummer man, hope it gets better for you,” or whatever.

"Great!"

"Alright, you?"

"Living the dream."

"Another day in paradise."

"One day closer to death."

Depending on my mood

"Its going" gets the message across. Kind of shit, but time passes.

Took me years to realize that the "correct" reply is to ask the same question back, not answering.

But my go-to phrase when having just gotten out of bed, headed for my shift was "too early to tell"

"Eh, tired.", usually.

People tend to get it. They're probably tired too.

-- Frost

"Hangin' in there" is what I generally use when I'm not fine but I know it's just a greeting. It conveys that things are less than fine, but not by how much, and that I'm still functioning.

Some other, more flippant ones: "As well as can be expected", a shrug and a "meh", "Too early to tell" (if it's first thing in the morning / just arriving to work), "Sitting up and taking nourishment", etc.

You can even skip answering at all, and move directly to the response greeting, "Hey, how are you?"

“How ya doing?”

“Doing my best.”

"Fine" tone of voice fills in the rest.

"Getting by" or "carrying on" assuming I don't want to invite deeper discussion of my issues.

My go-to is the ol Lebowski quote, "Strikes and gutters, ups and downs"

“I’m alright” seems like the universal way to say “I’m not alright”

just say "not well" if you are not well. if they dont care, then what do you care what they think.

personally i find it degrading to pretend everything is fine if things are not fine.

“I’ve been better” is my go to

"breathing" or "alive"

To which they normally say: "better than the alternative!"

And my final reply to that is: "some days."

Treat it non-literally. Say 'How's it going?' which turns it into a greeting rather than a question.

I like to use lines from Country + Western songs.

"I'm another day older and deeper in debt." 16 Tons.

"I killed a man in Reno, just to see him die.' "Folsom Prison Blues.'

You get the idea.

"I've been worse"

I'm awake, but I'd rather not be.

It depends on who's asking.

Generally I like to tell what's on my mind. Or, if I say stuff is fine, I'll explain what I've been doing lately.

I'm not a person who avoids difficult topics so it's kinda natural for me to answer "more honestly".

This is going to come off with a heavy “if life gives lemons” vibe, but over time it does work. Where I went to college, there was a day every year, I think during Fall or Spring, where everyone greeted everyone. Nobody made a big production about it, just a simple, “hi” or “what’s up.” Weird thing is it had a tendency to keep going beyond the day. Most people only did it on the day, but a surprising number of people kept doing it outside of that. Including me, eventually! I still make an effort to be nice to people, and I trace it back to that. No, it doesn’t magically make my day better, but it’s one nice thing that happened. Plus, over time it helps me see/appreciate even small positives, which helps keep me from getting too weighted down by the bad stuff.

Don’t mean to trivialize the bad stuff in your life, OP. I do hope you’re able to manage it, and not let it beat you down. When I started college, I was a pretty negative person. While I wouldn’t call myself “sunny” all these years later, I do see a big difference in my general outlook compared to younger me.

Depending on the person:
"Not great tbh."
"Pretty fucking bad. lol"
"NOT GREAT MY DUDE, NOT GREAT"

“Better now that the voices have finally sto… ah dammit.”

"Still kicking but not screaming!"

I'm usually asked this at work, so my go-to response is, "Well, I'm here." Which most seem to understand.

"Vertical."

"As always." is an old favorite of mine. They'll assume things are neither particularly good nor bad, when what you mean is that you always feel bad.

"Never better"

laughs manically

then just suddenly emotionless...

"I am"

“Well enough” if you want to be genuine, but brief and convey that things are not aces.

But usually just mirroring “How are you!” in the same tone as the first part of the greeting establishes that it is a ritual, not a question.

Hanging in..

just say "Life,,, ya know" If they are only being polite they'll answer "for sure" and thats it.
If they really care and want to know theyll ask more and then you can go into more detail.

Brought to you by "protocols autistic people have to memorize" lol that being me

"Fine. As always. And you?"

Like you said, that is not the kind of question someone asks to get any kind of personal/intimate answer, it's merely a way to be polite.

@Bougie_Birdie "I'm awake" is what I go for when I'm not being recorded, "Not too bad" when I am. I have heard that "Living the dream" is White Man for "Push me off of the roof. We can make it look like an accident."

“Could be worse” assuming it can be worse (and it probably can)

"Existing!" and then usually they pause and we talk about something else.

"Better than I deserve"

hangin in there! *sigh of whatever length feels appropriate for how close I am to falling*

"Fine". Anything that is "fine" is certainlg not.

"up and not crying"

...that is, if I'm not crying.

My goto is "Every day is better than the next."

Joke answers that, while untrue, make me smile when I respond.

"Happier than a possum up a pant leg."

"Busier than a one-armed wallpaper hanger."

"Going crazier than a shit-house rat." is my favorite but not always cromulent.

“Ok”

"Fair to muddling." or

"Just another day in paradise."

An old gaming buddy suggests

"Peachy"

Adjust your tone of voice to suit the day.

Eh.

I say “getting better.” Optimism, but it also says things aren’t great right now. But they can get better.

"Good, you?"

Honest.

"Thanks, how are/about you?"

So, not responding and directing the attention to the person who asked. Especially useful, if the person asking isn't even (genuinely) interested, but just asking as a form of greeting. The ones who care might either understand you don't want to talk about it or will inquire once more.

Hmm... Now that I think about it, that is awfully close to some US American's way of replying with the exact same question, omitting any kind of reply, concluding the greeting.

You could pretend you're in letterkenny. That's kind of fun.

"HowAreYaNow?"

"Good,andyou?"

"Notsuhbad."

It's just a dialog check to get through. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HZAz_MROU2I

I am visibly disabled. the last time i was asked some version of "hey, how are you" that was not in a clinical situation was over a decade ago. people use different phatic expressions because they fear I might answer honestly.

my usual answer is "i'm alive/here. that makes it a good day" which people take as an optimistic greeting but folk who know me well, uh

"I'm still here."

"I'm awake."

Been better been worse

Eh you know

I've been I've been

I've been taught that just means "hi," so I respond "good," which also means hi.

"Oof. It's Monday."

I don't.

Which means the average dumbass that thinks existence isn't torture quickly stops responding to me. Which means I am quickly alone yet again.

Do better than that. For your own sake, do better than that.

Depends. I've realized that people aren't really looking for an answer beyond being acknowledged, so "hey", "hey, how are you?" or a simple return of the greeting lets them know that you hear them and are completing the social contract. If they follow up or if it's asked in a context where I think they want an answer sometimes I just say "here" or "breathing" and that gets the point across.

Even the nurses ask that in an office where a majority of patients have crippling, often painful disabilities. lmao. Can't escape it. I just mentally replace it with "hi" in my head and respond "decent, thanks" ("hello"). Or if I'm really struggling, I leave off the thanks.

"Let me get back to you on that..."

If it's someone I have a specific reason to believe does not enjoy the suffering of others, "Not gonna lie, I'm straight up not having a good time my dude"

But usually it's "Oh, you know"

"Okay, thanks for asking. How are you?”

"I am vertical."

"I've been better. But I've been worse."

High. How're you?

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=jwn3X1nv_NI (CW: Cutting)

Caleb Stine, there's no harm in being crazy

There's no harm in being crazy
If you learn how to hide it, at just the right times
And we're all a little lonely
You just can't let it on at the check out lines
When they ask you how you're doing you just gotta say, "fine."

"Unbelievable!"

It means whatever the asker wants it to.

"I'm not sure"

It's rarely all bad. Then that would be simply the answer. The problem is that it's often complicated (not the emotional capacity of a teaspoon, for those who get that reference) and idk how to summarise that into a single feeling so I literally don't know what the answer is and so that's when you get an idk from me

If it's just a pleasantry by some english person (in my language this isn't a standard question a stranger or customer support will ask you) then I'll probably pick a random euphemism

From Germans I've learned that they say "muss", meaning must. Like, you must get on with life but not because you seek out what you're going through but because life doesn't stop. At least that's my working understanding of this deceptively simple word

I'm alright, just a little tired.

Feeling well: Great, good, (insert additions here)
Fell unwell: Okay, it works, it's how it is
Or if I feel like I wwnt to be frank: Notbgreat, shit, etc.

Like this.

"I'm here"

People don't talk to me much.

Don't ask

Ughhhh

It goes...

Well i'm here (for work related garbage)

"Okay. 🫩"

For most people, I'll just tell them I could be better and then just give vague answers if they try to ask why. I don't have problems telling my feelings to people, I just don't because I don't like venting my issues on people I don't fully trust or feel close to.

I just say hello/hey/etc. Not lying, not breaking the social expectations. Just in and out of the convo asap

With a smile I say, "It's there."

“Livin’ the dream”

"Not too bad."

-Fair to middling

-Hanging in there like a hair in a biscuit

-Finer than frog hair

"My life is falling apart, and things somehow seem to keep getting worse with each day that passes. So, you know, just living the dream."

Or if you want to keep it brief, "Pretty sure I must have pissed somebody off in another lifetime."

Just yeah, not bad like the rest of us do.