I swear everyone needs to work retail for a bit because that's so painfully obvious once you've done a few weeks of it. I never went of my way to help someone who was being a dick
I missed a flight once due to delayed connections. I went to the help desk, and in front of me, a rich guy was arguing with the company employee. He was rude and frustrated and left angry, having failed to get the upgrade or whatever he'd wanted. I was next in the queue and offered an empathetic smile and rolling of eyes, then politely explained my situation.
The clerk was clearly still pissed at the previous interaction and didn't crack a smile but simply listened, then slid me over a new ticket for the next flight and winked. I thanked him and scuttled off. I decided to find a place to charge my phone and only then inspected the ticket to confirm how long I had until boarding.
It turns out he'd upgraded me to business class and given me full access to the lounge area where I could charge my phone in comfort and have all the free booze and snacks I want.
So real. I ask the food truck guys “how you doing” rather seriously and they always give me a little more than everyone else. It’s such little effort to care, and try it seems make me stand out from others.
I used to do a lot of driving for work and it's important to manage stress in traffic. Whenever someone would do something that aggravated me, I'd pretend that they did it for some silly reason and it helped me stay calm.
Someone cut you off? They must have have to shit so bad. Someone driving crazy fast? They're trying to get to their wife before their girlfriend does.
Believe it or not, having a Tesla (bought in 2018) completely fixed this for me. I don’t get NEARLY as mad when someone is driving faster or in the left lane slowly. My car keeps distance and speed really well. It’s not aggravating to keep stepping on the breaks anymore. Any adaptive cruise will do this just fine.
I honestly try to do this. People have emergencies. I've blown through red lights and driven like a maniac to drive a friend to the hospital when I found him passed out on the lawn with a collapsed lung.
This is also good when self-directed. Usually framed as mindfulness.
Get into the habit of just observing what you're doing, and stating it to yourself (out loud or just in your mind). When you're doing something you don't want to do (eg, eating too much, procrastinating, losing your temper), looking at it from a disconnected perspective helps you evaluate the costs and reconsider.
When I have a thought I don't want, i hum a little tune
When I feel bad about something happening right now I remind myself that no feeling is forever, everything is temporary, there's always a tomorrow
When I feel bad about something that happened in the past I remind myself that happened to me, that I transcended it, and it doesn't define me, but allowed me to make better choices in future
Relating to #3. If something really traumatic happened to you that is still affecting you I heard it's helpful to imagine it like you have this "trauma thing". It's not really part of you but something you carry and which kind of has its own will. Really like a small person living in your head. Makes it easier to realize you can decide to listen/react to it or not.
Wow All the same for me! Except #3 I remind myself that it wasn't me, there's barely any of the same atoms in my body from then. It's an experience I hold but it's not me now at all
For number one, though, I usually shout at myself for a startle. Stops the thought in its tracks. Also, I'm not sure replacing an unwanted thought with a tune wedgie is a great trade-off.
Just tell yourself you're not going to lift heavy/are going to lift light.
When you don't have the motivation (or whatever) to go to the gym, tell yourself this.
Like, "I'm not going to work too hard. It'll be easy."
Works a treat.
Then even if you end up doing that (which is unlikely - I always end up getting in the mood hehe) then at least you did something and kept the momentum.
Edit to say: The hardest lift is getting off the couch.
That kind of thinking can work with anything, too. If I’m having trouble getting myself to do something, telling myself I’m just going to do a tiny part of it (put one dish in the dishwasher, etc.) often helps.
"never leave a room empty-handed" if you are leaving a room look around for something that doesn't below to that room take it with you and just move it somewhere close where it's supposed to be, eventually it's going to find it's place.
I actually started doing that 4 years ago. Not as consistently as i should, but it really helped me get out of my depression hole. I kept uttering the phrase: if you see something, do something. I found it pretty amusing, and it worked (and still does) bit for bit.
I do method acting, like "in this next scene I am going to play an extrovert who enjoys making small talk at professional conferences with potential customers and employers"
i have this excellent therapy comic book from the 70s that therapygary might know about called the facade (it's buried in my bookshelf across the room and i am tired from dancing yesterday or else i'd grab the author and some photos) all about how people mask. basically, your conference facade is
an extrovert who enjoys making small talk at professional conferences with potential customers and employers
but at home with your loved ones you get to be your actual you, where you recharge.
i used to think of it as putting up my shields ala star trek when i go out
If someone is using rhetorical questions in a discussion, answer them earnestly. If you're not a prick about it it's a great way to defuse a heated debate sometimes.
If you're overthinking or worried about something you can't control, other than something like planning for contingency, all that overthinking is pointless. Worse than pointless, since it adds stress and anxiety. There's usually zero real benefit.
It takes practice, but being able to say to yourself "well, I'll deal with that when it happens. No point in worrying about that now, " helps keep you out of the doom loop.
I just tell myself nothing really matters and we are going to die anyway, this really cheers me up, else I'd be too worried about all the shit going on.
Go to therapy and work on yourself deliberately for years and years. It works. I was super messed up and hateful and angry and I would never have believed that I could love myself, but I do.
I know "cheat code" implies quick or easy or both and this isn't either one, but it's life changing if you do it.
When I can't find something in the house after searching for a few minutes, I make a conscious decision to give up and take another approach - go buy the missing tool again, use a different material, whatever. The point is to decide it doesn't matter where the thing is. Most of the time I immediately look right at whatever I was looking for - as in within a few seconds. Family members are used to hearing me say out loud, "I'm just gonna go to Tru-Value and get another - Oh, here it is!" It works that fast and is very reliable.
My theory about this is that part of my brain knows where the item is all along, but enjoys the treasure hunt and won't let the information come to the conscious level. But once I sincerely decide to give up the search - it has to be a genuine decision, there's no faking it - that part of my brain knows the game is over and reveals where the thing is. But who knows, I'm no psychologist.
There was this CGP Grey episode “You are two” from some time ago which is a great watch, and I truly love the idea of your brain just messing with you.
In other words, don't be like Seinfeld's night guy and morning guy. "Every guy has two guys living inside him - night guy and morning guy. Night guy constantly screws morning guy over - stays out til 3am, spends all his money on booze... then morning guy has to go to work with a hangover and can't afford an oil change. And morning guy can't do a thing about it, except lose his job so night guy doesn't have any money to go out."
Better, there's an entire book of them. "Dialectical Behavioral Therapy" (DBT) calls them "skills", but they could just as easily be called psychological cheat codes or lifehacks.
Scroll down to the "slow downloads" section, pick a mirror, wait through the timer (if there is one) and it will give a direct link. (PDF in this case).
I would recommend doing a "save as" on that link or use a download manager. They also are not kidding about how slow it is - it took about 30minutes for the 10mb file, but it did complete.
The cheat code is to pretend your body is a mech and when you're to lazy to go do the thing you just think about piloting a mech to go do the task. It feels like you aren't doing anything just think the instruction and the mech does it.
⚠️Warning⚠️ This only works if you think mechs are cool.
When talking to people, just ask open questions about them, listen and keep asking question. People will think, you have great conversation skills, eventhough you do not.
Good advice. I think the trick is to keep the questions open-ended and somehow related. A series of simple factual questions feels like an interrogation.
What kind of questions can I ask without going too far. I ask around things concerning school and thats where I stop, I usually fear touching something sensitive to them
I've stopped asking people about jobs (unless they bring it up) because I hate how we treat people's place in the capitalist system as their primary worth. My go to question is whether the person is from the area we are currently in. If we're doing an activity, i ask how they became involved. I also like to ask about pets and hobbies.
I don't have as much time as before, but you can still have hobbies as a parent if you make it a priority. Especially after the first 2-ish years have gone. Getting the kid involved (to the extent possible) helped unlock more time.
People often ask "so what do you do?". I find this to be a loaded question, it shows where a person's head is. Most folks respond by talking about their job. I'll usually answer by asking "for money or for fun?". If nothing else it gets a chuckle
If you ask and it's too sensitive that is much more preferable than not asking, and not covering topics that actually interest you. It just will not lead to any connection ever. Be brave
There's a great book about this: How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. It's a bit dated in some aspects, but the underlying advice is solid.
I can see that, especially because it's pushed hard in a lot of business schools.
I think the way it's written gives its reader ALL the social tools and relies on the reader to not be a monster. It was written in the 1930s, which tracks.
Kindness and understanding first and foremost, always. But when dealing with uppity assholes in a situation where you are right, first remind yourself that nearly all adults are just faking it to get by, then start making direct eye contact, make every statement crisp, concise, and do not use any "partial" words {words like guess, sort of, possibly, might be, probably, etc) and when you've said what needs to be said stop talking, keep making eye contact, and focus on the idea that there is no other way than the way you just said. Don't be hostile, don't be insulting, smug, or anything other than resolute. Never break that silence first.
Most of the time, that will get you through, either by convincing everyone else that the issue is ended, or if any of these people are that rare adult who legit has their shit together, they will either move things along or engage you directly to work out a solution.
Confidence is one of the rare things that if you lie about it really well, it becomes truth.
This isn't some alpha thing, it's about removing unnecessary doubt. Sometimes that's more dangerous/costly/wasteful than anything else.
Do only as much as I feel like. Don't feel like making dinner, but i'm ok just setting out the ingredients. OK, now I'm fine with just chopping vegetables. Now I'm fine just making the sauce. It only works if you genuinely allow yourself to stop at any point. If I have to stop after the sauce, everything goes into the fridge and I finish making the meal tomorrow.
I kinda do this. I am not much for cooking but like this is how I get through a lot of daily things. I generally will have I have to do at least one thing or one thing in each of several categories but I keep it very achievable. If I spend most of the day in bed so be it but I will spend some of it doing some things that need doing.
This is actually a fairly well known acting technique. Avoiding direct eye contact helps suppress your own natural reaction to saying uncomfortable things the real you wouldn't say.
Because humans are pretty good at recognizing where you're looking. If you're staring intently at someone's ear while you're talking to them, it will look to them like you're seeing something behind them. The fact that you're not looking away will cause them to be concerned about what it is.
If you're doing sets of ten, restart your internal count to zero when you get to five. It's way easier to get yourself to hit your third rep than your eighth.
I do sets of twenty for most things and I do something similar; count to five, then 'count' around my teeth with my tongue, quadrant by quadrant. For the final set I count down from five. Hey, whatever works
To me that just evolved into a hyperfixation over the weekend and I worked 20+ hours, now I am sleep deprived and half delirious, but the job is done and I am proud ;)
I learned this from my dad. The hardest part is to be nice to absolute assholes, but I've seen it does improve relations when you have to work alongside them.
Yes, I'm pissed that I have to mod my behaviour to be extra-nice to these dicks. Yes, I do enjoy that they coordinate better with me after I've nicely indicated where the last joint effort could have been better with that coordination.
It's all about how we be professional knowledge workers work and coordinate like adults and express disappointment and a wish for improvement, I guess.
Not techniques I use personally, but different forms of manipulation that one could (but shouldn't) use. You should look out for:
Informing someone of a fact that is different than what the recipient actually experienced. If they question it, tell them they just forgot it. This works best on people who don't write stuff down (like a diary).
Giving someone a gift out of nowhere. To most people, this gives them the feeling that they owe you.
Helping someone frequently to the point where they start relying on you. (See previous point)
A few manipulation techniques that should not be used. If you see someone doing these things, assume they have an ulterior motive.
The opposite also works: ask someone for a small favor, and they'll be more kindly disposed to you in the future. You've made being kind to you a part of their identity and behavior.
It started small. "Can I have something to eat?", "Can you take me to the doctor?", "Could you change my diaper?", next thing I know I'm paying college tuition.
lol. im not a big gift giver so mine are always out of no where. I don't believe in reciprical gifting or what I view as gifting without thought or does not make sense. To me gifting comes from opportunity. I come across something or am getting rid of something that would be perfect for someone else so I give it to them. Not 100% though as I will give gifts for events but then I prefer to do food or drink.
After I come home from work, I want to be a solid lump of nothing. Instead to trick myself when I have tasks I need to do, I keep my work clothes on (including shoes) and it helps trick my brain that the tasks are just a continuation of my work day.
An extension of this is getting dressed normally to work from home. It also means that when you've finished for the day, you can get changed and feel switched off from work.
Yup. Even if I work from home, or do my taxes or whatever, I am much more productive if I take a shower and put on a clean T-shirt and pants. Sure it is more comfortable to sit around in my underwear, but that signals to my brain that what we do now is not important..
I make my bed every day. At least I'm consistent with that. I started doing that when I read about elderly people in the newspaper many years ago.
One person they interviewed was a black lady in her 80s. She said that her secret to long life was consistency. When she was a kid, her mother taught her to make her bed every day. So she made her bed every day, and was consistent with things.
When working security / event safety and I’d have to request a member of the public stop doing something I’d speak to them and then I’d disconnect my ears while maintaining eye contact - I just nod along to the pair of bumping gums opposite me until they stop. Then I’d repeat what had to be said. Most times things got resolved.
Whenever one of my relatives says something really ignorant to me (which is often), instead of getting into a pointless argument, I just blow it off by imagining them like a yapping little dog behind a fence.
I've always had a very active sense of humor, and am usually able to find something funny about virtually anything.
I'm not suggesting going around giggling inappropriately at whatever happens to be in front of you like the Joaquin Phoenix Joker, but I know being able to find something that amuses me about even the darkest, most difficult stuff in life has been of immense help to me personally.
I'm pretty sure I told my first poor-taste September 11, 2001 joke no later than September 12, 2001. (It was in the company of someone with a similar graveyard-humor streak to mine, with whom I was huddling down and freaking out and who appreciated the joke in the spirit in which it was offered.)
I react to stress with laughter. volunteered for a study where you read stuff or did puzzles and they had you wear headphones and sent annoying screeching sounds randomly through. could not stop laughing.
I used to work at a dry cleaners with a drive through for pickup. You could hand the clothes to the driver through their windows or hang them in the back seat. I Learned if I asked "would you like me to hang these in the back?" The answer was almost always no, because people don't want you to go to any trouble for them. If i asked "can I hang these in the back?" The answer was almost always yes because people don't like telling you that you can't do something.
I can be pretty direct (I'm Dutch lol what can I say), so I've learned to follow it up with something like "is that OK?" or "does that sound good to you?"
It's a different culture. This is how we're being nice!
We're honestly not doing it to offend anyone, but if you are, that's on you and we won't back down. It never was about hurting anyone's feelings so don't take it that way. I know other countries would call that inconsiderate, but that's the idea.
I'll make an effort when dealing with other cultures, but this is acceptable and expected behavior in the Netherlands. Like I said, different culture
Nee hoor, dat is het echt niet. Er zijn er natuurlijk normale mensen ook in Nederland, en klootzakken in Duitsland. Maar in NL zijn gewoon die, die zeggen "dat is alleen maar de Nederlandse directheid" ook steeds de stommste en/of grofste lullen.
in that vain, if they put the name of the restaurant into the name of a menu, it's probably worth to try it. Or how merlin mann puts it:
Almost always order the specific food that is mentioned in the name of the restaurant. If you go to "Sally's Sirloin Shack" and order the sushi sampler, you're probably not hooked up right.
Same goes for getting over other fears. That huge roller coaster is a feat of engineering and thousands upon thousands of people before you rode it just fine. Going to that strange country is easy; so many people live there just fine.
If you want a clear answer/decision for something (instead of "whatever", "don't care") give two alternatives, the other simply has to choose one. If you only give one, the other might feel pressured/manipulated.
smile, show up and act like you belong. even if you don't people will assume you do. if you want to join in, all you need to do is find the right person to ask.
i joined my first professional band that way. looked up [specific genre] bands in my area, found a few, looked up which one was the best, called up the director, showed up to practice, auditioned in and was their new [let's pretend i play upright bass. i actually do, but last time i played one a tuning peg flew across the damn room. i also suck at it. so i was not playing upright bass with them] specialist. favorite band i ever played with.
it's one of those "walk in and give a firm handshake and you'll get a job" bullshit advice things. I had good timing, they were looking for someone who specialized in what i do (they had a specialist who moved away a year prior and they were noticing the difference) but they were the only ones i've played with that did all the frills and trills.
I learned the same general thing through doing theatre. I reframe the interview so it's not an interview at all - I already work there and it's my first day back from some kind of sabbatical. I'm really looking forward to seeing the old group again. We get along great and our manager is awesome. Can't wait! So when I walk in I'm in that character and feel genuinely glad to be there and happy to see everybody. Cultural fit kicks in right away. I feel like I belong there and so do they. Works great.
Very interesting question honestly. The folks at my work probaby wonder it considering I am always giving enthusiasm even at the start of the work week.
I would not so much call it a "cheat code," but what helps is to place yourself in this moment in time. What happened did, what happens now is, what happens later is not yet reality. To be fully present in the moment you are, and to embrace that and be in tune with your inner realm, that is how you can live life fully. At least, that is how I see it.
Many worry about the past which is just pointless, many worry about the future which will come regardless of worry and can only be changed by being present in the now. If we lose ourselves in times that are not, we lose the time that is, which is a travesty. "Right now is still special because you are here for it."
Think in softer language. Things you "should" do, or things that are "duties" might not give you the internal reward you deserve for accomplishing them, and almost certainly cause more mental suffering than you deserve. You can still recognize good (or at least better) decisions and goals, but using softer language makes it easier to give yourself grace for not having the strength to try, the recognition of effort when you try but fail, and the appreciation when you actually succeed.
Honestly, I think that helps me more than anything else my therapist ever suggested. Though maybe not as much as the prescription I received from my provider. My worst days are when I forget to apply that.
I have anxiety and there's a switch I mentally flip. So when I first started working with the public again, I would sweat so bad. It would cause me to be even more nervous, because I must look nasty, right?
About six months into my new job and now having to be a manager that still has associate duties (for some reason), there was this click. I didn't care what people thought about me. I HAD to keep this job. I stopped pushing myself to run from one place to another.
Every now and then, I'll catch myself worrying about people and workplace politics and I'll switch it off. The sweating stops, I move more confidently, but I still maintain courtesy. Not because I'm rushing to do it now, but because it just has to be that way.
I let negative criticism from my abusive environment roll off me. I don't worry about being terminated. Because the work I provide is triple the output of a normal associate and, yes, they could replace me, but it would be a shitshow to do it.
So, the moral of the story is, stop caring about what people think of you. Don't take every comment to heart. Free yourself from the societal hierarchy. It's not easy, but if a little ball of anxiety and depression like me can do it, so can you.
Imagine a physical switch. It can be anything- a lightswitch, a button, a lever. Pull that switch when you feel pressured or overwhelmed. You might have a few fails, but it will eventually succeed.
Do me a favour. Or rather yourself a favour. Look out for signs of burnout and do whatever you can to avoid it.
Because I once took a job that was completely against my desire and nature. I was on the phone with customers a lot. I communicated with complete strangers a lot. For a decade and a half.
And I was so good at it that I didn't feel like I could quit or escape and I basically melted down and burnt out, and now those old mechanisms and mental tricks I used to do to get me up and at 'em every day do. not. work. And neither can I.
Opposite but same: the thing i loved about minimum wage jobs (like fast food) was that I didn't have to care about the job. Not to say I did it poorly because I have pride in myself and empathy for customers, but I didnt have to tie myself in knots to please a company that I didnt owe anything to. Pizza hut treating me like shit? No problem, papa John's is across the street and hiring. I was very open about this attitude with managers and they didnt care because I was as replaceable to them as they were to me, so as long as we were both benefiting from the relationship it was fine.
I had this loooong comment about the abuse I've been through, but I set it aside for a possible future therapist (which I've been promised twice and received two med-managers).
Long story short, I'm incredibly kind to people and genuinely love helping. I threw the "Fuckit Switch" when they started to expect me to work enough for three people in one day. I told them to make good on their write-up/termination threats, because the one truth is that I don't have enough time in one 9-hour shift to serve 180 customers, clean the whole store, security tag pill bottles, front face everything, work a cart of freight, work backstock, and take the trash and empty carts out to the dumpster. All while the store manager "needs to get important paperwork done" and sits out back watching TikTok on full blast in the open-air office.
I also informed them that I have been recording what I'm expected to do each day under threat of termination as well as recording when I hear TikTok because there's a camera in the office. My list shortened by quite a bit. They know I'm a great support manager and I always cover call-outs, so they backed right down. Thank you, Fuckit Switch.
I'm so far gone that I just totally don't understand how this is the major concern for most other people about everything they do. Often to the point of self-harm and self-misery.
But when I talk to people like this it just is a constant reminder how much happier I am than they are, especially when they try to paint me as being miserable for not caring about their opinion that my curtains don't have a high enough thread count or whatever weird thing they are agonizing about.
When something bad or annoying happens to me and I'm in a shitty mood, I say (out loud or whisper to myself) "This is the worst thing that's ever happened to anybody!" and I usually instantly get over myself
I think it is stupid to lie about little things. It takes too much effort in every day life - so it's easier to not over share and boast about stupid things.
You will have to keep track of those anc that's just work for no gain. Because lies never feels like a real achievement, and eventually you will be found out.
If you decide to make up a lie - think it through and look for weak spots and illogical parts. Do the work upfront so the stress is off your shoulder.
I have a personal motivational tool I call "dopamine starve and reward". Basically avoiding things that give a false feeling of accomplishment and allowing myself to feel good when something has been accomplished. It's handy for big projects around the house. Number one is to not talk about what I plan to do (starve) until I've actually taken a big step (reward). Another is to not buy everything i need right off the bat (starve) instead buying materials as I need them (reward). This notion came to me after working for a small family business. The owners would have a project in mind, go buy all the materials, drop them off then go have lunch at the bar and talk about all the stuff they were going to do. Then nothing would get done. I saw this in myself and learned to avoid false feelings of accomplishment
I don't know if this is cheat code or not but I try to be kind to the people above me, like my seniors, my teachers (not my parents though). Acting politely, trying to appreciate their work, seems to leave a good impression. It helped me in little tasks but I have yet to see how much it works further.
I never want to go for a walk in the morning, but I must do. Once I get out the door, I'm fine.
So, I sing this song, "Put one foot in front of the other" from Santa Clause is Coming to Town. I learned it from the TV show when I was very young. My mom used it to motivate me to get going. I've used it my whole life to do the same.
Simply choose to care or not. It works best when you dont trust your own feelings anyway due to living with loads of mental illness, fuck 'em and substitute them with your ones of your choosing. Dishes and laundry is important now. Horny is not. Etc.
185 Comments
one_old_coder@piefed.social · 157 pts · 3d
When you're kind to people or simply are polite, they help you.
NotSteve_@lemmy.ca · 47 pts · 3d
I swear everyone needs to work retail for a bit because that's so painfully obvious once you've done a few weeks of it. I never went of my way to help someone who was being a dick
hansolo@lemmy.today · 9 pts · 3d
Or food service.
YeahIgotskills2@lemmy.world · 37 pts · 3d
I missed a flight once due to delayed connections. I went to the help desk, and in front of me, a rich guy was arguing with the company employee. He was rude and frustrated and left angry, having failed to get the upgrade or whatever he'd wanted. I was next in the queue and offered an empathetic smile and rolling of eyes, then politely explained my situation.
The clerk was clearly still pissed at the previous interaction and didn't crack a smile but simply listened, then slid me over a new ticket for the next flight and winked. I thanked him and scuttled off. I decided to find a place to charge my phone and only then inspected the ticket to confirm how long I had until boarding.
It turns out he'd upgraded me to business class and given me full access to the lounge area where I could charge my phone in comfort and have all the free booze and snacks I want.
yakko@feddit.uk · 22 pts · 3d
That's not really a hack so much as the basic behaviour on which all human success is predicated.
phonics@lemmy.world · 13 pts · 3d
Unless you see success as being a billionaire.
yakko@feddit.uk · 7 pts · 3d
There's no way for me to judge myself by that yardstick and not want to [redacted] myself in the grawlix.
Natanael@infosec.pub · 2 pts · 2d
Not even. Cooperation is the logically smart thing in long running games. You have to be disturbed and enjoy inflicting pain to do that.
alternategait@lemmy.world · 8 pts · 3d
So real. I ask the food truck guys “how you doing” rather seriously and they always give me a little more than everyone else. It’s such little effort to care, and try it seems make me stand out from others.
wreckedcarzz@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 3d
Or they take advantage of you
Lehmuusa@nord.pub · 2 pts · 2d
Possible but unlikely.
The net result is positive all the same.
zxqwas@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 3d
And even if they are paid to help you, it makes a big difference to if they put your task on the top or the bottom of their pile of stuff to do.
yesman@lemmy.world · 131 pts · 3d
I used to do a lot of driving for work and it's important to manage stress in traffic. Whenever someone would do something that aggravated me, I'd pretend that they did it for some silly reason and it helped me stay calm.
Someone cut you off? They must have have to shit so bad. Someone driving crazy fast? They're trying to get to their wife before their girlfriend does.
Tower@lemmy.zip · 24 pts · 3d
I've done this, too. Driving super slow? They've got a 3-tier cake in the backseat.
kylewalter101@thelemmy.club · 7 pts · 3d
Ha! This is a great idea
Flames5123@sh.itjust.works · 1 pts · 2d
Believe it or not, having a Tesla (bought in 2018) completely fixed this for me. I don’t get NEARLY as mad when someone is driving faster or in the left lane slowly. My car keeps distance and speed really well. It’s not aggravating to keep stepping on the breaks anymore. Any adaptive cruise will do this just fine.
Leviathan@fedinsfw.app · 1 pts · 1d
I honestly try to do this. People have emergencies. I've blown through red lights and driven like a maniac to drive a friend to the hospital when I found him passed out on the lawn with a collapsed lung.
Tar_alcaran@sh.itjust.works · 85 pts · 3d
Whenever someone is doing, or is about to do, something stupid, simply say out loud what they're doing, and ask what they want to happen.
yakko@feddit.uk · 32 pts · 3d
It's a great hack, but it takes finesse to keep my mask on when I do it
emb@lemmy.world · 24 pts · 3d
This is also good when self-directed. Usually framed as mindfulness.
Get into the habit of just observing what you're doing, and stating it to yourself (out loud or just in your mind). When you're doing something you don't want to do (eg, eating too much, procrastinating, losing your temper), looking at it from a disconnected perspective helps you evaluate the costs and reconsider.
alternategait@lemmy.world · 13 pts · 3d
Oh wow, I do this to my 4 year old when he’s about to make a mess.
brightandshinyobject@lemmy.world · 11 pts · 3d
"What is the end result you're looking for?" That's my version of this.
agamemnonymous@sh.itjust.works · 1 pts · 2d
"What are you trying to accomplish?"
DarrinBrunner@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 1d
Or, "What the fuck do you think you're doing!"
I'm not very good at this.
snoons@lemmy.ca · 59 pts · 3d
If you don't want to go outside, put on sunscreen. Might as well go outside now so as not to waste it.
BigBrainBrett2517@lemmy.world · 19 pts · 3d
Hahahaha this is really funny. I really like it. (This reads sarcastically but it's the truth)
funkless_eck@sh.itjust.works · 57 pts · 3d
When I have a thought I don't want, i hum a little tune
When I feel bad about something happening right now I remind myself that no feeling is forever, everything is temporary, there's always a tomorrow
When I feel bad about something that happened in the past I remind myself that happened to me, that I transcended it, and it doesn't define me, but allowed me to make better choices in future
I swapped alcohol and soda for seltzer
yakko@feddit.uk · 4 pts · 3d
I should really drink less often, the calories aren't worth it...
luthis@lemmy.nz · 5 pts · 3d
Try drinking a lot more. Life will get so utterly insufferable that you'll end up with the choice between death and sobriety.
I chose sobriety, the thought of touching alcohol gives me anxiety
yakko@feddit.uk · 4 pts · 3d
Have tried drinking too much, I gained two stone and slept like shit? Being hot and not cranky are really important to me, I'm finding
saimen@feddit.org · 4 pts · 3d
Relating to #3. If something really traumatic happened to you that is still affecting you I heard it's helpful to imagine it like you have this "trauma thing". It's not really part of you but something you carry and which kind of has its own will. Really like a small person living in your head. Makes it easier to realize you can decide to listen/react to it or not.
luthis@lemmy.nz · 3 pts · 3d
Wow All the same for me! Except #3 I remind myself that it wasn't me, there's barely any of the same atoms in my body from then. It's an experience I hold but it's not me now at all
DarrinBrunner@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 1d
These are all good, I practice them myself.
For number one, though, I usually shout at myself for a startle. Stops the thought in its tracks. Also, I'm not sure replacing an unwanted thought with a tune wedgie is a great trade-off.
BigBrainBrett2517@lemmy.world · 54 pts · 3d
Just tell yourself you're not going to lift heavy/are going to lift light. When you don't have the motivation (or whatever) to go to the gym, tell yourself this. Like, "I'm not going to work too hard. It'll be easy." Works a treat. Then even if you end up doing that (which is unlikely - I always end up getting in the mood hehe) then at least you did something and kept the momentum.
Edit to say: The hardest lift is getting off the couch.
ladybugs@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 2d
That kind of thinking can work with anything, too. If I’m having trouble getting myself to do something, telling myself I’m just going to do a tiny part of it (put one dish in the dishwasher, etc.) often helps.
BigBrainBrett2517@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 2d
Noice! I'll definitely try this as well
driving_crooner@lemmy.eco.br · 50 pts · 3d
"never leave a room empty-handed" if you are leaving a room look around for something that doesn't below to that room take it with you and just move it somewhere close where it's supposed to be, eventually it's going to find it's place.
FatVegan@leminal.space · 18 pts · 3d
I actually started doing that 4 years ago. Not as consistently as i should, but it really helped me get out of my depression hole. I kept uttering the phrase: if you see something, do something. I found it pretty amusing, and it worked (and still does) bit for bit.
stringere@sh.itjust.works · 1 pts · 2d
Works with teaching kids to clean litterboxes, too! If you smell something, do something.
LovableSidekick@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 2d
Especially if the reason you smell something is that you did something.
LovableSidekick@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 2d
bonus: makes the people who live there think they have a poltergeist.
Pika@sh.itjust.works · 1 pts · 2d
I do the same, its so nice not needing to worry as much with cleaning.
ladybugs@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 2d
And if you can’t see anything that should leave the room, you know you’re doing pretty well!
jim_v@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 2d
ABC - Always Be Carrying
I learned this while working at a restaurant.
gAlienLifeform@lemmy.world · 45 pts · 3d
I do method acting, like "in this next scene I am going to play an extrovert who enjoys making small talk at professional conferences with potential customers and employers"
CanIFishHere@lemmy.ca · 10 pts · 3d
That is actually pretty clever.
HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 2d
i have this excellent therapy comic book from the 70s that therapygary might know about called the facade (it's buried in my bookshelf across the room and i am tired from dancing yesterday or else i'd grab the author and some photos) all about how people mask. basically, your conference facade is
but at home with your loved ones you get to be your actual you, where you recharge.
i used to think of it as putting up my shields ala star trek when i go out
hoshikarakitaridia@lemmy.world · 38 pts · 3d
If someone is using rhetorical questions in a discussion, answer them earnestly. If you're not a prick about it it's a great way to defuse a heated debate sometimes.
luthis@lemmy.nz · 36 pts · 3d
Cleaning when I feel bad. Getting rid of physical things is a substitute for getting rid of mental things. Clean outside = clean(er) inside.
hansolo@lemmy.today · 31 pts · 3d
If you're overthinking or worried about something you can't control, other than something like planning for contingency, all that overthinking is pointless. Worse than pointless, since it adds stress and anxiety. There's usually zero real benefit.
It takes practice, but being able to say to yourself "well, I'll deal with that when it happens. No point in worrying about that now, " helps keep you out of the doom loop.
Okokimup@lemmy.world · 9 pts · 2d
"Don't borrow trouble" is one of my mottos.
PiraHxCx@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 30 pts · 3d
I just tell myself nothing really matters and we are going to die anyway, this really cheers me up, else I'd be too worried about all the shit going on.
yakko@feddit.uk · 16 pts · 3d
Nobody gets out alive; eat that jar of mayo
LH0ezVT@sh.itjust.works · 11 pts · 3d
There is this Yiddish joke I heard somewhere, it went like this:
Guy is drafted to WW1, and is super scared. His best friend tried to console him:
"Listen, when you get to the draft office, there are two options: unfit or able. Unfit is good! But let's say you get able.
Then there are two options again: staff or troops. Staff is good! But let's say you get troops.
Then there are two options: rear or front. Rear is good! But let's say you get front.
Then there are two options: you make it through or you get hit. Making it through is good! But say you get hit.
Then there are two options: you get wounded and go home, or you get a mortal hit. Wounded and going home is good!
And to be frank, in the other case, you won't be able to worry anyway..."
luthis@lemmy.nz · 3 pts · 3d
Sometimes that's the only silver lining
alternategait@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 3d
I’ve heard of ominous positivity. Like “you will get through this no matter what”
some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org · 29 pts · 3d
Go to therapy and work on yourself deliberately for years and years. It works. I was super messed up and hateful and angry and I would never have believed that I could love myself, but I do.
I know "cheat code" implies quick or easy or both and this isn't either one, but it's life changing if you do it.
agamemnonymous@sh.itjust.works · 3 pts · 2d
LovableSidekick@lemmy.world · 25 pts · 2d
When I can't find something in the house after searching for a few minutes, I make a conscious decision to give up and take another approach - go buy the missing tool again, use a different material, whatever. The point is to decide it doesn't matter where the thing is. Most of the time I immediately look right at whatever I was looking for - as in within a few seconds. Family members are used to hearing me say out loud, "I'm just gonna go to Tru-Value and get another - Oh, here it is!" It works that fast and is very reliable.
My theory about this is that part of my brain knows where the item is all along, but enjoys the treasure hunt and won't let the information come to the conscious level. But once I sincerely decide to give up the search - it has to be a genuine decision, there's no faking it - that part of my brain knows the game is over and reveals where the thing is. But who knows, I'm no psychologist.
verifiedbyme@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 2d
There was this CGP Grey episode “You are two” from some time ago which is a great watch, and I truly love the idea of your brain just messing with you.
Notyou@sopuli.xyz · 3 pts · 2d
This happens to me too. I usually have to say 'where the fuck are my glasses?' and then I find them immediately.
I always assumed it was because the world is really quantum and it doesn't know to show you the item until you tell it to.
Maybe we are living in a simulation and it doesn't show the item until you speak it.
redwattlebird@thelemmy.club · 25 pts · 3d
Be kind to your future self.
Helps me when I feel like procrastinating or overworking.
NABDad@lemmy.world · 8 pts · 2d
Nah, future me is an asshole, let him deal with the consequences.
Come to think of it, past me was an asshole too.
Kissaki@feddit.org · 5 pts · 3d
Does it help you in acceptance or in not doing it?
redwattlebird@thelemmy.club · 6 pts · 2d
A bit of both.
If I'm taking on something when I already have a full schedule, I think this and decide if I should pursue the activity or not.
Otherwise, if I'm feeling lazy, I think of what my future self would have to put up with if I didn't do that particular task.
I hope that made some sense.
ChilledPeppers@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 5 pts · 2d
And to your past self. I frequently go like, "wait, did I actually do that?" and then congrstulate my pas self becaus I really did.
LovableSidekick@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 2d
In other words, don't be like Seinfeld's night guy and morning guy. "Every guy has two guys living inside him - night guy and morning guy. Night guy constantly screws morning guy over - stays out til 3am, spends all his money on booze... then morning guy has to go to work with a hangover and can't afford an oil change. And morning guy can't do a thing about it, except lose his job so night guy doesn't have any money to go out."
Emma_Gold_Man@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 23 pts · 3d
Better, there's an entire book of them. "Dialectical Behavioral Therapy" (DBT) calls them "skills", but they could just as easily be called psychological cheat codes or lifehacks.
stringere@sh.itjust.works · 2 pts · 2d
Maybe it's just me but none of the download links seem to actually work. They just redirect to a new page with:
Same for Open In Viewer, No Redirect, etc.
some_kind_of_guy@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 2d
Scroll down to the "slow downloads" section, pick a mirror, wait through the timer (if there is one) and it will give a direct link. (PDF in this case).
I would recommend doing a "save as" on that link or use a download manager. They also are not kidding about how slow it is - it took about 30minutes for the 10mb file, but it did complete.
KeenFlame@feddit.nu · 1 pts · 2d
some_kind_of_guy@lemmy.world · 22 pts · 2d
If you notice something needs to be done and the task takes less than five minutes, just do it.
MajorMajormajormajor@lemmy.ca · 13 pts · 2d
Yes, but it's easy to get side tracked following this.
Exhibit A.
some_kind_of_guy@lemmy.world · 8 pts · 2d
Hah, yeah. Still better than the alternative - doing nothing
DrunkenDuckling@lemmus.org · 5 pts · 2d
How is "Don't be lazy and procrastinate" a cheat code...?
About as dumb as "just buy a house" if you're homeless.
some_kind_of_guy@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 1d
I didn't say it would work for everyone, but for whatever reason, it helps me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (and I'm also a huge procrastinator)
Fizz@lemmy.nz · 2 pts · 1d
The cheat code is to pretend your body is a mech and when you're to lazy to go do the thing you just think about piloting a mech to go do the task. It feels like you aren't doing anything just think the instruction and the mech does it.
⚠️Warning⚠️ This only works if you think mechs are cool.
Pat_Riot@lemmy.today · 21 pts · 3d
If you look a little angry all the time nobody guesses that you're actually stoned as balls.
treadful@lemmy.zip · 25 pts · 3d
EVERYBODY KNOWS
winkerjadams@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 4 pts · 3d
Good thing I don't care anymore
HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 2d
no they don't they think they're pullin it off too
Kennystillalive@feddit.org · 20 pts · 3d
When talking to people, just ask open questions about them, listen and keep asking question. People will think, you have great conversation skills, eventhough you do not.
LH0ezVT@sh.itjust.works · 13 pts · 3d
But do not ask questions only. Make remarks about your own experiences, or things you heard (within reason). It's small talk, not an interrogation.
BradleyUffner@lemmy.world · 8 pts · 2d
Be careful with that one. If you do it wrong it can feel like an interrogation. That line can be hard to find for some people.
NABDad@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 2d
WHAT WERE YOU DOING ON THE NIGHT OF SEPTEMBER 7TH, 2023?!?!?
What, come on, I was just trying to make conversation!
LovableSidekick@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 2d
Alright! Alright! It was me! I killed him! [uncontrollable sobbing]
LovableSidekick@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 2d
Good advice. I think the trick is to keep the questions open-ended and somehow related. A series of simple factual questions feels like an interrogation.
bss03@infosec.pub · 1 pts · 2d
You can also take a beat or two after every other question to see if they want to redirect the conversation, maybe even to a question about you.
zaphod@sopuli.xyz · 2 pts · 2d
Yes, it feels like an interrogation when I do that, because they never ask anything back.
kylewalter101@thelemmy.club · 6 pts · 3d
What kind of questions can I ask without going too far. I ask around things concerning school and thats where I stop, I usually fear touching something sensitive to them
Okokimup@lemmy.world · 14 pts · 2d
I've stopped asking people about jobs (unless they bring it up) because I hate how we treat people's place in the capitalist system as their primary worth. My go to question is whether the person is from the area we are currently in. If we're doing an activity, i ask how they became involved. I also like to ask about pets and hobbies.
HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 2d
i've tried asking about hobbies and people just tell me they have children and get angry at me. ain't my fault you made a trade.
some_kind_of_guy@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 2d
I don't have as much time as before, but you can still have hobbies as a parent if you make it a priority. Especially after the first 2-ish years have gone. Getting the kid involved (to the extent possible) helped unlock more time.
Hikermick@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 2d
People often ask "so what do you do?". I find this to be a loaded question, it shows where a person's head is. Most folks respond by talking about their job. I'll usually answer by asking "for money or for fun?". If nothing else it gets a chuckle
Kennystillalive@feddit.org · 6 pts · 3d
Whatever they touch on, as long as you also add here and there your own experiences with the topic, so it does not feel like and interview.
KeenFlame@feddit.nu · 3 pts · 2d
If you ask and it's too sensitive that is much more preferable than not asking, and not covering topics that actually interest you. It just will not lead to any connection ever. Be brave
SoleInvictus@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 6 pts · 2d
There's a great book about this: How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. It's a bit dated in some aspects, but the underlying advice is solid.
stringere@sh.itjust.works · 8 pts · 2d
Not saying you are, but most of the people who have recommended that book to me are absolute sociopaths.
The book should be titled How to Manipulate People Into Doing Your Bidding.
SoleInvictus@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 4 pts · 2d
I can see that, especially because it's pushed hard in a lot of business schools.
I think the way it's written gives its reader ALL the social tools and relies on the reader to not be a monster. It was written in the 1930s, which tracks.
LovableSidekick@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 2d
I really don't think that's the book's fault.
BodePlotHole@lemmy.world · 20 pts · 3d
Kindness and understanding first and foremost, always. But when dealing with uppity assholes in a situation where you are right, first remind yourself that nearly all adults are just faking it to get by, then start making direct eye contact, make every statement crisp, concise, and do not use any "partial" words {words like guess, sort of, possibly, might be, probably, etc) and when you've said what needs to be said stop talking, keep making eye contact, and focus on the idea that there is no other way than the way you just said. Don't be hostile, don't be insulting, smug, or anything other than resolute. Never break that silence first.
Most of the time, that will get you through, either by convincing everyone else that the issue is ended, or if any of these people are that rare adult who legit has their shit together, they will either move things along or engage you directly to work out a solution.
Confidence is one of the rare things that if you lie about it really well, it becomes truth.
This isn't some alpha thing, it's about removing unnecessary doubt. Sometimes that's more dangerous/costly/wasteful than anything else.
LovableSidekick@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 2d
Actually tho, that's the exact way uppity assholes operate.
BodePlotHole@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 2d
The major separation between the two being, you know what you're doing, and what the correct solution is.
bss03@infosec.pub · 1 pts · 2d
🎶 No one knows what they're doing 🎶
(A common refrain the Movies With Mikey videos.)
KeenFlame@feddit.nu · -1 pts · 2d
Except if you are not humble this is how you make a Trump...
Okokimup@lemmy.world · 20 pts · 2d
Do only as much as I feel like. Don't feel like making dinner, but i'm ok just setting out the ingredients. OK, now I'm fine with just chopping vegetables. Now I'm fine just making the sauce. It only works if you genuinely allow yourself to stop at any point. If I have to stop after the sauce, everything goes into the fridge and I finish making the meal tomorrow.
HubertManne@piefed.social · 4 pts · 2d
I kinda do this. I am not much for cooking but like this is how I get through a lot of daily things. I generally will have I have to do at least one thing or one thing in each of several categories but I keep it very achievable. If I spend most of the day in bed so be it but I will spend some of it doing some things that need doing.
MonkderVierte@lemmy.zip · 19 pts · 2d
If you're autistic, look between the eyes while talking.
LovableSidekick@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 2d
This is actually a fairly well known acting technique. Avoiding direct eye contact helps suppress your own natural reaction to saying uncomfortable things the real you wouldn't say.
MonkderVierte@lemmy.zip · 4 pts · 2d
Yeah. In this context, it's a masking technique.
NABDad@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 2d
Better to look at one of their ears. Left or right, it doesn't matter.
Really freaks them out.
argarath@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 2d
Why would that freak someone out?
NABDad@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 2d
Because humans are pretty good at recognizing where you're looking. If you're staring intently at someone's ear while you're talking to them, it will look to them like you're seeing something behind them. The fact that you're not looking away will cause them to be concerned about what it is.
argarath@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 2d
Huh, neat. I'll try that next time to mess with my brother lol
NABDad@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 2d
Yeah. I learned about it from my father in law.
zanyllama52@infosec.pub · 3 pts · 2d
I'm not autistic, but I do this in some situations. Otherwise, directly in the eyes.
ExperimentalGuy@programming.dev · 2 pts · 2d
Why not switch between the eyes?
MonkderVierte@lemmy.zip · 1 pts · 2d
?
socsa@piefed.social · 19 pts · 2d
Amphetamines
DrunkenDuckling@lemmus.org · 5 pts · 2d
Fr people posting shit like "I'm nice and think positively" don't understand the term "cheat code".
Drugs are a cheat code, "thinking positively" is work
Return_of_Chippy@lemmy.world · 18 pts · 3d
If you're doing sets of ten, restart your internal count to zero when you get to five. It's way easier to get yourself to hit your third rep than your eighth.
yakko@feddit.uk · 3 pts · 3d
I do sets of twenty for most things and I do something similar; count to five, then 'count' around my teeth with my tongue, quadrant by quadrant. For the final set I count down from five. Hey, whatever works
HubertManne@piefed.social · 1 pts · 2d
I like pyramiding because he set of reps got smaller.
Kissaki@feddit.org · 18 pts · 3d
Two minute rule. If you can do it in two minutes, just do it.
raspberriesareyummy@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 2d
To me that just evolved into a hyperfixation over the weekend and I worked 20+ hours, now I am sleep deprived and half delirious, but the job is done and I am proud ;)
KeenFlame@feddit.nu · 1 pts · 2d
It didn't work
Regrettable_incident@lemmy.world · 17 pts · 2d
Being nice to people. You come out of interactions feeling better, and you often get more out of people by being nice.
corsicanguppy@lemmy.ca · 4 pts · 2d
I learned this from my dad. The hardest part is to be nice to absolute assholes, but I've seen it does improve relations when you have to work alongside them.
Yes, I'm pissed that I have to mod my behaviour to be extra-nice to these dicks. Yes, I do enjoy that they coordinate better with me after I've nicely indicated where the last joint effort could have been better with that coordination.
It's all about how we be professional knowledge workers work and coordinate like adults and express disappointment and a wish for improvement, I guess.
CynicalNihilist@lemmy.world · 15 pts · 3d
Not techniques I use personally, but different forms of manipulation that one could (but shouldn't) use. You should look out for:
A few manipulation techniques that should not be used. If you see someone doing these things, assume they have an ulterior motive.
Okokimup@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 2d
The opposite also works: ask someone for a small favor, and they'll be more kindly disposed to you in the future. You've made being kind to you a part of their identity and behavior.
NABDad@lemmy.world · 7 pts · 2d
A bunch of people used this on me.
It started small. "Can I have something to eat?", "Can you take me to the doctor?", "Could you change my diaper?", next thing I know I'm paying college tuition.
LH0ezVT@sh.itjust.works · 3 pts · 3d
The last two are just helping each other :D
You probably couldn't call it friendship if you never hang out for the sake of it, but that is just the "I know someone" type of relationship
HubertManne@piefed.social · 2 pts · 2d
lol. im not a big gift giver so mine are always out of no where. I don't believe in reciprical gifting or what I view as gifting without thought or does not make sense. To me gifting comes from opportunity. I come across something or am getting rid of something that would be perfect for someone else so I give it to them. Not 100% though as I will give gifts for events but then I prefer to do food or drink.
NerdyNomi@lemmy.world · 15 pts · 2d
After I come home from work, I want to be a solid lump of nothing. Instead to trick myself when I have tasks I need to do, I keep my work clothes on (including shoes) and it helps trick my brain that the tasks are just a continuation of my work day.
pogmog@lemmy.zip · 5 pts · 2d
An extension of this is getting dressed normally to work from home. It also means that when you've finished for the day, you can get changed and feel switched off from work.
LH0ezVT@sh.itjust.works · 1 pts · 22h
Yup. Even if I work from home, or do my taxes or whatever, I am much more productive if I take a shower and put on a clean T-shirt and pants. Sure it is more comfortable to sit around in my underwear, but that signals to my brain that what we do now is not important..
Ertain@feddit.online · 14 pts · 3d
I make my bed every day. At least I'm consistent with that. I started doing that when I read about elderly people in the newspaper many years ago.
One person they interviewed was a black lady in her 80s. She said that her secret to long life was consistency. When she was a kid, her mother taught her to make her bed every day. So she made her bed every day, and was consistent with things.
LuckyDevil@piefed.social · 10 pts · 3d
I'm going to live to 100 then, because I consistently never make my bed.
spj@sh.itjust.works · 14 pts · 3d
Any_Austin is a youtuber and pilot who uses a pilot's checklist
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/IMSAFE
In his everyday life to help him understand why he's feeling bad or grumpy. He talked about it in his podcast with Memoria.
xylogx@lemmy.world · 13 pts · 2d
When I think of something that happened during the day that was cringeworthy I tell myself, “You are so stupid!!”
When I catch myself doing that I now stop and say to myself, “No you’re not.”
Oddly, this derails the shame spiral and allows me to stay positive.
Noel_Skum@sh.itjust.works · 12 pts · 3d
When working security / event safety and I’d have to request a member of the public stop doing something I’d speak to them and then I’d disconnect my ears while maintaining eye contact - I just nod along to the pair of bumping gums opposite me until they stop. Then I’d repeat what had to be said. Most times things got resolved.
sheridan@lemmy.world · 12 pts · 3d
Whenever one of my relatives says something really ignorant to me (which is often), instead of getting into a pointless argument, I just blow it off by imagining them like a yapping little dog behind a fence.
rob_t_firefly@lemmy.world · 12 pts · 2d
I've always had a very active sense of humor, and am usually able to find something funny about virtually anything.
I'm not suggesting going around giggling inappropriately at whatever happens to be in front of you like the Joaquin Phoenix Joker, but I know being able to find something that amuses me about even the darkest, most difficult stuff in life has been of immense help to me personally.
MajorMajormajormajor@lemmy.ca · 12 pts · 2d
Plane crashed in front of OP,
Op:
rob_t_firefly@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 2d
I'm pretty sure I told my first poor-taste September 11, 2001 joke no later than September 12, 2001. (It was in the company of someone with a similar graveyard-humor streak to mine, with whom I was huddling down and freaking out and who appreciated the joke in the spirit in which it was offered.)
MajorMajormajormajor@lemmy.ca · 2 pts · 2d
1 day later: too soon?
Absolute mad lad, but also, hilarious. Good work!
HubertManne@piefed.social · 2 pts · 2d
I react to stress with laughter. volunteered for a study where you read stuff or did puzzles and they had you wear headphones and sent annoying screeching sounds randomly through. could not stop laughing.
lntl@lemmy.ml · 12 pts · 3d
I tell people what's going on for me and in my life.
platypode@sh.itjust.works · 12 pts · 3d
Open requests with “would you be willing to.” Works every time.
Okokimup@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 2d
I used to work at a dry cleaners with a drive through for pickup. You could hand the clothes to the driver through their windows or hang them in the back seat. I Learned if I asked "would you like me to hang these in the back?" The answer was almost always no, because people don't want you to go to any trouble for them. If i asked "can I hang these in the back?" The answer was almost always yes because people don't like telling you that you can't do something.
gibmiser@lemmy.world · 3 pts · 3d
Would you be willing to.... suck my tongue?
qevlarr@lemmy.world · 11 pts · 3d
I can be pretty direct (I'm Dutch lol what can I say), so I've learned to follow it up with something like "is that OK?" or "does that sound good to you?"
raspberriesareyummy@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 2d
Honestly the "we're not rude, that's just the Dutch way" was used as an excuse to be obnoxious more often than not for the 4 years I lived there.
So I hope you didn't mean that kind of "being direct".
And no, I don't get offended easily, I got pissed on behalf of other people who were the subject of Dutch rudeness.
Then again, my fellow Germans have a bunch of flaws on their own.
Be nice to people!
P13@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 2 pts · 2d
I don’t care that Dutch people can be rude or obnoxious. Still better than beating around the bush and wasting everyone’s time with fake BS.
qevlarr@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 2d
It's a different culture. This is how we're being nice!
We're honestly not doing it to offend anyone, but if you are, that's on you and we won't back down. It never was about hurting anyone's feelings so don't take it that way. I know other countries would call that inconsiderate, but that's the idea.
I'll make an effort when dealing with other cultures, but this is acceptable and expected behavior in the Netherlands. Like I said, different culture
raspberriesareyummy@lemmy.world · 1 pts · 2d
Nee hoor, dat is het echt niet. Er zijn er natuurlijk normale mensen ook in Nederland, en klootzakken in Duitsland. Maar in NL zijn gewoon die, die zeggen "dat is alleen maar de Nederlandse directheid" ook steeds de stommste en/of grofste lullen.
73QjabParc34Vebq@piefed.blahaj.zone · 11 pts · 3d
"It wouldn't be on the menu if less than 99% of people didn't like it"
It might not literally be true, but it helps me order new foods.
bort@sopuli.xyz · 11 pts · 3d
in that vain, if they put the name of the restaurant into the name of a menu, it's probably worth to try it. Or how merlin mann puts it:
https://github.com/merlinmann/wisdom/blob/master/wisdom.md
baggachipz@sh.itjust.works · 3 pts · 2d
Same goes for getting over other fears. That huge roller coaster is a feat of engineering and thousands upon thousands of people before you rode it just fine. Going to that strange country is easy; so many people live there just fine.
73QjabParc34Vebq@piefed.blahaj.zone · 4 pts · 2d
Yeah I do, "what are the odds it'd fuck up on me" and "they couldn't afford insurance if it wasn't safe"
saimen@feddit.org · 9 pts · 3d
If you want a clear answer/decision for something (instead of "whatever", "don't care") give two alternatives, the other simply has to choose one. If you only give one, the other might feel pressured/manipulated.
HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world · 9 pts · 2d
smile, show up and act like you belong. even if you don't people will assume you do. if you want to join in, all you need to do is find the right person to ask.
i joined my first professional band that way. looked up [specific genre] bands in my area, found a few, looked up which one was the best, called up the director, showed up to practice, auditioned in and was their new [let's pretend i play upright bass. i actually do, but last time i played one a tuning peg flew across the damn room. i also suck at it. so i was not playing upright bass with them] specialist. favorite band i ever played with.
it's one of those "walk in and give a firm handshake and you'll get a job" bullshit advice things. I had good timing, they were looking for someone who specialized in what i do (they had a specialist who moved away a year prior and they were noticing the difference) but they were the only ones i've played with that did all the frills and trills.
0x0@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 14 pts · 2d
You know, you can tell people you play the triangle without sounding like you're bragging
HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 2d
Wood. Block.
betelplouf@sh.itjust.works · 3 pts · 2d
That's really cool actually
Hikermick@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 2d
"Percussion"
LovableSidekick@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 2d
I learned the same general thing through doing theatre. I reframe the interview so it's not an interview at all - I already work there and it's my first day back from some kind of sabbatical. I'm really looking forward to seeing the old group again. We get along great and our manager is awesome. Can't wait! So when I walk in I'm in that character and feel genuinely glad to be there and happy to see everybody. Cultural fit kicks in right away. I feel like I belong there and so do they. Works great.
HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 2d
performing arts folk are special
StrassMav@lemmy.blahaj.zone · 8 pts · 3d
Very interesting question honestly. The folks at my work probaby wonder it considering I am always giving enthusiasm even at the start of the work week.
I would not so much call it a "cheat code," but what helps is to place yourself in this moment in time. What happened did, what happens now is, what happens later is not yet reality. To be fully present in the moment you are, and to embrace that and be in tune with your inner realm, that is how you can live life fully. At least, that is how I see it.
Many worry about the past which is just pointless, many worry about the future which will come regardless of worry and can only be changed by being present in the now. If we lose ourselves in times that are not, we lose the time that is, which is a travesty. "Right now is still special because you are here for it."
bss03@infosec.pub · 7 pts · 2d
Think in softer language. Things you "should" do, or things that are "duties" might not give you the internal reward you deserve for accomplishing them, and almost certainly cause more mental suffering than you deserve. You can still recognize good (or at least better) decisions and goals, but using softer language makes it easier to give yourself grace for not having the strength to try, the recognition of effort when you try but fail, and the appreciation when you actually succeed.
Honestly, I think that helps me more than anything else my therapist ever suggested. Though maybe not as much as the prescription I received from my provider. My worst days are when I forget to apply that.
Eyedust@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 7 pts · 3d
I have anxiety and there's a switch I mentally flip. So when I first started working with the public again, I would sweat so bad. It would cause me to be even more nervous, because I must look nasty, right?
About six months into my new job and now having to be a manager that still has associate duties (for some reason), there was this click. I didn't care what people thought about me. I HAD to keep this job. I stopped pushing myself to run from one place to another.
Every now and then, I'll catch myself worrying about people and workplace politics and I'll switch it off. The sweating stops, I move more confidently, but I still maintain courtesy. Not because I'm rushing to do it now, but because it just has to be that way.
I let negative criticism from my abusive environment roll off me. I don't worry about being terminated. Because the work I provide is triple the output of a normal associate and, yes, they could replace me, but it would be a shitshow to do it.
So, the moral of the story is, stop caring about what people think of you. Don't take every comment to heart. Free yourself from the societal hierarchy. It's not easy, but if a little ball of anxiety and depression like me can do it, so can you.
Imagine a physical switch. It can be anything- a lightswitch, a button, a lever. Pull that switch when you feel pressured or overwhelmed. You might have a few fails, but it will eventually succeed.
palordrolap@fedia.io · 12 pts · 3d
Do me a favour. Or rather yourself a favour. Look out for signs of burnout and do whatever you can to avoid it.
Because I once took a job that was completely against my desire and nature. I was on the phone with customers a lot. I communicated with complete strangers a lot. For a decade and a half.
And I was so good at it that I didn't feel like I could quit or escape and I basically melted down and burnt out, and now those old mechanisms and mental tricks I used to do to get me up and at 'em every day do. not. work. And neither can I.
Eyedust@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 4 pts · 3d
Currently at work, but I do want to address this. In short, though: self advocating. I do not let them run me over.
Okokimup@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 2d
Opposite but same: the thing i loved about minimum wage jobs (like fast food) was that I didn't have to care about the job. Not to say I did it poorly because I have pride in myself and empathy for customers, but I didnt have to tie myself in knots to please a company that I didnt owe anything to. Pizza hut treating me like shit? No problem, papa John's is across the street and hiring. I was very open about this attitude with managers and they didnt care because I was as replaceable to them as they were to me, so as long as we were both benefiting from the relationship it was fine.
Eyedust@lemmy.dbzer0.com · 2 pts · 2d
I had this loooong comment about the abuse I've been through, but I set it aside for a possible future therapist (which I've been promised twice and received two med-managers).
Long story short, I'm incredibly kind to people and genuinely love helping. I threw the "Fuckit Switch" when they started to expect me to work enough for three people in one day. I told them to make good on their write-up/termination threats, because the one truth is that I don't have enough time in one 9-hour shift to serve 180 customers, clean the whole store, security tag pill bottles, front face everything, work a cart of freight, work backstock, and take the trash and empty carts out to the dumpster. All while the store manager "needs to get important paperwork done" and sits out back watching TikTok on full blast in the open-air office.
I also informed them that I have been recording what I'm expected to do each day under threat of termination as well as recording when I hear TikTok because there's a camera in the office. My list shortened by quite a bit. They know I'm a great support manager and I always cover call-outs, so they backed right down. Thank you, Fuckit Switch.
AskewLord@piefed.social · 6 pts · 3d
Not caring what other people think.
I'm so far gone that I just totally don't understand how this is the major concern for most other people about everything they do. Often to the point of self-harm and self-misery.
But when I talk to people like this it just is a constant reminder how much happier I am than they are, especially when they try to paint me as being miserable for not caring about their opinion that my curtains don't have a high enough thread count or whatever weird thing they are agonizing about.
Agent641@lemmy.world · 6 pts · 1d
When something bad or annoying happens to me and I'm in a shitty mood, I say (out loud or whisper to myself) "This is the worst thing that's ever happened to anybody!" and I usually instantly get over myself
Fierro@piefed.social · 6 pts · 2d
No screen time first and last half hour of the day, it makes a huge difference.
Also, my phone is far away from me when I go to sleep, though that one is preference but it does help to not think about things I could search online
Melobol@lemmy.ml · 5 pts · 3d
I think it is stupid to lie about little things. It takes too much effort in every day life - so it's easier to not over share and boast about stupid things.
You will have to keep track of those anc that's just work for no gain. Because lies never feels like a real achievement, and eventually you will be found out.
If you decide to make up a lie - think it through and look for weak spots and illogical parts. Do the work upfront so the stress is off your shoulder.
Hikermick@lemmy.world · 5 pts · 2d
I have a personal motivational tool I call "dopamine starve and reward". Basically avoiding things that give a false feeling of accomplishment and allowing myself to feel good when something has been accomplished. It's handy for big projects around the house. Number one is to not talk about what I plan to do (starve) until I've actually taken a big step (reward). Another is to not buy everything i need right off the bat (starve) instead buying materials as I need them (reward). This notion came to me after working for a small family business. The owners would have a project in mind, go buy all the materials, drop them off then go have lunch at the bar and talk about all the stuff they were going to do. Then nothing would get done. I saw this in myself and learned to avoid false feelings of accomplishment
11111one11111@lemmy.world · 4 pts · 3d
Adderall
zeroclue@sopuli.xyz · 4 pts · 3d
tetris11@feddit.uk · 2 pts · 1d
Pain is just weakness leaving the body, so stabbing oneself in the arm with a fork does wonders
Naive@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 1d
I don't know if this is cheat code or not but I try to be kind to the people above me, like my seniors, my teachers (not my parents though). Acting politely, trying to appreciate their work, seems to leave a good impression. It helped me in little tasks but I have yet to see how much it works further.
DarrinBrunner@lemmy.world · 2 pts · 1d
I never want to go for a walk in the morning, but I must do. Once I get out the door, I'm fine.
So, I sing this song, "Put one foot in front of the other" from Santa Clause is Coming to Town. I learned it from the TV show when I was very young. My mom used it to motivate me to get going. I've used it my whole life to do the same.
https://youtu.be/-hSUBBhlVn8
orenj@leminal.space · 1 pts · 2d
Simply choose to care or not. It works best when you dont trust your own feelings anyway due to living with loads of mental illness, fuck 'em and substitute them with your ones of your choosing. Dishes and laundry is important now. Horny is not. Etc.